gyuzen

[gyuzen]

💌

This was INTENSE. i actually cried multiple times while reading, this deserves more notes and reblogs. i dont know what it was but my god.

YOUR DOG LOVES YOU | y.jw

STARRING: Yang Jungwon x fem!reader

CAST: Park Jongseong, Berlioz the Borzoi

RUNTIME: 25.7k

SYNOPSIS: Jungwon goes on an arduous hike on top of a mountainous terrain by his university every morning, gently tugging the leash of an old, dumb Borzoi that he calls his. If he were to recall the past nineteen years of his life, then nothing has drastically changed between the path that he and Berlioz walked together and the hallmarks of his youth. Perhaps, as he celebrated his last walk with Berlioz as a teenager, things might be slightly different when he wakes up tomorrow.

GENRE: Coming-of-age, hurt/comfort, melancholia, human drama

WARNINGS: PG13 | Heavy depictions of death, grief, and mourning | Explicit depictions of mental illness | spoiler something happens to ber-chan

DIRECTOR’S CUT: hellooooooo it’s vivian/camille again, for the nth time. yes this is @/orpheyeux and please refer to the faq i pinned on my blog for potential answers. i haven’t written in over a year tbh, and this was a fun little exercise to get my muscles going. i think this got a lot longer than i would’ve liked, but it’s here and i’m back. enjoy jungwon and his dumb dog i guess.

SOUNDTRACK: HERE.

COPYRIGHT OROCHXI 2023. DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

Green was an odd choice for someone to pick as their favorite color. There was nothing too outstanding about the color or any iteration of it. Blue was a good choice because some shades were considered neutrals when experimenting with patterns and color combinations; it suited a variety of skin tones well since it was often seen in a large selection of cultural attire. Red seemed to be a bold choice—those who were passionate, daring, confident, and with a certain degree of anger management issues seemed to resonate with the color. Yellow could either represent the hues of the sun on a bright summer day or the urine of a dehydrated athlete. “Jaundice” was an offensive and outright outdated term that nobody really used, but Jungwon’s grandmother always insisted on calling the color as such because it was, like any other entry in a lexicon, just another word. Some people even opted for a “royal” purple, because it reminded them of a sensational pop star or a man who played guitar with his left hand. Others defied the norms and steered towards what is usually considered an “anti-color”—your greys, blacks, and whites—while failing to realize that many people also resonated with the monochromatic spectrum. Pink is usually very easy on the eyes, and anything orange looks edible so long as you ignore the warnings on the label. Indigo is also a weird answer, but to Jungwon he would rather someone own the color with pride than say green. 

What’s there to like about green anyway? Sure, one can say that it’s the color of nature—but nature can be ugly in all its glory. Leaves? Disgusting. To hell with the ancient ones who harvested them in the wild and decided to conjure up what everyone calls a ‘salad.’ Grass? Nobody even looks at a meadow with the sole objective of finding beauty in it. Lawns are a deplorable hallmark of suburbia, and parks would be better off without the uniform, crisp cuts produced by a rapid succession of lethal blades. Lime green was painful to look at, and darker shades of green were even more reminiscent of swamps, radioactive waste, and algal blooms. Lush, dense forests weren’t a serene place where one could find Nirvana—forests were for unsolved true crime cases and ancient burial grounds. No wonder every school publication chose the color green as the cover design for each textbook. If it wasn’t for the embodiment of sleep apnea Jungwon called a “lecture,” then it would have been a graphic designer’s choice to associate green with the failed education system of any OECD country. 

Then again, what does he know? He’s only nineteen, and he’s halfway through the semester. Soon enough, he wouldn’t be calling himself a freshie, and he would have to start thinking about paying taxes and earning money—which, fittingly enough, is also coded and symbolized with the color green. 

