goddessixtynine1

[goddessixtynine1]

hand wrote a letter to him

sealed in a protective big envelope

wrapped in leather bounds found on the sidewalk

perfectly sealed the fate of my heart

tiny wrist hand wrote to put it very specially

had to express all the falling things to the floor

and expose the meaning ; the world shakes 

sugar drops on my tongue from the glare in your eyes

walking in a world with blind eyes ; third eye still awake and dreaming at night

when listening to bladee and waiting for moon time

words come to the unspeakable

purpose comes to watch us blossom through all the fertile awareness of the dirt 

from the ground up; theres no other way ;

we rise through the ashes of our forgotten past

suddenly you appear out of nature to take my hand

because night walks on abandon streets are what get me

the beats from nostalgic truths linger in my eyes 

rubbing eyes wide awake sol fell into love once more

a letter for every silky dress I long to put on and let slip off my bitten shoulder

you bit a hole in my physical body and it soaks through creating 

a pool of overflowing waters

feeling the shield harden my lungs and solar plexus

walking the curse is not so bad

awoken by moonlight is not too far

shot through the moon to see if it was made out of cheese

gave in and bought dairy milk just so I could make bread

always seeking to learn these deep truths hidden

in nature and in your heart

teach me your wild ways, and I will follow you

I believe in what you do, and I walk to catch you

maybe on a divine moment such as tonight

dreaming of  the morning finally so we can catch the eyes of each other in the glow of the sunlight

glowing everything in my apartment; Jah feels blessed

catching random light auras on the top of the Christmas tree;

has me with random child-like glee

eye goes to write a letter; eye goes to walk to the river; eye reaches for a chocolate kiss and to my surprise, your hug comes to me.

through the ethers; like a ghostly presence; but in a warm protective way

there is a glow on everything suddenly

the hidden parts of me come out so that I may know that nothing I know about myself is certain

this is true freedom of expression

stretching in my big chair’ opening the windows; 

feels like home with a special letter traveling with cupid;

hoping to come back to California

 for Valentine’s Day and save up money for it.

[goddessixtynine1]

HARVEST MOON | OKAMOTO KIICHI

[goddessixtynine1]

happened just how eye set out

soul entered my being when eye decided to set out to California for the second time to see Bladee in concert with Eccoo2k. The plane ride was met with turbulence and I was sitting in the back so I felt every dip and I just envisioned glitter and fairy outfit for Blades. I got in with the skipping of the line, all the special weed. I met the love of my life at the Santa Monica Pier. I made it to v.ilp and got to dance in my own space. All the soul of this trip was perfectly aligned and I felt beautiful in my fairy outfit. The way I set fire in the boys eyes and then saw it through till I was on my knees amazes me because he shed some tears, he showed his passion which turned into anger in the end but; the most important lesson is that I got to know his soul and I will always come back. There exists a passionate 2 am love endless heat that awakens me and inspires me to keep writing. I miss sunsets and bringing him food. I miss looking into his eyes. I miss waking up next to him and him putting his arm out for me to lay on. I miss rubbing his head and my hand going through his hair. I miss when we would squeeze each others hand. I miss laying my head on his shoulder. I miss when he would put his hands on my face. I miss when he would hug me. I miss when he would offer me his skateboard to sit on. I miss when he would look at me and laugh. I miss when he would hold my hand and stare into my eyes. I miss when he would let me kiss his head and third eye. I miss when he would look at me twirling around and make eye contact with me. I miss when he would walk with me and do the skateboard. I miss when he would skate by me and talk to me. I miss when he would bring me things just because. I miss when he sat down to talk to me at the table. I miss when he would offer me his clothes. I miss when he would hold me. I miss how comfortable I felt around him. I miss when he would compliment me randomly. I miss him telling me how to take care of my self. I miss him telling everybody about me. :) I miss the way he sucked my boobs and my neck. I miss the way his skin felt against mine and how we throbbed togather. I miss the way my blood rush when first laying down next to him or waking up with him. I miss the way the smallness of him fits the alignment of me. I miss our heartbeats together in bed. I miss putting my hand on his heartbeat. I miss the way he smacked my butt. I miss the way he grabbed my butt. I miss sitting on him. I miss laying on him. I miss sharing all my weed and food with him. I miss matching with him on accident. I miss him skateboarding up to me. I miss him appearing whenever I hit the pipe. I miss him giving me a hard time about things that I need to change. I miss him calling me spoiled and a baby. I miss him pressing his hips into mine in our undies. I miss him making a really big deal about getting me underwear. I miss him surprising me when I am deep in it. I miss showing up with things that he needs when he's out. I miss seeing him in everyone. I miss taking showers with him. I miss looking in the mirror with him and I sharing a space. I miss his morning kiss. I miss putting my hand on his solar plexus. I miss putting my hand on his thigh. I miss when we talked late night on the train and I fell asleep on him. 

