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glass-throat · 1 year

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disowned memories

au where mikasa and levi attach themselves to each other. this universe is all over the place so anything goes.

About a week into training, Jean had attempted to approach Mikasa. He thought of her to be the most beautiful girl he had even seen. He had an issue with trying to find Mikasa when she was alone before he could talk to her.

He watched as she made a gesture towards Armin that she was going to follow Eren out of the mess hall. Jean looked around said mess hall - everyone was distracted with cleaning or talking to others so this was his chance. He could finally talk to her without any interruptions.

Mikasa had very strange friends, Jean thought. He didn’t really like Eren. Armin seemed like a really nice kid, but there was that one guy though.

No matter how many times he made sure that nobody was watching him, as soon as he glanced at her direction, those little eyes were already watching him. Jean was always the first one to break eye contact but dear Sina, he couldn’t help it. It was like he was being watched by a monster. The only thing that was missing was the snarling teeth but he didn’t even need it to be threatening.

Was he her boyfriend?

It did make sense. Someone as attractive as Mikasa wouldn’t be single for long. If Jean had a girlfriend like that, he’d fight tooth and nail to keep men away from her too. He mentally nodded in understanding.

Jean watched as she disposed of her food tray to follow Eren out of the small building. Jean quickly repeated her actions and made his way towards her. If he wanted to talk to her, this was the only time. Even if that guy was her boyfriend, he wanted to at least introduce himself so she’d have a name to his face.

“Hey, yo-” he called out before he cut himself off. He felt something hard shove into his side violently. He stopped in his tracks to see what he bumped into when he noticed that it was actually a person.

It was him.

There was no exchange of words. There didn’t need to be. The shorter guy was giving him that same look from before. Jean had two options: break eye contact and walk away or man up and take the bait. He looked at him to see that he was now standing in front of him, as if waiting for him to make a decision.

Jean could probably take him. He had heard from others how fast this guy picked up on things in training but they were all teenagers, so there was a chance they were exaggerated rumors.

“What do you want.”

Jean noted that it wasn’t even a question, that this guy was already demanding him to answer him.

“I just wanted to get to know Mikasa,” he replied carefully.

“You already know her name. What else do you need?”

Straight to the point. Jean mentally rolled his eyes.

“I just wanted to compliment her, get to know her. I’ve seen her around and she seems like a pleasant person,” Jean rambled.

Levi lifted a brow in amusement. “You wanted to compliment her? You don’t think that’s a weird thing to do, especially if you don’t know the person?”

“How’s that weird? I just want to tell her that I like her hair. That’s not weird.”

“You being convinced that that’s not weird tells me everything I need to know about you, besides the fact that you watch her all the time and you think we don’t notice. Everyone’s too nice to say anything but I’ll say it. It’s fucking weird and creepy that you watch her. You’re making her uncomfortable. There’s a reason she hasn’t approached you.”

Jean wanted to sigh in disappointment. He thought he was going to be able to talk to Mikasa but he wasn’t fast enough. He didn’t even know why he told him that.

“I didn’t mean for it to be that obvious but of course I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. I just think she’s so pretty and sometimes it’s hard to look away. I mean, she’s quiet. I’ve only heard her talk maybe once? Nothing gets to her. I’ve seen some of the guys fight each other for fun and she doesn’t even bat an eye.”

“I can tell you right now that she’s definitely not interested. She’s too busy being up Eren’s ass to notice anybody else. You probably don’t even exist to her.”

Before Jean could come up with a comeback, he was already walking away.

He let out a sigh and felt a hand land on his shoulder. He turned and saw that it was Marco. With a sympathetic smile, Marco said, “don’t take it too hard. I don’t think she notices anyone outside of her circle of friends. It’s hard to get along with people like that.”

Jean rubbed his face in frustration. “Maybe he’s right.”

-------

It had been a few weeks since they moved into their camp. It was supper and the squad had assumed their usual positions: Armin and Eren next to one another while Mikasa and Levi sat across the table from them. Levi stared at Jean from across the hall. Jean had assumed that because he was far away enough, no one would notice.

Levi looked over at Mikasa and noticed that she hadn’t touched her food. She wasn’t engaged in a conversation with the boys because they started talking about the stars and shapes in these stars and Mikasa was staring off into space.

He nudged her knee subtly with his own, “oi, what’s wrong?”

She hummed in response. “It’s nothing,” she spoke, taking a sip of her water.

Levi made a face, “you haven’t touched your plate since we got here. You can’t be strong enough to protect Eren if you don’t eat,” he poked.

She lets out an annoyed scoff, “I’m not a child,” finally looking at him.

“Then don’t fucking act like one and eat.”

There was a slight hesitation before she asked, “have you noticed anything weird about them?”Levi raised a brow. He wasn’t sure who she meant.

“That group over there. Two blonds and the tall one on the far left.”

