goblinmasonrypoems

[goblinmasonrypoems]

god created man

but baby, so can i

[goblinmasonrypoems]

yellow smiles

sour grass

wrapped in a pikachu drawing

offering to a wire mother

critiqued on stem length

never measured up

yellow smiles

sour grass

front yard divination

counting the petals to force the outcome

he loves me

(who? someone. anyone.)

yellow smiles

sour grass

sour as the lemon juice

coating thorn-torn hands

whispered cusses

bloodied hands

yellow smiles

scrubbed in the bathroom sink

sour grass

Left. Right. Around, 2, 3.

yellow smiles

Left. Right. Around, 2, 3.

sour grass

Left. Right. Around, 2, 3.

yellow smiles

Neosporin.

sour grass

Band-aids.

yellow smiles

cardboard tables

sour grass

going flying

Yellow smiles

Sour grass

Let the devil stay dead

And remain in the past

[goblinmasonrypoems]

some people call me a gay cowboy

baby

some call me a mourning dove

some people call me eefs

cuz i am

goblin up drugs

my girlies wanna kiss me baby

we're kissing hella gay, hella gay

i'm full of worries, full of religious trauma

not much else to say

i'm a grower

and a shower

i'm going slower

and getting nowhere

sadly i'm my father's son

i'm a sinner

not a winner

not gettin' any thinner

but at least I'm having fun

broo's the cutest thing i ever did see

i really love his pweach ass

wanna pinch his neeps

bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao

oh brooby i want you here now

i'm a grower

and a shower

i'm going slower

and getting nowhere

sadly i'm my father's son

i'm a sinner

not a winner

not gettin' any thinner

but at least i'm having fun

[goblinmasonrypoems]

My lower back is killing me (and I)

I must confess,

So are my knees! (Ow my knees!)

When I was working

I hurt my spine

Baby it's fiiiiiiiine

It's just ibuprofen time!

[goblinmasonrypoems]

It doesn't matter what you think you did,

Baby I'm just a kid

A baby goat

Twice as stubborn

You're glue

And I'm rubber n'

So nervous

I'm st-stutterin'

Still won't

catch me stumblin'

My hooves

Are rock steady

You know

I rock steady

They know

They aren't ready

You know

My ass's heavy

not a

Beast of burden

Might just be a burden

Slain Mockingbird, and

Can't get a word in

Don't lead the herd, n'

Damn my ankle's hurtin'

Might just be a thot

Therefore I am for certain

You can hear me bleating

Know you see me bleeding

I can take a beating

But I won't, I'm leaving

This goat's

A black sheep

The GOAT

No Bo-Peep

I won't

Lose more sleep

You won't

See me weep

A fool,

But no quitter

Not pissed

A little bitter

So glam

I puke glitter

You know

This kid's a kidder

[goblinmasonrypoems]

Stink booty butt

I'm gonna keep on tootin' with my

stink booty butt

I'm gonna keep on poopin' I got

Bad bubble guts

I'm gonna keep on tootin' with my

Stink booty butt

Stink booty butt

[goblinmasonrypoems]

through the holes in my brain

i remember his hands most

smooth as a stone

soft but landing twice as hard

sometimes making me laugh

(but more memorable when they made me cry

and i hate that's what i remember most

is being scared

and i wish that the laughs

were enough to erase that

but the laughs could never be enough)

and i remember the hand game at Lyon's

and him flicking the sweet n' low packets

and making the crayon disappear

but the sting of a smack

and the thunk of a knuckle

and the crackle of twisting blinds at 4 am

and the scrape of the putty knife

hiding the holes in the drywall

are always louder

and through the holes in my brain

i remember her hands most

callused from steel strings

adorned with the Alice in Wonderland ring

i always begged her to wear

blue veins and freckles

(and i remember them coming

to her mouth as she laughed

which i tried to make her do often

because if she was laughing i was safe

and i wish the laughs

could always be enough

but they never really were)

and i remember white knuckles

across the hairbrush handle

as she hissed that now i

"could tell everyone [ᵢ'd] been abused

like[ᵢ] always wanted"

and i remember them gripping my shirt collar

and the sting of the White Rabbit across my cheek

and i remember them wiping

at the drool in the corner of her mouth

after a norco nap

and as i tell another story

and use another silly voice

i hope nobody notices my hands

deep into my pockets

to keep from ripping and picking my skin bloody

crossing and clenching and cracking

as i count in my head

backwards from a hundred by four (96, 92, 88, 84...)

