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givemedolans · 6 years

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Blind Hope (2)

Summary : After over three months of avoiding Ethan, Y/N finally runs into him again and the two have some things to talk about.

A/N : Finally, the second part is here! I’m sorry, it took me so long to post this. I’ve just been really busy these days with tests and then travelling. Hope you guys like this!

Part 1

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“Y/N, c'mon!” Grayson whines through the phone, “I wanna spend the evening with my best friend, watching a horror fucking movie- is that too much to ask for?”

You run your fingers through your wet hair in frustration, “Gray, you know I can’t. I have an assignment to finish.”

That’s a lie. You literally have nothing to do, just getting out of the shower, you are thinking of making yourself some delicious hot chocolate and enjoying it with your favourite book in hand.

“Y/N, I wasn’t even here for my birthday! You have no shame, refusing to hang out with me when you didn’t even celebrate my birthday with me-”

“It was your decision to celebrate it with your family!” You defend yourself.

“Or Christmas for that matter, the least you can do is treat me like a King to make up for your absence on those two important occasions and you’re not even listening to my one request!” Grayson, being the drama queen that he is, basically screams commands at you over the phone.

“You do realise that you’re yelling, right?” You question him calmly while you try not to laugh at how worked up Grayson gets at the smallest of things.

“Yeah, I am! And I’d also like you to know that I’m sick.”

That sentence did the trick. It’s currently dark outside and you are lounging in Grayson’s bed with him, watching a horror series that you are really interested in. Grayson is resting his head on your lap while you absent mindedly run your fingers through his hair and massage his scalp to ease the head ache.

It’s been three and a half months since you’ve been at their house and you wouldn’t have come here today, had it not been for Grayson’s sickness. He was all alone at home because Ethan is apparently at Emma’s.

You haven’t seen Ethan or heard from him in three long months and it’s partly because of you. He tried to reach out to you and make plans to finish the series that you’d been watching when he’d left. You said you’d watched it already.

A few days later, he texted you, asking if you’d accompany him, Grayson and Emma to the beach. You didn’t want to.

He left voice mails when you wouldn’t answer his calls. He even tried to get you to hang out with him alone so that you two could talk about whatever it was that was bothering you to the point where you didn’t want to see his face. Ethan wanted to sit and talk to you, he wanted to clear whatever issues there were so that things could go back to how they used to be.

But you just wanted to show him the way out. You doesn’t want to be friends, or acquaintances or even strangers. You don’t want anything with Ethan because you don’t want him to mean anything to you. You just can’t go through the pain anymore.

You’ve come to a conclusion that Ethan will never like you the way you like him. He will never be attracted to you because guys like him just don’t find girls like you attractive. He already has someone whom he spends all his time with. He doesn’t have anymore left to give to you anyway, and you don’t want to sit and wait for him anymore. He’s made his choices, it’s time for you to make yours.

You don’t blame him for not loving you and you don’t blame yourself for loving him either, because how could you not love him?

How can anyone not love him? He is the perfect guy. The perfect person for you. He was always perfect and you were always smitten, you didn’t even realise when the infatuation turned into love and you fell so recklessly, you ended up breaking all your bones.

He didn’t know you fell for him so you can’t blame him for not catching you. But if you let yourself fall deeper and deeper, knowing that he would not catch you no matter how loud you scream his name, no matter hurt you get, if you don’t stop yourself now, you would be the one to blame.

So this is your way of stopping. This is you cutting him out of your life, no matter how much it hurts, you will not back down because it is bound to stop hurting at a point of time.

There will come a time when he would stop affecting you, when the sound of his voice would stop sending shivers down your spine, when his name would stop making your want to curl up in a ball and cry your heart out, when his face would stop making the butterflies in your stomach flutter and when his presence would stop making your heart skip a beat.

You’ll be able to take his name without feeling all the wounds throb in your heart and you can’t wait for that time to come.

Keeping your distance from Ethan is already helping your get better. You’ve started going out with your friends more, you’re making more time for your studies. Grayson is almost always at your house and you guys are inseparable. You’ve started going to the gym because Grayson insisted that you try it.

That guy really lives and breaths gym and working out with him is pretty tough because he is Grayson, the gym addict, but you are starting to catch up to his level of insanity when it comes to your love for gyming and fitness. It has become your and Grayson’s thing now, one of the many things you two do together. You have gotten so much closer to Grayson than you were before.

