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let me dig this bullet out of your shoulder in the most homoerotic way possible. that’s crucial to the healing process. i know what i’m doing

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guy who says grace before he does cocaine in a bathroom

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CW: RELIGION / CULTS, MANIPULATION & ABUSE, DRUGS / DRUG ADDICTION, MURDER & CANNIBALISM.

BACKSTORY BREAKDOWN:

aubrey is born in [redacted], georgia alongside their twin brother. due to elizabeths ties to the cult of paimon they did not stay in georgia long (it was the farthest from massachusetts they could get before she gave birth) and moved consistently throughout aubreys youth.

growing up, their brother was mainly nonverbal - elizabeth would call it "twin communication" as aubrey was able to speak for him (this is later revealed to be their telepathy but adults around them always had an explanation for it - often comparing the twins to the twins in the shining). this slowly died as they got older, their brother able to speak for himself around his teens.

around eight years old, elizabeth marries on a whim to paul jones* when they eventually settle down in colorado for awhile. paul is the local drug dealer, typically using their basement as his "office" and constantly putting his new family in danger due to his cliental. when his cousin isn't available to help out, he would often bring the twins in to help.

paul jones is an alias, one of many. he has been convicted many times for various crimes and is still on the run from the police; getting married to elizabeth was part of one of his many schemes.

the twins are raised heavily catholic; mainly because of elizabeths guilt for being in a cult. during this time they are still moving around but seem to gravitate towards colorado (paul usually insisting they go back after awhile).

aubrey develops catholic guilt young. a mix from having to do pauls bidding, their developing powers (that are slowly becoming a tad uncontrolled) and trauma and the unstable household they are currently in. it weighs them down and they join the local youth choir and confess their sins weekly, even if the offense is minor.

around their teens, they develop a drug addiction; its a cocktail of...a lot, whatever paul would supply them. their family doesn't bat an eye at it and pretends it isn't happening. by this time, they're also helping paul run drugs as he deems them old enough to do so.

the local priest picks up on the slow change in behavior, bringing it up to authorities; this ends up going nowhere as both elizabeth and paul are great at pretending everything is fine. they move shortly afterwards.

both elizabeth and paul are neglectful. neither want to be parents and see the twins as a burden. paul overworks them and verbally + physically abuses them. elizabeth is barely around and when she is its to make a bare minimum meal for the night. no one knows where she is during the day (or even nights).

during this period of time, aubrey steps up and works harder to make sure both them and their brother are taken care of. they are overworked and tired leading to being quick tempered and easy to lash out (this gets them in trouble at school. a lot. causing them to get suspended and switching a few schools before being pulled out completely to be "home schooled" aka teach themself).

around nineteen, elizabeth leaves completely one night. this doesn't surprise the twins but it does surprise paul - causing him to lash out. aubrey finally snaps, blacks out then comes to hours later burying the pieces of paul god knows where in the woods. by the time they get home, their brother is gone; leaving behind a note explaining how this was his chance to finally start fresh, he loves them, he won't tell anyone what happened and that they will talk again soon...they never do.

paul was technically not murdered by them; their powers went a bit haywire and caused a lot of damage but something more...demonic was at play. the blackout is a mix of that and trauma erasing it from their memories. a missing persons report goes out but the case grows cold.

aubrey is alone. painfully so. they continue to live like nothing had happened. this means continuing pauls business, mainly to keep up with their progressively worsening addiction.

one day, they get a postcard in the mail from readdsor, massachusetts. a typical "wish you were here!" print on the front, "we can help you find out more" on the back with a strange little symbol next to it. taking this as a sign they finally pack up and leave, hoping for the best.

once arriving in readdsor, they are greeted by april chambers, the local librarian, claiming she's the one who sent the letter. she gives a tour of the town and introduces them to her father, the local priest, father daniel.

readdsor is...a quiet town. everyone seems to know each other and is wary to strangers; at one of the rest stops outside of the town aubrey meets someone named john who warns them about the town - claiming that those who go in tend to not come back out among other tall tales.

the chambers are a nice family, inviting aubrey to stay with them while they search for work and a place of their own. desperate, they take the opportunity. during this time, the chambers help them sober up and invite them to join their church.

