greatgreedyhandfuls

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

IWTV Sneezefic

Hey there snzlbr! PRESSING question: Are there any IWTV and or TVC enjoyers out there?!?!? Just wrote a 2k+ Loustat fic I need to give a quick proof to before I post, so please reblog or like or reply if you’re out there! Also I’d sell my soul to Satan for one sneezy Lestat fic that I don't have to write myself. One for Louis would be a very, very, close second, though I’d happily read and shower you in praise for sneezefic featuring any of the characters really, excluding any version of Claudia other than her on the show ONCE SHE IS AN ADULT. I know “trapped in a child’s body forever” is supposed to be this huge part of her arc, but both actresses who play her are whole ass (attractive) adults who very much look like they are, in fact, adults, once the character becomes one and they’re not playing an actual teen anymore. 

Anyway hiii!! I don’t know if anyone remembers me, I came for a second, dropped two parts of an OFMD fic and then disapeared for two years. I’m Fee btw! Also feel free to dm me if you want to talk IWTV sneeze at all :)

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Thinking about a man with a pollen allergy in a wedding party. He’s all dressed up, matching all his friends as they stand around and share memories about the groom before the ceremony. The abundance of flowers in the venue are starting to get to him, but he took an allergy pill, he prepared for this. He sniffles and wipes his nose on the back of his hand. It’s getting itchy, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. He starts telling a story about the groom in college but has to pause mid sentence, turn his back to the group, and stifle a double into his palm. hih’gntx—chiEW.

The little flowers in his jacket pocket are not helping. He considered asking to wear a pocket square instead, but then he would have been the only one, and he really didn’t want to make a big deal about this. But now that he’s here, walking up to the front of the room where he’s expected to stand silently and watch an entire wedding ceremony, it seems like he could have made a slightly bigger deal about it.

His sinuses are on fire. The ceremony doesn’t seem close to done — wow these vows are long — and he’s not sure he’s going to make it. He’s been on the verge of a sneeze the whole time, taking slow, shallow breaths and twitching his nose up and down like goddamn kegels. It's started to run a little, and he dabs the drop as discretely as he can with his index finger.

Finally, the bride and groom kiss, the room bursts into a cheer, and he lets out three harsh sneezes into his sleeve. huh-tXIEW! ish-IEW! hehh-tchIEU! Wiping his nose with his other hand, he holds the soiled sleeve behind his back, careful not to let it graze his jacket or anyone else as they exit the venue. Those pocket flowers are going straight in the trash.

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

happy sexual sunday I think one time when ed was bouncing on stede's dick some dust floating around in the air got in his nose and he sneezed and clenched really hard and stede got that oh look on his face. now it's a little game they play where stede will try and trigger ed's sneeze response when they're having sex until ed is delirious and sniffly with his tenth sneeze in a row from stede running a feather under his nose

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Oh my god your fics are ❤️ SO ❤️ GOOD ❤️

Re: your explicit fic question, I could be wrong but I don’t think tumblr has rules against it, only against images. I’ve seen tons of mature/kinky fics on this site either way. But somebody else probably knows better than I do 😅 sorry if that doesn’t help at all LOL

Thank you!!!!!! <3

I've only seen one fic in the many I've read here that was explicit so I wasn't sure, but you and others have confirmed it's doable, so I think I'll be ok. Seems I'll have the first BlackBonnet sneeze smut? Though I would love to be wrong about that- if any already exists i would like to devour it please and thanks

I'm a little worried the lack of existing content means there's not really an audience for it? I haven't interact much yet with other people who are into this. So...like if you want to see Stede get Ed off while he has a sneezing fit?

I mean, I'm going to write it anyway- have written some it already. But, you know, it'd be nice to not be the only freak in the sandbox

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

I absolutely loved Cling! It was so adorable, and those descriptions in the beginning *ahem* so good. Keep up the great work, your AU Ed/Stede are so soft 💜

Thank you so much!!!! Heheh glad you enjoyed that bit 😉😘 Got myself a bit riled up there writing it, nice to know it had that impact on others

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Source

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Your stuff is so sweet! So warm and also hot! Love your Black Bonnet, been sending this prompt around and thought I'd pass it to you too incase you're up for it! Ed having a bad allergic reaction to something, established relationship, with Stede fussing over him and Ed going all belly up and loving the attention, like "yes I am your poor darling, yes I do need you to stroke my hair and give me lots of extra special kisses all over my itchy face" meanwhile the crews just like wtf???

Oh, anon, this is just adorable to me. 😍 Love love love Ed being soft and needy, but just for Stede like like this. I hope you enjoy this fic! 💜

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The problem isn’t so much that Ed hates nature, but that nature really and truly and with a remarkable vengeance seems to hate him. When he woke up this morning, he had the faintest trace of a tickle at the back of his nose, like he might to sniffle a couple times, and an even more faint dry feeling in his throat. Sometimes happens in the summer, if they’re close enough to shore, but it’s not worth worrying about. Barely worth noticing. 

Barely fucking anything. He cleared his throat a couple times and dismissed the sensation after tea with Stede. He’d sneezed once–okay, twice, they always come two at a time–and shook it off after that. 

Now, four hours later, as he climbs back onto the deck of the ship, he pulls his gloves off as soon as he can and digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. Around him he can hear the crew hauling barrels and boxes onto the ship, spoils of their raid on a merchant ship. 

“Heave anchor! As soon as the jolly boat’s back, just… SNF! snffff! Get this ship out on the open sea,” Ed says and waves away questions. He growls a few more commands, willing his eyes to stop watering while he watches Izzy and the rest of the crew line boxes up in front of him. “No, not that one. That’s fucking … hardtack or some shit. That,” Ed says and points to a smaller box. 

His eyes fill with itchy, irritated tears before the rest of his face reacts to whatever’s in the air this afternoon. Ed shakes his head and presses the heel of his left hand into one eye, then the next, trying to head off the rest of what’s coming. Not that it’s worked at all today, but the air has to be better here on the ship, then on land. 

Anything has to be better than all the fucking trees and the yellow powdery pollen everywhere and Ed’s nose and eyes both leakingn all over his fucking face. God. His eyes itch and now his throat itches and–

“Oh, you’re back! Did you find any fabrics? Textiles? Something fancy?” 

That’s Stede, and suddenly the sharp edge of Ed’s irritation melts right away. The buzzing itch inside his head doesn’t get any better, but when Stede tugs his hands away from his face, he lowers them without protest. He sniffles, too, almost by reflex and the edges of his nose twitch. 

“Oh, Edward.” Stede frowns at him, just a bit, his eyebrows creasing together. His eyes go stupidly soft at the same time, warm honey brown, and he reaches up to touch the side of Ed’s face. “Your eyes are all teary.” 

It’s more an observation than anything else, but Ed can hear the warm concern in Stede’s voice. When Ed sniffles again, Stede gives a soft tsk and catches the tear that slips down Ed’s cheek. 

“Fucking trees,” Ed mutters. 

“Yes,” Stede nods. “It is springtime…” 

Ed sniffles again, then again, then squeezes his eyes shut just as he aims his face at his shoulder. 

“uhhISHH’oo! EISH’oo!” He doesn't even have any control over how the sneezes burst out anymore; his nose twitches, and then he has to sneeze whether he wants to or not. 

“God bless you,” Stede says, along with a few murmured blessings from the crew. 

Ed’s already snarled at being blessed through the morning, but now all he can do is nod and scrub at his nose with the side of his wrist. Another sniffle makes his nose tremble along the edges and he hardly has time to take in a breath before he has to hold his arm in front of his face. 

“h’ISShh! HISShhoo!” The two sneezes come out one right on the top of the other, making Ed’s eyes water and nose run, and he shudders out another two before he gets a chance to recover from the first pair. “USHHiiew! hESSH’hhhh! Oh mby god… snfffSNF! SNF!!” 

