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[gosetmind]

Published: How to distract your thoughts [AND calm your mind]

I published How to distract your thoughts [AND calm your mind] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

How to distract your thoughts [AND calm your mind]

Everyone has pleasant thoughts or emotional experiences, but there are also some thoughts and emotions that can only make people frustrated or nervous.

When we are nervous, our minds often seem to think about the millions of things at the same time, and the last thing we want is a mess. Therefore, it is important to be able to take a little time to calm down, to be able to see a thing from a holistic perspective, and then learn to put it down.

Here are a few ways to distract your thoughts. We'll first explore why people are entangled in certain thoughts or emotions, and then give you advice on how to solve the problem.

Focus on your current affairs

  Thinking sometimes wanders away from the "backstage" of the brain, so focus it immediately on one of your current thoughts, and realize that there is often more than one thought in the brain - and some of the thinking in the back of the brain is less noticed by the brain. You can say to yourself, "That's how I feel right now.""Or "I'm thinking about it now" so that your mind will focus and you don't continue to wander away. But usually when you really focus on a thought, you can quickly put it down because the brain thoroughly scanned it.

When you appreciate a picture of peace, your brain is easy to calm down and let go of some thoughts, but don't think hard about what you're going to forget.

Look at your thoughts and understand how your thoughts and feelings control you

When we look at some of our thoughts, it's not hard to see that a thought actually has two sides - themes and processes. The process is the activity in which you think or experience emotion.

Sometimes the brain's thought process has no subject, and the brain is in an irrational and wild state of consciousness. This is because when a person feels physical pain, the brain feels afraid. It activates protective mechanisms, and uses an idea to appease or distract itself. If you look at your brain in a way that looks at the machine, you'll find that the brain is simply just casually grasping an idea as the subject of one's own thinking.

The idea of having a theme is often more obvious, and you may feel angry, worried, or feel other things about what you think, which is often repeated many times and is tightly centered around a topic.

Being kind to yourself, gives your brain a positive hint that it's good to let go of unpleasant thoughts.

Realize that self-blame is useless

If you blame yourself for the subject matter of certain thoughts, the problem becomes even more difficult. For example, you may be wondering how much you hate someone and immediately feel guilty or angry about your thoughts.

In fact, letting go doesn't mean you're going to distinguish right from wrong, it's not about you tell right from wrong. Don't feel that frustration, worry, hatred and anger are wrong, and don't feel that these emotions shouldn't exist and shouldn't affect us, otherwise, once you start blaming yourself, more problems will arise. There will be a root in your mind. The deep cause-and-effect process is built and will become more difficult to control in the future.

Accepting your thoughts and emotions is the first step in letting them go, and self-blame is often the beginning of more problems. Self-blame makes your brain impose a series of unrelated thoughts and emotions on you. Keep in mind that all the tools I use to manipulate come from the brain, so the brain manipulates the body much more than we think. Some parts of the brain sometimes sink. Obsessed with things that cannot be self-indulgent, and thus indulge our desires, so that we are enslaved by desires. In general, the driving force behind all our thoughts and emotions is desire. 

Think about how you're related to these thoughts and emotions

The mind runs by habit, so even when you think you've forgotten a thought or emotion, they still bounce back. It's time to make up your mind to let go again. Not only to stop this series of thoughts from resurgent, but also to prevent them from entangled in newly formed thoughts or emotions.

The difficulty lies in the central problem: we must radically alienated the brain from thought themes and processes about thoughts or emotions. If we realize that this thought theme and process is not good for our lives today, then the problem can be solved. However, we do not want to ignore the themes and processes of some thoughts and don't think they're going to increase our stress because we want to figure out what this thought means (that is, when we have anger, anxiety, and so on, we want to figure out who we're thinking about, where we have it, what it means, and why we think about it).

This desire to "find out" is even stronger than the desire to put it down, in which case it becomes more difficult to put it down when it is overcome by another stronger desire. If you're just tangled up because you want to tangle, you'll be in a paradoxical situation if you don't pay attention (on the one hand, you want to put it down. On the other hand, you want to figure out what your thoughts and emotions mean). At this point, although the brain is suspected of getting out of control, in fact, your brain is still in control of the mind, so you can use this self-struggle to distract yourself. In the face of the powerful thinking of "I want to figure it out", you have to say to yourself, "Okay, it's time to put it down" all the way to your heart. The desire to put down is stronger than the desire to continue to tangle.

Another problem is that emotions are often seen as part of the self. We are usually reluctant to admit that it is we who sometimes make us feel pain and sorrow. It has long been taught that "all" emotions are precious and part of who we are. But what we don't know is that there are emotions that don't cause tension, but.There are also emotions that cause tension. The explanation is clear: you need to spend enough time looking at your thoughts and emotions without any self-blame, and then decide whether they are worth cherishing or better to put them down.

Thoughts distraction in practice

  If you have a thought around a topic that you want to forget about, try these experiments:

1. Try not to think of a polar bear, or more surprisingly, a coffee-drinking purple flamingo with dots. The experiment is very old, but it can effectively demonstrate the power of thinking. And as a result of this experiment, the harder you try not to think about polar bears, the more you struggle with polar bears' thoughts. As with the sign of an unpleasant thought, you need to tighten your nerves when you do so, and the subject you want to forget is the subject of your best efforts. So the harder you try to avoid polar bears, the more distinctive the polar bear's image becomes.

2. It's like you want to put down a pen.

To put down this pen, you must first take it.

You keep thinking about putting down the pen, you have to hold it all the time.

Logically, if you still hold the pen, but keep the thought of "put it down" in your heart, you can't put it down.

The more you focus on "I'm going to put this pen down," the more you can't put it down.

Don't deliberately struggle with certain thoughts and emotions so you can let go

The above-mentioned truth also applies in thinking. The more desperate we try to put aside a thought, the more we will focus on that thought and the more tension and stress we will put on the brain. The more we respond to the protective effects of an attack, and the more we can't let go. To break out of this vicious circle, learn to relax. Release your hand, the pen will fall off on its own; relax your brain, and unpleasant thoughts will disappear automatically. If you've tried desperately to forget one thing before, this reaction to self-struggle and self-protection may already be ingrained in your brain, and you'll need a little time to break the inertia.