Levi followed her gaze with his eyes, trailing back to the group she mentioned. The blonde girl kept to herself and looked more miserable than Shadis. The bulky blond boy in front of her was having a conversation with himself it seemed and the dark brunette on his side was sweating profusely, despite the cool air around them. Levi felt his lip curl in disgust at the gross boy.

“What about them?”

“I’m not sure,” she sighed, “something’s off and I can’t shake it. Like I’ve never seen that white shirt thing she’s wearing. It’s weird because it has the hood from a cloak but it’s not a cloak.”

Levi did make a note of the strange apparel earlier but he wasn’t really one for fashion so he had assumed it was a fad he had missed.

“Maybe you’re jealous? I heard that Eren was trying to befriend her,” he commented lightly as he watched her pick at a small piece of bread.

She rolled her eyes. “I already know about that. But it’s not it.”

“You can’t just ostracize them because they’re a little weird.”

“It’s just strange. All these kids came in all over the place and they all come from different backgrounds but something about them just feels different. Maybe they haven’t encountered an actual Titan yet, but they don’t talk about the future like everyone here does. With a sense of dread or fear. I can’t put my finger on it but that’s why I feel weird about them.”

“I was listening to what you were saying and I do understand what you’re trying to say but you also said a whole bunch of vague shit. Just keep to yourself and we’ll be fine. I’m not too hot about them either. That brunette over there keeps trying to make passes at your dumbass and you don’t do anything about it.”

She shrugged. “He just says hi to me every once in a while.”

---------------

“What’s with them?”

“What the fuck Jean? What do you want?”

“Hi Jean. What do you mean?”

“Mikasa and Levi. What are they?”

“What’s it to you? Mikasa’s out of your league and Levi would never let you near her.”

“Eren, be nice. They’re really close friends. They have a special bond.”

“Close friends. A special bond? So they’re married or something?”

“If Levi could, he would’ve done it by now.”

“That’s true but they’re not. They’re just very close friends. I think they’re closer than you and Mikasa are.”

“So they’re not married or related?”

“You thought they were related?”

“What? Everyone’s convinced.”

“That would explain so much.”

“So they’re not?”

“No. They just happen to be very similar.”

“It’s really none of your business. If you’re that curious, then you ask them yourself.”

-------

When news broke of Wall Rose being breached, the 104th trainees were put into squads. Levi and Mikasa are both assigned to the front vanguard and while Levi was elated that he was going to be able to be near Mikasa, he couldn’t help but feel worried with both him and Mikasa on the same team that something was going to happen to the other two.

When Levi first met Mikasa, he couldn’t care less about her friends. Since the fall of Wall Maria, they had all connected through the trauma of losing everything. The two boys had managed to squeeze a spot in his heart. Even Hannes managed to make him crack a smile or two. Eren was on thin ice, though. His attitude was very hard to get over sometimes. Levi appreciated the energy but he disliked how Eren had treated those around him. He recalled the last few times he had to intervene between him and Mikasa because of Eren’s recklessness. The way Eren treated Mikasa made his blood boil. He knew Mikasa could handle herself but she would let Eren walk all over her until she was in tears.

Levi was planted on the ground, reaching for his toes in a last minute attempt at stretching before they headed out when Mikasa approached him.

He looked up at her, feeling his back pop.

“Don’t die,” he told Mikasa.

Mikasa gave a slight smile, “that’s funny. I told Eren the same thing.”

“I’m serious. I didn’t graduate just to have you die on me.”

“I thought you gave your heart to humanity,” Mikasa asked sarcastically.

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

Mikasa stayed silent.

There were some yells to grab attention. The small group turned towards Ian awaiting instructions.

“All right soldiers! Let’s go to the front and help the rest of the civilians evacuate! Schmidt, Koch, Brzenska and myself will take the left. The rest of you will take to the right. We’ll start in the middle and work our way down to the base! Remember that the civilians are our first priority! Let’s head out!”

Most of the soldiers gave a battle cry before setting out to their assigned areas.

-----

When Armin delivered the news of the death of his squad, Levi felt his breath caught in his throat. He had thought that Eren would at least make it to his twenties before meeting an unnatural cause of death. The news was upsetting to him. He quickly pushed the pain to the back of his head, keeping it tucked away for a different time, a time much quieter and less compromised.

Levi could tell that Mikasa wasn’t handling it very well. He stood behind her and faced Armin directly. He didn’t need to see her face to know that she was hurting. He had a small thought that she was going to lash out at Armin for letting it happen but he knew she was better than that.

He watched as she laid a hand on Armin’s shoulder in a comforting gesture and told him everything was going to be fine. Mikasa wasn’t good with her words but she made sure that whatever she was feeling, she would display it through her actions. Levi had wanted to talk with her to make sure that her head was clear enough to clear their objective but he put all his faith in her will to make it through herself. They didn’t have the luxury of time to talk about their feelings right now.

