gidgett - Tumblr blog

[gidgett]

Dear Friday

I think. One of the most difficult things about this relationship is that we both went into it with children already by our sides. We didn’t necessarily get to be planted into the soil to grow with each other step by step but instead were both thrown into step 10 trying to figure out where we belonged, where we put our voice in, where we fit properly. We didn’t get to start from the bottom and work our way into dating, being with each other 100% mentally, living together, getting married, then building a family. Things were thrown off proportion, our minds 100% on our children and way less on ourselves when we were still supposed to be learning each other, our hearts still together but fighting the battles early on when most don’t have to yet.

I love our life and what we have and I am blessed to have somebody by my side who loves me like no other. It is just…hard sometimes. Really hard.

[gidgett]

Dear Wednesday:

It’s been a bit and I have lots to write about but I just wanna write about one thing that happened today. My boss is a strict and grumpy motherfucker. I have never had a boss who was always so 😠🤯 all the time. He is always on your case about everything that goes on at work and it makes sense, it’s his company that he built from the ground up. He wants it to succeed, he wants us to succeed. You don’t get many smiles from him and we don’t see him often as he’s usually in BC, but sometimes you get to see the crack in his shell. You don’t think that he’s got a heart and he’s scary as fuck but then you get moments like today. When he closes the door and asks how much we are paying one of the guys. And says he’s having a baby. And he’s having financial trouble. And then he leaves and comes back and tells me we’re giving him a 10k raise but also paying off his credit card and we’re paying off his car loan, and whatever balance is left from paying those will go to the payroll portion of the raise.

So like. Tell me what kind of man helps his employees to the point of making their lives soooo much easier just because? What kind of man takes from his company, to give to the littler people? A good one. A very good one. Despite his mean demeanour and his angry faces and huffs and puffs and messages and emails in the middle of the night, he is a very good man who will do whatever the fuck he needs to to keep his employees okay and happy.

Amen to dan the bossman.

[gidgett]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!!

KEIFEY YOU ARE SIXTEEN YEARS OLD OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
(In keeping up with exact tradition…)

[gidgett]

Dear Monday:

Can I also please say how fucking GOOD it feels that after I quit in July, Collin quit in August, Erich quit in September and Alex’s last day is in October? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

SO FUCKING GOOD.

Calgary location is literally employee-less.

Just goes to show that selling 51% of your company for money is not always a good thing. But hey you probably don’t give a shit anyway. Good luck being bossed around by a power hungry asshole. And good luck finding people who will run your calgary store. You lost two of your longest working employees bro, cause you can’t get shit together!! Bahahaha

[gidgett]

Dear Thursday:

What does it feel like to quit your job of 6 years and go head on to a whole different company? It feels like stress is what it feels like.

My first 5 years at S were great. I enjoyed going into work everyday, I enjoyed who I worked with and who I worked for. There were many many ups and downs but that’s to be expected at any company. In those 5 years I never felt the need or want to leave. Then bossman partners with a huge ass corporation, gives them 51% of the company. And what does this mean? It means different processes, different approvals, different ways of treating the little people. It means that anytime we disagreed or put in our opinion with a new change, they brushed us aside and didn’t give a fuck. It means that the feeling of working with family slowly dwindled into something I never wanted to be a part of. I learned so much working with S. I learned the ins and outs and people came to me to fix this and that. I provided support and time and all of myself.

By the fourth quarter of 2021, all the changes started, and I began losing the warmth. Instead I was writing emails to the team trying to explain the sudden changes and dealing with all the anger and aftermath. I was going into work dreading what I had to take care of next. I was a middleman doing what I was expected to do then dealing with fallouts. I didn’t just begin losing the warmth, I lost the happy.

I love my calgary team. I love the team in BC. But as time went on, having a great team beside me was not worth staying and having no happy. So after thoughts and thoughts of looking for a new job, I updated my resume and put my name out there. I was contacted just 1 day after by a printing company. The president loved me, loved my resume, and told me on our first call that he wanted to hire me. One FaceTime and one in person meeting after, within a span of 4 days, I was fully offered a job and it was fully accepted. I gave bossman at S my notice and proceeded to finish month end, and tie up as many loose ends as possible. I told the service team in BC my plans, and slowly said my goodbyes. It wasn’t really a sad moment until my last day when Alex came to me with a frown and a gift. Of course I cried my eyes out, of course I felt a deep dread cause I was leaving my friends who I spent about 160 hours with every month. But it was for my happiness, for my growth, for feeling deserved.