That's what the brain is all about. When we are entangled in thoughts and emotions and desperately trying to destroy them, they are relying on no place to go and firmly stay in our minds. Only when we relax can we really distract our thoughts and put it down.

Techniques to deal with thoughts and emotions

There are many ways to deal with recurring annoying thoughts and emotions, and here are some examples for you to refer to:

1. Is there a book, a movie, or something you've seen or done so many times that you're tired of it? If so, think of those ideas as movies until you get tired of them, so you can easily put them down.

2. If you can't put it down, manipulate it. Play it back in your head, twist it, change it, and eventually you'll find that you're the one who's leading it. Although a softer idea replaces an unpleasant one is only a temporary one, it is also effective. Forget when you twist an idea to an acceptable level.It's easier.

3. Clear measurement standard. There are two benefits to a clear measurement: one is that you can detect it quickly when something unpleasant happens, and the other is that it can provide you with a way out of negative thoughts and emotions.

4. If you're entangled in an emotion, ask yourself, "Is it good for me," or "Is it helping me," or "I don't want that emotion." If you find this emotion to be of little benefit, then realizing it can support you overcome it, get rid of it, and regain your self-confidence.

5. Practice meditation. Meditation can help you focus on your current affairs, which can help you move away from the controls that haunt your thoughts and emotions.

6. Imagination. If you're a busy person, imagination will work for you. Here's an example:

Imagine a beautiful, empty, flower-filled wilderness or other pleasant scenery. Explore inside and enjoy the blue sky and fresh air. Then imagine a city uprooted in this wilderness, with tall buildings, streets and cars everywhere. Now, let the city disappear and return to the empty, beautiful wilderness.

The picture you imagine has the following meaning: the field represents our brain. It turned out to be empty as well as calm. But rising cities are like the thoughts and emotions we force to add. With the passage of time, we slowly adapted to the city's noisy existence and forget the once foot of the wilderness, but that piece of calm never left. And when you put those thoughts and emotions down, the high-rise buildings on the field disappeared, and the calm and serene wilderness came back. You know, unpleasant thoughts and emotions are just tall buildings built on calm fields, and you can destroy them at any time and embrace the land of happiness and serenity. Accept your negative thoughts and feelings and let go.

How can i calm my mind

  To calm the impetuous mind, you don't necessarily need to do long-term body-building events to cultivate, master some tips about emotions, soothing impetuousness is a very simple thing.

1. Comfort Object

Winnicott has proposed a concept called "transitional object", which represents the transitional object, often a blanket, an old dress, a soft doll, or some repetitive action, the real transition object refers to something between the mother and the external object.

The transitional object exists in the transition phase of the baby from the perception that he or she is the one with the mother with the perception that he or she is separated from the mother.

Transition object is the mother's substitute, often with the mother's soft, touching, intimate characteristics, can help the baby to fight anxiety, loneliness, is the carrier of the baby's sense of security and dependence.

So when we feel impetuous, we can choose to stroke some soft dolls, which can help us experience the feeling of peace of mind, soothe our impetuous mood, as if back to the mother's warm embrace.

In addition, when touching soft things, our body secretes endocrine and oxytocin. These hormones are hormones that make people feel calm and content.

We also secrete these hormones when we embrace the people we like.

If you want to fight impetuousness, you have to grasp the characteristics of what we like about softness.

2. Cold

People's mood will be affected by the weather. On cloudy days, many people will feel unhappy. On sunny days, many people will feel happy. This phenomenon may be related to the amount of sunlight caused by the body secreted pineal hormones difference.

In addition to the short weather will affect people's mood, there are also continuous seasons can also affect people's mood, psychologically known as seasonal psychological disorders.

In late spring and early summer people are more likely to develop mania until the end of autumn, and in late autumn and early winter people are more likely to develop depressive emotions until the end of late spring and early summer.

Seasonal psychological disorders are often related to physiological rhythm disorders and endocrine disorders that occur with seasonal changes.

This can be artificially manipulated, for example, in a cold winter, order a glass of iced drink will make our hearts feel cold.

When we feel impetuous, we can try to drink some cold drinks, or take a bath to change our physiological feelings, and then change the impetuous psychological feelings.

3. Sort things out

Impulsiveness is divided into two situations. The first is impetuous mood, which relates to the cycle of emotions; the second is impetuous because of specific things. These two kinds of impetuousness cannot be solved in the same way.

When we feel impetuous because of something specific, such as debt, it makes a person impetuous, we cannot escape the problem, but to sort things out, especially in an interesting way.

Debt only gives one person a part of the trouble, and the other trouble comes from the fact that he doesn't know as much about it as he thought he did, and he doesn't know the details of his specific debt.

Therefore, the person can try to draw the date of the debt, the amount, the repayment plan, as well as his every consumption situation.

In doing so, he would be very interested in his bills and would have a sense of identity with them.

This method can also be used for other specific things, and the specific things can be sorted out in an interesting and detailed manner.

4. Immersive experience

Impetuousness is a mentality that doesn't want to know things, it's like a white bear in the white bear effect, it's a compulsive concept.

When we deal with impetuousness, we can choose between two methods.

The first is to do some mechanical action.

For example, staring at your own clothes, and then constantly meditated on the heart of this dress is good-looking, or keep playing with their fingers, so that we can concentrate, naturally indulge in things, also remove impetuousness.

The second way is not to do mechanical action, but to do activities that will allow us to experience an immersive, such as playing games, listening to music, etc.

Try choosing songs with light rhythms, or you can choose songs with soothing rhythms that often change people's moods, whether high or low, to help calm your mind.

Conclusion

Practice makes perfect. If you practice more, the more negative thoughts and emotions will be distracted. Remember, inner thoughts and emotions are like the weather, they come and go, like clouds and snow, and you are the day.

It's helpful to know your brain, you just have to relax and take a little time to take a good look at your thinking activities and how they react to the outside world. You want a scientist who observes new species to be as meticulous about the brain's habits.

If you need, you should talk to a psychological consultant and don't worry about looking for help because it is good for your mental health.

It's easy to indulge in pleasant emotions, but these emotions come and go, and we can't expect to have them forever, but you can use them as a measure to identify your thoughts and emotions and calm yourself down.

