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my personality is about as inconsistent as my art style

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w/e this isn't my vent blog anymore i'm gonna post my brainweird shit here

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I'M VERY !!!!!!!!!!!

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it always feels like bugs are crawling on my skin. why won't they go away

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I want teacher here......

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See no one cares hahahahahaahahahahaahahahah

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Lol ummmm mm wtf?

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........ my plot is practically the same as that. I made mine first. How come you get all the attention.......

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i wish someone will take me far away from here

i don’t like noise. i dont like talking. everyone is mean and everything hurts here. even if i get happy, something makes me sad or something hurts me. things make noise and i get scared. i just want silence.

i want to be brought to a peaceful place where there’s no sudden noises and nothing loud and i want to be hugged by someone i like a lot and i also want to be left alone a lot. i want to be not scared and i want to be alone and i wish i could be taken somewhere where i could travel in a peaceful place.

but that wont happen. i’m scared. i just wanna be happy.

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neurotypicals: wow being mentally ill is so COOL and EDGY

me: *jumps from being super happy to rlly mad in the span of .2 seconds* *is always anxious and p sure everyone wants to hurt me* *has no concept of reality whatsoever* *has major breakdowns at least twice a week* *is basically terrified of everything ever*

neurotypicals: SO COOL

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@ me: go fuck yourself

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I love someone very very much and I wanna tell them and let them know that but I'm scared to

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hi i didnt know this was goin on so i’m rlly late but i wanna join in too so here goes!

Day 1: Think of the last time you were really angry. Why was that?

i was thinkin about how my friend replaced me again!! i think about that a lot heh e and every time i makes me ang rry!!!

Day 2: Why did your last friendship end?

hmmm i thiink a friendship of mine is ending right now bc!! they hang out w/ my abuser! even tho they know my abuser abused me !!!!!!!!

Day 3: Do you self-harm? If yes, how?

if im angry or upset at myself i’ll hit myself w/ somethin, i dont really cut anymore tho. oh but when i’m upset i unconsciously scratch and claw at my arms!

Day 4: Have you ever attempted suicide?

yup .

Day 5: Have you ever written a suicide note?

not on paper but i’ve planned it out in my head before!

Day 6: How’s your love life?

i have two qpp’s but one of them cant ever seem to respect my gender and the other one is basically abusive b ut oh well!! i love the first one more t bh

other than that i thiiiink i have a crush on the person i mentioned in the first answer but!! they threw me away so i donmt think its a crush i think it’s just a “WHAT THE FUC K IM SO MUCH BETTER PAY ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD FUCKHEAD” obsession. hehehe i think i love-hate them hehe

Day 7: Have you ever dissociated? If so, how often?

yeah, all the time i think...... uhh i dont rlly know how to differ reality from anything i feel

Day 8: Do you have any other diagnoses? Which ones?

yuh, depression and adhd and i’m autistic, isn’t that cute

Day 9: Do you get mood swings?

um y es wtf???? ? ?

Day 10: What kind of impulsive decisions have you made?

often it’s with buying clothes and then never ending up wearing the clothes

Day 11: Is there anything you do that helps keep you grounded?

listening to songs that match my mood? if that counts uhhh idk rlly

Day 12: What’s your relationship with your family?

i love my mom and me and my brother get along great! but i hate my dad sooo much i’ve had nightmares about him and dreams where i kill him and he is a terrible person i hope he di es :^)

Day 13: Are you a perfectionist?

kinda?? if something is put somewhere i want it to stay there, and sometimes that leads to clutter and mess but hey, that’s my system i know where the stuff is. also i like when things follow a pattern, like at school i stack my books the same way to carry around every day and if they’re not i get anxious

Day 14: Do you ever become obsessive?

y es???? my first qpp i love most sometimes moves tables in the morning to go sit w/ some other girl and even tho i knew the girl in middle school i hate her now bc my qpp is going to sit w/ them instead of me????? u dont even say anything u just move there wtf is wrong with u aT LEASE SAY SOMETHING TO ME BEFORE YOU LEAVE HOL YY FUCK YOU’RE MY FRIEND NOT HERS YOU LIK E ME MORE REMEMBER WHAT THE HELL DO U THINK YOU’RE DOIN G

oh also over my maybe-crush, i obsess over them and it’s disgusting bc i wanna cuddle them but i would also jump at them with a knife if i had the chance!

Day 15; Have you ever changed your opinions, depending on the people you are with?

all the time i do it all th e time its pathetic

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why do they hate me what the fuck

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....... wait do they actually like me or are they being nice to spite me

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Wow it is SO fucking obvious they hate me