goodpilgrimnyc-blog

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 15 Pregnancy Journal

9/7/16

CONFIRMED! Into It is going to Broadway!!! And they’re asking me to audition... I don’t know if I should feel excited or annoyed. I’m really (really) hoping they just want to see me read with some other actors. I know they have to recast Damon for sure. It’s unbelievable and incredibly painful all at the same time. I’m going in on Friday. I don’t actually think I’m showing yet, really, but I’m so paranoid they’ll notice and think I’m pregnant. I just don’t want that to even be an issue. I want to get the part because I deserve it and dealing with the pregnancy is a discussion for later. Apparently they are still working out the dates, so anything is possible!!

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 14 Pregnancy Journal

9/1/16

I feel SO much better in this second semester. THANK GOD. Minimal heartburn and indigestion, but I’m not nearly as nauseous. How do women do this over and over and over? I think once might be enough for me. Walter will be grateful he gets the baby of his dreams and his tuba will finally be put to good use. I swear, that thing takes up more space in our apartment than all of our wedding photos combined. He’s one committed dad, already. He has started greeting the baby several times a day - first thing in the morning, when I see him after work, before we go to bed, the baby gets a little love from it’s very proud Papa. He’s amazing, really. But he is anxious to start telling people, and by that I mean, I really think he wants to put it on Facebook. I’ve asked that we hold off still, besides his mom and some of our nearest and dearest, of course. I’m just nervous about going public while there is some potential opportunities on the horizon concerning the show. I kind of hate that my changing body could have such an impact on some amazing career opportunities. But I guess I can be grateful that I did NOT book that cruise line job, so I didn’t even have to go there.

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 13 Pregnancy Journal

8/25/16

Rumors are flying that Into It is going all the way. I’m dying. What a dream come true for Sal. For all of us, if it works out. I can’t even imagine if I get my Broadway premier and a baby all at the same time. Lord help me if they overlap. I’m sure the producers won’t mind pushing back the opening for ME. Or Sal can make script adjustments and Maria can be pregnant. Why not? She may be perpetually single, but in this day and age women can have babies without men, easy. The rainstorm scene would really just be a great visual if there was a huge protruding belly as she’s jumping through those puddles. Didn’t I hear about a pregnant woman playing Isabella in Measure for Measure at the Shakespeare Theatre in DC? I mean, c’mon this would have nothing on THAT scandal. Maria ain’t a nun, she’s just very wary of men, and she has a right to be, given what she’s been through. I have to stop. What if I don’t even get offered the part?!?! 

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 12 Pregnancy Journal

8/16/16

Hey! Things are looking up! By that I mean I can keep things DOWN. Ha. Good one, Ess. Sometimes I just need a little positive self-talk. Which is TRUE today, especially, because today was the appointment where they poke and prick me with one too many needles. Ugh. I hate getting blood drawn. Walter’s like, “C’mon, Essie, it’s just a little needle!” And I’m like, “Yeah, it’s your little needle that got us here in the first place,” which really made him blush! Impressive for him, given his pigmentation. 10 points for me, because really I think he’s quite proud that he finally knocked up his wife.  We also got to not only hear but also SEE the heartbeat. Why does no one talk about seeing the heartbeat? That was way more interesting than hearing it. What if we could see each other’s hearts beat as we walk around in the world. I’d never book any job, everyone would know how nervous I get at auditions! 

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 10 Pregnancy Journal

8/3/16

So I called today about an audition for this cruise line video.. apparently they hire actors to go on an actual cruise and do all the things while getting followed around by a camera, and then they make some type of advertisement out of it. It’s the first time I’ve had to calculate ahead and try to imagine how big I might be during the shoot dates - which aren’t until November. It really threw me off, actually. Do I tell my agent I might be sporting a big bump by then? Do I just go to the audition anyway? God forbid they want to see me in a swim suit right now - ugh - bloated belly bonanza. I’d have to make something up like, “sorry, but I shot a commercial for Pillsbury yesterday and they made me eat all the croissants on camera.” Or maybe they’ll want to feature a pregnant woman for their cruise line! People will think, “This cruise line is really trustworthy, even expectant mothers choose it!” Choosey Moms Choose Royal Caribbean. I should have gone into advertising.