[gosetmind]

Published: 100 things to be grateful for (that you often forget)

I published 100 things to be grateful for (that you often forget) on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Published: How to focus on what you can control [5 Case Studies to learn from]

I published How to focus on what you can control [5 Case Studies to learn from] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Published: How to say no without hurting someone feelings [WITHOUT being rude]

I published How to say no without hurting someone feelings [WITHOUT being rude] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Published: How to say no without hurting someone feelings [WITHOUT being rude]

I published How to say no without hurting someone feelings [WITHOUT being rude] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Published: How to use subconscious mind to solve problems [WITH example]

I published How to use subconscious mind to solve problems [WITH example] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

How to say no without hurting someone feelings [WITHOUT being rude]

In life, "Say No" is a familiar scene.

Sometimes you will feel guilty to refuse others: colleagues ask you for a favor, but you don't have time; acquaintances ask you to do something, but you can't do it; lovers ask you to spend anniversaries with her in the midst of a busy time, but you really don't have time...

Sometimes, you will also be politely rejected by others: the interview did not success, friends did not do what you requested, lovers euphemistically declined your kindness...

You see, if you want to be in the upper reaches of interpersonal relationships, not only you have to learn to say no, but also have to learn how to say no without hurting someone's feelings.

Today, we will help you deal with these "rejections".

How to say no to your boss and colleagues?

  1. A good way to say no is to "say it at the beginning". In the workplace you will inevitably encounter this situation, colleagues ask: Can you help with a task? Many people are embarrassed to refuse at first. On the use of procrastination strategy, and so on. In the end, say that they don't have enough time or their ability is not enough to help. This is actually the worst way to say no. I suggest that if you don't want to help, you should reject directly from the start. It saves both sides time.

2. How do you say no without hurting someone's feelings? You can divide rejection into three parts. Expressing your desire to help at the beginning and end, but explaining the reasons you can't help in the middle part. For example, when answering a colleague's request to work overtime over the weekend. You can say, "You can think of me at this time, which means you really treat me as a friend.I'm glad to be your friend. But I've decided to visit my girlfriend's parents at home this weekend. Otherwise, I'd really like to share your workload"

3. Another euphemistic rejection is to offer an alternative. For example, colleagues ask you to assist to build an Excel spreadsheet when you are very busy. You may wish to help him introduce other people who can solve this difficult problem. If you do not want to use their own contacts, you can also give him help in other ways, such as to give him some reference cases or operation tutorials and so on.

4. But if you've made your actual difficulties clear, and the other person still persist in asking for your help, and you don't want to turn your face off, you can give him an "unacceptable solution." You can say to him, "That way, I can help you with this, but the work I've got is going to be affected. Can you explain to the manager for me about it?" If the other side listens, they won't stick to it."

How to say no to friends and family that are close to you?

Saying "no" to someone in the workplace may not be difficult, but saying "no" to someone close to you is a real headache. Because sometimes, we do not agree with each other's request. But after the rejection, the other side is difficult to accept. They will think "it's all for your own good, why don't you listen to it" or "If you do not agree with the words, then break up it". Using this kind of expression to force you compromise. Occasionally, once or twice is ok. But if this is the case in life for a long time, be alert to the emergence of "emotional blackmail".

Say no to Emotional blackmail

How do you distinguish between normal requests and emotional blackmail? In short, normal requests are equal, one side of the relationship wants the other to make a change, and emotional blackmail is unequal, one party wants to control the other, and the two parties in the relationship are a relationship of command and obedience.

So how do you say not to emotional blackmail?

The first step is to make a psychological change and tell yourself, "I'm not afraid of the consequences of rejection, I'm stronger than I thought I would be." The next time you face the other person's request, the first step is to "stop" and don't respond immediately, whether you want to say yes or not. Tell the other person, "It's important, I need to think about it." Give yourself time to think carefully.

The second step is to "calmly observe" and see if the other party's request is reasonable and decide whether to agree. If the other person's request is reasonable, but the way it is expressed makes you uncomfortable, make it clear that you don't like the way he speaks, and then conditionally agree. If you don't want to say yes, be prepared not to budge before you reply.

The third step is to express your true thoughts to the other person. Give you a trick to "turn enemies into friends", such as the wife is always anxious because you of your work trip, you can say: "I have to go for a work trip for a few days. Before you get angry, can you tell me why you are so nervous about that?" "It shows both your determination to go and your determination to care about your partner's feeling. Taking her feelings into account, you are successful in transforming the two sides from opposing states to negotiating states.

What to do when others "say no" to you?

You will fell guilty to "say no" to others, and it's just as uncomfortable to be "say no" by others. Have you ever felt sad or even in a situation where you can't cheer up after being rejected? After being rejected, you may keep wondering what you've done wrong. If you want to reduce the negative impact, you first need to understand that a lot of times it's not really your problem and you need to jump out of a state of self-criticism in time. You might as well try the following three methods.

1. List all self-criticism ideas and counter them in a targeted way. For example, if you feel that you have been rejected by your co-workers, you have a negative thought - "because of my bad character and poor performance". Don't get caught up in the idea, but think about what can refute it. With a little thought, you'll find that actually "colleagues are not familiar with me enough. They just follow the trend."

Ways to say no

  1. Make a list and find your strengths

To get out of the self-denial mood, you can try to make a written list, write down your strengths, and recall what you've done to confirm them. For example, if you write down "good at listening" and then recall that you listened to your friend all night long when he was down, that's enough. Understand this advantage. Use your real past examples to remind yourself that these advantages are real to rebuild self-confidence.

2. Exercise your tolerance with "desensitive therapy"

There are scenes that rejection can't be avoided, such as interviews or dating. You are afraid of rejection, but you have to do it. And if you want to stop being afraid of rejection, you can repeat the process and "desensit" yourself. For example, you need to find a job, but you're afraid of underperforming in the interview. Then you can set yourself a target - "to interview 10 companies a week". Let oneself get used to the feeling of being rejected in the interviews, and finally no longer fear of rejection and affect your own performance.

  Examples of saying no without being rude

At work and in life, say no to others may be a simple "No, I'm not free" can solve everything, but it can sometimes hurt others. Let go through some examples of what we can say politely during rejection.

