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she wears STRENGTH and darkness equally well–    the girl has always been HALF GODDESS  //  HALF  H E L L

                                            independent clarke griffin roleplay blog                                                       revamped & written by amie. 

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@ everyone that’s been following me ( no doubt bc of the trailer ) i’m not here !! this blog is archived and has been for a long time now !!

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           (    &  maybe  i  can  show  you  the  light  )

             ☾☆ independent remus lupin roleplay. ☆☽                            written by amie. 

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i said i’d make an official post about it but honestly i don’t know what to say i just??? i’m done. i’m done feeling shitty when i come on to this blog. i’m done feeling like a used wank rag. so i’m archiving this blog, and i’ve remade. im me if you want it, but otherwise: boom, out!

[griffismsarchive]

i said i’d make an official post about it but honestly i don’t know what to say i just??? i’m done. i’m done feeling shitty when i come on to this blog. i’m done feeling like a used wank rag. so i’m archiving this blog, and i’ve remade. im me if you want it, but otherwise: boom, out!

[griffismsarchive]

i said i’d make an official post about it but honestly i don’t know what to say i just??? i’m done. i’m done feeling shitty when i come on to this blog. i’m done feeling like a used wank rag. so i’m archiving this blog, and i’ve remade. im me if you want it, but otherwise: boom, out!

[griffismsarchive]

i said i’d make an official post about it but honestly i don’t know what to say i just??? i’m done. i’m done feeling shitty when i come on to this blog. i’m done feeling like a used wank rag. so i’m archiving this blog, and i’ve remade. im me if you want it, but otherwise: boom, out!

[griffismsarchive]

i said i’d make an official post about it but honestly i don’t know what to say i just??? i’m done. i’m done feeling shitty when i come on to this blog. i’m done feeling like a used wank rag. so i’m archiving this blog, and i’ve remade. im me if you want it, but otherwise: boom, out!

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.

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*finally back home and settled.* god it’s been a long ass weekend!

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psa that i’ll be here... eventually.

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“confidence, i like it. but don’t get too cocky, bell. i’m a PRO.” clarke smirked,  never one to back down from a challenge, NOR was she one to go easy on  someone. she liked victory too much. but she knew bellamy was very much  the same-- they really, weren’t all that different in some respects. 

clarke moved, and once she had beckoned over for more drinks, she got it  all set up-- cocky look on her face as she prepared, getting ready to line up  the shot. “now-- no cheating! no distracting me!” clarke warned, but the smile  plastered to her lips gave her away. she chuckled, looking at bellamy for a  moment longer before she finally turned to take the shot-- bouncing the chip  against the table and-- SUCCESS, landing it in one of the cups. 

“drink up, blake.” 

 “you know, I wasn’t looking for nothing smart. I was looking for a good way to get drunk. but where I can pretend I was just following rules. so it sounds good to me.” he says with a small smile. he looks down at the shots. and then back at her. “you’re gonna lose.” he says, determined. like he means it. like it’s really that important. 

 but for right now he wants it to be. right now he needs it to be so his head doesn’t stray. he hates when he gets so cloudy that he strays everywhere. “but you go first.” he says, placing his hands on the table.  “I need to know how it’s done first. but once I get it down…”

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“you sure about that one? no best friend sleepovers where you snuggle and  plait each others hair?” clarke teased, that smug grin ever present on her  face before she gave in, chuckling-- hand coming up to ruffle at the mentioned  hair. “correction though-- you only snuggle ME.” a wink and she was moving  again, this time with the aim to actually go and make the tea she’s spoken of. 

she turned her head, looking over her shoulder to smirk gently, watching as  garrett buried his head. “and THAT is karma, love.” when she returned, tea  brewing in a pot she placed on the coffee table-- clarke finally sat down at  garrett’s side. she shuffled in, wedging herself at his side-- knees tucked  beneath her to sit a little higher. her hand moved up and this time as she  ran it through his hair, the act was gentle-- soothing. “let me coddle you for  a bit longer, THEN i’ll fix you up an actual potion.” 

The odd angle he was laying at on the sofa was starting to strain his neck, so Garrett shifted a few times and eventually sat himself up a little straighter, leaning more of his back against the pillows, and not just his neck.  He wrinkled his nose.  “I don’t like Stephen that much,” said Garrett.  “I only snuggle girls, and he’s not a girl. Off-limits by default.”

Looking back up at her, he raised his eyebrows in implication.  “There’s a lot of things you can do that I don’t want Stephen to do.  Y–” but his body chose that exact moment to start coughing, and with a groan he rolled over on to his side and buried his face in his elbow.  “Fuck.”

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settled in to the seat next to him, clarke felt right-- like this was her place. she  realised, it WAS NOW. she was on his side, properly. she wasn’t just hanging  around somewhere in the middle, wanting to be on his side. no, now she was  there. committed. away from her family. the weight of her choice pressed  down on her, but it didn’t crush her. somehow, it only made her stronger. she  was risking EVERYTHING now. she’d openly defied her family, kicked in their  face and was now an enemy. she very well knew she could be killed for this--  knew people would probably TRY. but it didn’t matter. she made her choice,  and she was never going back. 

“GOOD. i don’t want it to stop. not when i finally feel alive.”

 he looks at her, his eyes searching her face. looks behind her as well. as if he’s checking for something. he trusts her. but he knows how bad her family can be.  and he doesn’t want a mess right now. right now he wants to get back and make his plans. he unlocks the door, moving to start the car again. 