Bossman never told anybody except Mike in BC that I was leaving. Nobody. What does that say? For real? That he didn’t give a fuck? That absolutely everything I did for him meant zilch? That I am so very replaceable. I mean of course he could find anybody to take my place, I know that. But you’d think the relationships you build mean something when in fact, you’re nada. Not even a business related note like…Hey team, Danielle is leaving us - let’s make a plan so we know what we’ll be doing. Nah. Just whatever.

Anyways. Fast forward now to 2 months later, since It’s been that long since I opened tumblr again. In the last two months, I took over Julie’s office, we let payables Marvin go, and receivables Ana quit. I’m now dealing with all of accounting instead of just overlooking and managing. ALL of it plus HR and Payroll. My original job in itself time consuming. Adding payables to it was like oh okay I just gotta move a little quicker instead of taking my sweet time doing shit. It was fine. Then a week after Marvin is let go, Ana decides to take another job closer to home leaving me in a huge dilemma. Can I do it? Can I handle it? Can I work extra hours to keep up with the madness but still have time to breathe?

I’ve spent most of the last week working 12 hour days. I’m trying to balance overseeing with creating hundreds of invoices and entering dozens and dozens of payables and not forgetting deadlines and dealing with customers and vendors and doing commissions and payroll and keeping track of everybody’s hours and heck yes I am spent, but I’m also absolutely in love with what I do. For real, this is what I want to do with my career. For real, I am so happy I left S. For real, I am just..so..grateful that God blessed me with this opportunity, this chance, this experience. When I was job hunting, I had options of applying to oil and gas and the thought of that just made me cringe. I remember way back when, that was so what I wanted to do. To work in a huge building downtown, in a huge corporation doing huge things. As years have gone by, I’ve realized that my place in the world falls with smaller companies who I’m able to manage with a full brain and full heart. I am so glad my years at Seca were full, but truly more glad that I took the chance and looked for more when it was no longer right.

About to finish up month 3 here, meaning my first raise is coming up teehee. Never ever imagined I’d be at this point without going back to school. Hard work DOES pay off, and it’ll help me save for our future even better. Mortgage deposit first, Keifeys debut next. Shit. Ok that’s all for now.

[gidgett]

Dear Wednesday:

The last time I wrote about work was in 2020. I’m not gonna start right now but now that tumblr is on my brain since I had to do a keifey birthday post, I just needed to make note that I’ll be back in a couple days to write my heart out.

2 week countdown to a new start 🥳

[gidgett]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!!

KEIFEY YOU ARE FIFTEEN YEARS OLD OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
(In keeping up with exact tradition…)

[gidgett]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!!

KEIFEY YOU ARE FOURTEEN YEARS OLD OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
(In keeping up with exact tradition…)

[gidgett]

[gidgett]

[gidgett]

We all know I’m emotional as fuck but why does even just the thought of a future with cutest boyfriend dude make me tear up? Tell me how it’s actually possible to think of a man in our life and know he will love us and take care of us and do everything possible to keep us happy? Shit.

[gidgett]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!!

KEIFEY YOU ARE THIRTEEN YEARS OLD OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
(In keeping up with exact tradition…)

[gidgett]

jo march really was like. i love the people around me and i cannot cope with them leaving and being mature and appealing enough to start new chapters in their lives while i'm still clinging into this idealised, carefree, comedy-like lifestyle i thought was gonna last forever. and i really thought platonic relationships could replace my repressed longing for a romantic one but now all my loved ones' first priorities became romance. meanwhile i cannot put myself out seeking a romantic relationship because that would automatically mean altering, belittleing, objectifying and compromising myself, my life would become a cliche with guaranteed unhappy ending because i feel like no one in this world could truly make me happy. and i do want to embrace my independent, single lifestyle but i guess i didnt calculate back then how lonely it's going to feel. it's like my only choice is between two types of unhappiness. jo march conveyed all this stuff and i'm not supposed to tear up just thinking about that goddamn movie???

