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*starts singing africa by toto really, really loudly*

        “It    definitely    WON’T    take    a    lot    to    drag    me    away    from    you.”           With    that,    he   stands    up    and    walks    out    of    the    room.    Still    keeping    eye    contact,    mind    you.             “Bless    this.”        ...Aaaand    then    he    flips   him    off    through    the    window.

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prom? y/n

         He    squints    at    the    paper    on    his    desk,    looking    up    at    his   class.    Looking    directly    into    the   eyes    of    one   of   his   students,   he   CRUMPLES    UP    THE    PAPER    and    KOBES    it   into    the    trashcan.     AND    THE   CROWD    GOES    WILD.

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D:

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if boys were boogers, i'd pick you first

            Blankly,     he    stares.    He    even    BLINKS    a    bit!         “...Gross!”

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       john mulaney: kid gorgeous   → sentence starters

slightly edited in some cases to work for rp purposes. feel free to change phrasing or pronouns to fit your muse(s)!

❝ Let’s change the subject! ❞

❝ This is a weird conversation and I want to talk about a book I read about World War II.❞

❝ Whoever did kill her only did it to protect her from this world. ❞

❝ Ah, none of us really know their fathers. ❞

❝ I was sitting over on the bench. ❞

❝ You saw what happened and did nothing! ❞

❝ Sometimes, he was gay. ❞

❝ When he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work. ❞

❝ I never talked to my dad about that but I figured I’d tell you. ❞

❝ Freebasing is the greatest orgasm known to man. ❞

❝ I’ve been sober now two weeks. Well, weekdays, not weekends. ❞

❝ What was so funny? I wanna know. ❞

❝ None of that matters but it’s important to me that you know that.  ❞

❝ Phonebooks don’t leave bruises. ❞

❝ Give us some money! As a gift! We want a gift! But only if it’s money! ❞

❝ I thought I’d be dead in a trunk by now. ❞

❝ You spent it already?! ❞

❝ Where’s the money? ❞

❝ I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and adderall. ❞

❝ Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep? ❞

❝ That’s illegal! They tricked me! ❞

❝ I paid 120,000 dollars for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t!❞

❝ If it’s too big you can just wear it as a sleep-shirt. ❞

❝ Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? ❞

❝ Jokes don’t do well in court. ❞

❝ I’m in the phase right before Old. ❞

❝ I am damp all the time. ❞

❝ I am gross. ❞

❝ UGHHHHH – you know, life. ❞

❝ I don’t know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to room. ❞

❝ I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason. ❞

❝ Let’s just not see each other for eight months and it doesn’t matter at all. ❞

❝ I was raised to be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. ❞

❝ A lot of people don’t seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world. ❞

❝ Not everyone thinks the same things are nice. ❞

❝ Famous people are weird as shit. ❞

❝ Your suspicions are correct. ❞

❝ I say ‘knock-knock’ out loud.❞

❝ The world is run by robots and we spend most of our time telling them we’re not a robot. ❞

❝ Think about that for two minutes and tell me that you don’t want to walk into the ocean.❞

❝ It seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time. ❞

❝ I try to stay optimistic even though things seem to be getting a little sticky. ❞

❝ I don’t remember that in Hamilton. ❞

❝ I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. ❞

❝ What do you think they’re celebrating? ❞

❝ I wasn’t raised catholic and I’m fucking glad I wasn’t because it’s a fucked up organization. ❞

❝ That should be the slogan of the catholic church: It’s an hour! ❞

❝ God can’t hear you. ❞

❝ First of all, get out of here with your facts. Just ‘cause you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting. ❞

❝ A charming anecdote that was fake and never happened. ❞

❝ These meaningless politeness rules! ❞

❝ I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her. ❞

❝ My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. ❞ 

❝ I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation. Now I’m afraid to get a flu shot. People change. ❞

❝ I was in Connecticut recently, doing white people stuff. ❞

❝ Brush your teeth! Now boom, orange juice! That’s life. ❞

❝ College is a $120,000 hooker and you’re the idiot who fell in love with her.❞

❝ STREET SMARTS! ❞

❝ He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin. ❞

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can you remember a time you were /really/ happy after your family's demise?

              CHARACTER    DEVELOPMENT    ASKS.

           “--EH,”       it    looks    like    it    takes    Jeremiah    a    WHILE    to    come    up    with    an    answer.    In    actuality,    his    mind    was    made    up    as     soon    as    the    question    was    asked.    OF    COURSE    HE    WASN’T    HAPPY.          “Honestly,    can’t    remember    a    time.    Actually,    oop,    one    time    I   got    FREE    PARKING,    that    was    nice.”

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OKAY I ACTUALLY HAVE WORK TOMORROW IN LIKE 7 HOURS SO I NEED TO GO TO BED but if you want to drop some character development asks my way I’ll get to them tomorrow!

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ill do anything fow you mr hotlz pwease

         “I’d     TELL    you    to    perish,    but    that    would    just    create    a    whole    new    set     of    problems     that    I’m    not    sure    I’m    READY     to    endure.    So.    No.”

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flirt with my muse!

can be on or off anon.

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026

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hewwo from the other siiiiddeee. i must have cwalled a thousand timmmessss uwu

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pwease mr hotlz pwease i downt wanna faiwl

        “YOU    are    only    making    this    WORSE    for    yourself.”           Man    is    EXHAUSTED    as    he     leans    forward,    nodding     slowly.           “This    is     YOUR    funeral,    kid.    Keep    doin’     this    and    it’s    a    one-way    ticket    to     SUMMER    SCHOOL.”

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gravetalked:

me: makes jeremiah a really funny character that’s good for a laugh me, knowing good and damn well that his backstory is depressing as shit: :)

here it is!

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❛ dude just know that i mean this from the bottom of my heart, i'm so sorry you're getting memed on. ❜

           “Your    VOICE    says    SINCERITY,    but    your    EYES    spell    trouble.”          He’s    skeptical.

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( WAKE ME UP ) WAKE ME UP INSIDE.

❝   AW   ,   LIGHTEN’ UP DUDE   !   you can’t let that crap bother you. that’s what the kids want. be strong jere   ,   be strong   !   don’t let those lil’ assholes knock you down   !   we teachers gotta stand in solidarity.   ❞

          “YOU    are    paid    to    --    to     teach    NOT    ENGLISH.     I    am    PAID     TO     TEACH    ENGLISH.    Do    you    know    what    I    got    yesterday?”        Pile   of    papers    plops   on    the    desk    as    a   hand    gestures    to    the    contents.             “An   entire    paper    on    TO    KILL    A    MOCKINGBIRD,    written    ENTIRELY    in     OwO.”           He’s    DEAD    SERIOUS.

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uwuwuwuwuwu pwease dwont be mwad at us uwuwuwuwuwuuwu

           “I’ll    STOP    being    mad   at   you    when    you    stop    with    that    FUCKING    RIDICULOUS    OwO     shit.    I’m    your    TEACHER,    you’re     in    HIGH    SCHOOL.    I    have    the    power    to    fail    you.”           He    won’t,    he’s    bluffing.