guessmyname17 - Tumblr blog

[guessmyname17]

WANDAVISION (2021)

[guessmyname17]

considering the manor is completely massive and the only person who spends more than a few consecutive hours there at a time is probably Alfred, i think it would be funny if after the pit, Jason decides after everything he's been through that he can't be bothered to do the whole revenge thing, or sort out safe houses or get an apartment and instead just decides to kill the joker himself and just... secretly go home.

like, as long as he kept an ear out to make sure he wasn't eating in the dining room when Bruce comes down, he could probably get away with walking around without ever being caught. Alfred would find out, i assume, but i think knowing how complicated Jasons emotions towards Bruce are right now, he'd keep it quiet and just be happy that the one other person he trusts to leave alone in the kitchen is finally back. And then, of course, there's the kids.

Damian knew from the beginning. Not because he's especially observant, but because this is his big brother from the league and the first night he spent at the manor Jason crawled through his window in full Red Hood gear and told him not to snitch. Considering that in the league Jason once snuck up behind Ra's and shaved a strip of hair off the back of his head, Damian decides there's far stupider shit the guy could be doing and leaves it be.

Tim finds out next. admittedly, the only reason he finds out is because Jason thought he knew and just stopped attempting to avoid him. in reality, what happened was Tim, having not slept for three days and living off nothing but spite and coffee, accidentally walked in on Jason cooking in the middle of the night, and immediately wrote it off as a hallucination. Jason, seeing Tim find him in the manor and not react badly, decided that 'oh, the replacement must just be chill i guess' and mentally pencilled him in as another person in the building that he can be seen by. it came to a head when a few days later Damian was forced by Jason to invite Tim out with them on their weekly 'eat junk food and talk shit about the rest of the family' outings, since he was a part of the group now. Tim cries.

Dick only finds out because Tim and Damian keep forgetting that Jason isn't supposed to be talked about in public. there comes a point where Tim rips Dick's favourite sweater and when Dick confronts him about it, Tim panics and blurts out 'it wasn't me, must have been jason!', and upon seeing Dick's face, Damian smacks him and grumbles 'good job Drake, now we have to show him Todd or he'll cry again.'. Jason is not overly happy when he sneaks through his bedroom window after going out as Red Hood and finds a sobbing Dick sat on his bed, Tim staring at the ground looking very ashamed while Damian straight face points at Tim to make it clear that this was Not His Fault.

after realising literally everyone in the house sans Bruce knows he's there, Jason decides to just. stop hiding. the fact is that he wasn't trying that hard in the first place, and Bruce still didn't have a clue, so he kinda wants to see how long it takes the 'world's greatest detective' to realise his dead kid is just. back.

so he stops hiding. starts showing up for family meals, starts being more friendly with the bats as Red Hood, and they all wait to see what finally tips Bruce off.

they forget how fucking stupid this man can be.

because if Jason had gone up to Bruce and done some sort of dramatic or emotional reveal then sure, Bruce would be shocked. he'd freak out. but the fact is that Bruce has both Batman and Brucie Wayne to keep up with. He's barely paying attention to his own feet while walking, let alone the people around him.

so when Jason starts showing up and acting like nothings changed, and literally nobody else in the house acts like anything's different either? Bruce straight up forgets that Jason's supposed to be dead. His mind just registers 'oh there are his kids, fighting like usual', and forgets to take in whether or not those kids are SUPPOSED to be ALIVE.

the kids find it fucking fascinating. Jason can actually have conversations with Bruce at the dinner table, and Bruce doesn't even realise that this is a wild fucking thing to be happening. Tim starts laughing at him and Bruce gets confused, only making the poor kid laugh harder. Jason just can't believe he actually bothered putting effort into hiding when he first came back. Damian's respect for his father diminishes every day.

it becomes a game, to see how far it will go. at one point Dick straight up asks who was better as Robin, him or Jason, in an attempt to jog his memory, and Bruce without looking up from the batcomputer goes 'you were both equally good, stop trying to start competitions with your brother'. Dick throws his hands up in the air and Jason, who has been sat on top of his own fucking memorial case to watch this shit show for the past 20 minutes, slow claps.

it's only after like a month of this that half way through a casual family breakfast, Damian asks Jason to pass him the orange juice or something, and Bruce finally has the fucking moment of

he never lives it down.

