grantmcleod - Tumblr blog

[grantmcleod]

“I’m still waiting to hear from Brown and Cornell. But right now it looks like Princeton is in my horizons.” 

"Really? So where ya off to, golden boy?"

[grantmcleod]

“Kaelin, you’re fifteen. Or sixteen. Or whatever age you are, you are far too young to know any woman of that place. I mean, look at yourself you still have baby cheeks. And if you do know them, I highly doubt any would take you seriously.” 

"All right j–– Wait, you don’t believe me?"

[grantmcleod]

Grant offered a grin to Oz and replied with a, “What are friends for?” But there was something at the back of his mind telling him that friends did not normally help friends in that way. There was something deeper than friendship, Grant realized, but he wasn’t sure what. And he wasn’t quite ready to find out. 

Oz raised his hand to rest it on Grant’s nape, his thumb against the other’s jaw. The space between them was still the same, Oscar’s sobriety never allowing him to cross the invisible line they both drawn so carefully. Though he couldn’t remember much about what happened, it was evident that, if he was sitting on his bed right now, looking at Grant’s eyes, was mostly because his friend helped him. And Oscar Kaminski wasn’t one to forget his debts so easily. “I have you to thank for that, mate” and with a last smile, his hand came back to its place and his eyes found somewhere else to look.

[grantmcleod]

The fall of ones you loved was always a hard one to watch. And since Oscar was someone he cared about more than even his own brothers, it was hard to see his friend like this. Grant had been in the room with Oscar for what must have been a few hours now and still the sight in front of him had not fully sunk into his brain enough for him to fully comprehend it. He was still in a bit of shock at how broken his friend was. But was he surprised? No. Now that he had had a bit of time to think about it, he wasn’t really surprised. 

The way the boy clutched onto his cigarettes, the way tattoos covered his torso, it all seemed like an attempt to hold it together. But when things were broken, a glue stick didn’t normally do the trick. And it was hard to pick up so many pieces without hurting oneself in the process. This whole time Grant knew that Oscar had been trying to pick himself back up from everything that had ever happened to him. He wondered how well it had worked. This seemed to be a huge step back for the boy, whatever the progress beforehand was. Something told Grant, something pulled at Grant, almost as if trying to pry his soul out of his very being, that this was what he had to do. He had to help Oscar. There was so little he could find meaning in, but he had always found meaning in the younger boy. And so he would be there every step of the way. 

Even if that meant getting hurt himself, because he knew that when it came to storms there was not much one could do besides take shelter and hope to not get injured. But Grant was not taking shelter from the storm that was Oscar Kaminski.  He wasn’t quite sure when he had decided that-- but now it almost seemed like a silly proposition to do anything but ride the storm out.  He wasn’t sure what else to say to Oz, but words kept coming from his mouth. “It’ll be okay, I’ll make sure of that.” 

DE PROFUNDIS — w. Grant McLeod

"I’m glad you don’t, Grant. I really am." Oscar closed his eyes, a faint smile appearing on his lips. He couldn’t describe the warm feeling on his chest when he heard Grant’s words. It wasn’t rational. Not much on that whole day was. But Oscar was satisfied for the reassurance that his best friend (or whatever Grant was for him) never had to experience something similar to what he lived. It meant Grant was safe from a terror which haunted Oscar until this day, and it made Oz sigh in relief as he realized how much he wanted to believe on those things; how much he wished Grant to be the happiest person on this whole world.

But that was probably the chemical response to the absence of cocaine on his system twisting his emotions and crashing his dignity. Since when Oscar Kaminski was such an emotional bastard? He swallowed hard. “I know I don’t, Grant.” was all he managed to say at last, raising his cigarette to his lips to inhale the smoke in completely. He trusted Grant, there was no doubt on that, but a part of Oscar still feared the day it all would end up corrupting Grant alongside him. Every secret had a cost, and maybe, but then, just maybe, his had a too high one.

Cause, the truth was: Oscar wouldn’t forgive himself if any harm would come to Grant. He couldn’t lose another person he cared about. Not before, and not now. Grant McLeod was the foundation of his sanity, the shelter he would always seek when the storm was too strong. A life without him, now that Oz had found Grant, was unimaginable.  

[grantmcleod]

“An angel? You? A fallen angel, maybe. I never said I would regret it. I think I know you well enough by now to know most of the time spent with you is, at the very least, tolerable.” 

