gp205-blog

[gp205-blog]

God Is Good For Real

Those who really know me

Might wonder why I still believe?

In anything but an painful miserable ending

On this lonely road I roam with a few by side

But mostly alone it's a long Bumpy, rocky,

Tipsy Turvy, dirt road, I'm Alone, (No)

42 years old first time in my life I actually

Feel home, safe, comfortable, optimistic,

Beat the statistics that I'm fucked only

In and out of mental hospitals

Take it over like it's where I belong

But at the same time itching to break out

Before they release me, elope on my wrist

This is when I develop a plan, planning

On making it my last visit

I've seen things that haunt my dreams

Make me terrified to sleep, but I reach deep down

Everytime I fall down and God's there with a shovel

To dig me out of the grave I keep digging myself

I tried susicide once drank 75 xanax

Serious with how much I wanted my life forsaken,

Give it back to God I don't think I can take another hit

But they say tell my yours plans and he'll laugh hysterically,

I guess I'm here for a reason not fully clear what it is

But I know I choose now to live, I choose now

Not to give in ever again

I know God's real not a doubt in my mind that he is the reason I've survived his plans beyond divine thank him now these days that I didn't die that way

Hurting the ones I love and my legacy

Being nothing but pain cause I was too selfish

And I left an hole in my world like a meteor rock

Broken hearts and pain that never stops for anyone

But me and that worse then my nightmares,

Cold sweats, screams in the night if I really took my life

I wouldn't blame a single person who close to never

Mention my name and feel free to Piss on my grave

But God is good for real I'm alive and not dead inside

Anymore God protected me at my worse moment

I don't know about you but to me that seems like an omen?

[gp205-blog]

Million Miles Away

Bringing in 2025

 Wearing my cap and gown

 From the lessons I sat down

 As I traveled a long road

 As I learned the weight of paper

 Trying to turn the page

I'll never forget anyone

 Who made me who I am

 Or force me to realize

 I wasn't really a man

 I appreciate 

Your love

 Your pain

 Your loss

 Or your gain

 Happy for the time we had

 Most was the time of my life

Lessons taught

 To better myself

 And make me NICE

 To be a better person

Humbled

Appreciative for have

Accepting of what I lost

Hopeful for

 What’s to come

A reason for my rhyme

The melody to harmonize

With the lyrics in my mind

I will never forget a single event

 But I will not dwell in the mist

 My eyes are already over the cliff

  I'm happy we sang our song

 But now it's time take out my pen and pad

 To write some new lyrics for a new duet

 I just write the words and God plays the music

 I'll always leave a blank space

 For that special someone's verse

 I promise I won't fill the whole page

 But right now

 I'm a million miles away

 Chasing a dream

 Riding a shooting star

 To give you the Moon

[gp205-blog]

My Fortune

Had a fortune cookie today it was delicious

My fortune read this...

“The world is yours if you allow yourself to be reborn, let die the guy who committed the crimes locked in your mind that breaks free every time you close your eyes”.

[gp205-blog]