“God bless,” Stede murmurs and pulls Ed’s hand away from his face a second time. He’s frowning again, too, Ed’s pretty sure, though everything is tear-blurred. “That sounds awful.” 

“Feels awful,” Ed agrees without hesitation. “Like the inside of my head itches.” 

“Poor darling,” Stede says, just under his breath for nobody to hear, just Ed. 

And something about that makes Ed fall apart, just right Stede, right on the deck of the ship. He leans right into the palm that Stede rests against his cheek and gives what he knows is the most pitiful, liquid sniffle. 

“Let’s get you inside for a while, all right?” 

“And you’ll SNF look after me?” 

Leaning up, Stede presses a quick kiss to Ed’s forehead. The quick, gentle gesture reminds Ed how when he’s with Ed, wherever they are, part of him always feels like it’s just two of them, and that there’s always some small part of the world that’s just theirs. 

So, the hastily muttered comments from the crew and Izzy’s sigh of disbelief when Ed rests his forehead against Stede’s? Yeah, those don’t mean fucking anything. They’re nothing compared to the way Stede presses a kiss to the side of Ed’s nose when he sniffles and coughs. 

“Of course I will. Bathe your eyes and get you some clean handkerchiefs,” Stede says. Just quietly, again, and he puts an arm around Ed’s waist to draw him off the deck. 

“I brought you–” Ed glances down towards the box at his feet. Dipping his head down makes his nose drip and sniffling only makes the tickle there more unbearable. “h’uhhHH–TSCHieww!” 

“Bless you!” 

“h’Yiiishhheh!” 

“Bless you,” Stede repeats. 

Ed sneezes again, a quick, sharp TSCHssssh! towards the deck of the ship, then and another CHiiissssh! that he catches equally against his own arm as he does against Stede’s. 

“Goodness, bless you. Again?” Stede asks, and just keeps his arm at Ed’s waist when all Ed can do is cough in reply. 

He coughs a few times, really, those ridiculous, tiny, irritated little coughs that his body needs to get out when everything in the air is bothering him so much. Clearing his throat seems to make it worse and, anyway, he really is going to sneeze again. 

“uhh… huh… h’Uhh… TSSChhhuhh! huhh… hhDT– f-fuck,” Ed mutters when the second sneeze snags, leavin him this itchy, drippy, teary mess. Clearing his throat and swiping his eyes and nose against the back of his hand have no effect. 

He just feels bad. 

“I feel bad,” Ed says before he can stop himself. 

“I can tell.” Stede laughs, but gently and sympathetically. Everyone else on deck is awkwardly quiet, but Stede just draws Ed into the warm circle of his arm and tugs him along. 

“I was reading when you got back,” Stede says. “And thinking about having afternoon tea. Were you able to get tea, actually?” 

Ed huffs a quiet laugh of his own. “Yeah, yeah, we did. Some fancy shit for you.” 

“Good,” Steve says. He hugs Ed closer to his side when Ed scrubs at his nose, then pats Ed’s back when doing so provokes a cough. 

When they get to the captain’s quarters, Ed’s sure of exactly two things: 

One, that he is going to be sneezing his fucking head off for the rest of the afternoon.

Two, that he is also going to let Stede tug him over to the sofa, put his head in Stede’s lap, and sink right into the way Stede strokes his hair as he reads to him. He might even doze off once his nose calms down. 

Which reminds Ed of something else: 

Three, that he is damn proud of the tea, spices, and cashmere he got for Stede, and he will shower him with gifts and kisses later tonight. 

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Fever aches!! Ed with a high fever, knee aching sooo bad, like the whole thing is just a pinched ball of pain, curled up with his legs hooked over Stede's lap (guided in place by gentle hands) and his face hidden in his throat as Stede rubs it and periodically presses kisses in his damp hair

Ahhhh, this poor, soft, sick baby 🥺 I love this scenario, anon, and I hope you enjoy some needy, emotional, fevery modern AU Edward... 💜 (~1k words)

~ ~ ~

Ed knows he doesn’t really need to move from the bed to the sofa, but he’s already fucking tired of being bed. He’s achy, exhausted, congested, and sick as hell, but staying in bed all day fills him with another kind of misery. If he could sleep the whole time, that would be one thing, but he’s just laying there, feeling awful, missing Stede. 

Which is about as pathetic as it comes, really, given that Stede’s in the kitchen fixing lunch for the two of them. He had some work to do this morning, some online meeting that Ed half overheard through his fever-haze, so Ed knows Stede’s here. 

He’s just not here, next to Ed, curled up in bed with him while Ed dozes on and off through this awful virus he picked up. Maybe it’s the fever or the pain or whatever, but not having Stede close makes Ed feel shaky inside, like he can’t quite hold onto the world around him with Stede’s steady warmth to anchor him. 

Yeah, fuck, that’s patheitc, but Ed’s too sick to struggle against it. It’s actually easier to struggle through the short walk from the bed to the sofa, then to collapse onto the collection of pillows and folded blankets there. He’s in a tee shirt and pajama pants, though he usually just sleeps in shorts, but the fever already has him wishing he’d brought one of Stede’s sweaters with him. 

His knee absolutely hates him for the effort, though, Enough that Ed actually feels tears start in his eyes at how badly his knee hurts; those same tears remind him how incredibly stuffed up his head is, too. A couple rough, stuffy coughs are all it takes for Stede’s footsteps to pad into the living room, too, and Ed can’t help the shudder of relief that goes through him. 

“Edward? Oh, darling…” Stede sits down on the edge of the sofa next to Ed and runs his hand over Ed’s fever-damp, bed-mussed hair. His hazel eyes have the familiar warmth to them they always do when he’s caring for Ed. “You’re too sick to be out of bed. You look so feverish…” 

Ed buries his face right into the crook of Stede’s neck and shakes his head. This is all he’s wanted, between the blurry fever dreams and constant achiness, to have Stede close to him. Everything feels so, so awful when he’s sick; blurry and shivery and wrong, his emotions all slipping sideways and he just wants Stede. 

Maybe he wants Stede too much. He can’t stop his heart, though, and the way his body yearns for this warmth. Ed gives a quiet, shuddery sob against Stede’s shoulder, unbidden, and snuffles in closer when Stede strokes his hair again. 

“M’knee’s so fucked,” he mumbles into Stede’s neck. “Can’t breathe right, either.” He doesn’t need to prove either to Stede. His husband already knows how badly being sick affects his bad knee and Ed sounds so completely and utterly congested that there’s no way Stede could’t tell. 

“So you can’t sleep? Poor love.” Stede kisses the crown of Ed’s head, then nuzzles against him softly in return when Ed coughs into his neck. “Let’s get you a little more comfortable and I’ll see what I can do to help that.” 

“... this is good,” Ed says. He rubs his nose into the hollow of Stede’s collarbone, sniffling again, and nestles in closer when that has Stede kissing his hair again. “M’good here.” 

“Mmh… no complaints, but I think we can do a bit better.” Another kiss to Ed’s hair, then one to his forehead, and one to the bridge of his nose when he peers up at Stede. “Warm and comfortable, and I’ll rub your knee for you, hm?” 

Ed doesn’t really want to move, but Stede looks so soft, and the expression on his face is so sweet, that Ed agrees anyway. Stede rearranges him on the sofa so Ed’s curled in close to him with a light blanket, close enough that Stede can gently tend to his knee and Ed can tuck his face back into the crook of Stede’s neck. He can rub his nose into Stede’s collarbone again, sniffling against the way his sinuses tickle from the congestion in his head shifting. 

“There, love, that has to be better…” Stede massages his fingers into the tight, painful muscles around Ed’s knee and presses yet another kiss into Ed’s hair when his breath catches softly. “All right?” 