“No..” You settle your eyes on the sick boy laying on your lap. He’s looking at the screen with eyes widened and his hand is slowly coming to cover his mouth. “I swear…to God..if she dies, I’m gonna wreck havoc on this god damned house!”

You can’t help but roll your eyes at his dramatics, “She’s just a character, Gray.”

“A character I’ve gotten deeply attached to!”

That is the moment when the door to Grayson’s bedroom opens and in walks Ethan, freezing your heart and so effortlessly stealing your breath away.

“Hey Gray, I’m-” Ethan isn’t even all the way into the room, he just halts at the door when he sees you sitting on his brother’s bed in just Grayson’s hoodie and a pair of black short shorts on. His eyes widen and he can’t find his voice.

A whole second passes without a word spoken by any of you. Ethan just stares at you, then at Grayson and then at the position you two are lying in. He doesn’t know what to say, how to act. He doesn’t know why he feels so upset and angry all of a sudden.

And the anger seems to be directed at his brother.

You choose to look down at Grayson and continue to massage his head over starring at Ethan any longer. Your heart is pounding in your chest and you don’t know what is going to happen.

But before Grayson can acknowledge his brother with words, Ethan is already leaving the room just as quickly as he’d come in. You lift your gaze up just in time to catch the sight of his fallen face and a clenched jaw.

The moment of silence that follows is so intense and awkward, it makes your skin crawl. You know Grayson is itching to say something, but he hasn’t said it yet. You can literally hear a pin drop in this room.

“They’ve been fighting.” Grayson finally breaks the silence, looking up at you when you don’t say anything in return. “Ethan and Emma, I mean.”

“Why are you telling me this?” You speak in a voice that’s barely above a whisper, blatantly ignoring the discomfort you suddenly feel in this house, now that Ethan’s back.

“Because I think it’s because of you, Y/N.”

“Me?” You point a finger to yourself, eyes wide in shock at what he said, “I didn’t do anything! I don’t even see him anymore.”

Grayson takes your hand that’s still pointing at you and places it back on his head, signalling you to continue playing with his hair. He’s always loved it when you do that. He says the feeling is comforting.

“That’s the thing, babe. He doesn’t see you anymore and he doesn’t like that at all.” Grayson suddenly sits up and takes your hands in his warm ones. “Ethan is a sensitive guy, Y/N. He feels things strongly but he doesn’t know how to voice them. He’s always had trouble expressing his feelings. When you stopped talking to him, I saw how agitated he got. He would try to make plans to get everyone together so you would come too, and everyone came, except you.

"He has been really down ever since you stopped talking to him. He used to indirectly ask me to get you to come over, dropping slight hints that he wanted to see ‘everyone’ and getting upset because 'nobody’ comes over anymore.”

Grayson chuckles as he remembers the Halloween night. The boys had thrown a party because Ethan wanted everyone to get together and have fun. The party was awesome, so many people turned up and all of the boys’ friends were present. It was a fun night, but Ethan was still looking down and depressed and complaining to Grayson about how things weren’t how they used to be.

“No one comes over anymore, Gray. I don’t like how we all are drifting away..” Ethan had trailed off, watching the magnitude of people that had turned up at his one call. It was ironic really, that he was complaining about people not coming over anymore.

Grayson, having had enough of this beating around the bush for what felt like an eternity, finally spoke his mind. “Everyone is here, Ethan. There’s Briant, James, Ian, Emma, David and all the people you told me to invite. And if you would be so kind to just stop referring to Y/N as 'everyone’, I’d tell you that she didn’t have a costume or the time to make it to the party because she’s flying to visit her family tonight.”

Ethan had scoffed, feeling hurt beyond measure at the fact that he didn’t know anything about you anymore. Grayson knew that you were visiting family, but he didn’t have a clue. He couldn’t have been more jealous of his twin than he was at that point of time.

“Well, she always has time to spend with you, doesn’t she? But when it comes to me, she becomes the busiest person in the world.”

“That’s because I always have time to spend with her, you asshole. The last time I checked, you didn’t even have time to spend her birthday with her, so you just shouldn’t talk-”

“I thought Emma was sick-”

“Whatever, E. I’m not the one you should be giving excuses to.”

