glowstick-d1ck69

[glowstick-d1ck69]

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. 

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

[glowstick-d1ck69]

[glowstick-d1ck69]

My favorite banned terms on this site are "suicide prevention" and "safe sex"

[glowstick-d1ck69]

a printer error is an attempt from god to get you to kill yourself but you must be stronger and you must must must beat the printer to death with a large object like object

[glowstick-d1ck69]

It's really funny to take Spanish with people from different Spanish-speaking countries, because the ones from South American countries are like "Yeah no one uses vosotros, we don't know what it's doing here" and the ones from Europe are like "If you don't give our beloved second-person plural its due respect, the Hounds will find you"

[glowstick-d1ck69]

reblog to bonk the person you reblogged it from with a hollow cardboard tube

[glowstick-d1ck69]

Having an abusive parent is kinda funny in retrospect like mommy why do you have beef with me im 4 i love you

[glowstick-d1ck69]

Image Description: The "I bring a sort of X vibe to X that X don't really like" edited to say "I bring a sort of all these rules are made up vibe to sexuality and gender that exclusionists don't really like"

[glowstick-d1ck69]

you knock on my door and hear loud barking and scrambling noises and me yelling "no!! down boy!! down!!!" and then when i open the door there is a single crab on the floor

[glowstick-d1ck69]

Your regular reminder that trickle-down economics is a cruel joke designed by the wealthy.

[glowstick-d1ck69]

[glowstick-d1ck69]

grinding our bulges together but mine has a higher rating on the mohs hardness scale so when we pull back yours has been ground to nothing

[glowstick-d1ck69]

imagine all the prehistoric cave creatures that never got discovered because they were so small and slimy... im so sorry dark suckler i love you...

[glowstick-d1ck69]

it's almost drac season :-)

[glowstick-d1ck69]

ok wait, reblog if you’ve cried at least once because of math, doesn’t matter which grade i’m trying to prove something 

[glowstick-d1ck69]

the world needs more dykes

[glowstick-d1ck69]

your black women author post made me go "huh, been a minute, should probably brush up on that" and then i checked back hours later to thank you for the reminder, only to see that you've become the recipient of yet another "ben affleck smoking meme" incident as the point completely sails over people's heads. so. my condolences and also thank you for this public service, i wish people would stop being exhausting on your posts

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