“Y-yeah… snffSNF! I’mb just–” Ed’s breath comes in another shivering hitch, and he curls right into Stede when the sinus-deep tickle rises up. It’s almost too strong, painful even, to get him to sneeze, making his eyes water and nose run. 

When he does sneeze, it’s a shuddery uhh’hhUSChsshhhieew! that feels like it comes from the tips of his toes. Achy and shuddery, like his whole body needed it and protested needing it at the same time. 

“Oh, god bless you, Edward… we have tissues, here,” Stede murmurs when Ed just sniffles against him, helpless and futile sniffles that Stede catches in the handful of tissues for Ed. “One more?” 

Ed shakes his head, then coughs, and then feels his sinuses prickle in a way that makes his eyelashes flutter against the sensation. His nose twitches a little, too, and Stede holds the tissues in front of his face despite Ed’s watery protest. 

“uhh’HUH! huh… hrrussschh! UShhhieew!” The sneezes aren’t as strong as the first, but Ed shivers afterwards, the fever catching up with him along with the congestion. 

“Two more, even. Bless you, bless you, darling,” Stede murmurs. He kisses Ed, too, a quiet, gentle kiss to his hairline, and stays close a few seconds longer than he needs to before reaching for fresh tissues. 

Ed mutters a thank you into the tissues, accepts a few dry ones to hold onto, then lets Stede tuck him back in close. Even with the tea, soup, and medicine Stede promises, Ed’s not sure he’ll sleep any better out here. He promises to stay with Ed, too, and that, more than anything else, helps Ed find some rest. 

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Ahh sweaters and herbal tea would be very cute for Ed and Stede 🥺💜 thank you!!

Oh, friend 🥺 I just love these prompts for them... I hope you enjoy this ficlet from my little modern AU for younger Ed/Stede, with some softkink Stede and some soft needy sick Edward... 🍂💜 (~1600w)

~ ~ ~

“Are you sure?” Ed asks, his voice tinged with uncertainty. 

Stede feels his chest catch a little at the tone of Ed’s voice, like he’s really worried Stede will change his mind about having him over. 

“Of course I’m sure. I’m making you soup.” Stede says. He’s not the best cook, but surely even he can manage shredding a supermarket roasted chicken and adding broth, mixed vegetables, noodles, garlic and other spices. 

“Well, yeah, but… I’m such a fucking mess.” Ed’s voice goes quiet and raspy this time, and Stede can already hear how the cold is taking a toll on him. He’s been sniffling through their short phone conversation, already sneezed four times, and aside from slightly uncertain, he sounds needy. “Sure you won’t mind?” 

Which, well… Stede’s weak for just about everything when it comes to Edward, his eyes and his smile and his warmth, but his softness and vulnerability always have Stede wanting to wrap himself up around Ed. Even without seeing his boyfriend, he can tell Ed’s a ridiculously adorable sick person and he’s going to go even more weak when he gets to hold him.  

“Minding is the last thing I’ll be doing.” Stede surveys his countertop of soup ingredients, then turns from them to talk to Ed. “Look, sweetheart, all I want is to have you close when you don’t feel well. You had such a long week and now you’re sick and I…. just want to hold you,” Stede adds in a smaller voice. Maybe he’s the one being too needy here? 

“Oh.” Ed’s quiet for a few moments, then Stede can hear his quiet, liquid sniffles, and then one of his coughs. “I want that, too. snffSNFF! snff… Mbaybe snff! I should get tissues to bring–” 

“I have tissues, Ed,” Stede says and relief floods right through him. God, he loves Ed so much, so ridiculously much, and maybe it’s too much, but… here he is, smiling at his phone and his shredded chicken and at the idea of how cute he knows Ed looks with his pink nose and watery eyes and messy hair. “I’ll have tea and soup for you, too. Come over whenever you like.” 

“All right, yeah, I’ll be there soon. Just need to blow my nose about a dozen times,” Ed says with a sigh, but he sounds a lot less unsure now. 

He still sounds incredibly sniffly, though, and Stede can’t help but keep Ed on the phone just so they can chat while Ed gets ready to come over and while Stede starts their soup. There’s a good few more coughs and sniffles, and Ed’s starting to sneeze three or four times in a row now that his cold is progressing. 

Stede melts. 

Every time he blesses Ed or Ed comments on his own sneezes, Stede simply melts right there in his tiny apartment kitchen. He’s spent most of his week at the theater helping run the crew for their latest production, and Ed’s been back and forth between the cafe and his band, but now… Now Stede will have Ed all to himself, and Ed at his most soft. 

The chicken soup is simmering on the stove and Stede has a few candles lit against the fall chill when Ed arrives. His apartment isn’t much, not anything like the house he grew up in, but Stede’s tried his best to make it cozy with his books and blankets and candles and boxes of tea. Ed likes it here, and Stede loves sharing his space with Ed, so he figures it must be good enough. 

That he must be good enough, even with all his weird little quirks, with all his enthusiasm for what he loves spilling in all directions. Nobody has ever loved him like Ed does, and Stede’s sure he’d be happy enough to spend the rest of his life in this little town by the beach, waking up every morning with Ed tucked in close to him. 

“You look chilly,” Stede says when he opens the door and pulls Ed right into his arms as soon as it’s closed behind them. His nose is very pink and he has a few days of dark stubble on his face, and Stede’s tummy gives the little swoop it always does when he sees Ed. 

“A little bit,” Ed replies. He sinks into the hug with a soft, tired sound and buries his face in the crook of Stede’s neck, sniffling a little. “The walk over wasn’t bad, though. Just reallys sniffly,” he adds and wrinkles his nose. 

“And I bet you’re ready to warm up now?” Stede cannot help but Ed even closer, especially after he sniffles against Stede’s neck. The brush of his nose is a little damp, a little ticklish. “Do you want to change?” 

Ed shrugs, then pulls away from the hug to rub at his nose. It’s already so pink that rubbing at it flushes it even further, leaving him even more snifflish than before. 

“Just came o-over in … snff-snff! In sweats and… snff! S-sorry, baby,” Ed mumbles, nose twitching and running a little, and he scrubs it into the cuff of his denim jacket. His cold is too much for him, though, and he turns away from Stede after a couple more sniffles. “hehh… heh-hhTCHshhh! etCHiishhoo! ehhiHH…. ittCHisshh! Oh, god…” 

“Bless you! Oh, bless you, Edward, here…” Stede slips his arm back around Ed’s waist to draw him close again, waiting for Ed to stop rubbing at his nose to press a kiss to his cheek. “That cold really is getting to you already…” 

“Ugh, it’s just… hehhEhh–” Ed’s eyes fall shut when his breath catches, and he’s still for a moment. His dark, curly hair’s already tousled, and when he sneezes again, it falls into his eyes. “ehhhTCHissh’ooo!” 

“God bless you!” Stede’s sure his voice goes a bit breathless when he blesses Ed, but he can’t even help himself. Ed really is the cutest sick person he’s ever seen, and part of Stede still can’t believe he gets to be this close to Ed. “Let’s get comfy, all right?” 

“Yeah…” Ed’s smile is so warm and full that Stede has to kiss him again, this time on the lips, and he’s smiling himself as Ed nuzzles into him. “Guess you really did want to come over, huh?”

“Very much so,” Stede replies. They kiss and nuzzle a little more, until Ed shivers against the draft by the door, and then Stede tugs him over to the futon. 

Once Ed’s out of his sneakers and jacket and hoodie, Stede wraps his own arms around Edward and nuzzles against his ear. There’s tea for Ed on the coffee table, and one of Stede’s own cardigans draped over the back of the sofa, but for now Stede wants to be the one to warm Ed up. He strokes Ed’s arm, over his tattoos, and leans in to nuzzle against him once more when Ed moves in closer. 

