godstrain

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lmao a revival is happening, im clearing out basically everything that isnt ... art or a meta then we will get back to things u know.

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*trying to call a woman beautiful but i've forgotten how to engage other humans in conversation* girl, you remind me of architecture

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uhhh haven't had enough time to explore wes and his time in umbrella especially in his younger years- sure, he's brilliant and went thru school super mega fast and had a doctorate by 17, but what we aren't seeing is the fact that he was absolutely on like 15 experimental stimulants courtesy of umbrella and was always sorta disheveled like ok sure yeah cool he can look nice but if he didn't have to leave the lab he sure looked a mess,

the thing is, wesker has been addicted to various drugs from a young age, and not even by his own volition, and instead of like detox he went from stimulants to Unknown Viruses and he never told anyone outside of the people who KNEW HIM in umbrella days that he ever had problems with addiction- as in the only person alive(?) who knows would be alex, and if he has his way it will remain a secret.

it isn't hard to put the pieces together due to how he uses a literal cocktail of sleeping medications to knock himself out, but let me tell you a fun fact about ambien, which wesker absolutely has in his sleep medication regimen- if you fight sleeping while on ambien, it gives you a high (ive seen it inpatient its legit a thing)- and while yeah wesker knows he needs sleep, sometimes he also likes that feeling. so sometimes he fights against the meds to get the rush.

what i mean is wesker struggles with addiction and he likes to pretend he has no issues but he has some real huge struggles that he needs help overcoming and this is one of them.

Send “εїз” to hear a Headcanon the Mun hasn’t been able to organically implement into the blog yet

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how does albert feel when he inevitably loses a patient?

honestly it's always sad to lose a patient- but the way al sees it is that if he could provide someone with the best quality of life for as long as possible, then he's done a good job. death is inevitable for everyone, but what's important is the time that someone spends ALIVE.

dr. albert wilde, much like dr. gregory house, is a "board certified diagnostician with specialties in infectious disease and pathology" and he sees all sorts of patients, some have things that are simple to diagnose and treat, others are Not. which is basically the usual case in a medical field? so yes, inevitably he will lose someone, but it's never for a lack of trying.

surprise! he doesn't have the answers to everything! but it's a motivator to learn more so that if he encounters the same thing again or something similar, he will be able to be more efficient in improving someone's quality of life, even if what he's working with turns out to be something terminal. it took him time to grow as a person, but he is very much a good doctor, it's his way of trying to just do the right thing after many decades of doing the wrong thing, and that is incredibly admirable.

tldr while it's sad, it also makes him want to learn more and get better as a doctor and that is one of the healthiest ways of dealing with it.

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my wrists have had ENOUGH but here take this

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ok i gotta address this bc i feel like i also,,,, overlook this often ... but the reason wesker was seen as a good captain is BECAUSE HE WAS!!! the character mats say he's "mild mannered and fair in his dealings, calm in the face of danger" which is ... actually sorta adorable what im saying is wesker absolutely went out for drinks with the others and he didn't just shut himself away and thats why he saw s.t.a.r.s. as the best times of his life because!!! he wasn't isolated!!!

and honestly fast forward he genuinely does like to work in a team, he likes teaching the new residents as dr. wilde-

im very emotional about this guys,

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fluffy

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ok so i dont have enough unhinged posts about willsker so i will MAKE SOME

and by this i mean i know i yell about chrisker and polystars but the fact stands that william birkin is albert wesker's first love, one of four people he's actually ever been in love with, and this is ... really a key part in so much of wesker's life.

as it was, al thought that he and will would always be in each other's lives- even when will married annette, the mindset was "william has 2 hands and since he's head researcher he can just tell al and annette what to do so they can do the science and still hold his hands bc they each then have 1 free hand" and that mindset continued, it arguably never stopped.

william was a grounding force for al, and i know that probably makes little sense since will was so paranoid, but he was still there and al was there and basically it was a case of neither could really function without the other and it shows.

not that al wasn't happy with s.t.a.r.s, he very much was- that was the happiest part of his life, but it doesn't make him love will any less. will has been and continues to be so important and will's death fucked al up very very bad

because suddenly he's lost his first love and he wasn't there, he couldn't fucking do a goddamn thing. he has to live with that sorrow and guilt because it's the mindset of "if i'd been there he would still be alive" and what i'm saying is there is a piece of al's soul that is missing and it is shaped like william birkin

also file this under al is one more heartbreak away from just fucking dying.

