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I HATE summer!!

being hot makes me feel so fat and i look more puffy 😖

Also summer clothes makes me want to die

why can’t i just wear a hoodie and tights all year round 😪

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24.08.22

11am get up

Koffee and a chia pudding (173 calories)

1:40pm lunch at the canteen (719 calories????)

They don't have the calories listet anywhere so I just have to guess and I'm pretty bad at it

3pm monster energy (15 calories)

And clean my oven

.......

Ok I don't even know what I did today but calories was 1400 or so because I'm a fat pig

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23.08.22

10am get up

Weight: 61.3kg. Can't be right. I hate my broken scale

11am run errands

12 breakfast (394 calories) bc of a stupid ham croissant... Ugh I really have to plan my meals a day prior....

And today my boyfriend also wanted to go to our canteen.

So no dinner for me and a big workout bc I really need to get back on track

13:30 lunch at the canteen (675 calories??? I REALLY DON'T KNOW. AAAAH) ... Ugh I really shouldn't have eaten breakfast.

No more food for me today

10pm was snacking again..... So many more calories......

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22.08.22

2pm wake up

Nooooooo

3:30 lunch: scrambled eggs with onion and tomato (261 calories)

7:30 dinner (546 calories) WHY DO NOODLES HAVE SO MANY CALORIES

And yes, did nothing between lunch and dinner....again

Also had a bowl of chips afterwards bc I'm a dumb bitsch

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20.08.22

12:30 wake up

How???? I even went to bed before 12. And the last few days I woke up super early. I'm so disappointed in myself.....

Weight: 61,3kg

Breakfast: a piece of the pumpkin pie I baked (312 calories??) and coffee

3pm geocaching

7pm go to a birthday party

Oh my god I love but hate alcohol. I consumed so fucking many calories. I hate myself right now

(1400 calories) wtffff???????

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19.08.22

1242 calories??????

Aaaaah I don't know. I'm freaking out and I hate it and I hate me.

Why can't I restrict when I'm working. DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

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18.08.22

1178 calories???

I couldn't track a thing bc nothing was made by me alone. I'm so freaking out.

And every time when I can't track every crump I eat I feel like it's out of control and it doesn't matter if I eat much more....

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17.08.22

7am get up

Weight: so I'm eather 62,7 kg or 61,3 kg?????????? I HATE THIS SCALE SO MUCH

But I'm a bit proud of myself. Got out of bed with ease. But didn't sleep well. And now I'm mad at myself for always sleeping till 2pm, like obviously I can do it???

Oh man. This day is gonna be really exhausting for my mind

6pm come home and eat way too much

I didn't even bother to count the calories bc it's so frustrating

8-12pm fucking fell asleep. Aaaaaaah this day is shit

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16.08.22

11am get up

Weight: 61,4kg can't be

1:30pm breakfast/lunch after showering (242 calories)

4:30pm Half of a little and fucking fluffy asian cheesecake I bought; and a mini mochi(127 calories)

8pm cleaned my flat till now

Ugh I always make a plan for the day but I never follow it and if I follow it things take longer than I planned even when I plan enough time. It's so frustrating. I always feel like I never get anything done

8:30pm dinner (254 calories)

9:30pm instant noodles bc I was still super hungry and I have to work all day tomorrow and was super weak today (142 calories)

I know, boring excuses. Just a fat pig

Felt horrible to make me something more to eat when my boyfriend was super happy with dinner.....

Still feel at least good about my calories today (but I unreasonably feel/fear like I consumed more than I logged????)

Anyone else??

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15.08.22

1pm get up.....

Weight: 61,4kg

I really don't know how I didn't gain weight over the weekend??? Man now I'm paranoid my scale is really broken bc I ate so much at my parents house and it seems so unreasonable

2pm breakfast/lunch (360 calories)

3pm quick walk with boyfriend

4pm a few plant chores

...???? I don't know what I did all that time again

7:30pm instant noodle soup (140 calories)

Oh my god I need to buy more of these soups tomorrow. They are so filling but have so little calories ✨✨✨

8pm half a Muffin (160 calories)

Chips (323 calories)

Oh fuck I hate myself should've eaten another soup and not snacking.......

