i wish food didn’t have calories.
4K notes
·
View notes
4K notes
·
View notes
I have found my clone
194 notes
·
View notes
Soap:"if I died would you be mad at me?"
Ghost:"yes."
Ghost: "you are supposed to take me with you."
Soap:
Ghost:"Slit my throat or something, bitch boy."
685 notes
·
View notes
443 notes
·
View notes
4K notes
·
View notes
No-but like-
Why am i always the one giving more
99 notes
·
View notes
Girl activities
biting your nails
wondering how many bodies are hidden in your hometowns hills and forests
laying naked in bed tracing your scars
daydreaming about your future
pretending to look mysterious and read in front of your cafe crush
wondering what you would look like 50 lbs lighter than trying to decide if you want to relapse or not
brushing your hair with vintage silver hair brushes than wondering who all the women were who brushed their hair with it before you
writing poetry at 4 am
falling in love with your best friend
cleaning your room on a sunday
picking at your skin in the mirror till your whole face is red and swollen
daydreaming about bleaching your hair
cuddling your dog
remembering your dreams while sitting on the shower floor
watching movies, reading books, and watching shows, pondering the stories and characters and fantisizing about your life being like those stories
1K notes
·
View notes
5K notes
·
View notes
✨️😭😳👀❤️
Interesting couple of days...
@kit-walk3r @microwaveabl3 @incorrectborderlandsquotes @carm3n-carm3n @oldaddictedtophoto-blog @disgustedlyscattereddd
first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go
322K notes
·
View notes
i read somewhere that vikings used to gift new brides kittens and immediately thought of viking!simon and a little kitten
big man with small animal? absolutely yes i’m ovulating
c/w: none
you cannot and will not tell me that he will not pick the scrunkliest kitten known to man. little black scruffy thing tucked into his palms and he just puts it in your lap the day after your wedding. mumbles something about tradition before skulking off
he expects you to dump the thing on someone else, not even give little scruff a name. but to his surprise you’re absolutely in love with this little ball of fur. you don’t go anywhere without it, fashioning a little collar for it and speaking to it as if it were your own child
he doesn’t expect you to be in tears when you tell him that the cat didn’t come home last night :( that you’re worried a wolf got to it and you just miss your baby!
huffs and puffs as he hunts around the dark forest, looking for a kitten who may as well be invisible. breathes a sigh of relief when he finds the thing handing on a tree branch. he’d grab it by the scruff before beginning his trek back home,
“ya gave your mum a right scare. don’t do that again.” he’d grunt to the cat who just meows right back at him, tail swishing in the air
11K notes
·
View notes
Roach:"I'm not saying I want to eat someone."
Roach:"I'm just saying I wouldn't pass up the opportunity."
Soap:
Ghost:
Roach:"to understand the psychological affects first hand"
Roach:"wait oh my God, how do you think diet would affect the taste of the meat? Would a vegan or meat eater taste better?"
Soap:"should we get him a psych evaluation?"
Ghost:"already scheduled it."
288 notes
·
View notes
Ghost:"he's just funny and makes me feel...."
Ghost:"NO, OH GOD! NO!'
Ghost:*throwing up*
Price:"Jesus Christ it's just a crush!"
161 notes
·
View notes
Ghost, running his fingers through soap's hair:"you'd be a pretty lampshade."
Soap:
Ghost:"I'm so fucking sorry that was supposed to in my head."
Soap:"you worry me, Simon."
588 notes
·
View notes
Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?
Simon: Death penalty
Y/N, from the gallery: It's literally just a parking ticket
Simon, whispering into the mike: Please kill me
1K notes
·
View notes
2K notes
·
View notes