“You don’t look like a mess at all,” he murmurs and kisses the corner of Ed’s mouth, then presses an even smaller, softer kiss to the side of Ed’s nose. 

Ed gives a tiny laugh, but he nestles into Stede and brushes a kiss against Stede’s mouth. His runny nose is bothering him almost constantly at this point, quiet and ticklish and persistent, and Stede feels a quick shiver run up his spine when Ed sniffles against him again. 

Before Ed can react, his breath catches once more, and he has even less warning this time before he has to twist away from Stede. He barely even has a chance to hold his arm in front of his face to shield Stede from the sneezes, that’s how quick the sensation overtakes him. 

“hehhiIISHHiooo! Fuck, sorry,” Ed mutters, sniffling helplessly and rubbing his nose against his forearm. His warm brown eyes are already teary and rimmed with a delicate pink and they just water when his breath comes short once more. “heh… h’Ehh—hetCHshiew! ehhhTISHOO!” 

“Bless you… bless you. Here–” Stede reaches for the box of tissues, but stops when Ed’s hand rests on his leg. 

Ed’s completely still for a second, then his hand trembles on Stede’s thigh just as he sniffles once. 

“heh…. hehh… eh–EISSShhiooo!” The sneeze leaves Ed dazed and bleary, still again for a few minutes, before he slides his hand from Stede’s thigh to his waist and leans back in close. When he sniffles, the sound is more congested, and Ed has to clear his throat a couple times afterwards. 

“Bless you,” Stede says again, but more softly, and presses one kiss to Ed’s shoulder through his black tee shirt. He has tissues for Ed, and while he’d be more than happy to hold them for his boyfriend, he passes them to Ed when the thought just makes him flush. When Ed’s done blowing his nose, Stede strokes his hair back from his face and smiles as Ed nestles into him. “You really don’t look like a mess at all…” 

“I feel like a mess… snffSNF! So many sneezes, and my nose is so fucking runny,” he says, but like he’s more tired from than annoyed by his cold. When Stede hands Ed another tissue, he just wipes his nose a couple times, then tucks his head in against Stede’s shoulder and nuzzles into his collarbone. “At least you don’t mind?” 

“I don’t…. I’m not sure I ever could,” Stede murmurs. He’ll tell Ed someday exactly how much he does not mind, but for now, from the way Ed nuzzles into him with a few kisses and strokes his chest a bit, he thinks, maybe, Ed already understands. 

Soon, he’ll press the mug of lemon tea with lavender honey into Ed’s hands and wrap the warm sweater around Ed’s shoulders, and simply bask in all the warmth between them. 

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Cling

Hi there! I am here to drop another 3k of emotional sick person Edward Teach, even clingier and needier this time 😈 This picks up right where Deep and Shorn Raw ends.

 I want to say thank you to everyone for being so amazing and welcoming and leaving such nice comments!!! Sorry to completely disappear, life happened, but I’ve been lurking and loving all the fall and winter blackbonnet fics🥲

Just some brief context- in this universe they live in an enormous old house built into a cliff over the water. Their room is on the top floor, and they have an elevator, mostly because of Ed’s knee. Again, if you’re interested in the original fic dm me! I’m working on some more non kink stuff in the verse as well, including some vanilla sick fic. 

This installment is 80% ridiculously self indulgent hurt/comfort with a bit of ridiculously self indulgent kink thrown in there. An extremely kinky explicit part three I don’t think I can  post here is in the works. If anyone knows how I should go about sharing it, please let me know. Enjoy and mind the typos &l<3

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“Alright love,” Stede says apologetically, cupping the side of Ed’s face that isn’t mushed against his chest. It’s been nearly an hour of laying here tucked up together, drifting in and out of soft conversation, filling each other in on the hours they spent apart. “You’re really starting to burn up, let’s get some medicine in you.”

Ed tenses in his arms, his fingers clutching at Stede’s shirt. Goodness, his poor thing. He’s always clingy when he’s ill, but Stede’s absence today seems to have really done a number on him, if he’s this anxious about Stede leaving for a few short minutes to retrieve the pills. Stede tries to not to channel the cloying guilt into the path of the hand he’s running up and down Ed’s back. He casts his eyes around the room for inspiration to reassure him.

“Ah! That’s convenient. Lucius left it right on the side table,” Stede tells him, relieved when Ed instantly relaxes at the knowledge Stede won’t even leave his line of sight. He slides out from under Ed carefully, unable to resist dropping a kiss on his forehead, and helps him sit up slowly and settle back against the pillows. Ed visibly winces as he swallows and Stede tuts, reaching up to stroke down the sides of his throat, fingers lingering along his Adam's apple.

“Poor lamb, I know it hurts. Still, you should try to drink as much of that as you can manage. I could make you a fresh cup of tea or-” Ed shakes his head quickly, not meeting Stede’s eyes. Stede sighs, setting the water on a coaster on the coffee table and pulling him back into his arms. “Alright. Let’s give that a few minutes to kick in and head upstairs then.”

Stede makes no attempt to move beyond shifting to lean them back against the couch. He keeps playing with Ed’s hair, keeps running his palm slowly and repetitively up and down his back. He tries not to be too worried, tries not to spiral with it. For Ed being ill comes tethered to years of trauma--to be fair it does for Stede as well-- but he doesn’t want to push him to talk about it now. He just wants to make it better, desperately. Ed is, Ed is the most precious thing in all the world and, he’s feeling so poorly right now, and carrying a simmering decades old fear to boot. At the very least, Stede’s presence seems to assuage the worst of it, but there’s something in how tightly Ed is clinging to him right now that has Stede worried.

“I’m not going anywhere darling,” he tries and feels Ed’s fingers twitch where they’re fisted in his shirt, “I know I was gone today, and I’m sorry for that, but I’ll always come back to you.”

Ed lets go of a shakey breath and goes boneless in Stede’s arms, limp as a daisy stem, his whole weight released to Stede. 

“Thank you. I know that, rationally, I do. I just…I don’t know,” he murmurs, voice crystalline thick, “Hearing it again helps.” “Then I’ll tell you as many times as-”

Before Stede can finish the sentence, Ed is ducking forward with an intense sudden sneeze. He stays bent there, shuddering, trapped by the welling irritation. After a jagged little breath that sounds a bit wheezier than Stede likes, he intervenes.

“Let me see darling,” he commands softly, instinctually, and in a way that Ed is always responsive to.

Ed lifts his head. His expression is tortured, nostrils flared taunt, irritated tears streaking down the outer corners of his eyes as his chin lifts on a gasp. Stede clicks his tongue, gathering the handkerchief in one hand and hovering the other just above Ed’s nose, waiting for consent. Ed’s trust is absolute and he doesn’t hesitate to give Stede a small shaky nod. Stede crooks his index finger and brings it to the shiny pink tip, pausing to appreciate the broad slope of it, and nudges it up and down. He hits a spot to the left and the pressure snaps; Ed seizes forward into the handkerchief with two robust sneezes. His breath catches again after the last, and he ruts jerkily at the handkerchief.

“That’s it, love, that was very good. Bless you.” As much as he can feel Ed trembling with the oncoming sneeze, he can also feel the way the praise seeps some of the tension from him. “One more?”

Ed lets out a pitchy little gasp and releases one more thoroughly desperate sounding sneeze into Stede’s cloth covered hand.

“There we go, that’s better isn’t it? Bless you again my love.”

“Thank you,” Ed breathes, the word barely comprehensible through the congestion, but awestruck note still clear enough. 

Stede gives his sore nose a delicate squeeze through the handkerchief, shorthand to get him to clear it, which he does with a miserably productive sound. He lets Stede clean him up then face plants back into his shoulder with a defeated groan. 