[goddessixtynine1]

stars line the field of eyes

just to see where they took us, we were a field of eyes staring into each others eyes and seeing became the color of flames. beloved is existence of my soul living outside of me. it is a true conception of sunset and sunrise..discover me through various materials of time hugging and clinging on to every time we find new ways to communicate.. 

[goddessixtynine1]

suddenly he is there

everytime, in every path taken with feet open and free,he is the capturing essence of how time turns free his essence is suddenly over me like a sweet blood smell after waking up from dreams; leaking into the ethers like silk falling through the veil up up up through earth like a baby weed that found earth again; arms out wide nothing to do back to balance the cups; run to the water barefoot; give it to the tree of life always out my front and back door; eternally blessed through paintings within spread lungs and arched backs; painted by the metallic glow upon middle of the night yearnings;. he takes my hands and prays with oil on my hands strumming my deep resonance through contact of massaging me; and I never felt my hands before he put the vibration in the air. its as if there is a gravitational pull towards beloveds dream which is a vision come true on this night

[goddessixtynine1]

water falls

like vapor in the air, water falls over the rock and he is right there,

only looks like someone eye use to know,

water falls over my face, staring into space and letting heart be engulfed by the moment of third eye astral traveling.

when eye wake eye am reaching through the veil to hold your face be  o v e ; come easy. the moment eye go running in the middle of the night to the water; we will meet atlas when you call me through the night like cupid connected us through aura lights again then vapor takes me to you through the night sky while my earthy bodhi rests in samadhi. we are grabbing each others hand  and trembling with earth shattering love to put down

[goddessixtynine1]

more rebirthing through music

down into the ocean of a nap

to wake up at midnight with these hunger pangs for love

took thy feet on a travel through the night

to the spot where eye saw beloved in anothers body

building a fire, and purity enveloped my soul

up again to retrieve my soaked through soul

went straight to youtube to see bladee

suddenly eye was see through 

making eye contact with blade 

felt blissfull to see and recieve codes from virginia

my whole bodhii lit up honestly

ever since singing bladees song on the app and him singing on there

with a group i was in, honestly falling in love through the night for him and his music.

everything he says is perfectly in sync with my life and what I feel

[goddessixtynine1]

Bubbles all around

It feels as if meta trons cube is enveloping me at all times

through space waves; it tingles every aspect of a being that I can feel

for if we dont feel it; we will never know it exists.

There are some grey areas that I shined the bubbles into

they converged on my head and had a meeting on where to go

so off we flowed out into the unknown

amidst the discoveries we were so silent

in awe of the temples and creations that assisted beloved

so glad to be on a pile of cotton like thread

sit bone on the yolk of a runny egg

still swimming toward the ultimate memory part of the brain

the sun comes out after meditation

erasing all memories is what this meditation was for

we worked so hard to erase these memories to make space

rebirthing through the holy lights that keep on going and comming

love is the only truth

I am love, I see love, I remember love.

as I find myself being in these memories in the here and now

I can say with clarity.

