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(star wars me up) star wars me up inside (can't star wars up) star wars me up inside (star wars)

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at this wedding as a bridesmaid its actually very beautiful. im gonna ask the waiter what he thinks hold on

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booty shorts that say "It's not me, it's you. Actually, it's the taxidermy of you and me. Untie the balloons from around my neck and ground me. I'm just a racehorse on the track, Send me back to the glue factory. Always thought I'd float away And never come back. But I've got enough miles on my card to fly the boys home on my own. But you know me: I like being all alone. And keeping you all alone. And the charts are boring. And the kids are snoring. And the eagles in a sling. You say you're not listening, and I said I'm wishing. And I said, I said..." on the ass

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While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping, As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door.

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me flirting: I don’t want you to die

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sometime you’re naked…. sometimes you’re not. depends

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*after breaking the aliens out of area 51* alright boys. time to return the favor. get me off this fucking planet.

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we’re all getting “older” but age is a relative thing. i’ve licked things that are 250 million years old. you’re not that old and you’re not worth licking. 

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just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonar

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esme chillin at home after completing one watercolor painting of a flower while carlisle busts his ass at the hospital saving lives left and right & the cullen kids are choking down cafeteria pizza at the local high school to keep up appearances

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Hiring manager on the phone: can you give a quick interview right now?

Me: yeah hold on a sec *bong bubbling* *coughing for 3 minutes* what was the quastion

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who ever decided to put ice in coffee was a pretty cool dude i think

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“I just want to be remembered as a good guy, because it’s what’s most important.” - Cameron Boyce Rest in peace, Cameron.

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Me: I just got stabbed I’m bleeding everywhere call an ambulance

Guy: Awh :( that sucks! I wish I could be there to cuddle with you