godlygremlin

[godlygremlin]

Posting on here for the first time because Twitter is ass now and I just had the worst cooking experience of my life I must document.

The only context you need is that I've recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea that is making it more difficult for me to have a proper sleep schedule. This means that I had to take a nap at 6 pm and take a 4 hour nap. I have been awake for a few hours now, and my phone is dying. So I can't play any more Cookie Run Kingdom. To process this devastating loss, I decide to take my ipad to the kitchen and make myself some food.

It is 2 am, and despite taking a nap, I am tired enough that I don't want to actually cook. Under normal circumstances, cooking wouldn't be an issue. However, due to a religious holiday coming up (Passover), my mother is decontaminating our kitchen, making cooking that much more difficult. So I decide to make myself some French fries. I cut up some potatoes, season them (our seasonings cabinet was also decontaminated, the only seasoning avaliable was salt and paprika. I was not putting paprika on my 2 am fries.) and shove them in the air frier. While I wait, I decide it's time to be an artist, and I am now drawing.

Cue the ding of the air frier.

Yay, I can go to my room and be free from the kitchen. I turn the bottom part of the air frier upside down and dump all of my French fries onto a plate. This is where it all goes wrong. The air frier is used daily to fry chicken, because I have a very specific diet. This means that the bottom of the air frier is full of oil. Not anymore. The oil is now all over the table.

I go to grab a paper towel. We are all out. There are a few crumbled ones in the corner that are drying from being recently wet. I go, attempting to wipe the table down. My dear reader, have you ever wiped oil? Spilled oil? I pray you didn't. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, (because capitalism doesn't have hands) this is absolute torture. I finally get it done. I go to grab my ipad. It is covered in oil. My dear reader, have you ever wiped oil off of a very expensive electronic?

I washed my ipad case with soap. I DONT KNOW HOW TO CLEAN AN IPAD CASE??? I JUST SHOVED THAT SHIT UNDER THE TAP, OKAY? My ipad and apple pencil got a generous treating of damp paper towels (I finally found a pack of them I didn't see right in front of me) and my ipad case is now drying.

Do you know what the worst part about this whole experience is? The fries are ass. Half of them are not cooked through, they are not crunchy enough, the salt is non existent, I couldn't find ketchup to douse them in for a solid 20 minutes. I have to eat this with a heavy coating of ketchup, cherry tomatoes and Italian flavored beef chicken stick. What even is Italian flavored? Did you just grate up a tiny Italian into my beef stick?

I think the lesson is to not cook at 2 am because the universe will send you a late April Fools prank.

[godlygremlin]

This might sound low-key like a conspiracy theory but I wholeheartedly believe that AI would not exist if not for capitalism. It just wouldn't have been made.

[godlygremlin]

I am accepting this fate.

do you guys like bees. do you want bees. i can put some bees in your pockets if you want. okay theres bees in the pocket of a random clothing item you own now. don't eat them all at once when you find them.

[godlygremlin]

you've heard of "diversity win!" now get ready for

[godlygremlin]

Fuck u

This is my formal complaint about my DM not letting me use magic for a 3-shot/j (This is simply because I said I was complaining to tumblr <3)