goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath - Tumblr blog

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

Do i have to be a fan of the fandom to rp?

Nope! :>

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

Barney sighed as he was told that there was a call for him from his sister. He rarely spoke to his siblings; he had a brother and a sister. He decided to humor her though and stood up, heading to the nurse who held the telephone.

"Yes, hello, Sam?"he spoke into the receiver, holding the telephone rather gracefully in his hand. His tone was tired, waiting for his sister to reply.

"It's mom,"Sam said, tone more frantic and less relaxed than her older brother's, Barney was the oldest.

"What's she done this time?"he sighed, already feeling a headache coming along as he pressed his hand to his forehead, just rubbing down his face. "You know I can't help with her or have anything to do with her with that restraining order and all."

"She...She fell down the stairs a-and passed away."

Barney frowned, brows furrowing. He wasn't upset per-say, but he hadn't wished for this sort of thing.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I won't be able to attend the funeral. I'm sorry."

"You're so selfish, Barney!" she snapped, though Barney wasn't affected.

"If you're going to insult me and yell at me, I'm hanging up. Good luck with the funeral." He hangs up before she could reply, then tells the nurse, "If she calls again, don't take it. I'm not talking to her." He goes back to his room.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

De'Ath sat out in the yard, more or less still in his pajamas that had been brought over from home by someone he'd trusted. He sighed a bit, wrapping his house robe around himself a little tighter. Barney's hand of his free hand went down towards a coffee mug he'd placed beside himself. He held it and then brought it to his lips to sip. The medicine they've given him made him feel kind of sleepy...they were still adjusting the dosage. Thankfully he wasn't too much of a flight risk that they wouldn't let him outside for a bit, but he was still being watched...

He hated that. He was a grown man for fuck's sake.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

Barney chuckled, "I'll keep that in mind for sure, Campbell, but I'm sure if I did get a job here that I would be given a proper office. At least a comfortable former broom closet where all my patients could come to. But yeah, things are always crazy with administration. Bureaucracy sucks. Should call it bureaucrapcy."

"Unfortunately I don't get my own office since I'm just a resident and not a full employee." He was glad he still got paid though, the resident stipend was pretty decent really and kept him going and able to live in the area while being here.

"I mainly just do my paperwork in the staff lounge area...probably not the best place, but they didn't give me a desk sooooo...Their fault, not mine."

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

De'Ath sighed, able to finally get out of bed in the private room they'd put him in until he was able to be moved. He was dressed in the pajamas they'd given him since his contact still hadn't dropped his things off yet...though it had been days. He felt...oddly normal for the first time in a while, a little down, but not deep into depression or completely wired.

It was nice...though, today he had his first appointment with the psychiatrist, one he didn't work under so he could go back to his residency right after his treatment. Barney was grateful for that at least...but he really didn't want to be seen by the other patients. He honestly felt like a failure. He wasn't supposed to be mentally unwell, he was a psychiatrist!

He was sure by now that they knew though. They had to know by now, news traveled fast. Barney ran his fingers through his long hair nervously. He should get dressed. He missed his own clothes, the fabric of the clothes he'd been loaned felt bad on his skin. He knew that was in his head, they should feel fine, but they just felt...bad.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

"Unfortunately I don't get my own office since I'm just a resident and not a full employee." He was glad he still got paid though, the resident stipend was pretty decent really and kept him going and able to live in the area while being here.

"I mainly just do my paperwork in the staff lounge area...probably not the best place, but they didn't give me a desk sooooo...Their fault, not mine."

"I look forward to meeting him, and I think it would be fairly soon considering I'm here most days....I'm sure you'll be able to have another session with me, I'm here for a year anyway, so I'm not really going anywhere." Oh, he wasn't going to leave for longer than that, but that was for future Barney to deal with. Point is, he relaxed even if he still felt guilty over dumping all that out in front of him.

"I hope that I'll get to have one of those long couches, they look pretty comfortable. Plus it would be fun to have it be a little like they have it on the telly." He chuckled a bit, a little bit more light coming into his eyes for once instead of looking a bit dull. They weren't quite lifeless before though at least. It was...nice for someone to understand.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

Now that he was a little more conscious, he surveyed his surroundings a bit more. The first thing that spilled forth from his lips was just a simple, slightly slurred, "Fuck..."

