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it’s so important to me I show you my birthday cake this year

the bakery forgot the s on shrimps so we added it on with a bit of apple

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My casino has new top-of-the-line technology to stop heists: a montage detector. If those bastards want to break in and steal my money, they’re doing it as part of one, long take

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I adore this recent trend (if that's the right word) of letting an orchestra play classical music on a festival. It's magical to see thousands of festival-goers going absolutely wild on Beethoven. Mosh/circlepits, crowd surfing. It's wonderful to see the orchestra and the audience having the time of their lives.

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First time visiting my friend’s dorm room (who’s also a snake)(I forgot)

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Mama Bear and cub use pool

(via)

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Thinking about a duct tape wizard

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Wilson it doesn't matter how old it is if you don't know what's on it. Amazing Spiderman 69

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“This little cutie climbed up on me while I applied to adopt her”

(via)

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for some reason, "you can just do an art project" unlocked a realization that "you can just make art" wasn't able to access.

like yeah i know i can set aside an afternoon and sketch a still life.

but also i can, like. select a random marine creature from a hat and then research them and then spend a bit of time in the evenings and weekends over the course of a few weeks making a diorama.

or i can make an abstract sculpture out of scrap cardboard and masking tape, and then paper mache over it, and then paint it.

or i can draw something with markers and color it in with crayons.

i dunno why it took me so long to realize that, in the same way that i can revisit the games and hobbies that i enjoyed as a kid, and i can orchestrate "presentation parties" so my friends and i can flex our slideshow animation skills, i can also Make Art, Grade School Style (and not just Grownup Art/School Style)

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Tarantulas…. friends.

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"this thing is rare and only affects 1% of the population" dude that's 80 million people can you shut up

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From a state hearing in Texas

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Okay- but this does not just happen with cute robots you spend time with. Or things that are helpful. We can do it to literally ANYTHING!!

Years ago, I was a camp counselor and a cockroach invaded the cabin. It kept zooming under trunks and beds. For the life of me, I could NOT kill it. The girls are screaming each time the bug scuttles across the floor. I do not have time to keep chasing the damn thing. The camp has a schedule!! And, unfortunately the Five-Minute warning for Quiet Time just went off over the loud speakers. I need the campers to be sitting silently in their bunks. Now. And, the roach just slipped under another trunk that is too heavy to lift. Thinking I was being clever, I named the roach “William” to make it less scary before promising to kill it as soon as possible. The girls were still freaked out, but got in their bunks and quieted down. Unfortunately, William was fast. Even with having 12 girls pointing him out, he always managed to find cover before I could smash him out of existence. Finally, right before dinner, I got the sucker….. And the girls were sad. OVER A COCKROACH!!! In a matter of a few hours, several of the campers had gone from screaming to jokingly calling William their pet. The worst part - it didn’t stop with William. Williamina was their next “pet” (though luckily they were less attached this time).

Moral of the story is that one should NEVER name ANYTHING, lest you want a cabin full of girls mad at you for killing a roach