goblincrimes

[goblincrimes]

okay i'll bite is such a good phrase. like i will

[goblincrimes]

[goblincrimes]

cutely emits a single ping

[goblincrimes]

she took me in the divorce

[goblincrimes]

completely incomprehensible email from my mom. sent from my it's

[goblincrimes]

You may be entitled to Post Hog.

(989)-POST-HOG

[goblincrimes]

Youve been working so hard recently man You deserve a break Come to my place tonight man We're gonna wrap you in sheets and tie a thirty six pound cannonball to your feet and head and throw you into the ocean

[goblincrimes]

i havent the faggiest idea what youre talking about

[goblincrimes]

Was playing Lethal Company with friends last night and we encountered a silly new guy!

[goblincrimes]

shes having a big adventure on my pee wee cause im #HERMAN

[goblincrimes]

don’t be afraid to have a parasocial relationship with me. i’m in love with You. yes You.

[goblincrimes]

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

[goblincrimes]

worst part about the Internet is knowing that there are finally people who both match and complement your freak. the nearest one is 2,318.4 miles away and your time zones are awkward

[goblincrimes]

look at me. listen. you need to take that six foot something transfem and you need to lay her on your chest and stroke her hair gently and rub her back and hold her tight like a beloved stuffed animal. do you understand me. you need to hold the tall girls in your life like you would anyone else. LISTEN to me

[goblincrimes]

THEGAMINGYANDERE sent you a message ✉️

the thought of you squadding up with another girl... it makes me want to pwn the both of you and ragequit my life...

[goblincrimes]

[goblincrimes]

the subtle and delicate cuteness of the chickpea