sraight up petting it. and by it. i mean my area
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women invented lesbian sex so they could have sex with each other
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open window save me. save me open window
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Breakup sex with my vampire girlfriend call that the last nail in the coffin
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and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to speculate about the sexual and romantic undertones of celebrities’ professional relationships
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>at feminism conference
>first male speaker in event's 50 year history
>great and terrible honor
>nervous
>get on stage
>40,000 people staring at me in silence
>all girls
>nervous
>introduce myself
>silence
>shakily bring up first slide of PowerPoint
>"things that I think women like, based on listening to women for 30 years"
>silence
>could hear a pin drop
>somewhere in the crowd a gun is cocked
>deep breath
>next slide
>"Whip-Its"
>deafening silence
>oh god
>I'm done for
>it's so over
>suddenly
>a slow clap
>slow clap builds to a few dozen claps
>few dozen builds to hundreds
>thunderous applause from all 40,000 women
>"finally!" they say
>oh shit
>tenative confidence
>next slide
>"Video games"
>applause continues
>women are stomping their feet
>hooting
>hollering
>next slide
>"treats sometimes"
>cheering
>whistles
>crowd of women chanting
>next slide
>"end of presentation. thank you for listening"
>women applaud me off stage
>pass the upcoming presenter back stage
>is a woman who is going to do magic tricks with a lion
>"thanks for getting them warmed up rookie"
>oh fuck do women like magic tricks
>magician goes on stage
>the women fucking love the magic tricks with a lion
>every day I learn more about women
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some of you talk about "social milestones" but never had a baklava in your lives. volumes
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