[gidgett]

Dear Thursday:

I have to say that it is mostly good vibes all around. With the two assholes gone from here, and Amery’s bad moods still on vacation, with the new sales guy working and with Alex moving into the office right beside mine, the energy of this place is 100% turned around. Everybody is happier - and of course we will still bitch and complain about shit, but it’s not the way that brings sooo much negativity, and everybody down with you. We are supposed to be a family here. We are supposed to work together and support each other and build each other up, gives words of encouragement, give words of praise. We are supposed to enjoy each other’s company and help each other when we’re drowning. We are back to that. We are back to the love this tiny company used to have. And we will keep on growing, keep on surviving, and bypass all the bitches. 

On other hands, it has been a month since I’ve met and started talking to this fella. We go day to day and take it slow, he drives out here to let us share some time together, he is texting or calling whenever we are not. He gives me the feels, something I keep telling myself not to have so much, because what happens if down the road it all goes 180 and there’s nothing? But then, how is anybody supposed to grow if you don’t hold on to hope, if you don’t imagine, if you don’t think about the good and better parts of what could be? I’m at odds with myself because I want this - I want him to keep making me smile, to keep making me laugh, to keep making me roll my eyes, to keep hugging me so tight and rubbing my back when we’re standing in line, to keep giving me kisses on the head cause that’s how far he can reach hahaha - but I’m afraid to put too much of myself into it because I don’t want to make it into something it might not be. 

Did you feel the shift when it went from super playful to just a tiny bit more serious? Is it crazy that I did? Can I tell you how it felt when he told me out of nowhere that he couldn’t stop thinking about me? Or how it made me do a double-take when his words went from lady to babe? How just the tiniest of details seems to change so much? 

Is it weird that him calling me beautiful has never affected me as much as it has when he says it? What in the world is it about him? 

God, please don’t prove me wrong okkkkkk thanks. 

More hands, if I had more hands, I could do so much more. For now, we will chat about keifaroonie. I remember being 12 years old. I was probably the most naive, sheltered child - I was nowhere near outgoing or wondering what it was like on the other side. I hung out with my brother and played video games. I didn’t start going places I wasn’t supposed to until at least 15! Haha. I didn’t start wearing secret mascara until I was in highschool. I was a huge shy nerd with boy haircuts and weird glasses that didn’t fit my face and was friends with other nerds who weren’t as shy. I was the complete. opposite. of. keifey. Most days I am grateful for that. That she has grown up with the personality of Queen Outgoing. That she is not afraid. That she is goofy and fun. That she likes to try new things. That she is building her friend base with good kids who like to play sports like she does. I’m grateful that her outspoken nature just radiates and makes you want to hug her and kiss her. Keifey is such a light. 

Other days, when it terrifies me that she’s not a shy girl like me, when she slams doors and doesn’t say I love you when she leaves, when she rolls her eyes because I didn’t give her what she wanted, when she throws attitude, when I see sadness in her eyes, or annoyance in her face, when I see anger or disturbance, I need to take hugeeeeee breaths. I need to face the other direction, shut my eyes, breathe, remember that I’m not alone here, that other mothers deal with this too, I need to calm my heart and tell myself its okay i’m okay, I can keep doing this. When shit hits the fan, when I don’t get gifted with that smile, I have to remind myself that these are now the years where it just might get worse and worse but she will still give in now and then and put her arms around me too when I hug her. She will still turn to me. She will still randomly want to stay in my bed for the night. She will still and always be my baby girl. My girl is growing like crazy and even though I miss the baby days, it is SUCH a blessing to see who she is turning out to be, even if she is being sneaky sneaky lately..... (still though..)... I am so proud of my keifey. 

OK that’s all the work wasting I will do today. Bye

[gidgett]

Dear Friday:

One of my handsome buddies from SAIT messaged me today saying he’s in town beginning of February and wanted to say hello. I told him sweet!! I’ll message everybody and check their availabilities, what dates exactly will you be around? He said naw don’t bother, I don’t want to be the guy to set a date and bail out. How about we go grab a coffee when i’m in town? 

HECK YA YOU GORGEOUS PILOT, I’d love to go on a date with you hahahaha

Totally over exaggerating the dateness of this, but still. Yay! 

Edit: he added me on Snapchat, sent me pictures, and asked me out on an actual date haaaaahahhahaha lord

Edit: been chatting for a bit but he’s a dirty bastard. You know, it really is a huge turnoff if the majority of what you talk about or have questions about is sex. Honest, I don’t mind talking about it but save it for when you know each other more. Save it for after a first or second date. Save it for when you have gotten to know a person mentally and physically. Annoying. ANNOYING. 

