gothambekiddingme

[gothambekiddingme]

“The head never rules the heart, but just becomes it’s partner in crime.”

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[gothambekiddingme]

Barnes and Nobles is gonna start serving food and alcohol.

Everybody’s cracking jokes about how it’s a desperate attempt to stay relevant in the age of Amazon.

But you know what? Props to them. This is exactly what Blockbuster didn’t do. At no point was Blockbuster like “Hey, movie rentals aren’t the lucrative enterprise they once were. Perhaps it’s time we become known for our cheesy garlic bread.”

[gothambekiddingme]

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[gothambekiddingme]

You’ve heard of “thanks, I hate it,” but allow me to introduce to you:

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[gothambekiddingme]

When you have Fallout Shelter open while you’re doing stuff and you hear The Mysterious Stranger noise and YOU JUST QUICKLY PICK UP YOUR PHONE/TABLET/CONTROLLER TO FIND THAT MOTHERFUCKER BEFORE HE DISAPPEARS

[gothambekiddingme]

John Mulaney stops by The Tonight Show

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“population growth” is just a formal mathematical way of saying “how fast can people fuck?”

[gothambekiddingme]

Me as hell

[gothambekiddingme]

Sir, your weapon is always well maintained and shiny. Can you give tips on your routine?

Thanks for this ask, soldier. I am happy to tell you all about it.

First off, I have created my own weapon cleaning lubricant which I have called Fire Arm Protectant, or FAP for short. I like to FAP my weapon every night before bed as it helps relax me and I find I sleep better after FAPing.

I usually stroke my weapon with FAP from the base to the tip, making sure I am very thorough. I have to be careful that it doesn’t go off, because that can make a big mess!

If you like, I can give you some personal tips. I am happy to FAP with any of my soldiers, if you like.