[guessmyname17]

Tim: Ra's has a special hatred for me.

Tim: i'm the one he wants. he keeps specifically targeting me during attacks.

Jason, throwing popcorn in his mouth: you think that makes you special?

Jason: when i was in the league i used to sneak into his private chambers at night to set fireworks off underneath his bed.

Tim:

Jason: when i came back to gotham he used to send assassins after me, but they were all from the league, so i was chill with them. convinced them to just have a beer instead.

Jason: only reason he hasn't killed me himself is because he's afraid of what Talia will do once i come back again.

Tim:

Tim: i feel like we should have an in depth conversation about the time you spent with the league.

Dick: i feel like we should have an in depth conversation about why you're so confident you'd come back again.

Jason, shrugging: just seems likely.

[guessmyname17]

au where instead of wanting to murder his own replacement, jason just decides to. replace somebody else. and that's now dick ends up in an increasingly ridiculous back and forth fight between himself and some random fucker who keeps showing up in a nightwing costume pretending to be him

dick's never been more pissed off in his life. theres literally nothing he did to deserve this, and now he has to fight for the vigilante persona HE created? it only gets worse because the more frustrated dick gets about the whole situation, the funnier this fake nightwing seems to find it.

it gets personal when damian starts calling the fake nightwing his big brother too. of course, jason was there first, but dick doesn't know that. and it's driving him fucking insane

he thinks that he's got the guy when he stands on top of a building in the middle of a massive fight, tries to do a quadrupal somersault, and promptly eats shit in front of everybody, but instead of realising he's a faker now the rest of the underworld thinks that nightwing's losing his touch.

he cries in alfred's arms at the injustice of it all.

[guessmyname17]

Ao3 stops loading for a second and I get a glimpse in the life of a mother who’s son got sent to war and doesn’t know when he’s returning safely

[guessmyname17]

Withdrawal symptoms have started kicking in……resist urges….must not go to quotev….

[guessmyname17]

When a Robin sheds their uniform to uptake a new role, the goons and Rogues cry out in fear.

Robins are absolutely feral demon spirits that cause unparalleled levels of chaos. Batman may terrify criminals, but Robins are more likely to steal your actual soul. They aren't as bad as the Dark Knight, but somehow that shadow creature is the only reason Robins don't obliterate everyone and everything. Somehow, those traffic light colors prevent the kids from becoming worse. Robin is a symbol of hope, and the child in the costume tries to live up to that.

After the current Robin sheds the mantle?

Now, there's a "new" vigilante with less rules and less supervision. Also, chances are extremely high that another Robin will pop up by the end of the week.

[guessmyname17]

I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.

[guessmyname17]

Batkids playing any kind of board game but make it extra competitive because whoever wins gets to choose what Bruce wears for the next gala.

Bruce, in a sparkly top and skinny jeans:

Reporter: Ah, who chose your outfit tonight, Brucie?

Bruce: That'd be my eldest, dear!

Dick, behind him, full into the gala persona: Flattering, isn't it? He should wear it more often, don't you think, sweetheart?

Reporter, flushed: Oh, absolutely.

Bruce (to Dick): Get a new fashion style. Please.

Dick: Never.

Reporter: Who would be responsible for your wardrobe tonight, Brucie? It's certainly a statement.

Bruce, head to toe in a pink suit and Hello Kitty accessories: Gorgeous, isn't it? All the credit will have to be given to Jason, though, I'm afraid.

Reporter: Your second son, if I'm not mistaken?

Bruce: The very one.

Jason from across the gala hall, trying to not cough up his drink with laughter:

Tim, next to him: He's pulling it off, though. Little spins and everything.

Jason: Still ridiculous. That's Batman right there, Timbo.

Tim, snickering: The Dark Knight, huh?