1. "It sounds interesting, but I have too much to do now." If you express an objection to something, starting with praise will reduce your psychological defenses and then reject it with a valid reason.

2. "I'm sorry, the last time I did that, it was hard." The key is not to let people know if you want or not, but to let them know that it's hard to do so because no one wants to hurt you on purpose.

3. "I want to do this, but..." Be careful not to explain further why you can't do it, because it gives you a sense of guilt and uncertainty, and the other person may further persuade you to help.

4. "I'm not the best person for the job. Would you like to see if he can?" If you don't think you have that much time and energy, don't go around the corner. You can recommend others for their reference. In this way, you can also help others.

5. "I can't help you with the whole thing, but I can help you share some of it." Choosing a relatively simple, less time-requiring way to help others doesn't hurt others, and you can euphemistically decline requests.

6. "You look great, but it doesn't suit you very well." When someone asks you questions about work, emotions, etc., it's a great way to express your thoughts without hurting other people's feelings.

7. "It sounds great, but then my itinerary is full. I'll get back to you when I'm done." Sometimes you may get an interesting offer, idea, or request, but given your schedule. You don't want to make other commitments. In this case, rather than saying "no" directly, buy the time to think about it and make a decision.

[gosetmind]

Published: Why taking care of yourself is important [AND how to take care]

I published Why taking care of yourself is important [AND how to take care] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

100 things to be grateful for (that you often forget)

Life is never short of beauty and love. It's just that we forget to feel the happiness and to be grateful in the daily stress and repetition.

Life is so beautiful. Here's a list of 100 things to be grateful for. I might add some more when I have more time.

  1.  Life. I am grateful that I have this chance to come to this world and live my life 2.  Growing up fine. There were ups and downs, I am glad I turned out fine. 3.  Families.  My parents and my sisters. They give me unconditional love. They are always there for me. 4.  My husband. He has integrity. He is very patient and loving. He has a kind soul and a mosaic heart. He makes me a better person. 5.  Friends. They make life so much fun and happier. 6.  People who love me and loved me 7.  People I love and loved. They all teach me or taught me something. I am forever grateful. 8.  Good air. Isn't it wonderful to see the crystal clear blue sky and snow white clouds during the day and sparkling stars at night? 9.  Clean running water. I sometimes take it for granted, but really, I can't live without a warm shower in the morning. 10. Sunshine. It always makes my heart sing. 11. Art. As Pablo Picasso says: Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life 12. Good books. You can't open a book without learning something. 13. Knowledge. It helps us realize our ignorance. 14. Great movies. 15. Music. It's like my religion. I can't get enough of it. 16. The internet. Keeping I connected with... A lot of things. 17. Kindness. Even the smallest act or word can make someone's day. 18. Honesty. Yes, truth always wins. This is the best way to keep your life simple and neat. 19. Forgiveness. It is a gift you can give to yourself. 20. Smiles. Best make-up for anyone. 21. Challenges and hardships. They help me find my potentials and make me a stronger person. 22. My pets. Teddy and Sammy... Oh, how much I miss you. 23. Peace. Peace in the world and peace of mind. 24. Love. Who can live without it? 25. Questions. Asking questions or being questioned, great ways to learn. 26. Ability to cry. I am a real softie and I cried on TV shows. What's wrong with that? 27. Laughter and being able to laugh. 28. Nature around me. My plants, the hummingbirds, even the squirrels who eat my fruits. They are simply amazing. 29. Travelling to and living in different countries. 30. Living in California, a truly beautiful place with almost the best weather. 31. Recycling. 32. Ability to learn things fast. 33. Colors. 34. Legs that works fine since I love walking so much. 35. Health Insurance. 36. Health. Health of myself, my family and friends... All my loved ones. 37. Good sleep.  38. Quality time. 39. Memories. 40. Freedom. 41. Good wine. 42. Access to fresh fruit and vegetables. 43. A good cup of tea or coffee... Or hot chocolate. 44. Good food. 45. Photographs. They record wonderful moments. 46. Having nice homes. 47. Curiously, but not being nosy. 48. Respect. 49. My education. 50. Being literate. 51. The ability to dream. 52. Compassion. 53. Being a good listener. 54. Being a good person with a kind heart. 55. My values and core beliefs, and the strength to always honor them. 56. Strength and knowing my weaknesses. 57. All the mistakes that I have made that helped me to grow.      58. The ability of remembering. 59. Being able to speak more than one language.  60. The jobs I have had. I've learned quite a bit. 61. All my audiences from my previous job. All my fans and those who still follow me and comment on my blog. You are always my inspiration. 62. The support and encouragement I've ever received. 63. The freedom to make choices. 64. Thoughts. Isn't it great to have the thoughts of our own?      65. Ordinary miracles. If you have ever read Charlotte's Web, you know what I am talking about. 66. Being able to give. My mom always says that the things you really own are the things that you give to people. I truly believe it. 67. Being able to make a difference a little at a time in my own humble way. 68. Apologies. It always makes things right. 69. Passion. It is the best motivation. It makes you so alive. Being passionate about something or someone feels wonderful.      70. Beautiful clothes. Gorgeous jewelry. 71. Comfortable bras and shoes and yoga pants. 72. Entertainers that enrich my life and offer me great options to spend my time. 73. More and more organic and environmental-friendly products that I can get from the market. 74. All the comfort, pleasure and joy in my life. 75. An open mind that can appreciate multiple cultures. 76. Seasons. I used to have preferences. Now I love them all.      77. Patience. My husband has great patience which makes me realize how important it is. I need to work on mine. 78. Time. 79. Being able to have my privacy. 80. People who fight for public well-being. People who stand up or work for raising awareness of many social issues. 81. People who dedicate their time and hard work to true craftsmanship. 82. Great innovation and new technologies that change the world and makes our lives more exciting. 83. Modern Medicine and Chinese traditional medicine. 84. Having a nice garden I can work on. 85. Change. I was once afraid of them. Through the years, I've learned they are the doors to more possibilities. 86. Opinions. It is great to hear opinions and also share mine with others. 87. Fine little details that contains immense care and concerns. 88. Having a nice dentist. 89. Safety around me. Safety in the city. Safety in the neighborhood. This is a privilege, not everyone can enjoy. 90. Safe takeoffs and landings. 91. The airbags in the automobiles. 92. The seat warmers in the car. 93. The GPS system. 94. Gifts. 95. Compliments. 96. Making peace with myself for not being perfect and keeping the drive to be a better person every day. 97. Not being judged, but being accepted for who I am. 98. Being alive at this great moment of human history-just to witness and hopefully participate. 99. I am thankful you take your precious time to read this far. 100. I am thankful that this world hasn't come to an end... 