Edit again: well. I was completely honest with him, and he saved his ass. Good on you dude. I will continue chatting until our date. ✌🏼

Edit: fackkkkkkkkkk. I am so attracted to this dude. Sooo cute. Fucking SMART AS HELL. Passionate about what he does. Sooooooo cute. Lord!

Edit: shall we cancel these feels? Has dude realized the attraction was not really attraction but probably more convenience? Eh. Losin it, A, los-ing-it!!!! That’s alright. I’m still good. 🙂

[gidgett]

Dear Friday:

There is no greater (work) feeling, than accomplishing the impossible. I have worked my ass off the last month and a bit, to get 6 actual months of work done in this little time. I spent hours upon hours upon hours typing, connecting, completing. When all my coworkers were out and about on vacation - on the beach, on the slopes, sleeping in - when our store was closed for a whole month, when I should have been taking time to enjoy time off, I had my head and fingers stuck on a laptop, stuck in the store, stuck looking at numbers and spreadsheets and hoping in all hell, that I could do what I told them I could do. 

This morning, as of 9:41am, I have “done” marked on EACH AND EVERY cell that needs it. This morning, I am sighing in huge relief that I was able to put my all into this huge ass project, and FINISH IT. This morning, I am so proud. Because some days, you need to be proud of yourself. Some days, you need to take that minute and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Some days, you need to say “I did it”, “I am enough”, “I am good at what I do”. I told myself all those things because when life likes to kick your ass, when it feels like everything could come crashing down on you and you are overwhelmed and stressed out, if you just kick it back and fight it, you will succeed, and you will show ‘em how strong you can be. 

[gidgett]

I haven’t had a cryfest at work, about work, in a very long time, but there ya have it folks. In the middle of my workday, so much overwhelment, so much ridiculous, so much anger. 

Our new CFO is great enough. Attempting to get all our shit at a steady pace. After months of working with him over the phone and over emails, after so much shit that I have had to put together for him, after so much shit that I have had to re-do, last week, he said his team wants us to start over from the beginning of the year (April for us). I said that’s a lot of shit. A lot of shit that I have to re-do, after all the other shit that I’ve already had to re-do. But I took it in stride. I’ve been taking it in stride. I’ve been working on these stupid daily cash reports first. Though I started last week, I’m only 4 months into ONE company. Taking it in stride. I’m doing okay. Last week, he also mentioned we would be starting to use this receipt bank program where we scan in invoices and it magically posts them itself. That sounds good. Task: get all your invoices since April and organize them by company, then vendor then date. Ok. I can do that. Not a big deal. Taking it in stride.

Today, CFO calls me and asks how I’m doin. Fine just fine, making moves, Dome. Said we can start scanning in invoices soon. Cool, Dome. Then asks about how much percentage are credit card ones versus cheque written ones? I said maybe 50-50. He said ok cool, we can start putting those credit card ones in as well. I say hold up, Dome. From the very beginning, each credit card statement each month, I attach the receipts and invoices. To EACH credit card statement, but thats not even saying I have all the receipts. I said are you wanting me....to take apart each statement... and separate... each and every receipt/invoice for those... by VENDOR. And then by DATE. for EACH and EVERY credit card statement? You know we have like 8 cards. Right? And he goes yeah, because with the receipt bank, we thought we could do this systematically. I said does the receipt bank ONLY take things by vendor? Pretty sure in the future, we are able to add as time goes on, aren’t we? And he goes yes we can add, but its best if we put them all in at once right now, since we don’t know how the receipt bank fully works, is that a problem?

Well how about a big FUCK YOU.  

I said honestly, yes. I don’t think its in our best interest, in MY best interest, to take apart every single credit card statement and put all the receipts together only to separate them by vendor. And then to have to separate them again after that, and put them back with their credit card statements? I think its a big time waster and its not doing anybody any good. 

Nerves. My fucking nerves. I was so mad. He said well okay, how about we just start with April. 

Whatever Dome. Sure. I’ll do that. 

And all the while, I’ve got tears running down my face because I’m just so angry and so annoyed and so tired of the unreasonable shit I have to do by myself. I am so sick of having to deal with him. How about you fucking come here and see what work I have and see what I have to go through to get what you want. 

BIG FUCK YOU DOME. Where is Sean god dammit, I need to cry to him. 

I’m so upset and I know it doesn't sound like a big fucking deal at all but you have no idea.