Delusional

After my terrible 2s

Potty training 

Learning to read

After learning my abcs

Letters missing 

Mixing chemicals misfiring 

A engine running off adrenaline 

I don't know how to sleep 

The only meat I eat is beef

The world fades in and out

Reality mixed with fictitious

Depictions coming to fake conclusions

From all assuming fights I'm picking

Anyone, everyone, you, him, her, them 

All of God's children no ones off limit 

I'll fuck up the the innocent bystander

Giving my description or the sketch artist

Drawing me turning me into a suspect 

I'll fuck up the court reporter for

Not typing fast enough misquoting 

What I thought I said or how I was spoken to 

I'll fuck up the judge if they say I'm guilty 

Because I've lived my entire life 

On a crime spree fucking up all of humanity 

Not fit to face trial no one's my peer 

Could never find 12 for a jury 

Cause when I can't sleep can't sleep 

Black & white turn into a reddish grey

I wake up from being asleep wide awake up 

Covered in others blood no recollection

Not the foggiest scratch my head raw 

Breaking laws all when I can't control 

My jaw you paw and scratch but once I latch on

You'll never be the same again you'll never feel 

Smart, pretty, confident, tough, strong

If you wrong me and I reverse it on like 

Psychology, throw it back in your face 

Like a boomerang like a drone 

Always recording your worse moments 

Saving them 

For a special occasion 

Catch me on a bad day 

Play the tape 

Now you masturbate

Your mind 

Gets gang raped

Your self-esteem 

I'll take 

Plead insanity 

Beat the case 

Ice skate 

On your identity

Get a key to the city 

They throw me a parade 

With a banner that's says 

Finally someone has the balls to say 

The cold as black ice plain to see ugly truth 

That you ain't or never been nothing 

But a running faucet a pipe leaking 

Lies, lies, lies, 

Thought your shit don't stink 

Till I snaked your life your entire existence 

Right out from under your feet

Exposed you as a lying phony full of bologna

Knuckle sandwich packed a lunch 

Thinking you were off limits 

Or someone I won't touch 

If you try me 

[gp205-blog]

Hey Pops this What I didn't Get A Chance To Say(hope it's not too late...)

Dad I've said

More times than

I can count

That we ended

Mid-conversation

That we have

Unfinished

Business...

I remember it

Like it was

Just yesterday

Thanksgiving day

We said we worked

On my lava temperture

Anger said we pray

For self-control

Said I stop

Dwelling on

All the do's and don't's

That I do, did, 

Or was done to me

Putting the angel

On my shoulder on mute

Letting the devil

In my ear

Take the controller

As I run over

Anyone trying

To oppose

Something smart

To say

Act tough

But fake as

Marshmallows

In hot cocoa

Cause I'm cold

When I froze

Burying them

In the snow

Feet up

Head down

Underground... 

You said you'd help me turn it around??

Sorry I couldn't see you again after Christmas day in hospice, you're my pops, shit I'm tough but couldn't just wait for the ending I know was coming I needed my memories alive just full of spirit not just you fading away no matter how hard I prayed I knew it was going to be a bad day...

Just know in my heart and my camera roll inside my head your the dad I always had and would do anything to get back, sell my soul to talk to one more time on the phone I just want to hear your voice one last then maybe I could sleep and stop losing my mind.

Love you pops to be continued...

[gp205-blog]

Hollow

Sometimes I think it's not too late

Sometimes I feel my life isn't one huge mistake

Sometimes I regret the things I say when the traps

Off the the gate I've been called senseless, nonsense

Cause they can't make sense to my dramatic

Reactions to what they call normal situations

I've been called verbally violent I've been called

The best and groom left at the alter well I scream tear

The world down to I make sure I'm heard where you stand and if you play I'll play to win or I happy watching you fall apart from my frontrow sit in the bleachers I know it's wrong to root and cheer as the world we share plays smear the queer everyone talks a big game but not everyone is going into the hall of fame for putting hoes, sissy's in their place if you have the balls to say it behind my back be bold enough to say it to my face, I want to turn a new page I want to change kill you with kindness, but not to the points my mind becomes sick I want a balance of standing my ground but tear to the ground I have enough corpses in a graveyard I never intended to send these people who dish it out but can't take it back on the chin without spinning into a tailspin having a conniption when they throw a fit about the shit I dished back destroying them with their own hypocritical facts but this can't be how it stays or how I have to outlast making the same mistakes when I always take the bait so now sit, I pray, meditate on the ways I can change so I can find peace wave the whiteflag and coexist agreeing to disagree and stop making mortal enemies

[gp205-blog]

The big bad wolf with a conscience

I got thick skin razor sharp teeth

That I sharpen once a week

With all these fuckin piggies

Forget they are pork trying to beef

With a person who with eat anything

You put in front of me it's all just a feast

Now I'm fasting facing starvation

They all ate up digested or vacated

Relocated to unknown locations

Now I have to try these things called veggies

I just cuss you out in my head

Felt it in my belly? So this how normal people get fed?