Mikasa stood and walked to the edge of the roof the rest of the squad stood on. Armin looked at Levi in confusion and gestured to Mikasa. Levi took it as Armin asking him to keep an eye on her. He nodded in response before walking up to the boy and lowered himself to a squat.

“I don’t know what happened, but given the situation that we’re in, the best thing we can do is fight. It’s what Eren would’ve done.”

“I know,” Armin replied with a sniffle. “Everything just happened so fast and he would still be here if he didn’t bother to save me.”

“But you wouldn’t be here if he didn’t save you. He didn’t save you just so you could regret living. Don’t take it too hard. This is the first time you’re fighting against these giant bastards. Just take this as a lesson and don’t freeze up again. Don’t let Eren’s death be for nothing.”

Armin stared at the rooftop. There was a pregnant pause before Armin made eye contact with Levi and nodded in agreement.

“Try to use that big brain of yours and figure out how we can get out of this mess,” Levi said before standing.

He looked over at the strange trio from before. He raised a brow when he could see that the two blonds were speaking quietly. He couldn’t read lips but he could see that Marco may have heard them because of the strange face he made.

He was going to ask him about it later.

------

After her speech, Levi was the first to follow her. The rest were not too far behind them. He could tell she was planning something.

Mikasa took down the Titans as soon as she saw them so she cleared the way for others to follow. There were a few Titans here and there that appeared behind her it wasn’t difficult getting past them.

“Oi!” He called out to her. She didn’t pay him any attention.

“Mikasa calm down! Don’t waste your gas!”

Just as he said that, the girl in front of him fell.

In what he would deem poetic, Mikasa had looked like what Lucifer had - a fallen angel. The parted clouds in the sky made her dark hair almost glow from the low sunlight. He watched as her body gracefully bounced from a rooftop and fell out of sight. He kept note of where he had last seen her and veered off course from the tower.

“Mikasa!” He could hear Armin call out.

“I’ll get her! Keep going and we’ll meet you guys there!” Levi yelled, not leaving room for argument.

Levi was hoping that Mikasa had landed in a safe place so he could talk some damn sense into her. He understood that it must be painful for her to lose Eren, but a part of Levi had thought this might help her grow. He had always thought of Eren as someone stunting Mikasa’s growth. He wasn’t great with words but she made him want to try.

When he found her, she was on her knees.

He used a short burst of gas to boost himself and landed next to her. She didn’t even react to his presence so he planted his foot on her arm and pushed her to the ground. She didn’t even look at him.

“Get up.”

No response.

“Oi! I’m talking to you.”

She still ignored him. Her dull eyes continued to look at the space behind him. She was going to look at him whether she wanted to or not.

He kicked her in the stomach. She finally acknowledged him.

Levi got on one knee. He could hear the thundering footsteps from behind him. They sounded a little distant so he had some time.

“He’s gone. Dead. You have to accept that. Armin watched him die and look at him. Eren wouldn’t want you to kill yourself for him. If you die now, who’s gonna kill the Titans? You can’t shut down like this. They need you. I need you. If you won’t fight for him, the others, or humanity even, fight for me. You can trust me to take care of myself. It’s going to take a lot more than a giant fuck to kill me and you know that. Don’t let these big dumbasses get to you.”

Levi couldn’t feel the footsteps anymore and made a move to grab Mikasa before he saw that she had already picked herself up and dodged the giant hand. She almost looked surprised herself. He looked at the building behind her. There was another Titan approaching them.

“See? Your body still wants to fight. You need to want to fight too.”

“He’s not alive anymore. What am I supposed to do? I promised his mom that I would protect him and I couldn’t even do that.”

“Fight. You have to fucking fight! Find another purpose! What else are you supposed to do? You can’t honor his death if you’re dead! He wanted to kill all the Titans, right? It’s up to us to see it through! We’re going to kill all these fuckers and see that goddamn ocean in his honor. You’re the Mikasa Ackerman! You have to fucking fight! If you need a purpose, if you need someone to keep you grounded, let me be that person for you. You know me better than anyone else. I can help you through this if you let me in. I’ll fight for you if you fight for me.”

Something in his words woke her up. The light came back in her eyes and she was suddenly on her feet. There was no time to celebrate so Levi grabbed her by the waist and took them to the farthest rooftop.

“Now that you’re done throwing your tantrum, let’s get out of here. I don’t think I have enough gas-”

Levi paused when he heard the loud sound of bones breaking. He turned around to see one of the Titans had just thrown a punch.

“Is it fighting the other Titan?

“What’s going on, Levi? Can they do that? Were there others....”

“No. I didn’t hear anything about it. I’ve never seen anyone else with the same ability.”

“So there’s a possibility that this one might be a shifter too?”

“Maybe? I don’t think now is the right time to think about it.”

“There’s a chance this one might be willing to help us. How do we know it’s not someone we know?”

“Like I said, I don’t know. We gotta go. We can talk about it on the way over there.. Get on my back.”

#rivamika #mikasa ackerman #levi #shingeki no kyojin #la vie en rouge iii

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