    It's your turn now. What things are you grateful for or thankful for in life?

[gosetmind]

How to focus on what you can control [5 Case Studies to learn from]

We have to develop the habit of thinking and learn to appeal to the heart.

Ask ourselves:

What are the things I can control?

What qualifications do I have to deal with these problems?

Should I be patience? Should I persist? Or should I take the courage to say "no"?

Each of us has this qualification or strength in our hearts. It's just that you need to find them and keep using them until you become good habits.

The principle of Stoicism

  It means that in life, there are things you can control, there are things you can't control, and you should focus only on what you can control.

Epictetus, a philosopher, stated that all external events are beyond our control; we should accept calmly and dispassionately whatever happens. However, individuals are responsible for their own actions, which they can examine and control through rigorous self-discipline.

Focus on what you can control - 4 case studies

First case study

There is a boy, whose appearance and background are all average. He is also not tall.

His parents were always worried about his marriage and introduced him to the girl everywhere.

By dating, no fewer than twenty or thirty girls were interviewed, and none of them could move into a further relationship with him.

He complained that the girls were too realistic and talked about material conditions as soon as they met.

He often said: If I am handsome and have money, why should I choose you?

With such a state of mind to find a partner, the possibility for him to find one is low.

It's very sad to have such mentality.

He was not aware of his problems.

If you want to catch up with a girl. You should try to show their best side, of course, but also perseverance, with your sincerity to impress others.

As for what others are like, we can't control it. The only thing you can do is show your gentlemanly side.

It's all about doing your best and listening to your destiny.

In other words, focus on the things that you can control.

The picture is from the network.

Second case study

Someone is looking for a job. He sees several people who are competing for the same position during the interview.

He asked others about their education and work experience

He often never hears anything back after the interview.

After a long time, he felt anxious and angry.

  He complain about this society is too realistic. People only look at education, only see who will brag.

In simple words, it's not fair to him. Good luck is for others to take over.

Everyone came into this world, from the moment of birth has been doomed to injustice.

And all you can do is to find your own world in this unfair world.

There are many reasons for the failure of the interview, perhaps limited quota, merit-based admission, or HR and you are at a different level, or someone else is better than your expression.

But for whatever reason, failure is failure.

A bad result should make you aware of your problems - review, correct and strive for the next success.

It's the only thing you do that can have a little impact on the outcome, and nothing else you can control.

Third case study

In University, there is an elective course that most of the students need to re-test or re-do the subject a few times before passing the subject.

The students who have re-tested or re-done three or four times, mentioned that they are scared of this subject.

Once the counselor said in class: some people in the class elective courses, the same test papers have been done four or five times still fail. What are they thinking? They have done so many times. Why is it so difficult to pass the exam? It's even more ridiculous to have someone to take the exam on behalf of others.

The teacher told me about the situation and I thought it was incredible...

This negative attitude is also doomed to the results of less than satisfactory.

It could be a bad luck in the first trial. It could be also a back luck in the second trial.

If the same student has done the same test paper for 3 or 4 times still failed, then it's his problem.

And some students even scolded the teacher deliberately embarrassed themselves and want to get the tuition fees back.

This mentality not only does not help, but also limits their own development.

If you can objectively realize that they failed the exam because there is no review. As long as they make a serious preparation in the next exam, the results will often be different.

Again, focus on what you can control.

Forth case study

A Relative's child is starting high school. He is not a big guy but his temper is not good. He often argues with his parents.

Originally the child's academic performance was good. But the results plummeted when he gets older, the two generations of quarrels become more frequent.

Parents think that he should focus on the study in his age. Interests and hobbies are nonsense.

And because he joined the school team's football club. Every day after school, he plays football. Sometimes he doesn't eat go home. That makes this parents to worry.

They both feel that the other side does not understand themselves.

Especially the parents ask him to study during Winter and Summer holidays.

Even so, his grades still don't go up. Learning became a painful thing, and football became all he had.

His parents sighed all day long, and he didn't want to stay at home.

Then someone came up with an idea for the parents: he wanted to play football and you let him play, but only if the grades were in the top twenty or thirty (his previous average).

As long as he can reach or improve, he will be free for the Winter and Summer holidays.

From then on his parents rarely care about him. After a semester, he really can play hard and study hard.

How many parents worry about their children's grades all day long, and if they can figure out what is manageable and what cannot be changed. Treat the problem objectively and focus only on the parts they can control. The results are often better than expected.

Firth case study

A colleague's new phone was stolen in less than a week, but it took months to talk.

It's a thousand of dollars, what else can you buy?

But there is a kind of intelligent person, whether it is the loss of money, or encounter misfortune, they can stay calm, rarely worry about the mistakes in the past.

The principle of Stoicism allows us to face the small things calmly. In the face of big things, things don't change.

Because, even if you are a strong person, you can only focus on the part they can control.

Remember: good things can only be found in the things you can control.

[gosetmind]

How to use subconscious mind to solve problems [WITH example]

When people are in special situations, such as at training sessions, many people subconsciously open the door. All kinds of desires and emotions are mobilized, and you will make the usual incredible decisions. At this time, the subconscious mind will directly make a judgment completely without the conscious reasoning and argument.

The subconscious mind responds quickly to information. It has its own rules of operation. When the subconscious energy is stimulated, all the actions of our consciousness in the outside world become rapid and powerful.

What is subconscious mind?

  Subconscious mind is the process of psychological activity that has occurred but has not reached the state of consciousness, and together with the explicit consciousness, it constitutes all the psychological activities and the cognitive activities of human beings. They determine two different, but interactions, patterns of behavior.