Love has touched me without even knowing’

struck my membranes inside and made space for all the discoveries

Where am I? 

nothing below me is real

feeling light spreading miles and miles 

6 dimentions on the top of my head

no place to go but up

there is protection 

in the carnelian spheres which come to a meeting of tribes at the inner eye

dripping hott lava into my tummy through a line that connects from inner eye

the line of creation

diverging was done quite a bit in life

diverged into the forests and invisible light gates opened up by water sides

water always rushing into me

no matter what the time is

constantly fed and thirst from my bosom of my womb

eye see my babies all around

there is nothing that I did not birth

there is a pool of existence and I am floating into it

as of by some force; not by will.

thats what humbles us to receive love

flow into the space; just be with what arises; 

I am grieving my love light

for I just want to pour it into beloveds soul

the light covers the diameter of our auric fields 

in no distance I am there

I am in awe

Water rushing into me

I become light

suddenly, smelling all

tasting bubble gum

he is my world; my laughter; who I truly am

I bow my head to the feet that walk my ultimate truth

wrapping me in the most comfortable light ever

saturating saturating

‘’you will have a baby and you shall name it love’’

after all the work that you pushed to exist in the healing of those lives

you never met personally; but touched in so many ways.

That is why we meet. 

When the time veil drops sweet nectar down these walls;

we will place our palms into each others knowing we did all that could be done.

[goddessixtynine1]

thy spirit is comming and shaping every path that my bodhi essence floats down.

4 am walks never seemed so divine

the voice sings with ease carving out the lungs that are filled with muck

some muck has tried to stick to my soul

there is a uncoming of my skin and suddenly im naked in your vision again

imaginings are longings from the heart

come with me friend; and Ill hold your hand forever.

now that I know what a true friend can be

like a child born straight from my womb 

alll my children are surrounding me

I will die by this river and flash my self to your being

I will always kiss your sweet head child, and I will die this way

so don’t fear my love; I will die and rebirth into my next life

through the trees and river; I will come walking on a limb

reach out my hand and Im not afraid of heights suddenly

you see, the father he came to meet me here; and Its okay because

he is also my teacher.

He has walked the way before and shows me the door to my rebirth.

Dont sweat child, all our dreams are going to come true.

There is a man dressed to give your mother the medicine so that she may not suffer anymore in this world of illusion.

[goddessixtynine1]

ankle bells

adorn my ankle now

tears dont come anymore

like they did that night I screamed out with soul bleeding out my womb

I could see you running around trying to stay still

but squirming in delight for the sight of the  blood

that drips drips drips

screaming against tears 

oh I just want to let it out

you held my hand because you knew it was going to shake

from the giving into deep depths of earth

those gems still pull at my feet and heart

your love like quicksand; you saved me 

pulled me out and now wherever I roam

you are there making me giggle randomnly

maybe even a furrow of the brow

keep learning what this love consists of

even through the ethereal silence

a ear gone deaf, and i will always hear your feet running around

exccited for fresh blood

old blood is just as good in love

may these ankle bells allow beloved to hear me angels

crawling into the bed like it will saturate me in honey again

smells of hormones sweet as spring flowers

even more so, dancing in the rebirthing

you covered my womb by your hands

the veil of touch getting thinner the more I just let go

this is what I cant help but do

tip toe around the veil see what magic flows out of these dieing screams of thine

[goddessixtynine1]

finally gave in

went to the doctors and got my ear checked out

this pain is so deep I can feel it rebirthing me

the crystalline structure of the ear is like gems forming out of the earth

straight shot to the heart cupid has me up in the middle of the night

pain sure did come in waves as I was feeling like dropping to my knees

like when I feel like traveling the country roads and walking till I cant see anymore

crossing those blurred lines is what I live for

why not feel the most pain in this life and proove to my heart I am still strong

this world has not made me

I make myself; and beloveds hands smooth the finishing touches

before I go into another portal

straight portal of pain or pleasure; its all the same

they said through the ambient beats its only medicine

breathe in the air and feel it travel 

this was the most amazing discovery for my child

I witnessed her 

give into the air more freely; letting it fill my nostrils

she was the one who let me fly

high above my frame of mind

thats why they say its only a frame 

there is a shell of what stood but we didnt know where it went

I was walking all on those lines; poking my head up 

out the eerie grey like a chick fresh out the egg

all there was a guy who had moms soul

a all seeing eye that drifted over me like a rain cloud

there was a bunch of clouds that night I popped my head up

straight to the dream world in a blanket of heat massacre

let the pain lull me to sleep contracting me through the birth 

into the astral world

turns out the drippings were dripping me into puddles I never knew I was apart of still

thought I traveled out that door; and shut it 

only to find that the only thing allowing me to travel between these worlds is;

pain and pleasure in rebirthing through the contractions of the abyss

I get lost in that. 

