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I would if I was able!

Any day now

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Had a dream last night that i was a knight and this bigger scarier knight had me on the ground and right before he swung his sword at my neck he said smth like "i mourn the loss of life for the tree who will become your coffin" which shouldnt have turned me on like it did but alas

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Finally figured out how to permanently disable google assistant on phone

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Why does Tumblr like catboy maids so much?

They're Nyan-binary.

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I was bisexual before it was cool.

ATTENTION MEN: it’s time to be bisexual

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Light immediately finds out the detectives name by getting his father to access employment records for him, all while pretending to be helpful.

But the Death Note works on the name carved into your soul, and Lieutenant double-yefreitor Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau doesn't even feel a twitch.

harry dubois would end death note in one episode. he'd be unkillable bc he has no fucking idea what his name is and then he'd go drink driving and accidentally run light over and the killings would mysteriously stop

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If she doesn't scuttle up, she ain't read the Kamanomicon.

"Dangerous"

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@classictumblertextposts Eh? Ehhhhhh?

on their clit like morse code

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I always wonder what people who speak AAVE do when they go to the Rural South and everyone is talking like them minus one or two recent bits of cultural slang.

Then again a population of people moving north in search of prosperity being so blatantly and intentionally isolated that they kept the accent says bigger things about systemic long term racism in the US than anything people like complaining about.

"ahh" you know you can say ass and not bastardize AAVE right. you know self-censorship leads to real censorship right. you know you dont have to speak in a way that is "trendy". you know that "tik tok speak" is a stolen and fucked up mockery of AAVE right. you are aware that the way you speak has consequences right.

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if a sims movie is truly being made, i want it to be a horror movie where they do not acknowledge being sims and there is no evidence of them being sims except that they speak simlish and have plumbobs. i want ladders disappearing from pools and strangers breaking into houses and random basement prisons and people catching on fire while making macaroni. the whole thing must be in simlish with subtitles like a foreign film. that’s the only way you’ll get me to watch it.

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That's the money shot right there. 👌🏼

Noooooo they retconned Star Wars Jizz

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Needs another 5 minutes after you cover it in cheese.

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OR have someone hit your bottom so hard that you make noises.

Anyways that's what I got when I put out a Craigslist ad looking for someone else to give me discipline.

(Worked ok, but they left $ on the dresser and it was like - I was supposed to pay you? It's like they were doing it for fun or something, idk. I stopped chewing my nails anyway.)

how does one develop discipline in the first place. it seems like discipline requires initial discipline to develop. it's a paradox.

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I love and respect anyone just a little more for living to their truest and authentic self - especially trans people given the shit they gotta put up with - but my emotional response to even the oldest wrinkiliest trans lady is "You go girl! Live your best life! Get that bag Gmilf!" And my emotional response to trans guys is "I don't understand WANTING to be a man but I'm so glad you're happy."

I'm not saying you're wrong in general, and lived experience is valid, but ... Uh. Have you seen women? And men? And you're on Tumblr where you can literally find support for any gender amount or combination your fevered brain can imagine? You aren't gonna get hate here.

Women are gorgeous, men are maybe ok and sometimes smell very nice in a very particular way that is kinda musty and should be unpleasant (but isn't.)

I can literally promise I'm not jealous of anyone for being any kind of man. I don't even like being all this but I can't turn into a giant black wolf and spend my weekends hunting furres in mascot looking costumes and giving them the full chew toy experience - so this is what I'm stuck with.

Anyways men generally don't get called attractive unless people want to sleep with them and society is unusually harsh to us when we express emotional vulnerability (without implying violence) outside of very narrow windows. Try posting "tell me I'm a handsome boy or I'm going to go hit something with a rock" and you'll get a better response.

Good luck with the patriarchy stuff on this side anyways. It's pretty shitty for everyone not in charge.

when trans men make those before and after transition posts where they go from looking like the most miserable little girl on the planet to looking like the physique model for an Ancient Greek statue and cis men are inevitably in the comments like “you looked so much better before” AHAHAHAHA YOU’RE MADDDDD. YOU’RE MAD AND YOU’RE JEALOUS.

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Men: having seen both, this person is a liar. Do not, under any circumstances, support universal unisex bathrooms.

Ours might get a little gross but I can promise you that it is so so much worse in the ladies room. There is nothing sacred there. The woman's room contains only the profane.

I worked retail, I had to clean things after hours, I heard stories from people who HAD to clean them during store hours.

When society makes you act like an angel all day, the devil inside you makes you fling shit on the wall the second you are alone.

Of course that's not literally what happens in there - I am too kind a person to expose the innocent to this eldritch and Lovecraftian knowledge. Your brain would shatter.

as a person who uses either public bathroom on a toss of a coin i gottta say its kind of ridicuous that people are so attached to them being seperate facilities. youre not usually gonna see anyones dick at the urinal and youre not usually gonna be able to spy on any women. the stalls are the same except one has a little tampon bin. we would lose nothing if all bathrooms were unisex and i'll die on that hill.

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I honestly think the original ah lads not again post is the funniest