Bruce, dressed in a collared white shirt, sweater and skirt, looking like he just came out of a light academia novel:

Reporter: Wow, Brucie. Who do we thank for that wonderful outfit choice?

Bruce: Ah, flattering, is it not? Tim's choices when it comes to fashion are wonderful, if not a bit simple.

Tim, nodding from behind him: Only the finest satin skirts. Charming, right?

Tim, to Bruce: Don't call my style simple, Mr. all I wear is black.

[Jason handing Dick $10 in the background because Bruce does, in fact, pull off a skirt.]

Reporter: Oh lord, what a gown! Who influenced your fashion choice tonight, Brucie?

Bruce, in a long green and black gown with gold accessories, nothing short of royal-looking: I fear only one person I know could choose an outfit as gorgeous as this one.

Damian, proudly next to him, in a smaller, matching gown: Only the most exquisite. You lot in this flimsy country cannot compare.

Bruce: Yes, Damian has a fine taste in fashion. He gets it from his mother.

Damian, quieter: Well certainly not from you.

Bruce, dressed in an elegant white dress shirt, long black pants and a corset with red accessories, a fan in his right hand:

Reporter: What an entrance! Anyone to give credit to for the wardrobe, Brucie?

Bruce: That'd be my daughter, she certainly shines with her choice of clothing.

Cass, grinning with a matching fan: Very pretty.

Bruce: Thank you, Cass.

Reporter: Woah, that's certainly new. Any reason for this choice of clothes, Brucie, dear?

Bruce, in a snapback cap, loose jeans and a band t-shirt, complete with rings and a chain around his neck: Well, all of my children are creative, but... Duke might just take the cake for this one, love.

Duke, losing his absolute shit next to Jason, Dick and Tim: You look great, B.

Steph doesn't usually go to galas, but she participates in the game nevertheless. If she wins, god help Bruce, because it's a gamble with her. He either ends up wearing a gorgeous outfit with eccentric and trend-setting accessories or literal checkered pyjamas. Worst yet, he has to say he picked it himself, since he can't directly blame Steph.

[guessmyname17]

Wayne gala but all of the batkids were forced to go so now they are SET on giving Bruce the biggest headache ever while also entertaining themselves. read: they have a bet going on who can have the most ridiculous headline in the paper the next morning. some honourable mentions include:

Bruce Wayne's (il?)legal Ward(?) Stephanie Brown Claims to 'Always Have at Least Three of Bruce's Wallets' on Her Person. (With Interview! "Always have to be prepared, y'know? S'not like he'll notice one is missing.")

Eldest Wayne Son Richard Grayson Seen Falling Face First Into the Chocolate Fountain at Recent Charity Gala: Proceeds to Get Back Up, Laugh it Off and Return Thirty Seconds Later Unphased. (With Bonus Interview! "My hair just falls back into place perfectly, even after exposed to melted chocolate 30 seconds beforehand.")

Jason Todd-Wayne's First Public (Official!) Appearance Since He Returned: Everything You Need to Know, From Claims of An Alien Kidnapping to Punching the Newly-Hired Bartender! (With Exclusive Interview: "He looked at Cass weird. Creep. Should send him to those aliens.")

Bruce Wayne's Youngest Damian Wayne Denies Bringing Mysterious Pets to Recent Gala; Allegedly Does Not Notice the Hoard of Animals Hidden Behind Him, Including a Cow. (With New Interview: "Pets? Here? Foolish. All of my pets are safely in their wing of the manor. Do not disrespect their name.")

Timothy Drake-Wayne and His Gala Experiences: Wayne Middle Child Is Caught Falling Asleep At Multiple Tables During the Charity Gala, Claims to 'Not Know What Sleep Is' When Asked. (Bonus Interview! "Sleeping? At tables? Please, I have some class. What even is sleep? Is this a new social custom I am unaware of?")

see also: Timothy Drake-Wayne Denies Ownership of Skateboard Placed Under Bruce Wayne's Chair Despite His Name Clearly Etched On the Back.