“You should just put me out of my misery. I’d welcome one of those decorative skewers through the eyeball right about now.”

“Hush you, there'll be no mercy killing today. Not by my hand anyway. You might have been able to convince Lucius.”

Ed snorts, a tiny laugh that has him sniffling again.

“Oh sure, he’d have been up to the task. Think the ‘mercy’ bit would have been for him though, not me.”

“I don’t know why,” Stede says. Every pass of his fingers through Ed’s hair lifts the delicate lavender notes of his shampoo in the air. He cherishes it, and the distinctly Ed specific sent beneath even more so. “You’re hardly a difficult patient.”

“You’d be the first to think that,” Ed says, half chuckling. There’s a bitterness beneath it, an old achy sort of upset.

“Well I know you best don’t I? I think being your husband lends me some authority on the subject. And I love taking care of you darling, you’re a pleasure, even when you’re ill,” Stede proclaims, sealing it with a kiss to Ed’s temple.

Ed doesn’t say anything to that, just takes another shaky breath in and holds on tighter. Stede frowns, more worried still, and rubs his back with every bit of gentleness he can pour into his hands. Eventually Ed’s sniffling becomes too pressing to ignore and he has to pull back to sink his face into yet more tissues.

 “The steam shower will do your poor sinuses some good I think,” Stede comments.

“Doesn’t sound as satisfying as a lobotomy, but I’ll take it.”

Ed tosses the tissues aside but makes no moves to stand; if anything he hunkers down further in Stede’s arms. He seems to crave the touch with a voraciousness that’s as charming as it is concerning. 

“We do have to get up for that,” Stede points out, “Haven’t gotten the hang of teleportation yet, I’m afraid.”

Ed groans, digging his forehead into Stede’s neck. Stede is relieved to find his skin already beginning to cool.

“Everything’s gonna go sideways the second I stand up,” Ed complains.

Stede frowns, the sour well of worry in his belly raising up another notch. He’d attributed Ed nearly toppling over when he got home to him standing too quickly, having just come out of a nap and being a little overzealous to initiate their reunion. Stede assesses the state of his back- he tweaked something last year that had taken months to settle back into place, but it’d been awhile since it bothered him. For Ed, he’d chance it.

“I could carry you?”

“You could?” Ed says, sounding excited. He lifts his head to look at Stede, and god, between his big brown eyes all lit up and his sweet pink nose, he just about does Stede’s heart in then and there. “Your back would be ok?”

He’d told Ed he looked beautiful, and he meant it; He always found Ed beautiful and spent a, frankly disproportionate, amount of time staring at him in a fluttery lovestruck haze, but it wasn’t the word at the forefront of his mind at the moment. Adorable. He was so adorable like this Stede’s heart couldn’t seem to stop doing somersaults in his chest. The pink tip of his nose he pawed at constantly in irritation, his hair tugged every which way after a day spent lying on it, his gorgeous eyes a little puffy and perpetually slipping softly shut between his tiredness and near constant fits of sneezes that ranged from fierce to small, desperate kittenish things. The way he clung to Stede, constantly tugging himself closer like everything would be better if only Stede was there.

Stede smiles at him fondly, helpless to do anything else.

“Think I could manage it.”

Ed grins at him and all Stede can think is that he’d do absolutely anything to keep a smile on his lovely face. He helps lever Ed fully upright, frowning again at the way even that much makes him squeeze his eyes shut, swaying and steadying himself with a hand on Stede’s thigh. If the dizziness keeps up much longer, Stede is going to drag him to a doctor- thrown over his shoulder if he has to. 

“Arms around my neck sweetheart. There we go, and your legs-” Ed hooks his legs around Stede’s back and nuzzles his face into his neck. Stede can feel his smile there. “Ready?”

“Fuck yeah.”

Stede lifts him off the couch grinning like a loon himself when Ed giggles, a cheerful stuffy sound that lights Stede up from the inside like a firefly. He presses the button for the lift with his elbow then resecures Ed against his hips. He’s heavy to the point Stede’s muscles burn, but being able to hold the entirety of what he loves most in the world in his arms is a nice feeling, especially with how delighted Ed is to be held.

Ed sniffles and his breath catches, little fish hook gasps that flutter at the sensitive skin of Stede’s throat.

“Stede I’m g-gonna heh-Huh’edtsshh!” Ed’s thighs squeeze around his waist as he jerks forward, arms tightening around his neck, rush of warmth caught in Stede’s shoulder. He sneezes once more, a tickly little, “Huh-eeirssh!”

Stede makes a soft cooing noise before he can stop himself.

“Bless you, bless you! Angel,” he murmurs the last word, lightly pressing his cheek to the side of Ed’s head, then adds at Ed’s overwhelmed sniffling, “Handkerchief’s in my back right pocket dear.”

Stede chuckles as Ed takes the opportunity of fishing it out to give his ass an affectionate squeeze. The lift dings open and Stede maneuvers them both inside, angling against the wall to give Ed something to balance with as he leans back to tend to his nose. He makes straight for their bedroom when they reach the third floor, depositing Ed gently on their bed. In near the same motion he turns, thinking of the long wait for the steam shower to heat up, and how very eager he is both to get his darling breathing better and have him nude and clingy in the billowing man-made fog. He doesn’t make it a step before a hand seizes his arm.

“No! No please, don’t go,” Ed pleads, sounding suddenly petrified. Stede whips back around to find Ed’s eyes wide and panicky, breath coming fast. He dives onto the bed beside him, hauling Ed back into his arms.

“Shh, shh, shhh I’m right here, I’m not leaving you,” Stede soothes, his heart wrapped in a bow of nettles, squeezed to painful splintery bits at Ed’s little whimper, the way he trembles under Stede’s hands on his back. “Oh my heart. I’m here, I’m here, you’re all right, you’re safe.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ed chokes out, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me”

“Hey, hey, shhh, you’re perfect sweetheart, you don’t need to be sorry. It’s just, it’s a bad day today, isn’t it? I didn’t realize- I would never in a million years have left you alone if I realized.”

Ed gets like this once and awhile, but he hadn’t been even fractionally this raw when Stede left. He’d woke him to say goodbye, and he was sleepy and snuffly, but solid and alert enough to gift Stede with a beautiful blinding smile and wish him luck. Something must have happened for him to be here, crying into Stede’s neck with quiet shuttery sobs for the third time in the last hour. 

It hurts, everytime, to see Ed in pain, but comforting him comes naturally to Stede, like some intrinsic, integral piece of himself was waiting all his life to give this man a soft place to land. He keeps hushing him, rocking Ed back and forth, an easy mid tide sway, nuzzling at the side of his head. He’d gather him all the way inside of himself and tuck him in a blanket of his blood and guts if he could, if it would help. Ed’s breathing slows after a minute, his death grip on Stede’s waist easing marginally.

“It, I didn’t,” Ed tries, and clears his throat with a thick sound, sniffling and scrubbing his face into Stede’s shoulder. The protectiveness Stede feels in this moment is fearsome, it has talons and a ripping wingspan bigger than any living bird. “It wasn’t until after you left, I woke up from a shitty fever dream and there was, this memory I’d forgotten, from when I was sick when I was a little kid and-“

Ed stops, seemingly unable to continue. He shakes his head, hiccuping.

“Shh shh, you’re alright, it’s alright dearest. You don’t have to talk about it, only if you want to. My sweet thing, why didn’t you call?” Stede says, angling his voice as gentle as he can make it, trying not to let the claw sharp edges of his worry make him sound at all accusatory. 

“It’s been five goddamn years since Louy wanted scheduled time with you, you were so excited babe. If I called you bawling my eyes out you’d have turned around.”

