grinchisvpink - Tumblr blog

[grinchisvpink]

I am feeling very soft and emotional today

I like this life but I don't like it. I like that I have control over my day, I get to decide what I want to do, I'm not bound by anything but I hate that it's not my real life, the life that awaits me is the opposite of what I'm living right now

I like being able to go out and walk aimlessly, I love this small walkable city where everything feels quiet peaceful, where grocery shopping feels good, where talking walks by the walk feel good but I hate that I don't get to fully immerse in it because of the restrictions that's around me. I don't want curfews and financial constraints. I want to fully be in this moment and live in it

My city is not small and peaceful as this, my city is fast and expensive and everyone's knows you.i want to be a stranger when I'm out, I don't want to run into familiar faces every now and then. I'm sad that I'll never be able to live this life again, on my terms. I want this life. I want it all. This is how I picture my home. This is how I picture my life. This life in this quite neighborhood but without restrictions and without financial burden. This is the life I strive for and this is my goal now. I have found the future I want, now I just need to work toward this.

This has taught me how I shouldn't take my current state for granted. This is the only time I have life on my terms, the only time I'm able to romanticize my self, and my solitude. I'll never get this again.

[grinchisvpink]

Bullet list

-go for a walk outside every night. Fresh air and physical therapy would solve your anxiety

-pls don’t complain and rant all the time. Pls be grateful

-it’s okay to question and doubt

-your future awaits you either way, why are you running towards it all the time. Live in the past

-don’t reply on others. Don’t build on people. Stay away. Keep your distance. Protect your heart

-just exist as a human first

-you’re doing okay academically, just put in more effort

-stop feeling guilty for not overextending yourself. Stop feeling guilty for not being able to help out. They chose this, not everyone needs your clingy help. Focus on yourself

-do more of what makes you happy. Screw the rest

Always remind yourself how far you’ve come. How much your list and gained, you’ve gotten over relationships and friendships and none of it is your fault. You’re doing okay

[grinchisvpink]

I’ve learnt and accepted my position in the scheme of life, of the people that surround me and I am going to play the part they put me in, nothing more.

For the sake of my mental health, peace and happiness. I want to be distant and happy with the few I have chosen

[grinchisvpink]

i don’t like how endings in real life come on so suddenly without making sense, without much warning. one minute you’re in the middle of something and the next it’s all a very long time ago and you’re a different person and none of it is ever coming back

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It’s one of those nights. Where it’s cold outside and you’re out for a run and you’re filled with so much adrenaline, pumped from your fav song and You just want to scream ‘I EXIST YES I EXIST’

[grinchisvpink]

i have fears of many things: of being imitated, of being insignificant, of being seen, of my flaws being discovered but I also have as many pet peeves: of people acting differently in public and private, of people choosing who to be good to and who to not, as if they have the power to be the better judge in listing the goodness in people OR in seeing what benefits can they garner from specific individuals.

recently iv been in a crossfire between my fears and pet peeves. i hate being imitated, I hate someone doing what I do with my heart, and I hate when someone puts out a /giving ad selfless/ image to the public but doesn't bat an eyelash to the immediate who might actually need what's provided.

my new test has been to be patient and a little kinder to myself, so ill ignore all that bothers me and try to focus on myself and in growing more mentally and spiritually, and emotionally

[grinchisvpink]

Perfect skin doesn’t matter brand names don’t matter grind culture doesn’t matter all that’s important is having a hobby you love and learning to cook vegetables in tasty ways

[grinchisvpink]

my toxic trait is simply not doing things if i don't want to do them

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i have been caught up in disappointments and heartbreaks lately, and i've been trying to break down each of the expectations that come with it.

i have realized that people would always be selfish, that doesn't necessarily mean they're 'bad' people but it means that nobody will consider how their actions impact the people around them, they only focus on what they want. Recently i've had the bad luck of finding myself in these situations where my efforts and goals was neglected.

but it's okay, i had to learn how i am supposed to prioritize myself in these situations, especially being stuck in these kind of society. i promise to never over-extend myself again to anyone

[grinchisvpink]

Eventually you will have to stop asking yourself what you can do to make everyone happy, healthy and comfortable; you will have to start asking what you can do to make yourself feel better, healthier, happier and more comfortable. It’s not about being selfish, it’s about learning that it is impossible to please everyone without setting yourself up for burnout. And then you will see you have to prioritize yourself, and that there is nothing wrong with doing so.

[grinchisvpink]

Whenever I’m feeling deeply confused about life and my direction my brain is like “Okay. Time to get sexier” Like girl that is not the solution every time

[grinchisvpink]

ok i decided not to be so emotional and overreacting

[grinchisvpink]

lately I have been reminiscing about the past, all the things you've told me and the way you've treated me all along, i am filled with so much melancholy it hurts to even visit the past, i have been trying to ignore this feeling for a long time because i knew the next step would be acceptance and to say goodbye. i wanted to heal before i bid your memories farewell.

with how we turned out, you didn't even give me a room to be your friend, let alone lover. through the end i didn't feel any importance in your life, you made me feel like a stranger when i've wanted nothing but to be more. i learnt you can't force people to love you like the way you do, i wish i learnt this sooner but nevertheless i have finally learnt.

when we meet, i wish you see what you've lost, i wish you see how deep my feelings went and i wish you'd be helpless to see you will never have it back. i will love you, always, you will never lose me but you will feel pain knowing i have lost you, i have lost my importance in you and i am happy despite it all. i will gladly love you, even when you have treated my love and kindness with ignorance. you will wonder why you ever left behind a love that has accepted you for all the flaws and wonderful you are, for all the mistakes and apologies you've made, for fighting for you everyday.

i know that one day i will finally meet a love that loves like me, i will meet the one who will make me feel so valued and loved like how i made you feel. and with that, now i can finally say goodbye, to you and the memories i have of you. goodbye.

[grinchisvpink]

after going through failed relationships and getting out of recent 2-year-long one, i finally realized that there would always be something lacking me. no matter the effort i'll put in, no matter the compromises i make it will never be enough. and why would it? why would anyone want to be drained with the same thing over and over.

i am not painting myself as a victim, i am stating out facts. the people i've been with are good and genuine, yet they still found my flaws unbearable, what does that have to say about me.

anyways i have a long way to go, i have to first accept my flawed self and love myself so hard that no one would ever guess the mental war i am fighting within. i have to be so kind and good so that no one would point at my wrongness and judge me for it. i want to heal.

[grinchisvpink]

you’re only in your 20’s. relax.

[grinchisvpink]

no offence but there is literally nothing morally wrong with cheating on tests/at school… it’s up there with piracy on the list of Crimes Everyone Is Convinced Are Wrong And Harmful But If You Actually Think About Them For 12 Seconds It’s Fine And You Definitely Should Commit Them At Some Point

[grinchisvpink]

girls be like “i literally cant do this anymore im at my limit” [continues to do this]