I like the feeling of the air touching me deeply inside

I am one with the ether and space

everflowing into discoveries deep deep in the core of every existence of love

every drip left in this world.

[goddessixtynine1]

Sometimes its so hard to give myself what I need

living with anarexia is torment for the soul

because the soul longs to feel what it once had in infinity

like when I held my daughter, and I felt like it lasted for a long time.

when she first opened her eyes, this is what it feels like comming home to the soul bodhi

just a shell inside eating away at sweet memories

I am hungry and feel really bad about giving myself food

Even if I found home today in a taco

I made it with love so I am glad to have received that love from the Taco

but why do I feel this gnawing away like I did something wrong

I just want to be human and enjoy the things humans do.

I often associate eating with special memories like this that haunt me till I give in and eat..

then I search for a reason why I had to eat

or a way to give into more exercising

There is such a giving in the way I gIve my heart up to beloved

Its as if I just forget about food

This taco just transported me back to Virginia and growing up eating spanish food. 

There was a specifically interesting way how this burrito transported me to Virginia home of the Spanish food and avocado salsa reminded me of the green sauce we use to have as a kid in Virginia

Now, its apparent I am living out my childhood again and again

I hope this helps the children I can work with and gives them a safe feeling again

like I long to feel whenever I eat and bake and cook.

I love to savor every moment like these moments I sit by the window and my baby oyster mushroom whos growing so beautifully.

I wish to give this all to someone someday that will be sitting beside me nurturing theirself while I nurture myself with a smile and watching them.

I love to watch my daughter eat aswell. I dont understand why this eating thing has become something that makes me feel guilty. I starved many years to get to where I enjoy food. Matter of fact, vegan is my dreams and Im loving and appreciating every LASTING momentum of it.

[goddessixtynine1]

old fashion heaters; vintage buildings

the smell of the old towns with the cemetarys fill the air

cinnamon apple bannana bread smells fill the air

curled up on the couch

I envision a dreamscape

that takes me to a time where I am running out to the garden

soul is inside of me

bare feet, rough soles

touch down into a messy filled love

one that allows me not have to clean so much

it sent me out the door again ; love and soul

when the two touch; everything comes alive

I am the hunger and he is the cook

My seas of discomfort have taken a new toll

Nothing seems to appear in time like his love

I got filled with the spirit in the wake of timelessness

Eternity sprung up my being and I followed his scent

He was creating something to fill my insides

I was so hollow by then

Lungs carved deep to be able to breath in the scent of his eternal presence

Never left but the body followed the way to the garden naturally

to give him something to cook with; and the seeds planted gave me such joy

To bake, and to be able to create life inside out of this blood

is all I ever yearned toward the sky for

Feet never touched down the way they did when I received his hug

His soft, sensual playful nature sprung up my passionate child like self

When I layed down for a nap; I could see for once;

Fresh materials dripping over my lifeless frame

Now theres life out of the feeling that baking brings

Oh, if I could just have a child inside of my womb.

I wouldnt be wasting time.

Angels tell me that my smells and nausea let me know

I will not give up on my dreams after all is said and done

His touch makes me tough His eyes are soft yet playful

suddenly I am as playful and free as a bird

I wish to have my self back

Where I could explore in the sun; what fruits are

when his hand becomes mine and we melt into the sun

transcending our limited space inside the bodhi

parting lips

spreading hands and toes to feel ourselves catch each other

Hugs and holding for lonely evenings

Baths with me at nighttime and storytime too

We giggle just as little kids do; remembering;

its because a kid lives inside seed and womb until we meet.