00:30am

Binged on some salami and a muffin. I hate myself

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13.08.22

I don't know how much I ate today bc I'm visiting my parents.

But I sure feel awful about it

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12.08.22

2pm get up. I couldn't sleep until like 7am and at one point I was so anxious about my whole life that even trying was hopeless.

Weight: 61,4kg. I don't know why it doesn't go down. I eat significantly less since I started restricting again. Have I destroyed my metabolism with on and off dieting/restricting?????

2:30pm eat ramen with clear noodles (190 calories) I didn't want to eat something today but I wanted to binge so badly so I thought I'll rather eat a soup

2:45pm half a muffin..... :(( (158 calories)

2am 2,5 liters beer (maybe more) and I'm not even that drunk.... What the heck (1056 calories) oh my God I hate myself

And productivity today was non existent

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11.08.22

1:20pm get up.... Idk why and how.... I was so proud of myself for yesterday....

Weight: 61,4kg

2pm breakfast (719 calories)

Wtf. That can't be true. I must've miscalculated something. Oh my God I feel so horrible

4:45pm coke zero

7pm GOD WHY CAN'T I BE PRODUCTIVE. I'M FUCKING UP MY LIFE ACTIVELY FOR THE PAST YEAR OR SO

9pm eat dinner (295 calories)

Huh, didn't think that this whole mountain of veggies only has 295 calories (nearly binged so I thought I make something filling with low calories)

Oh my... I feel so full and disgusting now... And I put wayy too much chilli in it.....

2am ugh I feel so fat. I didn't do ANYTHING TODAY AGAIN

and I feel so disgusting and fat. My stomach feels so full

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I'm so anxious. I'm going to a party tomorrow and I decided to calculate how much Kalories I'll consume when I drink as much beer as usually and IT'S MY WHOLE LIMIT FOR THE DAY.

And I really want to drink that night... I need that

Oh fuuuuck

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depression or whatever is soooo embarrassing oops i ruined a large chunk of my future because i just didn’t feel like doing anything for a while . Epic Cringe babe...

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10.08.22

Weight: 61,9 kg (hope it is just water weight bc I had a whole lot of water yesterday)

9:30am (?) get up [yesssss :))]

10:30am go get a plant I bought from ebay

11:30am make low calorie cheesecake Muffins (70 calories each, ate 3)

Should I post the recipe?

12:30am eat after letting them cool down

1pm (?) care for the new plant and tidy up a bit (really a little bit. My flat is soo messy and it didn't really do anything. Still looks the same)

2pm long everything shower

3pm drink a monster + make devilled eggs for lunch

3:40pm eat (238 calories)

5pm tried to tidy up my laptop and organize but It didn't do anything soo I basically waisted my time. I can't do anything right or finish something.....

6:30pm hang up the clothes from the washer

7:30pm instant Ramen with an boiled egg and Netflix✨ (351 calories)

(It really impresses me that I ate so 'good' /much and still consumed so 'little' calories)

8:30pm Half a muffin (158 calories :(()

10:20pm I hate myself. I tried to go for a run because I want to improve my stamina... But I smoke so much that I couldn't even do 3 minutes. Walked the rest

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09.08.22

3pm wake up. Wtf I tried to focus on sleeping enough (not too much) instead of waking up late but.... I even went to bed at 3am (not that late for me....)

How can I be so fucked up

Weight: 61,5 kg (is my scale broken?)

6pm breakfast/lunch (532 calories... :()

(Bread with honey/butter and liverwurst)

8:15pm ice tea (65 calories)

9pm tomato with balsamico (36 calories)

And pizza baguettes (481 calories)