There is a phenomenon among people with perennial driving experience who think while driving, but that doesn't make them drive safely, and in fact they don't realize they're driving, and that's how the subconscious works. It's subconscious to see a woman knitting a sweater in her hand, or doing something in hand, and communicating with you smoothly commanded.

Our subconscious helps us deal with most of the problems in our work life, and people's athletic skills, whether gymnastics or diving, come from our subconscious.

How to use subconscious mind to solve problems?

Mastering the rules of subconscious operation can help problem solving.

Human inspiration in the field of art, whether painting, sculpture, music and so on, will only be found in the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is the source of all creativity.

A proper understanding of the subconscious mind allows us to gain sustained energy to create and renew our ideas and to reverse our poverty and mediocre status quo.

The difficulties of life often come from the lack of self-awareness, do not know their own interests, do not know what is the right concept. And ideas come from the subconscious mind.

The results we get can all come down to the operation of energy. Our inner energy is controlled by thought, and when one's subconscious is mobilized by thought, great energy erupts.

What we want to mobilize is the positive energy in the subconscious, the mind that focuses on all the energies, the most concentrated energy.

What we feel, or make some kind of judgment, the taste, morality, our wisdom, our dreams, is the result of the subconscious that has formed in our past life experiences, which contain all the information we have acquired and affect every aspect of our lives.

We can't control most of our physical functions, but we can be trained to feel and think about the world under the guidance of the subconscious.

Subconscious Healing

Find the source of the behavior projection hidden in the subconscious corner.

The subconscious level of man stores many things, including things that have been forgotten for a long time by the sense of the table, all the patterns of behavior established in childhood, the injuries that have been suffered, and so on. These still exist deep in your heart, and they emerge from time to time and affect your present life, or make you fear, or make you persistent.

Because these things have been accumulated in the body can not be released, many people's subconscious has become a storeroom of negative emotions, memories, energy.

The past of childhood may have long been forgotten by the conscious, but it is still hidden in a hidden corner of our subconscious. Just as there is a black dot in front of the flashlight, as soon as the flashlight is turned on, the black dot casts a shadow to the target ahead. This black dot at the source of the projection can affect your behavior from time to time, even if it often seems irrelevant, and that's how you live.complex and heavy hidden reasons.

One way psychologists treat patients is to show you childhood pasts that have been forgotten by the mind, from the hidden corners of the subconscious. There's nothing scary about letting you see them, it's scary about your childhood cognition, and now you're strong enough to overcome it, let it see the sun and dissolve it. Thus, projected into the current behavior of the species. An abnormal shadow disappears.

Further reading: Mindset is the key to success

4 roles played by the subconscious mind

    The subconscious mind is like a faithful servant who faithfully executes the commands of his master.

The human mind is like a subconscious filter through which only ideas that are important to you can pass through and enter your subconscious.

As a loyal servant, the subconscious does not question whether the instructions you issue are right or wrong, true or false, whether they are moral, ethical, and he will only execute them, not turn.

Subconsciously like a strict judge, he does not speak the face, all in accordance with the provisions of the law, he is protecting you at the same time punish you, the good news is all caused by yourself, he only enforces the judgment.

To get its protection, be sure to enter good, benign terms into your table meaning (the law-setger), which will have amazing results.

The subconscious mind is like a ruthless traitor who hides your inner secret through your unconscious behavior, dreams, drunk words, mouth mistakes, pen errors, self-talk and small movements. There used to be a lot of people who worked as spies who lost their lives because they were subconsciously betrayed.

The subconscious mind is your weather forecaster, able to detect errors in front of time. When I look at the room before I go on a business trip, my eyes fall on something that is certainly needed most on the road, and the subconscious can help people make the right decisions by scanning the environment to assess the possible consequences of taking action.

Some indigenous tribes in Indonesia we're able to predict the arrival of the tsunami, keeping themselves out of danger, while those who encountered the tsunami were unable to flee early. Psychologist Jung points out: "Developed willpower deprives modern people of the ability or means to act instinctively or unconsciously, and Westerners are more likely to reason, even if in some cases they are large."The subconscious in the brain has informed the existence of danger, but the consciousness has corrected itself. "

Subconscious mind example

A 75-year-old widow, hoping to find a marriage partner in her later years, kept saying to herself, "I'm what each other wants, I've married a gentleman and I'm living a happy life." "Soon there was a warm feeling in her heart, and she really felt that she was really in love with each other.

Half a month later, someone introduced her to the landlord of a pharmacy at Crossroads. The old man was kind, considerate and religious. Less than a week into each other's relationship, the 75-year-old woman was given a diamond ring... She accepted the proposal.

This is a story of using the subconscious to realize the dream in your heart.

  Conclusion

Most people's behavior is determined by the reality of the difficulties, which is the obvious consciousness at work. Consciousness functions in the world through our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, and mind. We reason, analyze, identify, and make choices, and thus produce certain ideas, all of which are conscious abilities.

Knowing this, we can use consciousness to guide subconscious activities. It can be understood that the conscious consciousness is the periphery of our consciousness, the subconscious is the deepest part of our consciousness, we are protected by the reason of the conscious consciousness, the conscious can determine the input of information, to avoid the subconscious to accept museum information, affecting our behavior.

Just because the subconscious does not have the ability to reason, is an instinctive response to all the information and ideas previously accepted, once we accept the wrong one-sided idea, the subconscious will come to the wrong conclusion and influence us, and let us make the wrong behavior.

It is very important for the subconscious to enter positive and correct information and ideas, and we rely on our conscious mind to control the subconscious.

After mastering the rules of subconscious operation, as long as we hold positive thinking, we will find another way to solve the life problems we encounter.

[gosetmind]

Published: Why is life without a goal meaningless

I published Why is life without a goal meaningless on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Why taking care of yourself is important [AND how to take care]

Today, we will help you learn why and how to take care of yourself and be the best you can be, so that when you are needed, you can truly be around those who need you.

Have you ever felt that you were being pulled in a million directions until you felt like you had lost your center of gravity, nature, and presence? Everyone wants you to do something for them, and of course you want to help them, and you want to be around them, to be their harbor, or a shoulder to lean on. You know you need to take care of yourself, but you always feel it.It's secondary.

When you help others, the satisfaction you get is undeniable; However, all this comes at a price.