A new way to eat dirty Littles piggies

With cute little curly tails that normally run from me

I can have so much less weight on my chest

So much less stress so much less press

I'll bench press these tough talking quick retreating

Piggies that haven't seen a big bad wolf like me

A true life fairytale the calander will roll

The sun will rise the moon no howling

Till my voice is gone we can live happily ever after

My graveyard will stay trapped in my head

These fuckin stupids piggies will still breathe

But to me they gone into rigor mortis

My private land just covered in corpses

[gp205-blog]

Welcome Back

Man I feel like I just woke

From a coma under a rock

Third rock block

Sun kissed and starving

To reconnect with

A world that I got

Blocked from

Over medicated

Dopamine withdrawal

Mouth shut locked jaw

Words I thought

Got lost

Tongue tied in binds

Twist ties motor broken

Hazard lights on

Broke down

Now I'm found

Feeling like my old self

Bring back my happy

Giddy joyful

Learn how to smile

Again reconnect

With my family

And friends

Who been wondering

Where I've been

I can't describe

The prison

But I promise

I won't offend

Served my sentence

Spent some time

Feeling sensitive

Feeling numb

Head down

Keeping

A low

Profile

Now I'm out

Let's see what

This world

I never thought

I'd missed

Is all

About

See what I missed

Or forget yesterday

Live today

Look forward to tomorrow

After all time is

Borrowed

[gp205-blog]

Best ManDear, RyanI know you are not at your desk with your pen and padBut I hope it's not too much to askPlease be my Best Man?

Until death do us partI'm scared as hell that my bride will not showBecause I have hurt her so many times beforeI already sent the invitations outHoneymoon is plannedTickets waiting at the airportFor the first time I'm the one asking for moreI am praying she doesn't get cold feetBecause I need a change of sceneryI know you have been showing me tough loveStand on my own, Independence and don't collapseI am doing therapy, but it's only taking me half wayI still need God, family and friends, a little help to carry meI know that's not what you want to hear, it is co-dependentAnd probably sounds a little weak, but brotherI'm not Wolverine, I don't just heal myself, I need a little help

I know that you know how this goes, when it starts getting deepI turn into a machine, traveling light speed, writing stories in my headSacrificing sleep, hardly wanting to eat, just needing to releaseI wish it was like the old days and you were right next to meBut I know I'm running this one alone

 I am racing for a goal, to find a new home

I know you have a wife, daughter and schoolI'm so proud of you!You turned into the man I always wanted to beHonestly, you are living my dreamIf you can do one thing for me?Since we are not running matesBe waiting at the finish lineTo catch me when I'm out of gasBecause honestly I never felt I had to run this fast

I just don't know how much longer I can liveIn the place where the disaster hitWhere people will always offer charity to make sure I'm okayWhere the storm blew through town taking everything awayExcept the memories, now I need an escape, a place to start some new history

P.S

Brother, I am determine now to write my way out of Hell... 

One thing call in a replacement the napper slept on me jealous cause I had a drive! A dream, I every we joint we on i had to roll your blunt, too soft obsessed with weapons when your hands work perfectly fine only one you got violent is all the cheating you do to any woman stupid enough to trust you! Never truth, you ain't ride or die your skate and bye poser ghosting guys now you just died in my mind and all these lines weren't even the time. 

[gp205-blog]

Try Me II

Aw no one wants

To play with me 

Sit in the corner wondering

How long ago this

Room was painting in

It's looking a tad thin

Put me on your

Bucket list

If you have a

Death wish

Open Pandora's box

Take your best shot

Get wrapped in so lines

You'll think it's detention time

Everyone references the matrix

That to me was just a miss

Come play in my

Bermuda Triangle

If you want to see the

Green mile

A boa constrictor

With no restrictions

If you think you play

A game rigged

This isn't checkers

Chess master

Bastard,

But sorry

I don't play monopoly

With filthy money

But I'll go hit for hit

To see who withstand

100 mile an hour wind

Cause if you come on

My page

Say it plain

Simple

Dumb-it down

For all you fake

Clowns

Come on my page get your affairs in older kiss the wife tuck the kids in tight... Next stop your ego and pride so damaged that you can't even reply.

[gp205-blog]

Mind Of Destruction

I grew up lost

I grew up rough

I grew up long

I'm still growing up

Behind...

I grew up opening up shit

Ripping it apart

Putting it in it's place

Fatal flaw, my downfall

Oh how I fall!

I keep a good thing going

As long as I don't open

My mouth, need lockjaw

Then I might just

Have a chance

Of not just spitting

In the wind, shitting the bed again,

If I keep what's on rotation

Gears of war, God of whores

From coming to the Forefront

I just might not keep

Fuckin up every door

Where Opportunity Knocks...

So now I'm just in lockdown, just an hour a day yard time to be myself, the rest of the time I'm fake as hell.

