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Ideal work schedule:

I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks

I complete the list

I leave immedietly

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"They're going to bury you three feet deep, because you've only ever been half a man" sounds like a raw ass line from Shakespeare or something buts actually from me yelling at my cat for stealing my sandwich while I was getting a drink.

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i saw a girl on tiktok who put her salt lamp in the dishwasher and didn’t realize it would dissolve, and it’s been on my mind for like 3 days

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Me about to tell a bunch of middle schoolers this guy’s name :) :) :)

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Caption:

[June: No you’re not in your uniform Barnaby!

George: That’s true.

Barnaby: Apologies!

June: That’s better.

George: Are you adjusting your outfit? It’s quite warm out here.

June: Yes! Let’s go look at him! Look at that!

George: Yes look at that!

June: Wow. Perhaps you could show me?

George: June, you could learn a new trade, and Barnaby, we could save costs on labor.

Barnaby: I can do that.

George. That’s a great idea.

June: Barnaby this is... really informative.

George: Yeah I commend you on your form sir.

Barnaby: Thank you Mr. George.

George: June make sure to get a good grip on that pole, dear.

June: Oh yes, I’ll hold the pole.

Barnaby: This pole right here Mrs. June.

June: Right this pole.

Barnaby: Right there. There you go.

June: Wow.

George: Barnaby perhaps I should learn how to clean the pool as well sir.

Barnaby: Yes Mr. George, come on over. Behind you.

George: Alright.

Baranby: Put your hand right here.

George: Oh okay. Oh!

Barnaby: It’s all in the hips.

George: Oh! Alright... June?

June: Yes George?

George: Why don’t you do me a favor and go make supper? Barnaby and I will be in in a moment. You have a deep stroke Barnaby.

June: GEORGE!!!

George: Get back inside June!

June: Alright.

Barnaby: Back and forth Mr. George.

George: Back and forth indeed.

Barnaby: Little faster.

George: Oh! Oh dear!]

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Ask me how you can switch from short king to tall king with nothing but a hex wrench.

Limb Loss Boss

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I only jerk it to ai images I feel guilty about jacking to art someone drew cause I can feel their souls

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Spot on 😆

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What is the reason?

(via)

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i still think about this twitter exchange every time i hear this song btw

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giant redwood trees really are so cool, they just have something incredibly special going on. it's hard to describe if you haven't seen them

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Just saw a post asking how tall people are and now I want to make it a poll. Apologies to people in the fringe height categories, you do not get specifics.

I had to consult a chart for this

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My latest cartoon for New Scientist

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'I asked chat GPT-'

oh did you? You asked something that steals shit to lie to you about a subject? And you just tell me this like I care to know what it said? Like I wanted to know its opinion? I regularly ask my cat Cheesey Gordita Crunch about many subjects and I think I trust his judgement more than whatever bullshit ur shitty algorithm spat out