What the hell had happened? It was kind of a blur to his cotton filled mind as he tried to sit up, managing to do so as one of the doctors walked in with a clipboard.

"I see that you're awake, Dr. De'Ath. You have a lot of explaining to do, and we have several questions. Don't worry though, you're not getting charged with anything...you didn't do anything illegal...and your program involvement is getting put on hold for a while, not forever, you've proven to be a capable doctor...we just want you to get better before you continue....Now...Looking at your family history...It's a surprise that this hasn't shown up sooner...."

Yeah, Barney wasn't getting very much of that, and he was only giving her a blank look which caused her to sigh.

"I'll come back later when you're more...coherent,"she sighed before walking out. She did turn though and look at him with a pitying smile. "I'll let the nurses know you're up and they can probably take your feeding tube out. The IV needs to stay in a bit longer. Let us know if you need anything, like using the bathroom, something to drink. You know the protocol, and where the call buttons are." She then left him, door halfway ajar.

Well...He was relieved that he would still be a doctor at least now that his mind caught up a bit and it was really the only part he latched onto. He just let out a long groaning sigh and rubbed his face with both hands. This sucked.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

"I look forward to meeting him, and I think it would be fairly soon considering I'm here most days....I'm sure you'll be able to have another session with me, I'm here for a year anyway, so I'm not really going anywhere." Oh, he wasn't going to leave for longer than that, but that was for future Barney to deal with. Point is, he relaxed even if he still felt guilty over dumping all that out in front of him.

"I hope that I'll get to have one of those long couches, they look pretty comfortable. Plus it would be fun to have it be a little like they have it on the telly." He chuckled a bit, a little bit more light coming into his eyes for once instead of looking a bit dull. They weren't quite lifeless before though at least. It was...nice for someone to understand.

"Oh, Campbell...It is a lot to ask, but close relationships, close friendships and more intimate relationships are give and take. They're about mutual support and growth. I can't 100% say if it will work out, but he knows you have a mental illness. Knowing and accepting your faults so far gives me hope in that it will..." He paused for a good while, looking quite troubled before speaking.

"I...Don't usually like to speak of this, but...it just...very heavily reminded me of this...sort of anyway. My father...well...He had his issues, never told my mom, always hid it away trying to be a strong man, indestructible...So she wasn't prepared for when he had one of his worst episodes of mental illness...She was also from a family that thought of mental illness as a personal fault, a weakness of character. She just put him in an institution and....well...I never got to see him again...As soon as I learned his fate, well...I got a restraining order on my mum and haven't seen her since. She looked at me with such pity as a teenager...and when I told her about what I want to do with my life, helping people like my dad so...they d-don't...." He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, blinking quickly as his voice broke a bit. "I apologize for that...you d-didn't need to hear any of that or ask for any of it. I'm so sorry. I-It was very very unprofessional of me. You're a patient here, and I can't be doing that to you." It got a bit hard for him to resist since he'd let his professional guard down.

"Anyway, I-I really don't think that would happen with you and Ash. He accepts you, knows about you. I don't think he'll leave you as a friend if you have a bad episode. He seems interested in making sure you're successful that you can do what you want to be happy and make others happy. That's what the donation tells me. Especially since, from what I'm hearing, he's not asking for anything in return. I haven't met him, but I get the feeling that he cares deeply about you even though you two met recently, especially based on how you talk about him. It's sweet."

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

"Oh, Campbell...It is a lot to ask, but close relationships, close friendships and more intimate relationships are give and take. They're about mutual support and growth. I can't 100% say if it will work out, but he knows you have a mental illness. Knowing and accepting your faults so far gives me hope in that it will..." He paused for a good while, looking quite troubled before speaking.