[gp205-blog]

Reset

Been doing this since 18

Notebooks stained and fade

No choice to do but turn a new page

Go back to floppy disc's

Like Viagra for Old Men

Life has hardened me again

No more floppy dick

Now I don't want to just

Rip, talk shit, loose lips

Lead to missteps, Clorox wipe

Up my life as I get a little older

But not as mature as I should be

Now I'm 42 and beyond tired

Of starting over, time to eat this

Chip on my shoulder, just I took so

Much shit I hit reset on this bitch

But forgot to erase my save point

So I try to start over but always end up

Where I left off so now I turn the

Game off, break the TV set,

Demolish my old existence,

No longer need to play dirty

Like the bad boy pistons

I play honestly, play for keeps

Mistakes I'll still make, but fate

Faith and determined to be something

My loves ones can be proud of has

Made me think I'll stutter step,

Breathe,blink, think, before I

Take all this controversy

Into my own hands

Got anger management,

Revenge anonymous

Not hungry hippo

For beef and wins

Just let me be me

You can be you,

Whether your a man, 

A sissy Punk,

Pussy, phony

Or stand up life

Judgement day

Will no longer

Land in my

Court,

Not a lawyer,

Tried to be Judge

Never a jury

Gavel slams!

Courts adjourned

Walk away from 

The bench 

I was never elected 

To sit 

[gp205-blog]

Come clean, 

I've been very many variations

Of my someone I tried to avoid being

But things out my hands, destiny landed... 

Now I know I was punk bitch

Dad give you a fat lip welts on my back

Wear a garage sale t-shirt

Take my the pain out on easy targets

Marked with a bullseye biggest

The big house field goal post

Wide as the vagina I tried to make

A life, a wife, but sum hoes stay dug

Like a dugout always arguing with nuts

I tried to be a good son but I came up short

Like how I lie to women that couldn't

Keep my attention, like shit I'm absence

From attendance, I say I'm 5'8 but my

Florida ID say 5'7, maybe a pinch to grow

An inch, little fib, time to stop tryin

To make myself something I'm not

And be like those who I clown

Liars with scars under their clown nose

Clown shoes big enough to live up

To being something Making bigfoots

Footprints, lying to others when the truth

Is like lying to yourself looking in the mirror

Saying I'm not unhappy, I'm not bitter

I'm a winner, I never loved her, the pain doesn't hurt

To wrap this up this me coming clean not a Catholic I'll never trust a priest touch (eww) no thank you, I just can't pretend to be something I'm not anymore, my confession written in stone, sign my John Hancock, hand on the Bible, mind in the starz, heart shocked back to life, last chance, stakes high and biggest truth is I've never tried my best, questioning, why, why, why should I try I was born to die.

[gp205-blog]

If i was a Rapper

If I was a Rapper

I don't know

First I'd have an episode

On Dr. Phil's show

Go to LA find a surgeon

To get my tongue untied

Cameo on Jerry springer

Mosh with disturbed

Cause we're both

Down with the sickness

Freestyle with the homeless

Drink with them pop

Some benzos, oh wait

This isn't something that

Will happen, but I admit

Sadly that's something

I already did, so cross that

Off my bucket list

Like check, check, check,

Then I have to find my crowd

Go for a search for open-minded

Individual's, don't appeal to women

Much cause I don't wear a tux

Stuff with bucks, don't do love songs

But I'll make blind fool find my sound

In a million march crowd with no audio

On surround

[gp205-blog]

Disconnect

You wanna tell me who I should be?

I'm no longer listening,

You don't agree with how I see,

How I think, what I believe,

Well good for you I feel the same way

When I look at this world that's beyond changed,

Beyond strange, materialistic, untalented people

All over in the frame taking obscene photos

Whoring for their 15 minutes of fame, see the world

Is changed, strange, heaven sent, demented

And flamed, burning everyone under the sun,

This life is still the same with a sex change,

History is different, but the cycle always remains the same, repeating just in a different way, I held my tongue till it's pierced like whores sucking cock for acceptance, I will not walk on eggshells anymore, take poultry off the menu, cleaned out my kitchen, threw out the chicken, threw out the beef, people if you haven't noticed that this world is ticking bomb,

A loaded gun, people triggered by words or opinions

Of others running their mouths then call the pc police when a big shot comes your way, talk is cheap,

But it's the most expensive self destructing weapon

When it's not what you wanna hear from ones just being honest and the truth hurts like looking in the mirror expecting a different reflection then what you see appear when everyone else see you clear.