He realizes that he shouldn’t even worry about the things that appear on his news feed; he was never one to ponder anything related to the humanities. The only reason why he started to dive deep into his innate hatred for the color green was because of a menial task that has unfortunately been imprinted onto his morning schedule: every day—without fail—at around five in the morning, he takes Mr. Berlioz out on a walk. 

Now, who is Berlioz? Jungwon wishes he was a human, because if he were to do the calculations correctly, then Berlioz would be about a hundred and twelve years old. While living with a senior citizen is, in his own words, a roommate straight from hell, he had an inkling of thought and intrigue in him that would prefer living with a fossil that has a century's worth of experience and stories to tell. Sure, the brain would probably overheat and malfunction at some point, but the fact stands that living a hundred years and more would be a milestone bigger than winning the lottery. If Berlioz was indeed human, Jungwon could picture a coat of overgrown, grey hair covering a thin, bony, yet silky-smooth crown parted with unkempt braids and an overgrown goatee. Berlioz would probably wear a wifebeater and a pair of loose boxers inflated by an overfilled adult diaper that’s in dire need of changing. Berlioz would speak with a gruff, rustic voice reminiscent of a broken, lost radio station that only he himself listens to (because in this day and age, nobody used the radio). Whenever he would speak, he probably spoke with gestures over words—thin, skeletal fingers that would easily crumble into pieces if a small gust of wind were to grace the dry surface of the palm of his hand. A single blink of an eye would perhaps revert the veins and crackles of his knuckles back into an animated, soft, supple hand, but that instantaneous reverie will immediately be broken by the roughness of his voice. His cheeks would feel hollow, and his nose would consist of a single, unbroken line of bone that shone even in the absence of light. Even if Berlioz was technically Korean, Jungwon could only see him in his prime as a middle-aged Caucasian man straight out of a vintage portrait from the 1800s in Europe—complete with a pristine, yet aging suit, and bolero tie that smelled of faint whiskey, cigar ashes, and pomegranate. 

Alas, Berlioz was not an ancient time traveler from the other side of the world. He was, indeed, a plain, old Borzoi who has lost his instinct. His once luscious locks of white fur were replaced with a tarnished, creme color, matched with blotches of faded brown spots that used to add some form of distinction to his breed. While his nose remained elongated like a sock, his eyes were extremely dull on the left side owing to a complication in his latest cataract surgery. Two of his hind legs—which were purposefully longer to maximize his speed—now had the same elevation as those of his front, accompanied by a concerning level of brittle shakiness that made him look too worn to go for a walk. Every time he would try and match Jungwon’s pace, he would either let out a numbing whine that woke the crows and pigeons up from their slumber, or he would stop at the closest post he could still manage to see, leaning his tired, malnourished body on any solid surface while catching oxygen in the same way an asthmatic would. Jungwon managed to take Berlioz out on a monthly grooming schedule, but even the groomers began to refuse him because they had a hard time keeping his feeble legs up in the bathing process. 

“To think that you were bred to hunt bears. Bears, Berlioz.” Jungwon sighed as he gently tugged Berlioz’s leash to indicate a right turn. Berlioz limped in a scurry, using his right eye to gaze at his young owner’s face in shame and exhaustion. 

The glorious Borzoi, bred by the Russians to hunt large predators, had a rough translation of “fast” in their breed name to sell its speed to aristocrats and hunters alike. They were supposed to be the perfect balance between aesthetics and practicality, using their thick, elegant coat to keep themselves warm in the hellish winters of Siberia. Beneath their dignified demeanor and looks, they should have impeccable eyesight that can catch a minuscule fruit fly in lightning speed—and yet Berlioz, who was once a mighty hound capable of all those things, could not even embody his former shell. The only thing that failed to age was the green leash that kept him within the confines of the Yang household, forever subservient to the family until his eventual demise. 

Jungwon couldn’t remember the first time he bonded with Berlioz. According to his grandmother, his parents bought Berlioz from a local breeder as a puppy right when he was born. He was supposedly a few months older than Jungwon, but puppies grew quicker, and by the time Jungwon could speak, Berlioz was already a young adult in his prime. 

