godblooded

[godblooded]

i'm so alone. i don't have anything anymore. all i do is sit, and look at my phone, and think of all the terrible things that i've done, and then i go to work, and then i drink, come home to no one, and i sit and think about all the terrible things i've done again and again and i go crazy!

yelena stop. we all have things we regret.

but i have so many.

ind. priv. sel. mcu based yelena belova with some 616 influence. heavily headcanon based. adored by fox.

[godblooded]

grabbed a mr. terrific jacket and a supes hoodie that doesn’t fucking come out until september. and a hello kitty sling water bottle.

[godblooded]

a batman who carries kids out of danger and extends a hand in kindness to minimize the damage and save everyone he can…. a kindness punk superman who helps a woman he just saved remember to breathe and calm down with an assuring and warm smile…. we’re so fucking back.

[godblooded]

incredibly fucking worth it. kindness and beauty are punk rock. being soft in a distrusting world is punk rock. all we have is hope. we’re all human, it’s all we are. love is the most punk rock thing there is.

[godblooded]

jesus christ in half an hour i’ll be 35.

[godblooded]

@godblooded HAPPY BDAY TWINISE! I love you and hope it's as amazing and awesome as you are.

[godblooded]

truly happy birthday because it’s alone superman time.

up up and away.

[godblooded]

up up and away.

[godblooded]

i am BECOME james.

[godblooded]

“if we are to be bare with one another, i scarcely recall with all but ghosts of memory. phantom recollection. i was defenestrated by my master. and beyond there as i tried to stand against him — all is vague. all is as hollow as standing within a gargantuan bell. the ringing is something i’ve always felt.”

is it not a hum, is it not a resonance? is it not the force attuned in her body and soul, brought to strike against the ivory of her bones? and did it not save her? she thinks it might’ve. she knows wounds had cauterized and she’d lost her legs, had been done a kindness when she’d been found and helped. that assistance was burned, too, beneath the boot of the empire. the jackal ripped through them, too late to save the souls that had saved her.

too weak. and she isn’t that, not anymore. and never will be again. her fire burns too brightly. she’s too vibrant a force to be reckoned with. she feels a fearlessness in knowing she’s survived this long, wonders if she isn’t still a ghost as well. maybe she did perish the same as the others, as those so much younger than even she. she’d stood against him and she’d faltered.

he’d thrown her like she was weightless, his hand lifting her in an arc. she hadn’t breathed.

and she doesn’t know how to tell him.

“luck was all that saved me. and i could save none who salvaged me in return. i think, sometimes, it is true. that maybe it feels meaningless. but seeing you heartens me.”

her eyes have always been kinder gazing upon his, silver-touched. her cane taps as she walks like a third limb.

“i’ve missed just being.”

“i would proudly risk myself for the opportunity, obi-wan. to stand on ceremony is a warm cloak on a frigid evening.”

never has she been anything but bright. never has she been anything but vibrant. she strikes such hues, the sense of her a rainbow of color and light ever-present to a vivaciously warm white-blue. not at all different from the color of her eyes.

she falls in step with ease, the jackal, who has always been given to sensing, to feeling, to anticipating like an unconscious thing. it’s an uncanniness about her — no other word to call it. it’s a strangeness.

“say whatever it is you wish. hearing you speak is enough.”

her smile remains, her head ducked in bashful politeness, her cane clicking briefly with each step like a third footfall. the activator to her saber is visible to a watchful eye just around the carved, curved bantha bone dyed ink-black that makes up its handle.

few would truly catch it besides one master kenobi who she feels a great reverence for. even now. it hurts, certainly, to feel his absence. she’s searched everywhere she could, survived from fleeting moment to fleeting moment. she yearns especially for a closeness in a galaxy that feels as though it has left her to die.

but her anger is subdued, silent. it has no place here in this room, with the comfort of rich promise present always in obi-wan’s voice. promise she didn’t think she would ever hear again beyond the ghosts who never leave her, the real ones and her own.

