graynightreader

[graynightreader]

-William Wordsworth

[graynightreader]

“And so being young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy.”

“and all i loved, i loved alone.”

Edgar Allan Poe

[graynightreader]

[graynightreader]

There are hours I spend in the warm arms of solitude; staring at the ceiling, listening to the rustle of leaves outside, my mouth dry after having too much coffee, haunted by the past and all the writings I didn’t finish. There's a familiar weight in my chest and I'm wondering if I should cry or not. It’s funny that I have thousands of ways to tell you about my pain, but never where it hurts.

— autumn artemis

[graynightreader]

Please, reblog! IIt’s called self defense. Apart from having here, in the US, one of the highest cases of homicide and rape in the world and high rate of GBV, think about how this could help your mother or sister

[graynightreader]

The epitome of perfect day

All i need for a perfect day.

[graynightreader]

I don't usually struggle with holding friendship/relationship since I tend to let things DRIFT AWAY

I function like a NORMAL BEING even though I don't feel like it is because my muscle and brain memorize my routine

My poor self-esteem barely keeping me together, but I tried to convince myself that I AM ENOUGH

Keep reminding myself that I'm a human. I'm allowed to feel certain types of feeling, either it's looking down on meself or boosting my inner ego in silent

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

[graynightreader]

maya angelou in a 2010 facebook post / lori preusch - one thousand stories high, 2016 / vintage library card from the public library of toronto / ta-nehisi coates, between the world and me / matilda (1996) / two pictures from “why our future depends on libraries, reading and daydreaming”, a 2018 photo essay with words by neil gaiman & art by chris riddell / caitlin moran, moranthology / istanbul modern library, turkey / tianjin binhai library, china / real biblioteca del monastario de el escorial, spain / jean-paul sartre, the words / lemony snicket, horseradish / ekua holmes - girl - literature, 2015

i was made for the library

[graynightreader]

“I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days. And thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.”

— Unknown

[graynightreader]

Wasting time.

Aka. I just wanted to draw kitty cat.

#pascalcampion

[graynightreader]

One of my favourite scene. And when Yelena asked Nat if she wished to bear children of her own.

It says a lot.

BLACK WIDOW (2021) dir. Cate Shortland

[graynightreader]

That's more like: 'Me and my siblings watching our parents did embarrassing stuff' pose

so the collection of chaotic siblings is complete

[graynightreader]

I'm thrilled @cassandraclare !!!! 💚

Dear Cristina, from Emma

Dear Cristina,

I was going to try addressing this letter to Polyamorous Cottage In Faerieland, but I figured it might never be delivered. :) Ok, ok, I’m kidding. I’m sending it to the New York Institute—Clary says she’ll hold onto it for you. I know Jules and I have been popping around the globe like ping-pong balls, but we’ve finally settled here in London for at least a couple of months, so you can — and should — write me back at the London Institute — I’m not sure the place we’re staying even has an address.

(And sure, I could have just sent you a fire-message, but I have too much to tell you. Buckle up.)

So, a while ago Jules and I were in Manaus, in Brazil, studying the Curupira demon, when we got called into the Rio Institute. They had a message for Julian. His great-aunt — yeah, the one he was visiting when you first came to L.A. — had died. Really sad. And then, remember the beautiful house in Sussex where she lived? Well, she left that to some cousin nobody’s heard of, but she left Julian Blackthorn Hall. Which is a crumbling ruin in Chiswick (kind of a suburb of London). And then we had to come here, because of a codicil in the will (ahem, according to the dictionary, that’s “an addition or supplement that explains, modifies, or revokes a will or part of one”). Either Julian has to fix the place up, get it livable again, in five years, or he has to donate it to the Clave.

Anyway, you know how Julian is. He makes up his mind fast. We Portaled to London the next day after he got the news.

I was all set to eat scones, drink tea, and go on the Eye (all the things I didn’t get to do last time we came to London, due to being pursued by unkillable Faerie warriors.) But that was before we took a black cab from the Institute out to Chiswick and really saw the place.

From the outside it looks like a museum or an old library—you know, big marble columns, grand staircase, big metal dome on top that looks like it should have a telescope in it. (It doesn’t; I checked.) But inside it’s more like a fairytale. Not, like, something from Faerie. Or something from a kid’s movie. It’s like one of those fairytales where a crumbling palace sleeps for a thousand years. It was kind of romantic, for about five minutes. Then we spotted the first rat, nibbling on the tassel end of one of the drapes.

It’s a weird mix of interesting history, weird old art, and total ruin. There are cool portraits of old Blackthorn ancestors, mostly intact. Julian says he doesn’t recognize most of the faces. Some of them have names written on the back of the canvas or on the frame but other than “Blackthorn” none of the names mean anything to any of us. There are wooden chests full of ancient books and papers, and beautiful overgrown grounds that I’m sure were once gardens and are now England’s version of a jungle. There’s an old greenhouse and a weird little brick structure we can’t figure out. (Storage shed? Very small weapons room?) The whole place is just a mess, and most of the house isn’t habitable at all anymore. Someone built an apartment with “updates” off in one wing, probably in the sixties. (The apartment, by the way, reminds me of that vintage shop in Topanga I dragged you to. Remember?) Whoever lived in it left a closet of all kinds of vintage clothes and there’s crazy flower-patterned wallpaper and modern art everywhere. At least the apartment has electricity, running water, and heat, because the rest of the house definitely doesn’t —

I’m back now. Sorry, had to stop writing for a second. Julian was calling me. He was up in what was probably a ballroom? But anyway he took a wrong step and his foot went through the floor. (Not all the way through the floor, which is a relief. But it definitely made a hole.) The ballroom is big and dusty, but you can see how long ago it must have been beautiful, and very fancy. It has these huge French doors that open onto marble balconies, though most of the glass in the doors is gone now.