This feeling of emotional or recognition comes with that price. It's like a double-edged sword. You keep giving until you feel exhausted, empty, and never recognize yourself again.

You ask yourself, "How can I feel so empty after doing so many good things?"

You beg your life to be content with all the good things it does, but it still feels hungry. You can't escape this loop because you're stuck in repetition and no one seems to want to click the next button in a short time.

What does it mean to take care of yourself?

That's a very important question, isn't it? The answer to this question either makes you successful or breaks you down, because there is not much difference between self-care and self-centeredness. Taking the wrong step to the wrong side can mean absolute self-destruction. So how do you find that balance? Does this mean making unreasonable decisions at work and giving up?All? No. Does that mean focusing too much on your needs to start creating blind spots for others? And it won't.

To take care of yourself is to realize that you are also important. This means not always ignoring your needs and the things that make you feel good. It can be described as helping others to help themselves first. This means giving priority to your own happiness and satisfaction without infringing on the interests of others.

Let's face it, the people around us always need us - friends, family members, even colleagues - but most importantly, you'll need it yourself. Which one would you prioritize? Shouldn't you be as kind to yourself as you are to the people around you? If you want to live your best life, the answer should be yes.

Common misconceptions about self-care

  Over the years, learning how to take care of yourself has spread among misunderstandings and rumors. Fortunately, these situations are beginning to change as people realize the importance of self-care. Here are some of the most common misconceptions that need to be corrected.

1. It is selfish to put care of yourself first

When we decide to put ourselves first, we often feel guilty. A friendlier, more realistic way to look at the problem is to realize that taking care of yourself will enrich you and allow you to take better care of the people you love. If you're exhausted all the time, you'll be useless. Ask yourself if you're real.Willing to sacrifice your happiness and mental health?

2. People always need your help

When someone else needs you, you're there, which is very different from the way you've been waiting to magically solve everyone's problems. It sounds hard, but you're not a superhero. It is not your responsibility to save everyone. Not to mention that doing so will only deprive those around you with the ability to learn from their experiences. This is unwittingly retented to a toxic relationship that continues to depend on it.

3. Boundaries push people away

There's a rule that what you're attracted to is what you're showing. If you put yourself on standby, or as a rescuer, you'll appeal to those in need. If you don't set the boundaries of how you should be treated, you will be constantly tested and pushed, you will become living for others, and your life will no longer seem to be your own.It's gone. People will always challenge your limits and sometimes take advantage of your seemingly kind nature. For this reason, boundaries are necessary, yes, and healthy.

4. It's not good to expect a return

Although you are willing to believe that your actions are completely selfless and you do not expect anything in return, we often feel dissatisfied when our actions are not rewarded. It may be easy to blame others, but you must realize that it is your responsibility to take care of yourself, and while some people may take advantage of you, you need to understand when you should limit yourself and keep some love for self.

5. Your values are based on other people's opinions

First of all, it all comes down to putting your value in what others think or desire of you. It's all about our self-esteem and self-confidence, so be sure to say no when things need to be done. Realize that if you are loved, you will always be loved for who you are, not for what you can offer.

Why is it important to take care of yourself?

So, are you still wondering if it's important to take care of yourself? It's time to put aside the guilt, because its effects are magical and the results are enough to change lives.

1. Increase productivity

Practicing self care can help you focus on what really matters to you. Priorities allow you to focus on what's most important to you.

Have you ever dreamed of traveling, you always want to go, but you never seem to have time to travel? Putting yourself first can help you reduce unnecessary obstacles and delays in desire and goals.

2. Improve your health

In biology, there are two main types of reflexes: cross-sensing and side-sensing neuro-reflection. A sense of communication is our response to an emergency, also known as a combat or flight response. Studies have shown that persistent stress problems can prompt the body to respond to feelings. This reaction is achieved by releasing certain hormones in the body, such as epinephrine. These hormones in the fluid dilate blood vessels, raise high blood pressure, put overall pressure on the body, and weaken the immune system.

On the other hand, taking sedatives and relaxing triggers the opposite reaction, a side-sensing neuroreactive reaction that relaxes you, refreshes you, and is strong enough to fight disease such as heart disease and improve the health of your immune system.

Once you've learned how to let go of other people's problems, you'll find that you rarely use emotional response behavior, which is good for your physical and mental health.

3. Higher self-esteem

When you regularly take time out to do what you want to do, it sends a positive message to your brain and releases endorphins to boost your sense of self-worth and self-confidence. In addition, it will let you discover your value and realize your passion. So it's time to recall your thoughts and rediscover yourself.

How to take care of yourself

  There are many different ways to take care of yourself, and the key is to find the way you connect with it and the one that best fits your schedule. It also depends on where you need it in your life.

1. Emotional self-care

This includes accurately expressing your emotions. When it comes to your emotional health, the best way is to put your emotions out there and avoid unnecessary depression. You may not be able to suppress your emotions, but healthy choices should include accepting and dealing with them. Remember, although you can't control your emotions, you can control how they are.affect you.

Emotional self care tips:

See a psychologist. While this is optional, it can be a great way to express your feelings and know what you want and need.

Remembering good memories often will keep you in a positive frame of mind.

Write an emotional diary

Never be afraid to cry, if you need help, ask for help.

Music is considered the food of the soul, and studies have shown that singing your favorite songs can greatly improve your mood.

2. Physical self-care

The benefits of self-care are not limited to our thoughts, they extend to our bodies. It can undoubtedly improve your health. Even simple less worry can multiply your immune system.

Physical self care tips:

Practicing yoga can improve your mental state and increase muscle tension and flexibility.

Learn a new exercise to activate endorphin release.

Take a walk and feel the surrounding scenery and atmosphere.

A healthy diet balances your hormones and gives your body everything it needs to keep you energized.

Make sure you get at least 7-9 hours of sleep, as this improves brain function and productivity.

3. All kinds of self-care skills

Occasionally spend some time with your friends and get in touch. This promotes more satisfying and meaningful relationships that improve your overall mood.

Don't be afraid to turn down an invitation you're too exhausted to enjoy. Give yourself some real "self" time if you need it.

Meditation is always helpful. It also emphasizes what you appreciate because it helps you see things correctly and helps you appreciate the good things that life has to offer.