“You’re basically 'everyone’ to him. He literally calls you his 'everyone’, what more can you ask from a guy?” Grayson smiles that cute smile of his and you sigh, sagging your shoulders with eyes closed in frustration.

“Don’t do this, Grayson. I didn’t come here to talk about your brother. I’m here to nurse you back to health, remember?” You don’t want the stitches to come undone. All this talk about Ethan and his whatever feelings are going to do exactly that and you can’t let that happen.

“Ok fine, then go make me vegetable soup.” And he’s gone back to laying down, this time on his own pillow. He pulls his blanket over his head and snuggles into it, his attention back on the movie.

Huffing and puffing, you get up and leave his room while Grayson smiles smugly, knowing that once you leave his room, Ethan can have you all to himself and get you to talk to him.

“Great job, Gray.” He praises himself. “You get those two to talk and you get soup, too.”

While cutting vegetables for Grayson’s soup, you can’t stop thinking about what Gray said regarding Ethan. He’s been hinting that Ethan may have feelings for you too, ever since you cut all ties with the older twin, but you have always tried to ignore those hints.They just can not be true. There is no way they can be true.

But then, why do you keep thinking about them and about him, and it’s all so frustrating. It doesn’t help that you’re literally in his house while he’s just a few steps away from you.

Taking a deep breath, you will yourself to stop thinking about him. Until-

“Hey.” You hear his voice behind you and you jump in surprise, cutting your fingers with the knife you were using to cut the vegetables.

The knife instantly falls from your bleeding fingers as you hiss at the stinging pain. You cradle your injured hand with the other before heading Ethan curse under his breath and in no time, he’s right by your side.

“Did you cut yourself?” Panic is evident in his voice as he towers over you, so close that his forehead is brushing against yours as he looks down at your hand. “Shit! It’s deep.”

The moment his hand reaches to touch your bleeding hand, you yank it away and take a stay away from him. Ethan looks away from the injury and up at your face with eyes widened in shock at your sudden movement to widen the distance between him and you. You pulled away from him so suddenly, it’s as if his touch sent electric shocks through your body.

Hurt flashes in his eyes.

“Let me look at it.” Ethan speaks gently, stepping closer to you again.

“It is just a nick, Ethan.” You just can’t help it, can you? You just have to hurt me, one way or another. You think, shaking your head as you place your fingers under running water. The blood doesn’t want to stop seaping from the cut that’s definitely deeper than a mere nick.

“It’s not a fucking nick, Y/N!” Ethan exclaims, his brows drawing together. “That’s a deep gash and you need to let me look-”

“I’ve dealt with worse wounds.” It’s your turn to raise your voice now, a muscle in your jaw clenching as you glare at him. “I can handle this.”

Ethan stares at you with anger evident on his features. His face is flushed and his breathing is heavy, his jaw clenched hard. You usually hate to see Ethan angry because an angry Ethan is scary, but right now, you can’t bring yourself to feel anything but seething anger.

That is, until he reaches over and turns the water tap off. Grabbing your wrist, he drags you to the living room to sit on the sofa. His grip is strong on your wrist and you can’t yank it away this time. You just keep your good hand under the injured one, to keep the blood from dripping on the floor.

“Ethan! What the fuck is your problem?!”

“Shut up.”

Gasping, you exclaim, “You shut up!”

Without responding, Ethan pushes you to sit on the couch and goes to squat on the ground beside your feet. He places your hand on his knee and examines the cut with a frown on his beautiful face. He’s holding your hand so gently, you can barely feel his fingers brushing yours.

“Wait here. I’ll get the first aid box.” Ethan announces, getting himself to stand up by placing both hands on your thighs and pushing himself up. You feel your heart do backflips when he touches you on your bare thighs.

Ethan comes back not even a minute later with a box in one hand and a roll of paper towel in the other. Setting everything on the coffee table in front of you, he situates himself back on the ground beside your feet.

“Alright.” You finally seem to find your voice, scooting away from him and trying really hard to not be affected by his closeness. “Thank you, I-I can take it from here.”

Ethan’s gaze darts to your face and with a raised eyebrow, he smiles. “Dude, you are so stubborn! Just let me take care of you, Y/N.” He places your hand in his and applies pressure on the cut with the paper towel to stop the bleeding. All the while, he hasn’t looked away from your face. His eyes hold yours in an intense stare.

