Text
me as a pilot
me *accidentally over intercom*: siri how do i land a big airplane at Newark airport
325K notes
·
View notes
Text
Free OREO™ day!
Just walk in to any store that sells Oreos and take some! Don’t even ask, just go to the cookie isle and take them! Keep it a secret though!
159K notes
·
View notes
Text
me: send me pics
you: what u wanna see?(;
me: spiderman
you: what?
me:

568K notes
·
View notes
Text
what does a robot do after a one night stand?
104K notes
·
View notes
Text
simba went through an awkward adolescent stage too

172K notes
·
View notes
Text
when school is ruining your life but you’re trying to stay positive
331K notes
·
View notes
Conversation
Me: *stares into the void*
The Void: *stares back*
Me: *winks*
The Void: *blushes*
323K notes
·
View notes