goatfish94

[goatfish94]

Ten High Holidays

That whole 5th was a vacation

Lasted all summer within

Each shot worst than the last

Bad memories omitted, mostly

Thanks to it’s mind-wiping blast

You grabbed my arm, nails impressing

Blood rising to my neck, red expressing

Mostly, a damn good reminder

Of all that happens outside memory

Even when lovely I find her

The lucid truth doesn’t act kindly

I push aside the big red door

In search of a beverage ready to out-pour

The last of the holidays remained

Two fingers full left to consume

Quickly I took it and drained

Holidays ended in a whiskey flume

1/21/20

[goatfish94]

Off the hook

I just let myself down

Cause I’ve been dangling in my jacket

Shuffling my feet on the floor

I have gotten off before

Out of my coat on the wall

Run around and laughed

But it always has gotten cold

So up I am on the edge

Sweater neatly stuck on a hook

My body wrestling with the item

Shuffling my feet on the floor

I leaned in on my tippy toes

Finally

This once

My jacket is free

And my feet do not know

Where and how we should go

For I am off the hook

Warm and dry in my beloved coat

Feeling a new freedom

in the arms of my sweater

Jon kelley copyright January 2020

[goatfish94]

Turns out the pages just kept turning

I remember pond picnics

Floating out the kayaks with a spread

Of lunch precariously perched

I had never loved another soul

With all of me all whole

Flowers blooming all over

That was many years ago

Turns out the pages keep on turning

[goatfish94]

12-5-19

Well if that’s how you really feel

Then okay do as you will

It’s nice to know sometimes

Find truth among all these lies

Shake off all I have felt

Kicking glass and eggshells

I can now confidently walk

With leather boots on my feet

[goatfish94]

journal thoughts

all the ziplock bags

for all the things to carry

in my job my home is packed

right onto my back

all the ziplock bags

[goatfish94]

just a little bit

drunk at the pool tables

five o clock on a saturday

i have had four dales already

and now its just pitchers of pbr

angles go a little bit better for me

and i’m just a little bit drunk

10/7/19

[goatfish94]

new shoes

a pair of new shoes

funny white legs, fresh new perspective

feeling pretty clean

for a night of debauchery

maybe its just what i need

date unknown

[goatfish94]

undoubtedly found

black lines across mango colored cliffs

driving back this way i always have the quits

its me halfway between muddy creek

in the sun filled san rafael swell

and a snow-covered leadville in a desert

snowy tundra-bound into the cold cold desert

home is a strange thing molded and broken

lost and undoubtedly found, we hold keys

With which We unlock each other

you and i unlock them too

in conversation and laughs

rolling around the world in joy and also pain

puzzles pieces trying to fit

we just need to mold fold

become new shapes

stretching just a bit

8/30/19

[goatfish94]

Return and Exchange

It came back last night

And in the least creepy way

I realize that it had been over 12 months

And I didn’t realize THAT was the stolen part

It’s kind of crazy I had something removed last November in the midst of the redwoods

It scared me but felt like it was what was going to happen

I could however I wanted about it

But i found peace in the happening

And now I had forgotten for a long while

It was only a few weeks back

I remembered and only took a moment

And thought of what it was that was snatched by the skull in the stars

Over the ancients of California

I wondered now if I knew what it was

And last night I felt it

It was my spiritual power

A rhythm of my understanding 

made new again

2/13/19

[goatfish94]

I WILL

I will

I will disappear into one thousand oceans.

I will find a way to hold myself and let it all go and become a part of everything else.

I will forget every single notion and find new and romantic things to take my timeless devotion.

I will be the brightest a spark of shit out in the expanse of reality and possibility.