aubrey and april get close, not enough for a relationship to bloom but they are inseparable. one day, april invites them down into her family homes basement under the guise of showing off her fathers wine collection. the basement is revealed to be an huge labyrinth (that connects to most if not all of the main family houses in town) that leads to an alter. the alter is in front of an old group photo that surprisingly has their mother in the center.

as they try to wrap their head around what is trying to be implied here, they turn around and april is killed, point blank; starting a ritual as hooded figures start to flood out the various tunnels.

father daniel explains the towns history to them, along with their mothers history with the town and the reveal of the "church" being a disguise for the cult of paimon. he tells them that they are their prophet, the one they've been searching for.

this is kinda a part i lose steam in writing tbh its a lot of filler that just exists in my head a lot of their time in the cult is basically being worshiped day and night. their powers are still out of control and a lot of accidents happen (deaths, injuries) along with some distain towards certain people since they can read their minds and know how they really feel. they don't really live up to the cults expectations though, eventually snapping and killing father daniel because of the manipulation they've dealt with; this ostracizes them and causes them to leave readdsor.

a warrant is up for their arrest shortly after for both the murder of father daniel and april (despite that not being their fault). they stay low for awhile eventually making their way to new york.

while in new york they meet camio galatas; a lounge owner who takes them in and helps clean their slate. he explains he knows who they are, also a part of the paimon cult but through a different branch, and he wants to help them for good.

camio tells them that hes like them, also part demon, which father daniel conveniently left out. he offers to help them get their powers under control and they accept. he also mentions how he doesn't expect them to go back to the cult but if they felt the need to, he would help.

camio is actually of paimon / ars goetia blood; he's able to tell that aubrey is not, despite the cults claims that they were, but can see their potential. he never breaks this news to them because he knows it will change nothing with how they view themself now.

they stay in new york until they're in their thirties, eventually marrying camio and rebranding the lounge he runs to be a better empire. around this time they think more about their time with the cult, the power getting to their head and decide to go back to readdsor with camios help.

back in readdsor, aubrey takes father daniels place; they're able to manipulate the people who still despise them for killing him and get rid of those who won't change their mind.

around this time the readdsor butchering starts, bree realizes that the "hunger" that they would keep quiet with drugs is actually for human meat; its a side effect from their demon father as he was also one. the readdsor butchers are mainly to keep their hunger satisfied.

also around this time they "die" for the first time due to a murder attempt and..well realize they can't die. not a whole lot to scream home about but i felt like it was important to add. by 2024 they have "died" 5 ties.

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we keep the dead alive in how often we think of them

elizabeth jennings, "my grandmother" | @averwonders | yellowjackets season 3 episode 3, "them's the breaks" | louise gluck, "from the japanese" | charlotte bronte, "wuthering heights"

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Raw (2016) / Full Brutal by Kristopher Triana / Jennifer's Body (2009)

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Brand new // Yellowjackets // The Front Bottoms // The Royal Ballet staging of Frankenstein // Jennifer's body // Silas Denver Melvin // Rina Sawayama // Trista Mateer // Martyrs (2008) // Becca de la Rosa // Flower face // Raw (2016)

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Bones and All (2022) // dir. Luca Guadagnino

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Are you becoming what you've always hated?

Isle of Dogs / Game of Thrones / Painting by Jenn Mazza / Unknown / Ancestral Memory by Hari Alluri / Unknown / Venetta Octavia / Emma Tranter / Unknown / Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo / @ machineryangel

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I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE

Brad Rohloff

Commercial Engraving on Machete (Materials Study)

2014

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Carmen Laforet, from Nada

Text ID: this language of blood, pain, and creation…

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DOES YOUR MOTHER LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME? HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED?

the unbearable lightness of being, mila kundera / raise high the roof beam, j.d. salinger / yellowjackets (2021) / joan tierney / i, tonya (2017) / looking for alaska (2019) / sex education (2019) / class of 2013, mitski / dark places, gillian flynn / crazy/beautiful (2001) / timor mortis, louise gluck / killing eve (2018) / sharp objects (2018) / shameless (2011) / la prieta, gloria e. anzaldúa / mother wound healing, bethany webster

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Candyman, 1992

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Fucking bitch.

THE BOYS 4.05 – Beware the Jabberwock, My Son

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bones and all (2022) dir. luca guadagnino

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Antigonick, Anne Carson