tangled in the roots of the back of my hair

to keep from floating out of my body

i hope all they see

is that i'm a barrel of laughs

and maybe this time the laughs will be enough

[goblinmasonrypoems]

in another universe

a healed version of me is a father

to a little boy named Roland

(since i know you're reading

he has your curls

and my heavy lid

same as my father

and his father

and my brother)

and he knows only love

i never raise my voice

or my hands

when he has a nightmare

i check the closets

and say silly things

in even sillier voices

and read him Caps for Sale

(he laughs at the monkeys

like i used to)

i let myself cry in front of him sometimes

and let him cry in front of me always

i teach him to shake hands

and to keep his word

and how to remember

and he's not afraid to fail

because he knows

i'll always catch him

i show him true grit

and johnny cash

and Shasta root beer

and tell him all about his namesake

and i play pretend with him

and he'll never ride the schoolbus

and he'll never find out why not

and i'll believe him

and i'll take him to the doctor

and i'll believe him

he doesn't need to lie to me

because i believe him

and i fight for him

when he can't

because why wouldn't i

and while this universe

i'm glad not to have any children

in his universe

he's glad to have Roland

[goblinmasonrypoems]

I hope you live a long life

I hope you survive to be 100 at least

I hope your memory stays sharp as a tack

I hope you never forget a single thing

I hope you remember every single thing you ever did

I hope you dream about it every night

I hope that as the cold grips your chest

And your head weighs a ton

And the lights start to dim

And breathing becomes unfathomable

I hope I'm the last thing to haunt your mind

I hope you see that little girl in your head

And I hope you remember exactly why they're not with you now in your final moments

I hope you know exactly as much peace as you gave me

And not a drop more

[goblinmasonrypoems]

When he did that

I was still playing with dolls.

[goblinmasonrypoems]

Why did he do that?

Why did she let him?

Dear god (uppercase no longer seems appropriate)

I was a child

Even if you wished I weren't

(even if i tried not to be)

and now I'm drowning in context

but i preferred the whiplash of wondering

because now that I know

acid rises in My throat every morning

spewing venom at the thought of you

shaking, and twitching, and weak on the floor

My chest is in knots

and i was a child

Dear god

I was a CHILD

[goblinmasonrypoems]

SECRET MAGNETS

SECRET MAGNETS

IN MY TUMMY

SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET MAGNETS

[goblinmasonrypoems]

SWIPING THROUGH MY PHONE GALLERY

Hah, I remember that trip. Grandma was still alive, she used lipstick as Rouge and forgot to blend it. God we were young.

I look just like my sister.

Hey, the last picture before my salpingectomy. Not much has changed, but I feel so different. There were just some things about the procedure that brought some hard feelings.

I just wish they explained it before instead of after.

Oh, huh, this happened. I have no memory of this. I don't have a lot of memories from this time that take place after 3:05. Too much needed to be done during the day. When an urgent need arose at night, there was nothing left.

That was pretty funny. I'm glad I saved that.

Oh, hey, the ren faire!

I have my mom's smile in this one.

Oh no, that's the night I learned not to drink when taking adderall. Those drinks were good, though. Watermelon aperol spritz from that restaurant your dad is banned from

Oh man, that motel with the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. That place was a trip.

Me with Jackie. Those are grandpa Roland's eyes.

I look just like my sister.

Just a selfie. That's grandma Audrey's nose if I ever saw it.

Oh hey, that day in San Francisco. I have my dad's jawline and grandma brunie's lips.

Oh hey. Secret brother. Man, he has the family heavy lid. The same one my dad does. The same one I do.