“You were bawling your eyes out?” Stede asks, horrified. Ed is his- his husband, his best friend, the other half of his damn soul- his to protect. The idea of him sick as a dog, scrambling to handle that on his own…

“A bit,” Ed admits in a whisper. Stede closes his eyes, gutted, and holds him impossibly tighter. “I managed. Did what I used to do, shoved the feelings into ball like a wad of tinfoil and fucking swollowed. Sorta worked for a bit, but they, uh, don’t seem to want to stay buried now that…”

Ed takes a long staggering breath and turns his cheek flush with Stede’s chest.

“Now that you’re here, and I know I’m safe,” he finishes in a near whisper.

Stede bites his lip hard, to stop the overwhelmed noise, half a sob, from spilling out his throat. His eyes betray him, tears trailing into Ed’s soft messy hair.

“You are safe, I’ll always keep you safe, my precious, precious, love,” he vows in the steadiest voice he can manage, “I'm very glad you know that. If you feel like you need to cling to me right now, then you cling, alright? Tight as you please.”

“Ok,” Ed gasps, a waterlogged word. The fractional distance their knees create between their bodies is suddenly unbearable. Stede gets a hand under Ed legs and swings them over his lap, getting him as close as it is possible to be without prying apart his ribcage.

 “Just darling, please, please call me if you’re that upset,” Stede begs, “You’re right, I would have turned around. I could have been, I don’t know, diffusing a bomb, starring in a Saturday matinee on Broadway, whatever, it doesn’t matter. I would have gone to you and not regretted it for a second.” 

Stede lifts the hand in Ed’s hair to scrape his own tears away with the back of it, then leans back enough to cradle the whole of Ed’s damp face in his palms. His poor darling looks so worn out, looking back at Stede with wet, exhausted eyes. Stede strokes under those beautiful eyes with his thumbs and guides him closer by the jaw to hold his lips to Ed’s forehead. 

“You are my first priority. Ok?”

“Ok,” Ed says again, and god he sounds so small. “You too.” 

Stede leans in, rests his forehead against Ed’s. They stay like that for a bit, bone to bone, breathing together. 

“Do you still want to use the steam shower sweetheart?” Stede asks softly after a while, a gentle break of the silence. He wants every word he says to come out soft right now. Ed just nods, still a little shaken up.

“I’m going to pop in the bathroom and turn it on. I’ll come right back, blink and you’ll miss it. Alright darling?”

Ed nods again, jerkily this time. Stede kisses his forehead once more for good measure, his stomach twisting as Ed’s hands drag away from his waist and immediately squeeze into fists on the comforter. He strides to the bathroom to open the hidden panel in their shower, sets the steam to come at medium heat and darts back to the bedroom in record time. 

Ed’s eyes find his the moment he’s through the door, clearly having been watching it, and he reaches for Stede as he nears the bed. Stede reaches back, clasping his outstretched arms, sliding his hands up to his shoulders then all the way around his back as he sinks down next to him. Ed all but collapses back into the safety of the embrace.

“Shh,” Stede repeats, tracing firm circles along his shoulder blades, “I’ve got you my love, I’m right here.”

Stede just keeps hold of him for a few long minutes, relieved as Ed relaxes more and more into his arms, the steam from the bathroom eventually puffing out through the open door and thickening the air around them. The windows that frame their bed fog, the great expanse of the dark sea below them disappearing until it’s just the two of them cast in soft yellow light.

[greatgreedyhandfuls]

Deep and Shorn Raw

Hello OFMD sneezblr!! This is my debut, after many years of lurking in various fandoms. Made a side blog just to post this and begin to participate! :) 

Here’s nearly 4k of clingy emotional sick person Edward Teach, featuring plentiful h/c, reluctant caretaker Lucius and incredibly enthusiastic, protective caretaker Stede. It’s set in a vanilla modern au I posted on A03, which is very h/c centric as well- if anyone is interested dm me and I’ll drop you a link! You’ll be able to follow it just fine without having read that though 

I’d like to dedicate this to softersteve and straightupsickfics whose supply of wonderful, soft Blackbonnet fic has sustained me these last few months.

Enjoy! And please do let me know what you think, this is only my second sneezefic- all comments are welcome, even naughty ones. I am dyslexic, so please tell me if there are typos!

��                                                        ~~~

The sneeze waxes and wanes, teasing mercilessly. Ed tips his head back into the arm of the couch, panting through his mouth, nose far too blocked to breathe through. He shakes out a handkerchief- his favorite microfiber one that Stede had embroidered ‘Edward’ onto the corner of with two crooked little hearts- with trembling hands.

“Oh my god, can you just sneeze already?” Lucius complains, from the other side of the room where he sits, fully masked and sporting a pair of latex gloves, perched stiffly on the arm chair. 

At the moment, he is Ed’s temporary, and extremely reluctant, caretaker. Stede has been off  two hours away at an unskippable custody meeting with Mary, and, unwilling to leave his sick husband alone for most of the day, coerced Lucius into staying with Ed. There may have been blackmail involved. Ed would object to being babysat, if not for the fact that every time he sits up he almost passes out.

“I’m- try-t- hee-ah-hunh,” Ed gasps. He nearly has it at a fierce spike of the tickle, but it fucks off in the last second, distracted by Lucius’s pestering. He massages his very sore, very pink nose and shoots Lucius a watery glare. “I’m fucking trying.”

All at once the itch rushes from a dormant prickle to and out right stabbing somewhere in the depths of his swollen sinuses. Ed sucks in an enormous breath and shoots forward into the handkerchief with three massive sneezes, tripping over each other to get out.

“ErTCHhUHh! Hirhh-ERSHH! H’ERhhshhiiEw! 

“That’s absolutely vile, I hope you know.”

“Fuck off,” Ed snaps, though it’s dubiously comprehensible through the congestion. Those had done his handkerchief in, unfortunately. He loves that thing, loves that Stede made it for him, loves how soft it is, and that using it almost makes him feel like Stede is with him even though he isn’t. That thought kind of makes Ed want to cry and the prickling at his eyes only gets his nose running even worse. “Can you grab me some tissues man, this is shot.”

“Fine,” Lucius huffs and gets up to rummage through the front hall closet. He returns moments later with a box of puffs, the extra soft fancy kind, thankfully- his nose is raw enough as is without subjecting it to something scratchy. Instead of handing it to Ed however, Lucius chucks them roughly at his head. Ed, reflexes fever slow, fumbles, barely managing to catch them as they bounce off his chin.

All of a sudden he’s fucking pissed, the anger revving up well traveled channels in his gut. Pissed at Lucius for being difficult about everything, pissed at Stede for not being here right now, pissed at himself for being sick and needy. He hurls the box right back at Lucius, as hard as he can. Despite the fever weighing him down, he turns it into an effective projectile weapon. Lucius yelps and jumps out of the way.

The box thuds dully on the carpet and rolls twice underneath the armchair Lucius had been sitting on. They both stare at it.

The anger floods away- he has no energy to sustain it. In its place he feels lonely and small and foolish-everything hurts and he’s woozy and his entire head itches and he wants Stede. His lip trembles and he swipes frantically at his eyes. When that fails to stem the tears, he turns away from Lucius, into the back of the couch, to mop at his face with the blanket.

“Fuck. I’m being a bit of a bitch aren’t I?” Lucius concedes, and there’s the rustling sound of him kneeling on the carpet to retrieve the tissue box. “I forgot you’re actually miserable, not just annoying.” 

The last part is said under his breath and mostly to himself, though Ed hears it easily. He stares daggers at the couch, the weave of the fabric rippling and wobbling in the lens of his blurry vision.

“Sorry. Look, I’ll try to be a little nicer. Not only because if Stede finds out I made you cry he’s going to castrate me. Metaphorically, probably, but no guarantees,” Lucius says as he sits heavily on the loveseat next to the couch, “You’re also sort of my friend. I guess.” 