The thing about Berlioz and all Borzois was that they were tame and agreeable in essence, but stubborn and considered “dumb” by many kennel clubs. Berlioz wasn’t necessarily stupid or stubborn, and he was quite easy to train unless he caught a glimpse of a rat tail in the corner of their old family home. By the time Berlioz has started to calm down at the sight of anything in motion, Jungwon’s parents were already gone. All that remained was his grandmother—who, to his surprise, had a clearer will to live than Berlioz. She was the one who took Berlioz out on his daily walks until her arthritis took fold. Now, all she can do is sit on the couch and watch television, occasionally using her crutches or the wheelchair to pet her beloved canine companion when necessary. Since then, Jungwon has taken most—if not all—of the responsibility surrounding Berlioz, be it the groomers, his walks, his food and water, and even his hygienic needs. 

“You know, you’re much more difficult to take care of than halmeoni,” Jungwon said, knowing that Berlioz was going to whine again in response to whatever he said. 

“Halmeoni doesn’t need to be taken out on walks, and she manages to change her own diaper just fine. She doesn’t need to be taken to the groomers every month for a haircut, and she can feed herself. I wish you were more like halmeoni.”

“You know, maybe if you weren’t named Berlioz, you would be easier to train,” Jungwon muttered, keeping his peripheral vision on the poor, ailing dog as he continued to let his muscle memory track the same dirt path he’d been treading since he was old enough to start taking Berlioz on walks. As expected, Berlioz let out a faint, wispy whine, lowering his long nose down parallel to the soles of his paws. 

“Who in their right mind even named you that? Why couldn’t they give you a normal name like Suwon or Geon or something, you know? You’re Korean, you’re not some whatever from wherever in Europe.”

Even if Berlioz was past his prime, he always made it a routine to tug his leash three times, giving Jungwon the queue to let him go. When Jungwon would let go of Berlioz’s leash, he would start circling around the tall patches of reed and millet, letting his luscious locks catch the wind as he sped through the greeneries with agility. Now, all Jungwon can do was eye Berlioz with pity as he watched the old dog gently circle around a small patch of dead grass before settling on top of its damp surface, lowering his body with caution while sticking his tongue out to the nearby creek. Jungwon would remember the time when he ran along with Berlioz, either playing fetch or chasing him down the makeshift docks that lined the riverbend and the endless rows of tall grass that covered his shoulders. He enjoyed it at first, but then he started to grow frustrated at the fact that a large hound would manage to outrun him every single time they settled on an impromptu race. 

Now that he began to think about his time with Berlioz, there was never a time when he was consistently happy with the dog. Those small bursts of happiness that he shared with Berlioz as a child were immediately met with an uncontrollable outburst of competitiveness or unbridled frustration at Berlioz’s stubbornness. His classmates who also had dogs of their own had German Shepherds, Labradors, or Golden Retrievers that would try to keep them happy and let them win every single race. Jongseong, a former neighbor who lived in the upper-class residential areas of his town, owned a docile Saint Bernard that would even allow him to hitch a ride on her back. Dogs were supposed to be a human’s best friend, but Jungwon always saw Berlioz as the opposite. Berlioz would never yield and match his long, muscular legs with Jungwon’s tiny steps, and as Jungwon grew older, Berlioz would give up and retreat into a lazy recess that tested Jungwon’s patience. Now that Berlioz was technically older than his grandmother, he would take long naps near the riverbend, sometimes jolting awake at the slight touch of water in the tip of his paws. When he had the energy, he would whimper to the ebbs and flows of the river, dipping his nose into the murky waters as he took a gentle sip of contaminated water. Jungwon’s grandmother often warned him to chase Berlioz every time he would try to drink water from the river, but ever since she lost the ability to accompany him on their walks, Jungwon would simply stay put and watch the old dog whine and growl each time the taste of dirt and dead jellyfish hit his tongue. 