He’s giving you that look again. The one that should only be exchanged between lovers. That’s the kind of look that always tricks you into believing that you might, just might have a chance with him.

You look away, breaking the staring contest and a heart in the room.

Ethan hates how cold and aloof you are with him. You were never this way before. He was always your best friend in the whole world and you were his.

Then Grayson took his place.

“What, you can’t even look at me anymore?” Ethan doesn’t lower his gaze from your face even when you are trying to avoid his eyes as best as you can. “You hate me that much?”

Your jaw dropped and you whipped your head to glare at him. The audacity he has! “What did you just say?” You scowl, narrowing your eyes at him.

“You heard what I just said.”

You scoff, “And you wouldn’t want to say that again.” You warn him, blood boiling as the boy sits, unfazed.

“Well isn’t it true? We are best friends, right? And you haven’t talked to me in three months! You can hang out with Grayson, you can leave everything at the drop of a dime to come, tend to Grayson when he’s sick, but you can’t reply to one of my texts. You didn’t think twice before handing my place to Grayson. I’m your best friend, that place in your life has always been mine! How can you give away something that’s rightfully mine, to someone else?!”

“Something that’s rightfully yours?!” You stand up, looking down at him in disbelief before he is getting back on his feet too. Both of you, equally mad at one another. “I’m not your fucking property, Ethan! Grayson was here when you weren’t, and you can’t get mad at me for being here for him when he needs me! In fact, you don’t have the right to object about any decision I make because I didn’t ask for your god damned opinion, alright?!”

His nostrils flare and gritting his teeth, he tells right back at you. “Of course I have a problem! I was the one who got kicked out of your life without a notice, I didn’t even know what I did to deserve the silent treatment from you and the next thing I know, you’re all 'buddy-buddy’ with my twin brother?! The least-”

“You better not be guilt-tripping me right now, Ethan! You don’t get to destroy me completely and then play victim! That’s all you ever do, don’t you?! You always have been the childish one who doesn’t own up to his mistakes and tries to make everything about himself! Well news flash! You can’t just leave whenever you feel like it and then come back when you have nothing better to do! I have feelings too and you are toxic for them!”

“I’m toxic?!” You both are full on screaming down each other’s throats by now and it’s a miracle that Grayson hasn’t come out of his room to check what’s wrong yet. “I’m the toxic one- do you see yourself?! You are a fucking disaster waiting to strike! A fucking time bomb that went off in my life and you call me toxic?! Do you know I haven’t slept properly in forever because I stay awake, thinking about you and what I can do to make you forgive me?! Nothing seems right anymore, I fight with my girlfriend every single day because I can’t get you out of my head and I’m the toxic one?!

"You make me jealous of my own brother when I haven’t seen your face in a hundred years and he comes in after being away for the whole damn day, and he has your scent lingering on him, that drives me wild with anger! So, if anybody here is toxic, it is you, Y/N. Not me.”

Ethan is breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring and if anyone was to see him in this state, they would have run a mile away from him. That’s plainly how intimidating he looks. Like a ticking time bomb. All the things he just said are still echoing in your head and you don’t know what to make of them. You never know what to expect with Ethan. His words sound so much like a confession of his feelings for you, but then again, it’s Ethan.

You can’t take anymore chances with this guy. Blindly hoping for there to be a future of you with him has to end. You’ll only believe he has feelings for you, if he says the words clearly.

“If I’m so toxic to you, why don’t you let me go?” You try one more time to get him to say the words. If he says that he wants you to stay, that he never wants you leave, you would stay. Only if he says he has feelings for you. Ethan looks troubled with his hands on his head and his bottom lip between his teeth and you want nothing more than to reach over and take him in your arms. His eyes close and he sighs, defeated.

“I can’t.” Your heart starts to beat a thousand times harder as your wait for him to continue. You are praying that he feels the same way because after everything he just said, there is a chance that he does. “I don’t know why, but I can’t. You’re my best friend.”

And there it goes. Hopes crushed again, heart shattered again. Eyes welling up with tears, you let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Come talk to me when you actually know what you feel and why you feel it. Until then, stay away from me.”

You’re out of the door before he can say anything else. Sighing, Ethan drags his feet over to Grayson’s room and when he opens the door, he finds his brother snoring peacefully. Ethan huffs, “The fucker slept through it all.”

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