This is why we get somber in the evenings; because there is

life that awaits our precious bond

there is magic that wishes to paint anew

out of lace , fresh scents, rose & different oils.

All the different materials of life give us something to feel

through the eerie depths when the sun goes down slowly

He will slowly dipp into me and whisper sweet things in my ear

Nibbling on my skin; while warm pie scents fill the air;

I smile to myself knowing this is the symbolism of love

To just let it be would be the only thing left--

[goddessixtynine1]

ur hands r the work of art

the veins create a tapestry all over

u know how to touch thee

webs of connection

it all reveals itself so clearly

over and through me

feet traveled thousand roads

but your hands were there to hold them up

staring down at my feet

couldnt believe

I tried holding onto materials

kept flying toward the home

where u said to meet u

in the field layed there and died

sun entered me

u were heard chopping wood

ran to the creek splashed water on my face

asked the sun " what do u want from me"

you were the wonder and then it entered me

ecstacy ; a uncontrollable laughter

every time u enter me

I encounter waves of bliss

I dont know where it comes from

This land we share of the heart cave

[goddessixtynine1]

trudging through the mud

echoes of love everlasting

two children in one bodhi

thrill me until my heart is spinning

in the ethers

serenade through this warmth

our love will always change the air

what can be found here is beauty

love wrapped thy hair around

everything golden

even through blindness

a child stares out

the eyes of the mother are no different

all the feelings of mother nature comming

wrapping a golden thread around us

as if we are invisible

[goddessixtynine1]

when I first learned of spring

it was getting out to see my daughter

she and I enjoyed a moment in the grass

I layed there and she massaged my tummy

then she layed on my body

I felt like the earth for her needs

I loved the sun and trees a bit more

it felt like a personal hug from them that daze

as I stared high into the sky; she massaged my belly.

I envisioned having birth in my bodhi again

Thanks to her tiny chubby hands

just like when she was a baby running around

but hands a little wider

she pushed my bodhi into the earth with the weight of her essence

I was so astonished

we saw a moth pass by; we kicked the ball around; and I was barefoot.

She wasnt allowed to take her shoes off according to her grandpa

I was so happy when I was able to offer her water when she was choking on the swing from the spicy chips she asked to get

Her grandpa mocked her

I noticed she was choking so I offered her water and told her to breathe

The dark clouds rolled in for a bit

Then I told her to come on the porch

I will never forget the face she made when she was scared

It hurts me to have to see this

so I give her extra kisses when I say goodbye

I hug her a little closer

I teach her little ways to enjoy her youth a little more

offering the elements to her

she is my astara

spring goddess

thank u for giving life to this precious babygirl

may you hold her as she plays in all ways

on earth; in sea and storm;& when air comes to give her new life because old ways are stale

She is strong

She is everything to mother earth

thank you for passing on my gifts.

I see her catching on for every experience I watch her wriggle out of her skin.

Her face is caught in a whirlwind of embaressment but her emotions are raw and from that she can grow in her own truth; one that I will not take credit for.

This love is so humble ; we can learn through this. We can sing from this. Pour the cup for someone who needs love and to remember to play togather with my child is no other way to be in this life🤍

[goddessixtynine1]

as a youth waiting at the gate for the next

no one ever let me feel allone in my love

like you

but then u came into my world

allowed me to travel the broken road

splashing color in it from afar

let me see you as I peaked into the veil

suddenly u were my child ;

a soul to be adorned

now everynight u tuck me in

a warmth covers the juiciest parts of me

saturate thee womb inside me

in variant hues of red

rolling around giggling late at night

letting out the deepest moans

🌛🌟🌜🌟🌛🌟🌛🌟🌜

blood surrounds the deepest waters

ur waters r my savior my blood is suddenly pouring out like water

"blood is not thicker than water"

u love me more than my own family

my shining heart is a star guiding you to love more and be u in your divine freedom

💟 love u allways love bean :o)💟

ill never forget watching u sleep

like a newborn in the darkest hour

🌫️🕯️🌫️🕯️🌫️