gildanwhitetshirt-blog - Tumblr blog

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3/18

Last night, I saw you at a bar in Tigerland in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Not you actually, but a girl dancing in a denim dress and scrunchie that had your exact face, facial features, and hair. From the moment I saw, it completely jarred me. I couldn’t stop staring at her and watching her smile with her friends. Waves of memories and thoughts were flooding into my head the rest of the night and that evening, you were the main variable of my dreams. Half of me was tempted to approach her and explain the significance she was reminding me of, but the other half waited too long and she eventually left before I realized she had exited. I still miss you. Every single day. It’s completely fucked how creepy I feel having these thoughts when we are completely removed from each other’s lives, and I don’t really know the move on process procedure for this. I’m in another relationship presently, you may be too. But why do I still feel this way about you? Why do I feel uncertain about plenty of other things in life but not about you? Even though I don’t even know how or who you are anymore, only a previous version that once existed in my universe; I still have no doubts that you’re the same as you were. I wish we could at least have a closure conversation.

Written from the front seat of a bus traveling through the states in the middle of a rainstorm. 5:19pm CST

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2/8.3

Travel cross country in the 4Runner, possibly out west?

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2/8.2

I hate social media

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2/8

I’ve been tossing and turning in bed for the last 2 hours. I have weird dreams about you, me wondering what you’re doing, what you’re up to, how your life is progressing. We have now transcended to the roles of complete strangers; passerby’s in the streets (metaphorically). I think about the wrong and bad in my life, from now, from years ago, and you were never in that camp. The immense guilt and sadness coupled together gives me splitting headaches whenever I dwell too long on the longing. Then, you were my girl. And I, your guy. Now, we are strangers.

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1/29

I got drunk last Thursday and tried to call your phone and tell you about this blog. It’s hard dating new people and meeting phony ass motherfuckers

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1/11

I want to go to the olympics and watch a full event with you

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12/25

Merry Christmas. I think about you daily. Hope all is well on your end

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9/12

Visit the Great Pyramids Visit & view the Northern Lights Visit Africa Visit the catacombs Share a kiss on top of the Eiffel Tower Learn guitar/ bass guitar Learn how to sail Quit a job without thinking Move to a new city Move to/Live in Maine for a period of time Work through Willis Donate a majority of my closet to the less fortunate Get love back or get total closure with her Get my master’s Get lasik Cover each other in paint and have sex on a white sheet, then hang up/stretch on a frame Paint a large canvas freehand

Visit the Ukraine

Visit Russia

Attend Oktoberfest

Visit every state in the US & photograph myself doing an activity

Home brew a batch of beer

Learn Ukrainian

Occupy an entire room as my personal library

Volunteer with a kids' arts program

Get married

Be a father

Travel Europe with the lads

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9/11

It's pouring rain nonstop here and I miss you.

We used to listen to rain together

Now we are separate

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Wow

loveeee

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9/2

I've felt so lost for so long, and you seem like my anchor. My body is aching from loneliness and regret. Am I done feeling happiness in this life? It's a sad trick to ponder

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8/22

I keep having dreams where we run into each other. I don't know if it's a cognitive response to something deeper or a premonition, but I miss you. I feel weird going on dates and being myself because I'm so fucking weird imo

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8/15

I had 2 deja-vu realizations at work today, both in meetings that i had dreamt about months ago. This sounds stupid but I'm a firm believer in expanded cognition during R.E.M. cycles to see beyond. I also had a story with a coworker today about how she and her boyfriend hadn't worked in an earlier life, but reconnected when they were both ready and it made me think about you. I'm still not over you, and I don't know if I ever will be. I have a date on Friday and I don't know how I feel about it