“Why did my parents get you instead of any other breed,” Jungwon would always lament as he eyed Berlioz with contempt and annoyance. It wasn’t as if his parents cared for Berlioz more; he was just angry at the thought that Berlioz probably remembered the attention and love his parents gave him more than he can. 

Jungwon took Berlioz’s leash and wrapped it around his fist, mimicking a boxer’s glove as he began to punch through the overgrown patches of grass that surrounded him. He used to be completely covered in their foliage, but now, they were a complete nuisance that tickled the hairs of his skin. He would start to jab his fists in a quick, patterned rhythm, dodging the attacks of flexible reed with each, aggressive motion. Whenever he was ready, he ducked down and used his heel to switch his stance, going as low as he could before taking his right leg up in one, sweeping move. He was almost never happy with the results he’d get, but today was a special day. Only one, thin strand of reed remained standing, while the rest of the patch withered and flopped flatly on the dry, dead grass bed. Normally in his odd game of bowling, there would be several reeds left standing for him to knock down, and it would take him several tries before he gave up and stomped on the reeds. 

Eyeing the last standing reed like a punching bag, he shifted his stance once more, taking the green-laced ribbons between each crevice of his fingers. Once his fingers were interwoven with the dark hues of his veins, he stepped back and closed his eyes. The wind was pointing westward. 

“Sir,”

Inhale. Exhale. He’s already done this one too many times. The breeze collected strength in numbers, pushing a gust of air on his dark, feathering locks. Small strands of hair landed between his eyelids and the top of his cheeks, but that didn’t concern him in the slightest. The single piece of reed remained still despite Berlioz’s attempt to howl at the wind and break nature’s punching bag in half. 

“Sir?”

A loud thud echoed across the river, rippling the earth in circular jolts. Jungwon immediately knew that Berlioz was not the culprit simply because he was too bony to create such a loud and heavy commotion. As he continued to rule out each and every explanation of the origins of the noise, he came to a satisfactory conclusion that his sheer power was to blame. His lips tugged his cheeks even tighter, and he shifted his stance once more without questioning the physics behind how such a thin piece of reed continued to stay still. No matter. Soon enough, the elongated, hot-dog-esque structure will be flying in the air, plunging straight into the river with a single kick. 

“Sir!”

He felt a sharp hypertension in his calf. Something was stopping him from delivering the final blow. Was it because the spikes looked like Berlioz’s nose? No, that can’t be it. There were too many things that looked like that old dog’s nose—especially Jungwon’s white socks, those could easily pass as his nose. Did he suddenly care about plants feeling pain? He looked it up online as a joke after Sullyoon told him she was turning vegetarian. 

“It’s called being plant-positive, asshole,” He remembered her stern voice berating him for bullying her dietary choices. In response, Jungwon called himself “meat positive” for an entire month, but that shouldn’t impact the way he sees plants. 

Was it because he hated green? Definitely not. For as long as he could remember, his dislike for the color didn’t manifest into a physical reflex. He was fine with being surrounded by anything remotely green; he even wore shades of green when there was no other choice. If his body were to jerk away at the repulsion of seeing green, then he would’ve stopped taking Berlioz to the marshes a long time ago. 

It took Jungwon a few seconds to register reality—but once he did, he was face-to-face with you, who suddenly looked like a rabbit in his eyes. No matter how hard you tried to bury your eyebrows in your lids, you failed to deliver a threatening demeanor. Your lips quivered into a slight frown, accentuated by the deep lines that traced your cheeks. Your luscious locks were tightened into braids, both strands hitting you directly in the face as the wind grew stronger. Nonetheless, you remained still, tightening your grip and digging your nails into Jungwon’s ankle. 

“Can you stop punching and kicking the grass, please?” You muttered under your teeth, only loosening your hold on his ankle after he yanked it out of your grasp. “You almost hit me.”