Bruce Wayne's Newest Ward Duke Thomas Accidentally Spills Punch On His Guardian; Proceeds to Make Wayne Thank Him Because 'That Suit Was A Fashion Disaster'. (With Exclusive Interview: "That suit looked like it was picked out by Dick. That's not a good thing. It looked better with punch spilt on it.")

Eldest Daughter of Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Reported Hiding Behind Each of Her Siblings in Succession Throughout the Recent Gala; When Asked, Each Sibling Denied Seeing The Young Woman. (With Added Interview: "Fun game. Hide and seek, with paparazzi. Fun to scare.")

[guessmyname17]

Batfam AU where Jason never dies, so Tim doesn't join the family the standard way. Instead, he continues pouring most of his time and energy into his photography, eventually becoming known as a popular photographer for events and all that. So now, picture this: Tim gets hired to be a photographer for a Wayne gala. Obviously, he's ecstatic, because he can take pictures of Batman, Robin and Nightwing and be in their presence for a whole night. Since Tim is so naturally talented in stealth and taking pictures unnoticed, the second one of the fam realises this they're like: this kid is good. Tim manages to go unnoticed by all 3 of them (all bat-trained, one literally batman) multiple times during the night, and even when he is noticed, he disappears before they can manage to get a good look at him; to the sheer amazement of Dick and Jason.

Jason, (very discreetly putting snacks in his suit pocket): i know you're under the table, kid.

Tim: don't mind me, Mr. Todd-Wayne, sir, just taking a few pictures

Jason: right... Jason's fine, and what pictures were you taking from under the table?!

Tim, showing him perfectly good shots of him: these.

Jason: how did you get that. it looks like you took it from the rafters

Tim, nodding: I did.

Jason, glancing at the ceiling: ...what?

Tim, gone:

Jason: no fucking way.

Dick, hearing a very, very faint camera shutter from behind him:

Dick, turning around and finding no one there: what the actual...

Dick, getting the feeling of being watched and whirling around to find Tim staring at him from across the room: ... huh.

Jason, pulling Dick aside: you see that kid too, right?!

Dick, nodding: the camera kid, yeah?

Jason: who is that.

Dick: he's one of the hired photographers, apparently. one of the best in his field, despite his age.

Jason: he's good. like, really good. snuck up on me 4 times already, the little bastard.

Dick: you too? i swear he's constantly watching. it's creepy how well he can sneak past both of us.

Jason:

Dick:

Jason: you don't think...

Dick: no. B would've told us.

Jason:

Dick:

Dick: did he get another kid and not tell us somehow

Bruce: what do you mean another kid?

Jason: you heard us. did you adopt another kid and not tell us?!

Bruce: no?? how would I even?? ... what's this about?

Dick: one of the photographers has managed to sneak up on both me and Jay multiple times already

Bruce: what.

Jason: he also can't be more than like. 15 or 16. so forgive us for assuming you took another one in.

Bruce: do you know his name?

Dick:

Jason:

Bruce: really?

Dick: in our defence, he's very hard to catch. i wouldn't be surprised if he's snuck up on you, too.

[camera shutter noise]

All of them, whipping their heads toward the sound only to find nothing but air:

Tim, smiling from the other side of the room:

Jason: do you see what we mean?!

Cue an entire night of shenanigans where it's just Dick, Jason and Bruce trying to catch Tim and learn about him. Upon finding out who he is and where he lives, Dick immediately asks to keep him as an honorary member of the family. Jason is hesitant at first but at some point Tim calls Bruce Batman instead of Mr. Wayne on accident and Jason laughs so hard he's basically won over. Bruce can do nothing but watch as Tim proceeds to come over almost every night for sleepovers and is coddled by both of his sons. And he can't deny, the kid's investigation and stealth skills are top tier. By the time Dick and Jason both start referring to Tim as 'their younger brother' Bruce has just accepted his fate.

[guessmyname17]

i think Jason and Damain's love languages are both violence, insults and taking the piss out of each other. because of this, they get along great and bounce off each other without even trying. the only issue is that to everybody that ISN'T Damian or Jason, these two guys fucking hate each other with a passion.

