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wow. it’s beautiful. elle, i don’t know what you’re talking about. if this is how you talk, you should never talk to a blind person. come here, i’ll explain it to you. right now, the sun looks like it’s sinking under the water. it’s surrounded by clouds. however, the clouds left some space for the sun to shine through. and right now, the clouds have some streaks. elle, are you describing what you’re really seeing or what you want to see? do you want to know what i want to see? yes. i want you to see me once more. i want to see you too.

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by Livia Fălcaru

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Dare to ask

This is one weakness I can point out from myself. It is not asking questions during a lecture because most of the time when there is something that I am unsure of I will ask straight away. It is about asking for what I want.

 It sounds contradicting to what the guy I’ve known for ages said. He said I plan out my life and career pretty well in comparison to people of our age. But it doesn’t seem possible to do without having to confidence to ask for something. Here’s the thing:

I grew up having the thought that I won’t be able to get what I want (not what I need, because I don’t seem to have a lot of problem with it). When I asked my mom for some money to hang out with friends at shopping centres, she would complain about it saying that I go out too much and they are unnecessary. When I asked my dad to get me a specific laptop I’ve been eyeing on, he said the specs were too high for me and instead I had to agree on getting the one with lower spec. When preparing for University, my parents assumed that I wanted to go to Australia and I had to say yes until I met someone who convinced me enough to divert somewhere else and ended up being where I am now. It was not exactly where I want to be. I had to bury my dream for applying for school in America - I brought this into a brief conversation with my mom and the first thing she said America is too far and American schools are expensive. I don’t disagree, though - imagine how much imagine how much money you need to spend even before getting into the school. 

So far it might sound like I am an ungrateful brat, but that is not the point. I am aware that my parents have given me more than enough support to grow up and to be what I am now and I really thank them for that. But the moments when I didn’t get a good response when I asked for something, or not getting exactly what I wanted - these pretty much shape me to be what I am, scared to ask for something. There were many times when I become indecisive because I am scared people will not like my choice.

Not to mention when I confessed to a guy couple of years ago. I didn’t actually ask him to take our relationship further but I did say that I liked him for years. He said thank you and apologised for triggering my feelings - a response that I somehow expected, although not what I wanted. But now I am really grateful of how it ended up because I do not longer think he is someone I want to end up with.

Also, I have to confess that I didn’t really ask for help from my coursemates when I was still in University. I know there’s a lot of ego involved; I thought if I struggled on something, so did they and asking for help would just complicate things.

Now it has been nearly a year since I started my job. I do not have any issues with asking for money from my parents because I earn it myself. I still dream of going to school in America one day but I will find my own way to fund it. Nonetheless, there are times at work when I know I have to ask for something, but I bury the urge as if there’s no issues. I didn’t really said to my team that I don’t like sitting in office desk for the whole week and I want to spend more time on site. I thought even if I said it there’s not much they can do due to our circumstances. 

However, I am glad that I met a colleague who insisted me to say what I want to do. I seized the chance and used the rotation opportunity to be on site full-time, and I am looking forward to it. During a graduate bootcamp, I met someone who told me to be confident in making decisions.

Here comes the doubts: how do I know when I need to ask for promotion or salary rise? How do I know whether I ask something I deserve? After being more than just friends with a guy for so long, I want to give myself a break - but say, when I meet someone I like once again, how can I get the courage to confess and ask? There are many more things I still need to work on when it comes to asking for something. I am going to enjoy the process and look forward to where it gets me to.

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from weheartit

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Home

Where is it?

Is it the house my parents bought?

Is it the flat I’ve been renting?

If it is the former, I’ve left it for too long.

By the time I return, will I still recognise it? 

If it is the latter, is it actually where I belong? 

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A long term friend of mine said:

We often associate heartbreak with separation from one’s love interest, but it’s not always the case.

Her first heartbreak was when her so-called best friends ousted her. 

She never believes in best friends since then.

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via weheartit

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I miss Uni times.  Yearning for a moment in the past is sickening;  you know it’s not gonna come back.  People won’t stay the same.  You’ll drift apart.  You’re just gonna end up playing a song

that reminds you of that time.

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