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[gutter-child-gone]

“L'appel du vide” is when you have self-destructive thoughts for a split second - like swerving your car into oncoming traffic or imagining yourself jumping when you’re standing at the edge of a cliff even though you’d never really do it. The phrase literally translates as ‘the call of the void’.

Source Source 2

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How do I explain to you people that interracial relationships are okay

Not every white person dating a POC is fetishizing. White people can be respectful and responsible when it comes to culture and relationships and not everyone has bad intentions.

Asian people can date Black people without you saying shit like “your kids will be so pretty” they’re not dating for pretty kids. They’re dating bc they like each other.

Someone can dress their partner in clothing from their culture if they want. Someone can take their partner to cultural events if they want.

People in relationships can share cultures, experiences and love without it being toxic or skin deep.

Their partner isn’t culturally appropriating. Their partner is being shown the ultimate form of love, bc their partner trusts them and loves them enough to share their history and heritage.

Yeah, dating someone from your culture is nice bc you automatically have similar experiences. But you’re not limited to dating people with the same experiences. Loving someone is sharing and growing and being together.

Interracial relationships aren’t always toxic, and some of y’all need to stop projecting onto other people.

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Starting work again tomorrow after being on maternity leave for 12 weeks. I'm so nervous that I'm going to fuck something up. Ugh. Only positive is I'm on my feet all day so I can get my steps in. Which will hopefully help me lose some of this extra weight. I can dream at least.

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Time: 9.18p

relationship status: married

favourite colour: violet

Favourite food: pizza

song stuck in my head: circle with me by spiritbox

Last thing I googled: ghost tour tickets

Dream trip: disneyland with my family!

Something I want: happiness for my daughter

I tag: literally no one I only interact with one person on here 🙃

Okkk tagged by @lusi-1 :D let’s goooo

Time: 1:54 pm

Relationship status: hehe uwu

Favorite color: idk probably gray

Favorite food: I can’t do this hdjshsksje mia has ruined all foods for me

Song stuck in my head: the lalalala part of disgusting semla

Last thing I googled: us to eu dress size

Dream trip: Faroe and the fact that I’ve gotten my mutuals into it too makes me extremely happy :,)

Something I want: motivation and will to do something please please please

I tag: @sugaryangell @from-the-dark-past @vargs @vanitybecomesme @gunsandgirlsandhashish @ilkitie @angel-wife @franknweenie @aardvarkfactory @crazymindbroken @skinny-dreamland111 @sorrowandpride

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219.8 this morning. I'm pleased to be under 220, no matter how small the difference is, the numbers just look better to me. I hope when I start back to work again in a month that I'll fit in my scrubs again, because I don't want to buy another set or feel that fat. Even if it's the large size it's better than nothing.

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Just had a psych dr appt and she won't up my klonopin. She upped another drug and said we can revisit it in a month. I'll be out in a week. This is terrifying, I really only use it for panic attacks, and I've been having a lot, especially with a 2 month old baby. I'm so nervous now just thinking about how to spread them out to cover the time. Sucks being honest with drs sometimes because they think once a junkie, always a junkie. I've been clean from everything for over 10 years, and have only ever slipped up once and that was 7 years ago. 🙃 oh well I guess.

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Visit with Mom and sister was amazing but bittersweet. They left yesterday and I honestly feel heartbroken about it. I was able to eat and not over indulge and I've lost 2.4 pounds so far since last week. It's not much, but for me it's everything. I have a super hard time losing weight so any progress is good progress.

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seeing “balanced” takes on abortion makes me want to state for the record i love abortion. I love it. Unapologetically. I love all my friends who have had abortions and all the reasons they’ve had them. i love people who treat abortion flippantly I love people who have a lot of emotions about their abortion. I love people who will have only one abortion in their whole life and people who will have many. abortion is great, no caveats. Its not a moral quandary. if someone doesn’t want to be pregnant they should have safe access to rectifying the state of their own body

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So my Mom and sister are visiting me in a few days and they've never been here. I am thrilled they are coming, I miss them so much it's been since November since we've seen eachother. But they will watch my eating and I'm afraid they will notice what I'm up to again.

Ugh. Again. If I had practiced any self control while pregnant I wouldn't be having to lose so much weight. To be honest, I am so happy I have a child now. I would not trade her for the world. I just can't seem to stop comparing myself to others with kids now and I feel like I am a huge blimp.

I went shopping yesterday with my husband and I had to go up 2 sizes on my jeans and I looked like a whale stuffed into them. I hate high waisted anything and everything I bought was high waisted because I need to hold all of my stomach in. My husband is a saint and tells me several times a day that I don't look bad and to give myself some grace, since it's only been 6 weeks since I had her.

I am totally on board if that was advise for someone else, but for myself I feel like it's been wasted time. To be fair, I did have a c-section so I really couldn't bend or do anything. I don't know, everything sounds like an excuse to me. They're all valid reasons for anyone but myself basically.

Fuck disordered eating and the warping my brain does.

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Here we go again.......time to lose all this baby weight this time. It's been 5 weeks since I've had her and she is perfect but I am left looking at my body in disgust again. :( Just to clarify, she is a formula baby, so this won't affect her.

Start weight: 224.6

Goal weight: 175

Wishful thinking goal weight: under 145

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Alexander Semenov

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self care for when you hit rock bottom

i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It

-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.

-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.

-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.

-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.

can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.

-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.

-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)

-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.

-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.

-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.

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🔥1000 calorie burning workout🔥

🎀 50 jumping jacks (star jumps) 👑 2 minutes running in place 🌺 15 pushups 👗 2 minutes running in place ✨ 40 squats 👙 1 minute running in place 🍀 25 jumping jacks 💐 1 minute running in place 🍁 10 pushups 🌹 1 minute running in place 🌼 20 squats 🍂 1 minute running in place 🌷 1 minute plank 🍃 1 minute mountain climbers

My go-to workout, especially after binging. I can do this in my room without anyone noticing even when my whole family is in the house.

Doing this twice daily will burn about 3.5 lbs a week, and it only takes around 15 minutes.

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Do you think this is a pretty sight? This is the reality of having anorexia for 12+ years. The reality of what eating disorders can do to your body.

When I was in high school and then in college getting my bachelors degree, I spent more time in hospitals and treatment centers than I did out of them.

And then I found out

My organs failed. Permanently.

Last year, I needed major surgery that took about 4 HOURS, and after that I was admitted to the hospital for a week on heavy pain medications, being wheeled around because I couldn’t walk.

I had tubes everywhere.

I had to medically withdraw from graduate school because I had to spend that time in doctors offices, infusion centers for IVs, in the ER, or admitted into the hospital.

Now I have a 6 inch scar across my abdomen and will be on medications for the rest of my life to help my heart and stomach function enough to keep me alive.

I’ve nearly died multiple times from the ED, but I had never believed that my organs could shut down and leave me to deal with that reality for the rest of my life.

That is not a way anyone should have to live life.

This is what an eating disorder looks like. Not the “thinspo” everyone sees on the Internet. This is what you don’t see behind those pictures and it’s not pretty.

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dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

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The person I reblogged this from deserves happiness and love