Ed tentatively peers over his shoulder to find Lucius holding out the tissue box to him gently, though still leaning as far away as the extension of his arm allows.

“Suppose you’re mine too.” Ed acquiesces, and takes it from him. He tugs one out and scrubs at his face with it, flopping back onto his mound of pillows, “And you didn’t make me cry.”

“Ah, so I’m imagining you leaking from your eyes in addition to your nose, is that what we’re going with?”

“No. That’s not-I mean you’re not exactly helping but-” Ed sighs, and in the absence of his beard tucks most of his face under the blankets so the truth will be easier to speak, “It’s just-I. I feel like dogshit and I want my fucking husband alright?”

“Oh, that’s uh,” Lucius fumbles, “Fuck. Sorry.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Ed says weakly, not really meaning it. He’s, ok, well he’s a bit of a baby when he’s sick. Or at least, he’s come to let himself be, after a lifetime of holding back the need, now that he has Stede to take care of him. The attention Stede heaps on him-endlessly gentle, patient and protective- is something he craves with a viciousness as old as he is, thrashing in a place deep and shorn raw in his soul. He tosses his used tissues vaguely in the direction of the garbage can in the corner and fiddles with the tassels on the edge of the blanket forlornly. 

“I’m not picking that up,” Lucius informs him, though without much bite. He reaches out and gives Ed’s blanket covered knee an awkward, consoling pat. “Stede’s been texting me like every five minutes to check on you, you know.”

“He has?”

“Yup! It’s driving me insane, that’s a lot of why I’ve been so fed up, which isn’t fair to you really. He just keeps pestering me; ‘Did you give Edward his medicine, has he eaten, is he drinking electrolytes, what’s his temperature, does he have enough blankets?’ It’s relentless.” 

Ed smiles, ducks his head. The pressure change in his nose makes him rush a tissue to his face to sneeze fiercely into. Lucius grimaces.

“I also just really hate being around sick people.”

“Yeah, I gathered.”

Ed blows his nose into the uncomfortable silence.

“Wanna watch something?” Lucius asks.

“Sure.”

They end up flipping around channels until they land on the 1996 adaptation of Matilda. Lucius isn’t a bad movie buddy honestly, he talks through it just as much as Ed, though with a great deal more sarcasm. Ed falls asleep around thirty minutes in, mid argument about the potential practical, and explicit, applications of telekinesis.

He wakes to the sound of the front door opening, gritty and disoriented.

“I’m home!” Stede sing-songs from the entryway. His footsteps tap closer as Ed’s muzzy brain pieces together that sentence. As soon as he does he scrambles up off the couch, wanting nothing more than to fling himself into Stede’s arms. His vision promptly goes gray and he’s swaying dangerously as Stede rounds the corner.

“How is my favorite patient d- Ed!” Stede bolts to his side just in time, catching him soundly in a hug. Ed sags into him, dizzy and relieved in a way that rearranges his insides. His eyes begin to well, spilling over into the crisp fabric of Stede’s suit. Stede tenses as he notices the tears dampen his skin and makes a wounded noise, holding Ed tighter. “Oh my love it’s alright, I’m right here, shh shh.”

Ed clings, letting Stede guide them back down to the couch. He crawls into Stede’s lap as soon as they’re sitting, wanting never to let go. He wishes he could smell him. He burrows his nose in anyway, nuzzling into Stede’s neck, only for the fine lace trim on his collar to tease the sensitive edges of his nostril and send him gasping. 

Unwilling to lift his face from the refuge of Stede’s chest and unable to resist the oncoming sneeze he ducks to stifle it in Stede’s shirt. One turns into two quickly, followed by a third that holds him captive, hitching breaths hot and damp in the little nook he’s made for himself under Stede’s collar bone. Stede strokes his back, hushing him, and kissing the damp crown of his head.  

“Oh wow, bless you sweetheart, are we feeling tickly?”

Ed nods against him, sniffling urgently. He sneezes once more, a thick and desperate “Hee- huhhESHiiew!” that he doesn’t manage to stifle.

“Goodness, poor thing. Here, let's get you cleaned up,” Stede murmurs, and manifests a fresh handkerchief from his suit pocket. He lifts Ed’s heavy head, meeting his glassy gaze with a worried little pinch between his brows, and wipes carefully under Ed’s eyes, at his cheeks. He tents the cloth around Ed’s nose and the gentle touch there makes Ed seize up with a breathless little “hurschuh!” into Stede’s covered hand.

Stede tuts sympathetically, and waits for Ed to clear himself into the handkerchief, which he does with practiced obedience, too exhausted and grateful to have Stede tending to him to care that Lucius is still there. Lucius however, definitely cares that Lucius is still there.

“Yeah, yup, I’m super good on seeing any more of-” Lucius waves a hand at them intertwined, Stede fussing over Ed’s nose. “-all of this. Ed- it’s been not entirely unpleasant, feel better. Stede, make someone else do this next time, thanks.”

Stede pulls back with a final wipe and pockets the handkerchief.

“Cheers mate,” Ed says and rolls his eyes again, coughing a little to clear his throat. He makes a jab at sincerity. “Thanks for staying with me.”

“You’re welcome or whatever,” Lucius responds, clearly more touched than he wants to let on, “I’d say it was my pleasure, but it really wasn’t.”

“I’d like to second that. Thank you very, very much Lucius.” Stede, still petting Ed’s hair, sounds a great deal more effusive about it than Ed did. “But barring an emergency, there’s not going to be a next time.”

Ed doesn’t love the guilty edge to Stede’s voice, but he can get behind not having to be apart from him when he’s sick unless the sky is fucking falling.

“Works for me. See you two soon,” Lucius calls from over his shoulder, already almost down the hall, eager to get out of their germ infested house. The front door opens and closes decisively.

Ed is still sniffling, so Stede coaxes him into clearing his nose out again. He gets himself lying down next to Ed, and Ed snuggles in, nice and close with his head on Stede’s chest, pliant and shivery in his arms. Stede kisses his head again and sighs.

“I shouldn’t have left you. I should have put my foot down with the lawyers, insisted we do another day.”

“It’s ok,” Ed mumbles, playing with the silk lining of Stede’s suit jacket, a bright emerald green that compliments the rich forest color of the exterior, so dark it’s almost black.

“It’s not! You’re ill, and you needed me.” He pushes the hair away from Ed’s face, kisses his forehead. “I’m so sorry Edward.”

Ed attempts to stop the little sob that tries to quiver up his throat, but it makes it out anyway.

“Oh my darling,” Stede laments, and pulls him in tight, guiding Ed to hide his too hot face in his throat, “Shh, shh, I’m here. You’re ok, I have you now.”

Stede rocks them, gliding his fingers through Ed’s hair over and over with one hand and rubbing circles over his spine with the other.

“It was important,” Ed croaks once he’s calmed down a bit, “I get it.”

Stede shakes his head, squeezes him tighter.

“There is not a thing in this world more important to me than you.”

Ed stills, throttled by the implications of that. 

“You can’t mean-”

“I do. I realize it makes me more of a spectacularly shit father than I already have been, but,” he pulls back to cup Ed’s face in his hands, taking him in- unusually pale and blotchy from the fever and the tears, cracked skin above his lips and around his once again dripping nose, wet, bruised looking streaks under his eyes- and seems to process it all with welling adoration, “I love you more than anything. More than reason. Alright?”

Ed nods jerkily, unable to say it back through the lump in his throat. He leans in to kiss him, because he can’t not, and also so he doesn’t start crying again. A few tears slip down his face anyway, his resistance fever worn. Stede just admitted to loving him more than his children, something that, in all their years together, he’s never said out loud. Ed’s suspected but- this. He’s not an unselfish person; he feels a little giddy, a little like a dragon clutching at a hoard of gold. 