[gp205-blog]

Uncap the pen

Ink leaks out

Blood flows down

To lower extremities

Imma turn this

To a crime scene

Police might

Arrest me

For the laws

I break

For self torturing

Aborting, rhyme & reason

As I write my story

It's a sad Gothic dark, comedy

Better than hollywood true stories

60 minutes I'll break

A record for waterboarding

Myself to the point

I drown and resurrect

Inside this Asylum

I call home, rubby red slippers

Donate them to goodwill

No place like home, no

I rather be anywhere Else,

In the world then the place I reside

Lost in my mind

Braincells I've lost, the powers out

Its dark as hell, it's cold as

Michigan in a blizzard

Time to go swimming

In grand haven till I get frostbite

Retro amnesia and forget

Anything and everything or nothing

But yesterday sucked, a past

Hate, love, made me soft

Made me tough as nails

Just another path to cross

What's on the others side?

No clue I'm lost

But if I follow the north star

Maybe I'll walk short

Maybe I'll walk far

Maybe I'll fall on the ground

Need help up, if I was

Brave enough to admit

I'm just stuck

[gp205-blog]

Lighthouse

Lighthouse 

This was inspired by mom who lent me a book on lighthouses all over the world... Sorry mom if you don't always agree or like what I write I write out the dark in my heart to bring in some light.

First mom was book was amazing

So many different designs from different places 

Showing the whole world whether you're born with sight

Whether you were born with your eyes closed

Like a new born take that first smack cry your eye's out 

You now enter a world of living hell, but if you

1qLook for your lighthouse swimming sharks or waiting

Doesn't mean you'll be eaten alive as we bleed

Through a very short life happening fast in

Real time... 

So this one's for those who been bit 

Let that blood drip all over your canvas, maybe 

Your just painting your escape or safe return to 

Land of living walk past the corpses dead weight they 

Can't be saved.... 

My light house is metaphor 

Body armour built

Physically & mentally

Constructed by my pain

My bare hands from

The lessons life

Has taught me... 

My lighthouse is way up 

In the sky undetected 

By NASA, airplanes 

My staircase is like 

The gateway, a maze 

Most don't have the

Energy to reach the top

Where I stand storm watching 

Avoiding, solving problems 

Before they happen, 

The foundation is

Made of unbreakable bricks 

Chip away all day

Till you throw your shoulder out 

Comeback you just made a Diamond 

In the ruff, the roofs a two-way mirror 

I see you but you'll never see

A scientific experiment observations... 

For doctor's, therapist, psychiatrists... 

(Give them a hand no one's can't say they didn't try their hardest but failed to reach a lonely soul more far gone than we they foreclosed on my home inside this dome.) 

Now I sit in my tower made of bulletproof armour 

With only a selected few that know 

All the places I laid my traps, landmines, 

Dynamite, a guillotine if you ever get close enough 

To touch me, you might lose your head, 

As I sit aware but bored with this world 

Always asking God the master creator

If this is all there is I'm not impressed

I expected so much more, 

But God answers back in the wind 

Across this ocean I send my prayers

Even suggestions... 

(Fear not my child I see a tear in your eye, a smile on your face, I feel your pain like all of one's living in the simple and plain this is what you have to withstand those strong, those weak, the arrogant, selfish, greedy, backstabbers that never understood currency 

Will not make you VIP in my lighthouse, no frequent flier miles gets you to my tower only giving everything away your pride, your image, your so-called life achievements must remain so chasing Warped dreams for as long I allow you to breathe is meaningless you have to take & give only then I will extend, reveal my master plan you are all born into a rough draft but my finished kingdom isn't for the faint, closed-minded, it isn't if the ones that lie with a serpents slick tongue... It's for ones that live though hell with a smile the ones who color the darkness out of their hearts set fire to the flesh that can be left behind in this place damned... I admit I higher hopes for this place you all call home but I already knew it would fail but some learn the secret of life and some don't... But don't think I never gave every single person a fork in the road, the choice is yours, but choose wisely I promised eternity but not without consequences for those forkin' around thinking I'm not watching everyone's conscience, you've chose poorly and what lies ahead don't complain you made your bed now lay in it.)