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uagh ok so u know how i was like "let me talk about wesker and how he just had a really WILD TIME in the mental health department between post-arklay and RE5" well what i mean by this is-

wesker was already swinging into a manic episode a month or so before the mansion incident. he was more energetic, he slept even less than he usually did, and everyone seemed to mistake it for enthusiasm. it was hypomania. injecting himself with a goddamn virus basically caused symptoms that could be classified as drug induced psychosis, except it isn't drug induced, it's literally his entire biological makeup was altered (and that gets its own post because i saw a post about "why didnt we get to see wesker going thru it as the t virus rewrites every goddamn cell in his body" i'm going to get to that!)

so fast forward to december 1998, wesker's really going through it now! he's hit a state of very intense mania, he's got the delusions of grandeur, he just has no impulse control, he's running around because he has so much energy to expend and he finds it difficult to stay still due to feeling restless- also this is one of the more obvious "judgement limited, insight poor" moments, he thinks he can get the virus sample but lmao no he's trashed by alexia (i do not care what the redo of CV says, i like having alexia being able to kick wes' ass, it makes for interesting character development things!) but he still gets the job done,

so then we have the span of time between CV and RE5- wesker's mental state mellows out enough that he can be the cool calm collected mastermind that he likes to present himself as- he's behind the fuckery of RE4, but he seems rather calm about it- as in of course he's still going through the whole delusions of grandeur thing and sure does have some mania symptoms, but it isn't like the rockfort incident behavior.

that just all loops back when things shift toward wesker's arrival at spencer's personal home, and of course with the big reveal from spencer, wesker really just doesn't cope with that at all. on top of this, he's been using an immunosuppressant that prevents his body from fighting off a virus that literally turns people into beings that run on base instinct with little to no impulse control (some tyrants can follow commands, but in a limited way, it's not like they follow complex directions), so yeah the mania symptoms ramped up again-

it's after 5 that he goes into the depression, and i've talked about that before im pretty sure...

for reference, wesker's first episode of mania was when he was 18, although there's a chance it could've been drug induced because albert wesker used every single stimulant ever to stay awake through his college years and his early umbrella research years and that sure didn't do anything good for his brain chemistry

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ok now back to your regularly scheduled wesker content (unless i really just pass out lmao) uhh hmmm sexy sunday post ... more like it's just sorta sad / a normal meta because i can be unhinge and horny on any day i want i don't need a certain day lmao anyway uh

can safely say that albert wesker has felt some romantic attraction to like. 4 people in total in his life- those 4 people are: william birkin, jake's mother, jill valentine, and chris redfield (the last two happening around the same time and causing a bit of confusion, but really, wesker would've been fine with both- he has a habit of wanting 2 things ... and then getting neither looking at the mansion incident ... also i love polystars thanks)

he didn't know how to handle any of these and that is also because he doesn't know how to handle love (but deep down he'd love to learn how to!).

birkin was his closest friend, and wesker doesn't have Friends because he's so emotionally stunted and really it's a case of he cares for will and will married annette and wesker isn't actually a huge fan of homewrecking- so he had this feeling and basically did nothing with it- (although he would've been super down for a polyamory with will and annette)

with jake's mother, it was his first Serious Relationship and of course once again he had no idea how to navigate it, but with how she evidently spoke highly of him, he was actually doing a pretty good job being a romantic partner? but also any time he has any connections ever, umbrella comes to fuck them up and wesker isn't dumb so he sent her back home and then never saw her again which was really painful because he DID love her very much, and wesker then decided he didn't want to deal with romance because it hurt. it made him vulnerable and if he had his way he never would've felt a goddamn thing ever again.

this man then played himself like a fool, because chris redfield and jill valentine came into his life and threw everything off track- because now he has to deal with feelings. again. it wasn't that anything started in a "friendship" sort of way, because wesker doesn't do friends- he just has people he doesn't wish an immediate painful death upon- ( and on that note, he actually cared about S.T.A.R.S. as a whole, which is why he was like lmao nah i'm going to fuck over umbrella AND i'll have my team there for the moment of glory- which didn't go like he planned at all??? but i digress ) and he had a habit of being impulsive- taking hits or bullets meant for his team, meant for chris or jill and it was so??? not normal for him, and so instead of being a well adjusted person he showed his feelings for chris and jill in the form of "not letting you die for 10 years and consistently being there to cause problems so you HAVE to come fight me and see me and i am ALWAYS on your mind" and "mind control so you will never leave my side"

tldr wesker is very not good at processing and expressing his feelings, especially love, and it shows

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i wanted to address why there are so many other BOWs that clearly outclass wesker in strength but somehow they can be killed way easier than wesker can be killed, and basically ok

albert wesker is the falcon of tyrants.