"I...Don't usually like to speak of this, but...it just...very heavily reminded me of this...sort of anyway. My father...well...He had his issues, never told my mom, always hid it away trying to be a strong man, indestructible...So she wasn't prepared for when he had one of his worst episodes of mental illness...She was also from a family that thought of mental illness as a personal fault, a weakness of character. She just put him in an institution and....well...I never got to see him again...As soon as I learned his fate, well...I got a restraining order on my mum and haven't seen her since. She looked at me with such pity as a teenager...and when I told her about what I want to do with my life, helping people like my dad so...they d-don't...." He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, blinking quickly as his voice broke a bit. "I apologize for that...you d-didn't need to hear any of that or ask for any of it. I'm so sorry. I-It was very very unprofessional of me. You're a patient here, and I can't be doing that to you." It got a bit hard for him to resist since he'd let his professional guard down.

"Anyway, I-I really don't think that would happen with you and Ash. He accepts you, knows about you. I don't think he'll leave you as a friend if you have a bad episode. He seems interested in making sure you're successful that you can do what you want to be happy and make others happy. That's what the donation tells me. Especially since, from what I'm hearing, he's not asking for anything in return. I haven't met him, but I get the feeling that he cares deeply about you even though you two met recently, especially based on how you talk about him. It's sweet."

"Aw, that's cute, using bird metaphors and analogies together. I also hope that you do get permission to build a coop up there, I think the big thing would be making sure there's proper railing and fencing up there first before it can go ahead, safety regulations and all that."

He listened to him speak about Ash not seeing him at his worst.

"Well, if he really, like actually loves you at your best, and he's the loyal type, I'm sure he'd still love you at your worst and do his best to help you and make sure you stay safe." He did wonder how bad Campbell's episodes could really get, what his worst looked like. He didn't want to ask since that felt rude, and he hadn't read his file yet. He was rather curious though which was partially clinical, partially personal.

"As long as you're under control though, and catch your episodes while they're still in the prodrome phase, getting a handle on them before you spiral, I think the chance of him seeing you like that is minimal."

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

"Aw, that's cute, using bird metaphors and analogies together. I also hope that you do get permission to build a coop up there, I think the big thing would be making sure there's proper railing and fencing up there first before it can go ahead, safety regulations and all that."

He listened to him speak about Ash not seeing him at his worst.

"Well, if he really, like actually loves you at your best, and he's the loyal type, I'm sure he'd still love you at your worst and do his best to help you and make sure you stay safe." He did wonder how bad Campbell's episodes could really get, what his worst looked like. He didn't want to ask since that felt rude, and he hadn't read his file yet. He was rather curious though which was partially clinical, partially personal.

"As long as you're under control though, and catch your episodes while they're still in the prodrome phase, getting a handle on them before you spiral, I think the chance of him seeing you like that is minimal."

"Yeah...And when everything is going so slow it's just so frustrating which leads to things just building and building like a snowballing effect...I've learned it's not safe to drive in these conditions... Just saying..." He clears his throat, oops, too personal.

"Crashing back sounds dreadful," and it was, it was like a car crash where you're dazed for a while and need to get recombobulated. "I've dissociated a time or two myself, and it's not always a gentle experience."

He smiled softly though as he heard about Ash and Campbell's relationship.

"You can always ask him if he's the type to settle. Who knows, he may be a free bird or the type to settle, or a mix of the two where he'll settle when things are right to settle with you. Like you two are flying along, seeing the world, and then you both get the feeling to make a nest for some time before it's time to set off again like migratory birds...if you get the metaphor I'm trying to go for before my train of thought derails or goes off track." He chuckled a little bit, nose wrinkling a tiny bit as he did which was something his face just did when he thought something was funny. He never noticed though.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

He groans, eyes opening. He felt very foggy and there was a sour-bitter taste in his mouth as he awoke. It was a chore to just lift his left arm to rub his face and eyes in an attempt to rub some of the sleep away. It tired him out though. Honestly it felt like he'd been put under anesthesia in a way. Whatever sedatives they gave him were very strong.

Currently he was too tired and still too sedated to care much about what was going on around him or happening to him. He'd just do all that freaking out later.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

00c

kinda appropriate that there's a full moon out tonight oop

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

He is still quite unconscious in his bed, looking rather peaceful for once. They had decided to admit him for a while and put his program on hold until he had finished treatment. They hadn't contacted any family due to no family being listed, and his mother being listed as someone to absolutely, under no circumstances contact since he had a restraining order against her.