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 9 Pregnancy Journal

7/26/16 Ok, I think I'm ready for this first trimester to be over. I'm exhausted all the time and I just want to puke, but I don't. It's pretty miserable. Almost enough to keep me from getting excited when I heard from Sal that it looks like the show is going to go on and have more of a life in NYC, and I'm afraid to say more lest I jinx it, so let's just leave it there. Also because I think I'd be heartbroken if I weren't involved in the next iteration. I don't even want to think about what that might look like, if the show went to Broadway or something and I couldn't do it because the producers thought my character couldn't be pregnant or something. I'd have to cause a stir, right then and there. I'd gather all of my most feminist theatre friends and we'd write letters and call journalists and make a huge scene. And Sal would fight for me, I know he would. But those producers, man, damn, they can be tough. I love the ridiculous stories I come up with in my head when I feel sick. The world is against Essie and she's gonna take it down.

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 8 Pregnancy Journal

7/20/16 I'm trying to keep up with this whole journal thing, because for some reason I think it will serve me some day. Like something I could reference if I ever need to. Like that time in college where I played a pregnant woman and I tried to “do research” by sitting in on a Lamaze class. God, that was embarrassing. "Hi, I'm Essie. I'm obviously not pregnant. But I'm doing this play at school where I have to give birth on stage, so I was hoping I could observe a birth, but the hospital staff said people don't really allow for random visitors in their birthing rooms, so, uh, thanks for letting me sit in on this class." I was so young! I had no business playing that role. I had no idea. Not that young women can't have babies - not that they don't. Obviously, I would have had one at 21 if things had been different. But now I feel so much older. Not like I feel much more ready to be a parent, especially since Walter is so steady. But today I just feel... tired. I'm going to take a nap.

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 6 Pregnancy Journal

7/5/16 Finally had an appointment with my OB-GYN, and it's pretty official to the tune of a February 10th due date. Little winter baby. Couldn't see much on that early ultra sound, but there is definitely something cooking in there. I think the news is still sinking in. I mean, it's almost absurd, isn't it? That we try for 6 years and then the minute we accept that it's not happening, I get knocked up. Makes me wonder if we should have made our peace with it sooner. But then I might have missed out on so much, getting involved with Sal's show, etc. Crazy how things work out. Crazy how overnight I go from barren woman to expecting a child. What am I going to do with a little baby? The idea is actually overwhelming me now that it's in motion. And I was kind of excited about the idea of not having to deal with pregnancy weight gain and loss, but now that's a thing. Brooke will love this. Is it just in my head that french fries seem like the best invention ever, or am I actually already experiencing pregnancy cravings? Maybe I'm always just looking for an excuse to eat fried foods.... Maybe I'll book a great pregnant woman role and make some money off this thing. Then I'll save any residuals I get and hire a trainer to lose the weight after. HA! Always thinking.

[goodpilgrimnyc-blog]

Essie: Week 5 Pregnancy Journal

6/27/16 The moment I never really expected has ARRIVED and in full force. Holy S*%&. I’m pregnant! This is my FIRST entry and it’s already week 5... Those five weeks were stressful as-- heck! I feel like I shouldn't be swearing in front of the baby, so I'm editing myself. WTF?! How did this happen? No, I mean, I know. But please, 6 years of unprotected sex with Walter actually trying to have this outcome and nothing. And as soon as we finish all of the paperwork to start the adoption, whoops! Hello! I'm just baffled. Walter is ecstatic. He's like a crazy person. I had to beg him not to tell his mother yet. PLEASE just let us keep it between us two before Regina gets a hold of it and starts knitting things. I just need to live with it for a bit first. The best part, the thing holding me together, is Walter. It’s like he won the lottery. Really, Walter is going to be an amazing father. I'm not sure I'd want to do this with anyone but him.