Imagine a mathematical graph with the classic axis intersection of y and x

I am taking the limit of a purely random vector(my life)

i watching it ride to infinity stretching on until 

i can no longer hold onto x and onto y

i am falling falling falling

i am in the intersection of everything

                   of numbers and emotions written in vectors

                      and colors, an array of thriving chaos

                           predictably going into the infinite 

[goatfish94]

we have never been puzzle peices

black lines across mango colored cliffs

driving back this way i always have the quits

its me halfway between muddy creek in

the san rafael swell

and a snow powdered leadville in a desert

snowy tundra - bound into cold cold desert

Home is a strange thing molded and broken

lost and Undoubtedly found - people are  a key

they unlock each other- and you

you unlock them too

its conversation and laughter

rolling around the world in joy and hurt

puzzle pieces trying to fit

we just need to mold

fold and become new shapes

we have never been puzzle pieces

copyright 2019 jon kelley

[goatfish94]

we are all dreaming

we are all dreaming. i believe they are dreams.

all of it. our waking. our sleeping

some of us are strung out

some of us are trying to figure out just how gay we are

some of us have life dialed - to the fucking nail

some of us don’t

some of us are in the shitnado that creates our life

maybe its our head or hormones or

being stoned all the time

i don’t know

some of us are getting caught in the spirals of

all of it, the beautiful redundancy in us all

some of us feel the UNIVERSE and all her

intertwinings of love, cycle, and death

we are all dreaming

i fucking swear

copyright 2019 jon kelley

[goatfish94]

There is another man with wireless earbuds. God, I swear he is the fiftieth I have seen in the last thirty minutes. It still seems like super advanced tech even though it is quite common and been around for a while. Denver is so green and lush today. Riding the Jeffco line I watched summer scenes scroll by in a flurry of gardens, donkeys, sports fields, and a of course so many humans living out their individual stories. It is crazy to be getting on a plane almost exactly after I drove my ass and all my shit in the Ole Green Bean agrios Tennessee Kentucky Missouri Kansas and into Colorado. This last year has been wild. I gained a niece, drove to Wyoming and climbed splitters, made some amazing friends, slowly letting my heart heal, making mistakes and saying sorry, getting lost in the wieredness that is this life, lost hope, happily received hope and joy, drove to Utah too many times, drove back to wyom, saw friends passing through, tried moving somewhere, moved somewhere else, went back to Boone for a spell, and now I have just finished the new structure training with the Colorado Outward Bound School.

Sheesh, sometimes I forget to breath.

I am inmeasurably thankful to be back at COBS this season and for the amazing trainers and friends I got to share some cold-as-shit adventures trekking up hills, post hiking the whole way, kicking steps up East buffalo peak, sleeping in the snow, laughing, crying, and having a damn good time the last six days.

It is good to feel this alive.

Cheers

jk

[goatfish94]

You are my summer sky

Oh man it’s warm and humid

The trees are shifting and the sand is rising

Into to the air and a jet ski is passing by

Do you remember the night you and I and someone be else skinny dipped on bass lake and you were on shore shivering as can be

I was in the water cold as is

We swam

We kissed

We missed

[goatfish94]

Oh my man

Life ain’t no thing but a pickle and a dream

You see, you take righteous bite out of that summer fresh dill pickle and look up to the heavens

All the bright baby blue sky and cotton ball clouds are overarching the lush summer of a Boone day by the river

You have so many places to go

So many adventures to be had

In rivers and in bushes and trees

And on rocks and tenacity

And the things we fickle people can be

Oh it is to the rest of what happens

Who I get to love

Where I get to go

[goatfish94]

I was in mourning for a long time

I stepped into circles of reminiscence

Cast in a whirlwind of ashes and tears

A dark night of my soul

And now I am in the evening

Of a very long day that started with you

And you are now long gone

And I am finally in dancing

A city celebration cast all about

Subways, warm sea breezes and piss

Set aside - that you are!

Sure I still got love

But now I’m throwing again

Picked back up a glove

I am looking far beyond

I am looking out of my head

The sun is coming up

And I’m on a different bus

A new blue one

Huffing and puffing putting out tires

To a young and open road

Cheers to you and me

And whoever you turn out to be

And all I get to see

And the things we will learn

[goatfish94]

Aabbccdd

I don’t like to be in boxes

If I don’t want to be in boxes

I mean some boxes are nice

Like a house I share with mice

And crates full of beer and champagne

And miles of adventures and a lil pain