Stede’s nose taps his gently and Ed rears back with a startling sneeze he doesn’t manage quite to catch. Between the light touch, the constant low grade tickle and the tears upsetting the delicate equilibrium of his sinuses, it spirals into another fit. 

“UH-tshh! Hihh-ersHH! ETCHcchhh-uhh! H’uhhshhiiew!  Huh-he-”

The vibration of each sneeze seems to set off the next. In a momentary lull he presses his nose into Stede’s chest in an attempt to get it to stop, nostrils twitching helplessly against sleek fabric. The lack of friction does little and he lifts his head, eyes half mast and mouth tugging open with each little gasp. Stede works a few more tissues into his hands and tucks the short wavy hairs that frame his face, which keep drifting to his nose and egging him on further, behind his ears.

“HuhhTCHusshh’oo! ithurschuh! H’uhh… TCHushhiew! Hhhh…” Ed moans, waiting for an overwhelming final, “HEH-hh-RRRiSHSHH-oooh!"

Ed blinks in the aftermath, dazed, the world spinning wildly.

“Bless you, poor honey,” Stede all but coos. Ed flings his sodden tissues at the trash and whines, turning to launch himself back fully into Stede, who makes a few more of those gentle shushing noises that turn Ed to butter. “You seem worse than this morning. Has it been this bad all day?”

“On and off,” Ed rasps into Stede’s neck.

“God, my poor sweet thing. I should have been there,” Stede insists again.

“You’re here now,” Ed breathes, pleased and a little awestruck as he always is, to be so cared for.

“And you’re not getting rid of me until you’re better,” Stede proclaims, pressing yet another kiss to Ed’s damp hair. Ed grins hugely, hidden in Stede’s shirt, which is surely going to need to be dry-cleaned after all this. 

“I know Lucius wasn’t thrilled to be here, I do hope he wasn’t too sharp with you,” Stede inquires, faux casual. There’s a knife hidden in that sentence Ed is sure.

“He was fine, mostly,” Ed tells him cautiously.

“Mostly?” Stede asks, innocent and deadly.

Lucius may have had a point about the castration. For the sake of Lucius’ dick, beloved by many in their community, he abstains from mentioning the tissue box incident, or grand amounts of bitching that preceded it.

“Seriously babe, he complained, but kept me fed and medicated, got shit for me. We even managed to bond a bit. No need to torture him.” Ed drops a kiss on Stede’s chest.

“I would never.”

Ed snorts at that: he knows exactly what kind of conniving, petty bastard he married- that was part of the appeal. The disturbance in the air through his nose however, proves to be a mistake quickly, sending the tickle bucking back up.

 “hhehh’IYSSCh’hh! H’uhh… huh!” Ed pants, eyebrows knotting together, eyelashes fluttering, “uhh— hrrUSHH’uuhh!

“Bless you darling,” Stede soothes with his lips brushing Ed’s forehead, handing him more tissues, “So sensitive.”

“It itches like h-he hhUSCH’uhhh! Ngg. Like hell. Fucking everywhere too, under my eyes, in my ears. Kind of want to claw my face off.”

“It’s such a lovely face, we can’t have that.”

“Dunno,” Ed says, transparently fishing, but also sort of needing the reassurance after his last depressing encounter with the bathroom mirror, “Pretty sure I look like death warmed over.”

“You look beautiful,” Stede delivers swiftly and sincerely, punctuating it with a kiss to Ed’s cheekbone, and two more after each of his next compliments, “Dazzling. Devastating.” 

“If you say so,” Ed laughs, trying for off-handed, but he’s gone all giggly and soft under Stede’s ministrations. Stede has a way of getting him belly-up with very little effort.

“I certainly do.”

Ed settles back down on top of him, content despite his pounding, stuffy head. Stede continues to smooth his hair in comfortable silence.

“You’re due for another dose of medicine in about,” Stede says after a bit, lifting his wrist to glance at his watch, “Fifteen minutes. How about once we get that fever down we hop in the steam shower? Might help you breathe a little easier.”

“Sounds great. I've been wanting to all day, but I thought if I was alone I’d probably pass out and brain myself on the tile. Be a pretty lame way to go out,” he says and feels Stede’s fingers spasm in his hair at the thought, “Mind, getting me naked might’ve been something Lucius would have actually been happy to help with.”

Stede laughs, and it vibrates through Ed, warming him to his core. He’s joking really, mostly to keep Stede from anxiously spiralling over the idea of Ed dying alone in their bathroom. Lucius is a habitual flirt of course, but has never once hit on Ed; at first too intimidated by him and then, upon getting to know him, too perpetually annoyed. There was also the fact that Ed only had eyes for Stede, something Lucius, ever observant to these kinds of things, was aware of before either of them were.

“He wouldn’t dare. You’re all mine,” Stede teases back, though to Ed’s delight, under the needling tone he clearly means it.

“Damn right I am,” Ed agrees happily. He sneezes again, harsh and itchy, trapped between Stede and the blankets. “HttCHSHSH’U! Ugh. Massive amounts of snot and all.”

“You know I don’t mind darling,” Stede assures, kissing Ed’s forehead when he’s through dealing with his nose, “I’m still thoroughly charmed by you, I promise.”

“Yeah?” Ed asks, smiling a stupidly love struck thing that feels too big for his face.

“Yes.”

He levers himself up on Stede’s chest enough to kiss him properly, cupping his face. Stede kisses back in great hungry pulls, undeterred by Ed’s sniffling, and chases after his lips, magnetised, when Ed has to break it in order to breathe. Ed coughs, trying to get enough air in.

“You’re so unfairly gorgeous in this suit. Striding in and fucking catching me, all heroic like. And I’m too stuffed up to do anything about it.”

 He pouts.

“Hhmm I don’t know. We might be able to work something out. Endorphins do have extraordinary healing properties,” Stede muses, “Maybe in the shower, once you’re breathing better. I don’t like how heavy that sounds.”

Ed perks up, anticipation bursting through the malaise, amazed to be desired even in the state he’s in.

“Really? Fuck yeah, I could get behind that.”

“Excellent.” Stede leans down to give him one more deep, quick kiss. “I’m going to be very, very gentle with you, and you’ll have to be patient. Do you think you could do that for me, love?”

Ed makes a suckerpunched noise and nods vigorously, once again forgetting to account for the pressure changes of the movement. He interrupts the bubbling heat between them by sneezing in a frantic little fit.

“huhUHH—hhhuh’RRSCH’mph! httchshShhh’u! “hh! Hh! Huh’edtsshh!”

“Easy darling, in and out, I’ve got you,” Stede hushes, stroking his cheek as Ed struggles to catch his breath, “Why don’t I go grab your medicine now, it should be fine to take a few minutes early.”

Stede starts to extricate himself, but Ed shakes his head quickly, pinning him with his weight and grabbing on tight. He has to crush another sneeze against his arm.

“Let’s stay like this a little longer,” he implores, then looks away from Stede’s concerned eyes to admit, “I- I don’t want you to let me go yet.” Or ever.

“Oh my dearest,” Stede whispers, sounding overwhelmed, “I’ll hold you as long as you like. Forever, if that’s what it takes.”

“Forever sounds pretty good,” Ed says, lingering tension bleeding out of him in a long breath.

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

They will actually  need to leave their cocoon at some point soon- Ed’s fever is already creeping back up, and it’s only going to boil higher the longer he waits to take the meds. Stede probably wants to get out of his suit and goad Ed into drinking more water. There is, of course, promised sexy times and a long soak in the steam shower to look forward to.

But for now, they stay like this; wrapped up in each other, quiet and warm, the steady beat of Stede’s heart under Ed’s ear the only sound in the world.