 “you know it’s not going to stop doing that for a long time. all of this, easy thrill,  isn’t it?”

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with each passing moment, clarke could feel her breathing grow ragged-- her  heart pounding against her chest, blood rushing through her. her mouth felt  dry, and that wasn’t just from being sick. it was fear-- nerves. she looked at  bellamy with wide eyes, panic clear in them. twenty four. she was twenty four  years old and this CERTAINLY wasn’t in her plan. “i-- i don’t KNOW, bellamy!”  clarke spoke and again-- there it was, clear as day, the panic that over took  her, eventually making her stand up, even if it was on shaky feet as she  pulled away from bellamy and leaned against the sink-- trying to forced herself  to take long, shaky breaths. 

“fuck, fuck fuck-- this... this CAN’T BE HAPPENING-- i’m not-- we--” she  stumbled through her words, even the notion of saying it, saying the WORD  out loud, caused clarke’s stomach to churn all over again. she knew what she  had to do-- needed to take a test. but she was terrified of the out come  because it meant she would HAVE to really think about this. about what she  wanted-- about what they wanted. were they really in the right place to do  this? she LOVED BELLAMY. adored him. but were they really ready to add  another person into this? 

clarke clenched her eyes shut, as if it would help regulate her frantic breathing  and perhaps stop her thoughts from running away with her. 

“i have to take a test-- i-- i’ve got to know. because i’m afraid i might actually  break with everything going through my head right now. WE have to know.” 

          The way she waslooking at him — or WASN’T lookingat him, as she glued her gaze to the ground — told him more than she could’veknown. It almost showed fear. And the fact that ClarkeGriffin was afraid of something made his heart race with nerves, his heartdropping into his stomach. Something was wrong. The last time she’d looked athim like this had been when he’d woken up from a nightmare after hisdeployment, pushing her against the walls, slamming her head into it. She’dbeen afraid for him, then. But this was something different.

         But then her words hit him. He stillremembered when his mom had been pregnant with Octavia. How she’d thought shewas sick at first. Until the moment he’d walked in on her, crying. Because his sister had never been planned. He had never been planned. But theirmother often forgot her head during moments of LOVE. When she was with a guy, that was everything. She was all heart during those days. Even when shethought with her head, calculating every step in all other aspects of life. Heswallowed thickly, tried to catch Clarke’s eye. And, when she looked up at him,heknew.  ❛ What are — what are you telling me? ❜ His voice was hoarse as heasked the question, as though he’d been screaming for hours. He knew the answer— but he neededto ask anyway. Needed to hear it.

         But then she was pulling his handinto her, placing it on her stomach. He could barely feel the weight of herbody leaning against him because there were too many thoughts running throughhis head. Was this really happening?Could he do this? He’d never really had a father — someone who left them whenhe was a kid. How the FUCK was hesupposed to do this? ❛ Clarke,are you sure? ❜

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clarke wasn’t a fool. she knew the dodge when she saw it. she’d become  rather good at it herself-- particularly skilled at avoiding her mother and her  questions. pestering clarke to TALK about what had happened with her  father-- with wells, with lexa. she’d learned quickly how to avoid them, how  to plaster on a happy face and act as if none of it mattered. she’d been  keeping people at arms length so long now it felt NORMAL. 

---so when the silence drew out a moment too long before garrett responded,  clarke knew something was off. if not for the silence, then his VOICE. lacking  quite the wonder from before. 

she sighed and instead of looking at him, she turned her head back to the sky.  watching the clouds drift by, the day along with it. it wasn’t her place really, to  ask-- to dig deeper. she WANTED to know garrett, know him inside and out.  share her secrets with him in exchange for his own. clarke wasn’t one to trust  a person quickly, but she wasn’t one to START with distrust either. and  garrett had never done anything to make her fear giving him her trust. she  only hoped one day-- it’d be the same for him. but she’d never push. she’d  suffered enough of that herself and would never inflict it on him. 

so instead, she tried for a smile of her own. “well if the day comes that you  want to share the nothing norwegian-- i’m right here. not going anywhere.” 

It was a nice thing to say that money wouldn’t matter — and not one Garrett thought he believed all the way.  When you had money you were used to a certain standard of living, to having everything you needed available with relative ease, to having the best of everything.  Clarke wasn’t superficial, but Garrett knew he’d have trouble now going back to the sort of life Godric had had, without even the luxury of the same bed to sleep in for the first decade-and-some-change of his adult life before Hogwarts had opened.   I’m not fool enough to think it doesn’t matter, he thought privately, but I’ve got a roof over my head, and that’s better than nothing.

He squeezed Clarke to him without further comment, offering a brief hum in response.  Love wasn’t enough to pay the bills no matter how strong it was — his parents loved each other and were happy, but they still had to go to work every day, and they still needed to budget carefully at the beginning of each month.  Good thing neither of us is without ambitions.

Maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself.  He and Clarke were still in school, there was a war brewing — he reckoned they’d do better to focus on staying alive, and then see what happened.

At her question, he tried to smile, but it wouldn’t come.  “Yeah,” said Garrett hollowly.  That he was Godric Gryffindor come back to life, for starters, and a slew of other things he did not feel ready to share yet.  Would she still want to stay with him, he wondered, would she think him completely mad, or nor worth the trouble?

“Nothing Norwegian though.”

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elizajaneface: Saturdays are my favorite.