I wonder if he knows about me. Sometimes I want to meet him, so he knows I exist (I wonder if he already does). I always wanted a brother.

It's better that I don't, though. I can't imagine he'd want to know me. Not like this.

Still. It feels weird to share blood with a stranger.

Oh man, the sequin tuxedo! I gotta make more excuses to wear it. I like how I feel in it.

That picture of my sister in glasses. She has her head held just a little turned to the side too much. It's the same position I use for selfies.

I look just like my sister.

[goblinmasonrypoems]

The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Shittin' and pissin' in a water balloon

Sorry I can't be her, sorry that I'm they

Sorry that your baby turned out hella fuckin gay

Sorry that I didn't stay so easy to control

Ha, jk bitch go die in a fuckin hole

Sorry that your life didn't go just how you planned

Sorry that I wasn't born a motherfucking man

(You were a big enough dick, the house didn't need another)

Sorry that your only son's in jail (my secret brother)

Sorry as a kid I was so easy to fuckin hit

It was my fault for being 3, I kinda deserved it

Sorry that you left before the father daughter dance

We never danced before, now you'll never get the chance

Sorry that I turned into a woman way too quick

Sorry that the trauma always made me fuckin sick

[goblinmasonrypoems]

it's cheesy noodles and ham

it's cheesy noodles and ham

we hydratin and gyratin

and pumpin up that jam

and he better eat this pussy

like it's honeydew

and baby girl you know can lick it

like it's honey too

ravenous the juices

running down your chin

ooh baby yeah this feels so good

it must be a sin

and baby now we're cooking

sounds like stirring the pasta

and i'm riding on your face

my hips are going faster

i may not be a princess

but you know these thighs are pillows

if you want a taste

you know it's sweet as marshmallows

i can make your bed rock, bed rock

wilma out here riding fred's cock, fred's cock

or licking pussy like it's ciroc, ciroc

my finger tickling your g-spot, g-spot

cuz baby i can make your bed rock, bed rock

wilma out here riding fred's cock, fred's cock

or licking pussy like it's ciroc, ciroc

my finger tickling your g-spot, g-spot

courtship is grand and

friendship is sticky

ooh baby give this pussy a licky

crush the patriarchy

in between these thighs

you know you'll never catch me

chasing those shapiro guys

i got that wet ass p-word

boy i ain't tellin lies

can't even get the shake

they asking for the fries

if you get your water from a

"well, actually"

in bed you've never performed

satisfactually

cuz actually

the fact is he

has never made a pussy wet if he

thinks it could be

an std

to get drippy

getting the pussy all sliddy

is litty

and so is when you suck my titties

i'm hollering loud enough to wake the city

i just wanna top you while you choke me

call me pretty

cuz i can make your bed rock, bed rock

wilma out here riding fred's cock, fred's cock

or licking pussy like it's ciroc, ciroc

my finger tickling your g-spot, g-spot

cuz baby i can make your bed rock, bed rock

wilma out here riding fred's cock, fred's cock

or licking pussy like it's ciroc, ciroc

my finger tickling your g-spot, g-spot

[goblinmasonrypoems]

No I'm not, no one's seen my tumblr

you're someone's hated tumblr

[goblinmasonrypoems]

I kinda miss my old neighborhood

I kinda never realized I kinda really had it good

I mean excepting all the beatings and needles in the street

You always kinda cheated death by running with bare feet and it was just a

Summer's night where your bike got stolen and a

Winter's walk out in the cold while you were

On the phone and cryin' to your friend

Asking if you could sleep over

You got disowned again

And the

Boys chased you

And they called you names

And when they stared at your chest

You caught all the blame

And your

Dad's buddies asking for a kiss

And you don't say a word

They just won't believe it

And your friendships all formed

Underneath the stars

You can text after 9

When I have full bars

And the almond blossom scent

Penetrated the air

And your mom starts to cuss

As she's brushing your hair

The driver in the black car following says

"Get inside"

And while living there was hell

At least you knew places to hide.