Dick will purposely try and separate them at any opportunity in order to avoid arguments that nearly ALWAYS turn into physical fights. he made the mistake of letting them sit next to each other at breakfast once and within thirty minutes Jason's cereal was in his lap and Damian had a dislocated shoulder.

Bruce is terrified that Damian being so antagonistic is going to chase Jason away from the family again, especially since Damian's the only one that makes such death-centric jabs towards him constantly, so he keeps trying to endear Damian towards Jason by telling him about Jason's greatest hits while being Robin. Damian's reaction to this is to shatter Jason's Robin memorial.

Tim is mostly just relieved that they hate each other, because he's sure that were Jason 'titans tower' Todd and Damain 'cut the wire' Al Ghul in any way friends, he'd have about 3 hours to live at most.

Alfred is the only one who seems to notice the fact that Damian's the only one who doesn't treat Jason's revival like some traumatic miracle that's forbidden to talk about. That no matter how cutting their words are towards each other, they're both comfortable enough that they don't take true offense. He's the only one that seems to see that most of their 'arguments' are actually just consistent of harsh banter. How after they fight, Jason will subtly reposition one of Damian's stances or give him advice, and how despite how stubborn he is, Damian will accept the guidance as if he's used to having Jason as a teacher.

and then one day after a really long annoying case, Dick jokingly asks Damian who his favourite brother is, not expecting an answer. Damian, running on twelve minutes of sleep, blankly mutters 'Todd'. Jason just gives him a fist bump and acts like that was the expected answer, before silently going back to his gun cleaning. Neither of them realise how silent the rest of the cave has gone.

it takes two hours and three drug tests for the rest of the bats to realise that Damian hasn't been compromised in some way.

[guessmyname17]

I love the whole 'Jason and Damian met in the LOA and are brothers and the batfam doesn't find out until Red Hood shows up and Damian acts all friendly' schtick, but I think people fail to see the comedic potential of the dynamic of 'Jason and Damian met in the LOA and are brothers and the batfam doesn't find out until Red Rood shows up and Damian just gets immediately pissed'.

Damian's trying to settle into his life at the manor but then during patrol Red Hood makes his debut and he just lets out the most dramatic groan because he knows Jason's only here to start shit

the others being so confused because this is the most emotion Damian has ever shown other than genuine murderous intent, and also Red Hood keeps laughing at Robin in pure glee???

Jason causes trouble and fights with the rest of the batfam and they're all literally so confused because why does Red Hood try to shoot them when every time he comes across Damian all he does is call him short, trip him up and throw animal crackers at him.

Jason literally only came back to Gotham to cross 'become a crime lord' off his bucket list and piss off his little brother and Damian is. so tired.

[guessmyname17]

considering the manor is completely massive and the only person who spends more than a few consecutive hours there at a time is probably Alfred, i think it would be funny if after the pit, Jason decides after everything he's been through that he can't be bothered to do the whole revenge thing, or sort out safe houses or get an apartment and instead just decides to kill the joker himself and just... secretly go home.

like, as long as he kept an ear out to make sure he wasn't eating in the dining room when Bruce comes down, he could probably get away with walking around without ever being caught. Alfred would find out, i assume, but i think knowing how complicated Jasons emotions towards Bruce are right now, he'd keep it quiet and just be happy that the one other person he trusts to leave alone in the kitchen is finally back. And then, of course, there's the kids.

Damian knew from the beginning. Not because he's especially observant, but because this is his big brother from the league and the first night he spent at the manor Jason crawled through his window in full Red Hood gear and told him not to snitch. Considering that in the league Jason once snuck up behind Ra's and shaved a strip of hair off the back of his head, Damian decides there's far stupider shit the guy could be doing and leaves it be.

Tim finds out next. admittedly, the only reason he finds out is because Jason thought he knew and just stopped attempting to avoid him. in reality, what happened was Tim, having not slept for three days and living off nothing but spite and coffee, accidentally walked in on Jason cooking in the middle of the night, and immediately wrote it off as a hallucination. Jason, seeing Tim find him in the manor and not react badly, decided that 'oh, the replacement must just be chill i guess' and mentally pencilled him in as another person in the building that he can be seen by. it came to a head when a few days later Damian was forced by Jason to invite Tim out with them on their weekly 'eat junk food and talk shit about the rest of the family' outings, since he was a part of the group now. Tim cries.

