gileargukgak - Tumblr blog

[gileargukgak]

[gileargukgak]

i want there to be more fanfic aus where everything is the same but for one minor detail. everything is the same but there’s sentient animals wandering around. everything is the same but everyone is called gerry. everything is the same but two characters are siblings for no reason

[gileargukgak]

America slaughtering buffalo and moving whole tribes for the sake of building railroads only to decide they dont actually like trains is giving the same energy as the english conquering the world for spices and then deciding they didnt like any of them. like father like son

[gileargukgak]

garfield caused a controversy a decade ago by publishing this on veterans day

[gileargukgak]

The three kinds of bird species name

1. God’s Specialist Little Boy

2. Hot Breasted Milf

3. Grey Bird With Brown Head

4. Walter’s Fingernail

[gileargukgak]

the actual reason I consume mediocre media is because I have bad taste. the deeper secret pretentious reason is because I think there’s something very revealing about bad media that you don’t get with good media. when you watch a poorly executed plot point unfold, you see the machinery behind it. you see the gap between what’s actually on screen and the true goal the author is striving for. if it’s particularly awful, you can even measure just how poorly mismatched the author’s skills are with the story they’re trying to tell you. watching a poorly executed narrative play out feels like you’re discovering something, because you see all the wiring and guts underneath that better authors hide from you, in the same way that movies hide boom mics and books make you forget you’re turning the pages. if a story is good and executed well you just see the story. but I want to see the guts and wires!

[gileargukgak]

[gileargukgak]

This shit is so ugly you fucking idiot

[gileargukgak]

twitter is hell but i really hope it doesn’t actually die because this is in contention for the funniest thing i’ve ever read in my life

[gileargukgak]

“unions drowned out the voice of the individual 🥺” I can promise you employers were not listening to the voice of the individual to begin with

[gileargukgak]

Oh ok. Childhood memory unlocked.

When i was a little kid, i had a "4d puzzle" of new york city.

You built the cardboard jigsaw base, then the foam island, and then you had plastic buildings and bridges.

And it had instructions to place the buildings in chronological order, as well as a timeline, hence "4d".

And i just fucking remembered. In 2001 on the timeline a step was "remove buildings #xx and #xy (World Trade Centers)" with no other explanation.

And as a kid i had no clue what that meant, but looking back on it my puzzle really just told me "alright kid, do a 9/11" and i, age 5, went along with it.

[gileargukgak]

[gileargukgak]

YES I'M GAY:

faGgot

dykAe (the a is silent)

trannY

[gileargukgak]

Small Town Grocery Store Stories: LGBTQ+ friendly edition

Me: minding my own damn business in the grocery store

One of my students and a few of his teammates enter the dairy aisle. 

My student is holding hands with one of his teammates. 

My student: Oh hey, Professor X!

Me, who has both my student and his girlfriend in my class: …Hello

My student, looking at his hand-holding partner: Oh! Don’t worry. My girlfriend knows. Not that I’m cheating! I’m not cheating. I’m not gay.

Hand Holding boy: Not that being gay is a bad thing! It’s a good thing!

My student: Right! But no, listen. We aren’t together, we just hold hands in public sometimes.

Hand Holding Boy: Especially on Friday nights. And weekends. And at away games.

My student: Because sometimes people will say shit and then we can punch them! And if the fight started because someone was being homophobic, coach won’t get mad at us.

Hand Holding Boy: Always nice to punch a homophobe. And [gesturing to another boy in the group] maybe they’ll think twice about saying something to [other boy’s name] if he ever gets a boyfriend and wants to hold his hand for real. The Gay One, resigned but smiling: I’ve decided it’s sweet and not really fucking weird.

[gileargukgak]

Scientific fraud is the most baffling thing ever to me like do they think they're just going to make a huge breakthrough and no one will notice that it's fake by trying to replicate their results

[gileargukgak]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[gileargukgak]

BDSM is fine, except for binding people which is fucked up, and dominating people which is fucked up, and sadism which is- lets be real- pretty fucked up, and masochism which is honestly lowkey pathetic