confined by the limitations of a HUMAN BODY, he doesn't gain extra limbs or whatnot until he gets infected with uroboros- even though he is shown to be larger in general due to the virus, compared to chris, wesker is rather lean, he's not bulky muscle at all, even if he's athletic. sure, he can move fast, he's stronger than any standard human, but what sets him apart from other tyrants in abilities and survivability is the fact he can 1 think through a situation and follow complex instructions (although he suffers frontal lobe decay there's no doubt of that) 2 he's really fucking fast.

he uses his speed and his intellect to gain the upper hand on opponents that are much larger than he is, and some that far outclass him in physical strength. we see alexia trashing wesker because she has fire blood and her intellect, and wesker only has speed and intellect in comparison. in a battle of physical strength, wesker is wildly outclassed by every other big name BOW (nemesis, x, g2 and forward), because all of those aren't limited to the functions of a human body.

wesker is essentially a super soldier, and because he gained these abilities by DYING and being revived, he falls into the category of "tyrant" but actually he ... doesn't fit 90% of the qualifications to be in that category. he IS a BOW, heck, the argument of captain america being a BOW stands simply due to the fact he also is the result of Weird Science Serum Things-

so to compensate for his physical strength downfalls, wesker uses a rush tactic when he fights, putting his incredible speed behind his hits. which is why he's the falcon of BOWs- when he hits something and is also going super fast, he WILL fold it in half- but his chances of winning a fight against another advanced BOW in an area where he has to rely only on close combat drop considerably, and wesker is actually acutely aware of this. he prefers to engage in combat in open areas that allow him to build speed for his rush technique

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ok and what i mean about wesker is just one more heartbreak away from just fucking dying is uhhh he's only loved 4 people and that's will, jake's mom, chris, and jill- and all of those are gone from his life and so yeah actually hes got 4 missing parts of his soul shaped like people and he can't fill the void and even though he says he can be a god, he can't because he is still human and he is so alone and that can actually also kill people

he's tired of losing people he actually gives a shit about, so he closes himself off because he's well aware that he just isn't able to handle that feeling one more time because it hurts and he's really not good at pretending it doesn't hurt anymore, but also here we are bc he dug his own grave,

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i will do art of some of this eventually but like, the prototype virus sure gave wesker cat eyes but also he really did become incredibly catlike. he has little fangs- they're only noticeable if you're up close but when your'e up close it's obvious he has them, if he doesn't trim his nails they will be like claws and yeah he can maim with those! he purrs! it's a low rumble sort of sound, but like a cat, he'll do it to self soothe or when he's injured (cats' purrs can actually heal bones and tissues it's WILD), and sometimes just when he's content.

he also, of course, got taller. really, he just got bigger everywhere- man went from 6'0 to 6'7 over a span of 10 years. he didn't expect this, because it eventually led to an entire wardrobe restock, because nothing he had properly fit him ...

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ok so me thinking about wesker's childhood and how Bad things were and also his relationships with the other wesker children ... and its big sad

see, he was snatched up by umbrella when he was 5- he already was developing a sense of self, and albert wilde was a good kid, ambitious and hard working, but not a monster. he was introduced to spencer's doctrine of "humans failed and all of the plagues of the earth also suck and it's your job to be better" and took it as a challenge for him to actually help people better themselves. he wanted to find ways to improve the quality of life for human beings, because no one ever said what was there had to be eliminated. humans were beautiful because they could adapt. albert wilde loved humanity.

albert wilde also had a ... rebellious streak. he was the golden boy who could get all of his work done early and still have the energy to try to be a normal kid- and he got in trouble for it. albert wilde never would've designed BOWs... and it took almost 12 years for umbrella to kill albert wilde, leaving albert wesker in his place

but damn, he held out for almost 12 years- tried to cling to what he knew in his heart to be the path he wanted. it just so happens that he was also experimented on, he survived things that other people mutated or died from, and by the time he was scouted as a researcher, he was so mentally exhausted from getting hurt for trying to be free, so he fell in line with things

and then fast forward and he takes the prototype virus and dies and comes back wrong and suffers some uhhh not good frontal lobe decay and his moral compass goes to heck... albert wesker was the sort of person albert wilde had wanted to stand up against and there's something sorta poetic about him finding his way back to being albert wilde after crawling from the depths of hell for real ... this is the character development i deserve to implement on him :)

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dr wilde is the hot doctor no one knows what happened to him or how old he is actually people don't know much about him but he's great at what he does!

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i haven't finished wesker's dnd sheet but this is what i imagine his mood is going to be every campaign

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sometimes i think about how al just went thru 4 heartbreaks and decided he would never have an emotion toward anyone ever again and he constantly beats his feelings with a stick and does anything to ignore them and sometimes he just sits somewhere and screams because u know.

al vc anything good that i will ever have is going to turn to dust in my hands i know this so why try

at least he's teaching new doctors to do the right things