Once I freed Jules from the broken floor I figured it was my only chance to try to talk some sense into him, so I pointed out that this is a gigantic project for two people who have never fixed up a house before, and that we have a perfectly fine place to live already. And the weather is better there.

Jules, being Jules, took his time answering, really thinking about what I’d been saying. Then he said, “If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to do it. You’re more important to me than a house. Any house.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to do it,” I said. “I just don’t even know where to start.”

Jules calmly explained that he’d been in contact with some faerie builders of some kind, hobgoblins maybe? who would be here Monday to do “a walkthrough.” Then he put his arms around me and said, “I know we can always live in the L.A. Institute. I love it there, too. But as much as any Blackthorn legacy exists, this is it. All these old papers, whatever secrets the house is hiding, they’re our family history. I want to pass it on to Dru and Ty and Tavvy. I want to give them what I never had.”

Well, what could I say to that? I get it. I have Jem as my living family history. Jules doesn’t have anything like that. And while Aline and Helen run the L.A. Institute now, they might not always, and besides, it belongs to the Clave. I get that he feels like he can’t give away a big chunk of his family’s history without giving them a choice in the matter.

I said, “All right. We’ll see what we can do. If we ever decide it’s too much, we can hold a big family meeting and everyone can vote. Keep the place or not.”

He picked me up and swung me around. Then we started kissing. I’ll be merciful and not give you the details.

So I’ve decided to consider all this An Adventure. It’s like an archeological site, and we are intrepid historians. Later I’ll see if I can convince Jules to put on a tweed coat and a pith helmet while we sort through the debris. Because whoever lived here before had a lot of stuff. It’s a big house, and every room has furniture with drawers and cabinets, and inside every drawer and every cabinet is clutter. Rusty weapons, water-damaged books, little boxes with more clutter in them, costume jewelry, portraits of random people, broken teacups…And remember, we’ll be going through it without any light but witchlights.

Anyway. I wanted to let you know what I was up to, and where we were. Our travel year was basically over anyway, so this is a sort of way of extending it and spending more time together. I’m not sad about that part. I was actually doing pretty well psyching myself up for the excavation of Blackthorn History, until this morning.

I know I said the house seemed haunted, but I was joking. Mostly. I’m not Kit; I can’t see ghosts unless they want me to see them, and so far I haven’t come across any ectoplasmic spirits with messages from The Beyond. But the place does feel odd — I keep finding myself turning around at the end of long, spiderwebby hallways, as if expecting to see something in the shadows. Or imagining I glimpse something over my shoulder in the mirror. I chalked it all up to nerves until this morning, when I came into the dining room and saw that the words “GO AWAY” were written in the dust on the floor.

I literally jumped. I was actually reaching for Cortana before I got a hold of myself. Don’t be ridiculous, I thought. That message could have been written any time. Long before we got to the house. It could have been sitting here in the dust for years, undisturbed.

I have a confession to make, though. I rubbed the GO AWAY message away with my foot. I didn’t want Julian to see it. He worries too much as it is. I didn’t want him to have that same bad moment of shock that I did, especially over something unimportant.

I feel better getting the story off my chest to you, though. Oh dear, Julian is calling for me again, I can’t wait to see what he’s put his foot through this time. I will write again soon, and in the meantime pip pip cheerio from London!

Love to you and the boys,

Emma

[graynightreader]

[graynightreader]

I read a book Anthropology when I was in the primary. It became my second favourite subject after English afterwards :)

Being an anthropology major you get to see a lot of universal commonalities between cultures but the funniest thing about humans is their absolute persistence to eat things even when they’re borderline inedible. Spicy plants evolved their taste as a deterrent so people wouldn’t eat them but we literally genetically modify things now to make them as spicy as possible. Caffeine is also a poison but we made an entire culture out of making drinks from it. Almost every single part of tomatoes is poisonous except for the actual pulp of the fruit itself. Coconuts take an incredible amount of effort to open but we somehow figured out a way to break them open and make food and drinks from them. Durian fruits can kill you if they fall on you but humans saw them and were like ‘we’re gonna find a way to break those fuckers open and eat them.’ Honey is literally protected by bees which sting you if you make them angry but we decided we were gonna get that stuff one way or another. My favourite example of this though is lobsters and crabs. If you kill them in literally any other way than boiling them alive their bodies release a poison that makes them inedible but humans were so determined to eat these fuckers that they figured out a way to do it. Anyways we’re such a funny little species and I love us for it.

[graynightreader]

“Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.”

— Deepak Chopra

[graynightreader]

OML I can't stop laughing

This is so damn CUTE! 🥺 Lele being the cutie pie baby that he is and Nana smiling sweetly at LeLe’s cuteness.💕