gothighunicorntolerance

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living by my awesome sword #mysword

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shoutouts to the human spinal column for ingeniously crushing itself under its own weight

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📦 Shipping update: we're not delivering your parcel because you are intrinsically evil

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Be careful. Any of us could be screenshotted and posted to r/curatedtumblr at any moment

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my mom has this awful terrible nicholas cage sequin pillow case where one side is his face and the other side is red so she did this to it and you have to see it every time you walk into the front room and she doesnt even have it on a fucking pillow its just the skin

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LOOK WHAT MY HUSBAND IS DOING TO MY DOG

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i insert a small DNA sample into IBM's largest and most powerful supercomputer and after doing an utterly incomprehensible amount of calculations it prints out a little piece of ticker tape with a full list of every slur i can reclaim

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When it comes to founding early civilizations, I can’t recommend fertile river valleys highly enough

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mario is going to spin the wheel and dox whoever it lands on

YOSHI lives on YOSHI'S ISLAND

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@strange-aeons HAS SUCCSEEDED IN ACCIDENTALLY BECOMING A CROAKERVERSE CHARACTER AND THUS MURDERING THE MUPPET JOKER

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This week expect 3 days of the Pharaoh's Curse and highs near 110*F, followed by one month of darkness and scattered incursions of blight. Tonight, a minor kaiju breach is expected on the lower-east side. Emergency responders are standing by city-wide. Up Next: The summer's best grocery deals, brought to you by Kroger and Nestlé, the only two corporations remaining.

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Girls Scouts encounter Bigfoot the most frequently. Part of their oath is to keep him a secret because he’s very kind and makes up 30% of their revenue due to his fervent love for thin mints.

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Funky Shoebill

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DOCTOR WHO UNLEASHED: 20 YEARS IN WALES