green-disease - Tumblr blog

[green-disease]

I use this platform strictly to scream into the void so I’m here and I wish I could get fucked up

[green-disease]

I live in a studio apartment off someone’s house and I can hear the owner through the wall sometimes and every time I think for sure she’s talking about how much I suck

Do I have proof? No.

[green-disease]

So I might’ve ate fish sticks that weren’t cooked all the way. Guess we’ll find out

[green-disease]

Intrusive thoughts are really something else

[green-disease]

Unmanageable.

[green-disease]

[green-disease]

Yo so I’m an adult. I’m 26 but I still feel 17 and have to make adult decisions and I’m not doing too well haha

[green-disease]

I’ve been wanting to drink a lot lately which is concerning

[green-disease]

How the fuck have I made it this far

I thought I would’ve been dead by 14 and now I’m 26. I’ve made it through mental illness and drugs and alcoholism. I just kind of go with whatever life throws my way and I’m tired man. Why is life so hard?

I’m two years sober and I’m still a kid and a wreck.

[green-disease]

I’m really fucking selfish. I literally just be thinking about me all day long and it annoys my sponsor because I’m supposed to be thinking of others all day but my job is to help others and I can think about myself while doing that so fuck

Also on another level I don’t want him to fucking be mad or upset with me

[green-disease]

With all due disrespect anyone who thinks a full grown adult can survive off of 12$/hr in 2023 should die

[green-disease]

Fun fact: I hate me and how emotional I am

Can you please take that shit down a few notches and just be fuckin normal

[green-disease]

Getting called out on your shit by your favorite person is something else

[green-disease]

My life is good actually my perception is just fucked up and I hate myself. How do I stop hating myself and being concerned with shallow things instead of working on the internal stuff and be a better sober person

Also I wish my brain chemicals weren’t so fucked up or like I could just get over it lol

[green-disease]

Might fuck around and finally admit to everyone that I’m non binary tomorrow

Might not

Either way I can’t stand being in my body anymore bro

[green-disease]

It’s really hard for me to be spiritual because I’m pretty sure god hates me. Also what’s it gonna be that finally makes me snap

[green-disease]

Why do I even try in life anymore? What the fuck