@spokewar

[godblooded]

I’m so canon divergent i loop back the fuck around into canon.

[godblooded]

and isn’t it easy? doesn’t she fall quickly? doesn’t she love (easy)? it’s a part of her that she cannot smother, try as she might.

hannibal deconstructed her — took her apart, piece by piece. he built her into different people, helped her craft and meticulously make expression after expression to be who she needs to be. she has become that, but her genuine ability to love cannot be touched. the depth of her own heart cannot be touched.

he has no place here, alana knows. not along the kindness or the love that mutually builds between them in a way she sees so clearly. this is happiness, pure and simple, this is the line from point a to point b that emerges a transparent thing.

(allyson’s fingertips brush the hinge of a heavy jaw and skim the delicate column of a throat and it’s no control she exhibits. it’s no control in the pathetic mewl that leaves her mouth, a hand snaking to tug at the other’s hip and hold her there. and she’s never, ever known control, will not start now—)

she pulls back, finds herself trapped, just then. it’s how her eyes are frigid snowflake blue, how they’re not cold at all. they mirror that brown so precisely, a glass held up so pure it’s a silver vein. her pupils tick across allyson’s face, reading a paragraph no one else can see.

“there’s something so bold about you,” murmured into the beats between, the good doctor’s breath is warm, quantifiable in the quiet, “if we’re being… —honest, i can’t stop thinking about it.”

there’s a smile in a thin line that pops across her mouth, rueful in response, unheard, accidental. swim. she’d tried that once— and then it had been only that feeling again, choking on blood and rainwater, brain struggling to grasp the idea that just two inches of wet’s enough to drown a human being. she gathers herself back up almost easily.

memory is often her plague. she arranges that tenderhooked tug of a smile to something more serviceable. something that doesn’t haunt the way she’s haunted.

“i’ve never been one for fitting in. doesn’t concern me much. being boring is a cardinal sin.”

it’s a joke. it creates a parenthetical curve right at her left dimple as it emerges.

she squeezes a hand ever so.

she moves, then, and the door slides open to the relatively small yard — and the five beasts vacate, light flooding the deck she’s managed to construct with painstaking patience. it’s not exactly a complicated affair, but it’s enough space between her and the rest of the world she can’t see too clearly. the motion light flickers, moth wings flitting shadows across the house’s siding.

“kind. that’s a word i haven’t heard in a long time. not to describe me, anyway.”

the flirtation is accepted with immense warmth. that smile, phases gone through as it is, hits a radiant thing that seems to finalize it. she returns to perch beside allyson, tilted in, her gaze watching canine silhouettes dart to and fro.

“i like a lot about you. i think you’re interesting. and very kind. and one of the brave few who would take a personal interest in me. that’s courage. but i don’t think i’d call you foolish. i’ve been told i’m a good profiler,” she pauses, jack’s words remain, and she’s always heartened by them regardless of their… difficult relationship, “maybe the best.”

[godblooded]

that was such a lie instead we puked in a taco bell bathroom and went home to an insanely large fucking mess.

going to see jurassic world with no context because I haven’t seen any of the newer ones and i have a movie reward that expires today at 5.

[godblooded]

going to see jurassic world with no context because I haven’t seen any of the newer ones and i have a movie reward that expires today at 5.

[godblooded]

me: what if i put the shark in the hoodie.

[godblooded]

the way i’m about to kill someone at this vet. this fuckass couple with their tinyass dog keeps ‘OH YOU CUTIE’ at kk when she’s LITERALLY drugged on trozodone and hates this. this other tinyass dog is BARKING at her and she’s just sitting there like 😐. and they’re A FUCKING HALF HOUR LATE.

[godblooded]

‘it’s the holidays. so do me a favor, yeah? hang in there. if it’s not a difficult time for you, then enjoy your stay. but for some, these can be hard to get through. so, just wanted to say, hey— i see you. and thanks for being here. you know what i mean.’ no it’s not the holidays but i think we all need this timesix intro sometimes just to feel seen god i love this dude.