"Threatening? Sweetheart, I’m a fucking angel, so please, take some time to appreciate my blue eyes, purer than Virgin Mary’s ones, and listen to my fucking gentle request. You won’t regret it, I can assure you this much."

[grantmcleod]

Grant nodded, “Right. I’ll see you around then?” 

"Oh- uh yeah sure. I’ll let you know. I don’t know what I"m doing fully. I have no idea if Alek has even planned anything. But I’ll definitely let you know." he felt a bit awkward. "And uh- well I guess I’ll just let you get back to being happy about college acceptances." keep it casual he thought.

[grantmcleod]

"Well," Grant said, "if you want to do something besides Netflix, just uh, just let me know I guess?" 

"Yeah, this coming Saturday. Turning eighteen..doing that legal thing." Garrett wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He and Ben had been planning their 18th birthday for a long time (though at the time they had planned to both be at home and not separated). That and their 21st, and then their 50th. "So far, we’re going to buy lottery tickets, and a pack of cigarettes. He’s going to smoke them on skye and then pick up whatever girl he gets and do God knows what with her. And I’ll- probably watch Netflix."

[grantmcleod]

"Saturday? As in this coming Saturday?" Grant asked, raising an eyebrow. "What are you doing to celebrate that?" 

Glad for a change in subject, Garrett thought about what he’d been up to. “Well…Leonard Nimoy died, so I had an entire Star Trek night…I got some new bruises on my legs from lacrosse practice…that’s about it.” he really wasn’t sure what all to say to Grant. The whole point of their arrangement was that they didn’t talk, because that wouldn’t be casual. “Oh- and my brother skyped me so we could plan our birthday this Saturday.” 

[grantmcleod]

"Yeah, that's true." Grant said. He wasn't entirely sure what else to say. He and Garrett didn't exactly do much talking. "How have you been, then?" 

"Yup, the future is important." Garrett didn’t know what to say other than that to Grant. The future usually meant something far off, and it was always implied that things in the present were going to get dropped for the future. “Though I guess looking for next year will depend on which college you pick.” 

[grantmcleod]

"Well then, what are you waiting for?"

"What do you take me for? I’ve got connections, mate, all the pretty ladies, I know them well."

[grantmcleod]

"I always have time for you, Oscar. And not just because that sounded vaguely threatening..."

"Look at that, sounding all important. You better have time for me no matter what, McLeod."

[grantmcleod]

"Right, okay." Whatever it was that was bothering the other boy he clearly did not want to tell Grant so Grant decided to drop it. "And now that I've actually been accepted to college... I guess it's time to start thinking about where I'm going next year."

"There’s nothing wrong, Grant. I don’t know why you think there is." though if Garrett were being honest there was something wrong. "Stop thinking about it, you should be thinking about college, it’s a big deal." 

[grantmcleod]

"That's an interesting theory. But, whatever works, I guess." 

"Can’t say. I have a theory Casper is hitting me over the head every night."

[grantmcleod]

oscar-kaminski:

"This means we’re gonna fucking celebrate this next weekend, mate. Don’t make plans, you’re mine for at least one night. Got it?"

"I think I can shuffle a few things around and fit you into my schedule." 

[grantmcleod]

"Right, thanks," Grant said in response to Garrett's congratulating him. He pressed his lips together, still noticing that Garrett's attitude was a little off from normal. "Well, if you aren't mad at me, what's wrong?" 

"I’m not mad Grant, just forget it." Garrett didn’t want to fight with anyone today. "Princeton’s a great school, so are Brown and Cornell. Looks like you don’t have to stress anymore. You should celebrate." he was still a bit frosty, but his compliments about the schools were sincere as well as the fact that celebration was in order. College was a huge thing. 

[grantmcleod]

"Your tone of voice says otherwise," Grant replied coolly, raising an eyebrow every so slightly. Nevertheless he answered Garrett's question. "I got into Princeton, thank you for asking. I'm still waiting to hear from Brown and Cornell but now I can breathe a sigh of relief."

"What? Me? Mad? I’m not mad." Garrett was a bit miffed that Grant had gone all week without so much as a text. But he really didn’t need to be so mad about it- it wasn’t like they were serious. That didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt. "Congrats on getting accepted to college, which one did you get into?" he let some enthusiasm into his voice. 

[grantmcleod]