Learning how to take care of yourself can be the hardest decision you've ever made. However, in the long run, this is also the best decision because it will make you the best you can be and achieve the goals you have been waiting for. Don't hesitate to take good care of yourself from today!

[gosetmind]

Published: Discover Your Potential [WHAT is and HOW to]

I published Discover Your Potential [WHAT is and HOW to] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Published: What Makes An Effective Leader [6 SOLID characteristics]

I published What Makes An Effective Leader [6 SOLID characteristics] on Medium.

[gosetmind]

Why is life without a goal meaningless

Every inspirational speaker preaches the importance of life goals. They'll tell you that life without goals is definitely not the right path.

No one is wrong about that. In fact, it's 100% correct. But it's not easy when you're trying to find motivation to pursue a long term goal. To change the way you live and think, you need to take a step out of a life without goals.

Nothing hurts your motivation more than not aiming in life!

Here are 7 basic reasons why they will give you enough motivation to find your life goals, because life without goals affects you more than you think!

1. Life without goals has no meaning

Have you ever been afraid to live a dead life? If so, you probably don't know how painful it is to exist.

Imagine not waking up every morning or sleeping at night. No desire to work, no excitement to enjoy, no friends to accompany, no reason to continue living. The brain is blank and I don't want anything. Lack of emotion - negative and positive. There's nothing to look forward to.

Obviously it's a frustrating life. But that's how it feels when you don't have a purpose in life.

Lack of purpose means lack of purpose. This means that nothing will take you to a fictional final destination. You find yourself nowhere to go, you find yourself in pain on the road, and you don't even like the route at all.

Why do you have to travel your life like this?

However, even if you have goals, they can be casual. One goal contradicts the other. You're wandering around with no sense of direction at all. Life without goals is as meaningless as it is now.

However, once you figure out why you're alive, you'll have an idea of the bigger results you're looking forward to. Each step becomes meaningful. Your journey is no longer goal-free roaming. On the contrary, even walking can be enjoyable because you know they will take you where you should go.

2. You will be filled with anxiety

    Do you find yourself in a cycle of anxiety? Most likely it's because you lack goals.

Life without purpose is meaningless. Everything you do in life has nothing to do with you. Because nothing seems coherent, your brain can't understand why it's all happening.

Anxiety can be triggered when a person's brain thinks his life is in danger. So, in a life without a sense of purpose, your brain can turn this lack of connection into a threat to your life. Anything that looks uncomfortable to your brain automatically becomes dangerous.

On the contrary, if your mind can connect your actions to a coherent purpose, then everything will become more meaningful. As a result, you will feel calmer and less anxious. Your mind is relaxed, too, because the path to the ultimate goal is no longer meaningless.

2. Power is a long-term dream

Almost everyone who wants to succeed needs a lot of motivation.

More clearly, from the point of view that you have a clear goal for life. You will believe in what life brings you. So what does it do? It makes your brain work harder. Every step of the way makes you feel closer to your final destination. This will naturally encourage you to perform better.

You can't measure your achievements without goals. Because you don't know what it's going to cause, you think it's pointless. But when you are clear about the expected outcome, the smallest progress can also be a booster of power.

You can try all the motivational methods, but the most effective way is to find your life goal and live according to it.

4. Lack of concentration can hinder your growth

Every field, career, part of life, and relationships need to grow. Life is summoned for progress - at least your intelligence and knowledge are growing.

Where does this growth come from? You can get the best source of knowledge. However, unless your brain is absorbing information, you won't learn anything. Similarly, if you can concentrate, you can even learn something valuable from the least important things.

Fundamentally, the way to do this is that your goals in life will make you work in one direction. You can take a few turns here or there, but the final output is known. Therefore, all your efforts are to achieve your goals in life.

This focus is unable to be achieved in any other way. With goals, you can choose your career path, choose the people around you, choose relationships, choose friends, choose your living space, and even choose your daily commute. So wherever you go, your attention won't be disturbed. Because the ultimate goal in your heart is the same.

Focus on the right things and you can easily overcome these little troubles. Important things are always within your attention, no matter how small they are. So, in general, it's much easier for someone with a clear life goal to do a good job, work harder, and be more effective.

5. Life without goals seems unlikely to succeed

  So far, everything you read is directly related to your success or failure. So mental calm, motivation, and concentration are important to the success of any part of your life. But there's more.

Even if you don't have a goal in life, you may have a vision in mind. You can even focus yourself as much as you think it's right for you.

From this example:

You set off for Shanghai, but you went the wrong way. You'll see a narrow road, it's too dark to see the surroundings, but you keep going. Your car is broken and there is no repair station nearby. However, you will still try to push your car. You can really go further, but you'll never get to Shanghai.

So if you don't know what your life goals are, no matter how hard you work, it's useless. But if you know the right path, you don't even need to work half the effort to get the result you want.

6. Affects physical health

It's not just your mental health that affects life without goals. It can also affect your health.

First, your mental stress automatically translates into your body. Constant stress can lead to hair loss, acne, weight loss, weight gain, and so on. But it could also have more serious consequences.

Studies have shown that people who set a clear goal in life live longer than those who continue to live a goal-less life. People who have defined their life goals can endure more pain and have a lower risk of heart disease.

More surprisingly, people who lived without goals were 2.4 times more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease.

The reason may be that people who have no goals in life lose hope and have no expectations. Therefore, psychology can affect their physical health. Anyway, if a clear life goal can help you avoid all this trouble, why don't you have one?

7. Nothing in life is pleasant

Social inclusion is an important part of a person's life goal. People who have no goals in life tend to be more lonely. Even if they go to social gatherings, they are less likely to enjoy them.

Because these people don't have clear thinking, they just can't enjoy the interesting things around them. Their brains can't understand emotions. This does not necessarily mean that their environment is not good enough. The same environment and people are pleasant to a spiritually satisfied person.

Conclusion

Each of these reasons proved to be the result of a life without purpose. Every cause leads to a chaotic lifestyle. No one would have wanted to live like this on purpose.

We can only live in this world for a short time. So instead of wasting time living a life without goals, start trying to improve your life.

Getting out of this painful life is in your hands. Go through these troubles and short-term struggles and live a valuable life!