However, they did contact his brother (his only contact) who said that he'd bring over some stuff that Barney would need for his stay. His brother wouldn't come in until the next day though. So, for now, they put Barney in some spare clean pajamas and let him sleep with an IV in his arm since they found that he was quite dehydrated. They also had inserted a nasogastric feeding tube due to some of his colleagues mentioning that he hadn't been taking his lunch breaks for a couple weeks now in their talks about what to do with him, so they were worried about a potential lack of food intake.

They were not allowing visitors, but word had probably spread of his admission as a patient.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

"Yeah...And when everything is going so slow it's just so frustrating which leads to things just building and building like a snowballing effect...I've learned it's not safe to drive in these conditions... Just saying..." He clears his throat, oops, too personal.

"Crashing back sounds dreadful," and it was, it was like a car crash where you're dazed for a while and need to get recombobulated. "I've dissociated a time or two myself, and it's not always a gentle experience."

He smiled softly though as he heard about Ash and Campbell's relationship.

"You can always ask him if he's the type to settle. Who knows, he may be a free bird or the type to settle, or a mix of the two where he'll settle when things are right to settle with you. Like you two are flying along, seeing the world, and then you both get the feeling to make a nest for some time before it's time to set off again like migratory birds...if you get the metaphor I'm trying to go for before my train of thought derails or goes off track." He chuckled a little bit, nose wrinkling a tiny bit as he did which was something his face just did when he thought something was funny. He never noticed though.

"I'm clocked in technically... But I get it, sometimes things just not feeling real when things in your head go too fast, but everything else is just...feels sorta like a simulation from what I've heard anyway. Just...you're piloting a body, you know it's yours, but..." yeah, he didn't want to say too much, too personal, didn't want anyone to know. Couldn't let anyone know.

"You could try to explain in your own way, could be a bit different from what I've heard from others..."

"Anyway, maybe you two would find a nice place to settle down after you've seen the world. If you're both into that sorta thing." He shrugged a bit. "Settling down, that is."

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

Well, his morning didn't go so great, and now he's heavily sedated and sleeping (for the first time in maybe 4 days or so) while his supervisor talks on the phone with someone, likely someone from his school, about what to do with him.

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

"I'm clocked in technically... But I get it, sometimes things just not feeling real when things in your head go too fast, but everything else is just...feels sorta like a simulation from what I've heard anyway. Just...you're piloting a body, you know it's yours, but..." yeah, he didn't want to say too much, too personal, didn't want anyone to know. Couldn't let anyone know.

"You could try to explain in your own way, could be a bit different from what I've heard from others..."

"Anyway, maybe you two would find a nice place to settle down after you've seen the world. If you're both into that sorta thing." He shrugged a bit. "Settling down, that is."

"Well... If you ever need a place to stay and you don't want to stay with your parents at all, you could ask your friends on the outside. That's what I would do. It would allow you more to stay in the area. Plus, you know how Eddie comes in for his bit on the show, you could do something like that and come in to do it as a former patient with a hell of a lot more freedom...The future may be scary, Campbell, but whatever may come, I'm sure you can handle it. Besides, many places have day programs you could go to if you're interested. You'd be able to choose what you do in these programs. A lot of them are just about easing people back into society. Some go over finances, some offer job training, some go over just adult day to day things in a broad stroke. I won't let you get tossed to the wayside, Campbell, even if I'm not licensed yet. I want you to succeed." He pat him softly on the back, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"You'll be fine. You've got people in your corner. Just keep your chin up, remember to breathe and find a way to ground yourself. I try to look at things I can see and describe them to myself when anxiety gets to me...Can be a bit more difficult when your mind's going a million kilometers per hour though, but you gotta try and catch yourself early."

[goodnearlyalmostdrde-ath]

Yeah, his colleagues are worried about him and discussing what to do while he's been having a piss poor week even if, to Barney, it's been a pretty great week...except for how agitated he could get.