Dick only finds out because Tim and Damian keep forgetting that Jason isn't supposed to be talked about in public. there comes a point where Tim rips Dick's favourite sweater and when Dick confronts him about it, Tim panics and blurts out 'it wasn't me, must have been jason!', and upon seeing Dick's face, Damian smacks him and grumbles 'good job Drake, now we have to show him Todd or he'll cry again.'. Jason is not overly happy when he sneaks through his bedroom window after going out as Red Hood and finds a sobbing Dick sat on his bed, Tim staring at the ground looking very ashamed while Damian straight face points at Tim to make it clear that this was Not His Fault.

after realising literally everyone in the house sans Bruce knows he's there, Jason decides to just. stop hiding. the fact is that he wasn't trying that hard in the first place, and Bruce still didn't have a clue, so he kinda wants to see how long it takes the 'world's greatest detective' to realise his dead kid is just. back.

so he stops hiding. starts showing up for family meals, starts being more friendly with the bats as Red Hood, and they all wait to see what finally tips Bruce off.

they forget how fucking stupid this man can be.

because if Jason had gone up to Bruce and done some sort of dramatic or emotional reveal then sure, Bruce would be shocked. he'd freak out. but the fact is that Bruce has both Batman and Brucie Wayne to keep up with. He's barely paying attention to his own feet while walking, let alone the people around him.

so when Jason starts showing up and acting like nothings changed, and literally nobody else in the house acts like anything's different either? Bruce straight up forgets that Jason's supposed to be dead. His mind just registers 'oh there are his kids, fighting like usual', and forgets to take in whether or not those kids are SUPPOSED to be ALIVE.

the kids find it fucking fascinating. Jason can actually have conversations with Bruce at the dinner table, and Bruce doesn't even realise that this is a wild fucking thing to be happening. Tim starts laughing at him and Bruce gets confused, only making the poor kid laugh harder. Jason just can't believe he actually bothered putting effort into hiding when he first came back. Damian's respect for his father diminishes every day.

it becomes a game, to see how far it will go. at one point Dick straight up asks who was better as Robin, him or Jason, in an attempt to jog his memory, and Bruce without looking up from the batcomputer goes 'you were both equally good, stop trying to start competitions with your brother'. Dick throws his hands up in the air and Jason, who has been sat on top of his own fucking memorial case to watch this shit show for the past 20 minutes, slow claps.

it's only after like a month of this that half way through a casual family breakfast, Damian asks Jason to pass him the orange juice or something, and Bruce finally has the fucking moment of

he never lives it down.

[guessmyname17]

if jason todd were to start going round with a petition to make batman kill the joker i think he would have all of gotham on board within three days, and i also believe theres a 99% chance the joker would sign this petition himself, just to see how batman responds

jason: technically this isn't murder it's assisted suicide

bruce: what the fuck is happening right now why are you two together

jason: morbid curiosity

joker: just wanted to see what you'd do

[guessmyname17]

Jason & Dick, finding a dead body on patrol:

Jason:

Jason: b-

Dick, holding up a finger: don't you DARE say 'been there done that'

Jason: you can't tell me what to do, you didn't even come to my funeral!

Dick: I was in SPACE

Jason: and I was in the GROUND

[guessmyname17]

instead of wanting to kill Tim for replacing him, Jason just wants to piss him off a little to keep him on his toes. he does this by changing his name and getting a degree in teaching, and then becoming Tim's English teacher at Gotham prep.

Tim is losing his mind because he swears on his life that his predecessor is literally his english teacher and is literally failing him- and nobody fucking believes him.

Jason thinks it's the funniest shit he's ever managed to pull off. it gets funnier when while on patrol, Red Hood runs into the bats, and instead of helping the others fight him, Red Robin throws down his bo staff down and screeches at the top of his lungs 'STOP GIVING ME FUCKING DETENTION'