“Oh, sorry,”

“It’s alright,”

The first thing he noticed about you was the unclasped leash wrapped around your forearm, emitting the same hue as the one on his knuckles. The only difference was its length; your leash was way shorter than Jungwon’s. 

“Is that your dog over there?” You asked, tilting your chin in Berlioz’s direction. “I mean… Yeah, unfortunately.” Jungwon replied, scratching his nose as he sneered at Berlioz’s back. 

“Don’t say that! He may be very old, but look at the way he smiles,”

For Jungwon, it was difficult to visualize just how massive Berlioz was. Even if he knew that Borzois were one of the bigger dogs out there, Berlioz was too timid and sheepish to occupy a large presence. There were, however, a few moments that made him realize just how big Berlioz was compared to other dogs. The first instance was when he met Dasom, a toy poodle owned by the neighboring Jangs. At his grandmother’s insistence, he went on a dog date with the Jangs’ eldest daughter, Wonyoung—which was cut short because the poor, little dog refused to leave his cage. 

“I’m really sorry, Dasom’s usually very social.” Wonyoung shyly laughed, masking her nervousness with a small, tepid smile. Jungwon brushed it off and told her that he’ll be taking Berlioz out on a walk alone, knowing that Berlioz’s sheer size intimidated the tiny poodle. 

Another instance was when Sullyoon and Taeyong came to visit him in middle school. Taeyong had just bought a Jack Russell Terrier, and he wanted to see if Berlioz would befriend her or not. Once again, to Jungwon’s surprise, the once bold terrier cowered behind Taeyong’s lanky frame, peeking ever so slightly at Berlioz’s tall, muscular frame. 

Both incidents were when Berlioz was still technically young, around thirteen or so. While that was considered quite old in human years, Berlioz didn’t show any signs of aging at the time. He was still as agile as he was in his prime, keeping the same speed and activity that he had as a puppy. 

But even in Berlioz’s current state, the same shock hit Jungwon like a truck when a miniature ball of fur with tiny, fat legs started visibly panting after running laps around Berlioz—who remained calmly seated by the edge of the riverbank. He assumed the small cretin belonged to you, who displayed quite a similar aura, since dogs usually mirror the personality of their owners. 

“It’s as if the only thing he finds happiness in is the river,” 

“Well, he used to swim and run around there a lot when he could,” Jungwon replied sternly. “That’s what Borzois do, I guess.”

If Jungwon closed his eyes and focused on the soft sounds emitted by the river, he begins to picture a much younger Berlioz full of life, howling loudly at the river before plunging nose-first into its cold waters. While Jungwon himself was never a swimmer, his walks with Berlioz made him a seasoned diver, carefully dipping his toes into the river to make sure Berlioz doesn’t swim too far. 

Ah, those were the good days.

“You see, I’ve always wanted a Borzoi myself.” You said, interrupting Jungwon’s trance. “My mom said they shed too much, so she opted for a terrier instead.”

Well, you weren’t lying. Apart from being old, Berlioz was the biggest source of clutter in the Yang household. He didn’t know if his parents were ready for the amount of hair that would contaminate their food, water, and anything edible, but it was one of the many downsides that Jungwon had to live through when he was growing up. He couldn’t remember a single meal that didn’t taste like hair. 

“What kind?” Jungwon asked, squinting his eyes at the small, tiny dog that rejuvenated after taking small, light sips from the river. The good thing about Berlioz was his size; even if they deviated from their usual trail, Jungwon knew he could never lose such a big dog. 

“This one’s a mutt. A Boston and Yorkie mix, I believe.”

“Must be nice to have a smaller dog,”

He lied. He hated small dogs—Pomeranians in particular. He was lucky to have never met one up close in his life, but those that he would often encounter at coffee shops and dog parks were enough for him to garner a deep-seated dislike for smaller breeds. Chihuahuas were the spawn of satan, but they were easy to manage because they didn’t shed. Despite Jack Russell Terriers being annoying and brutish, the fact that they were small posed no threat at all. Poms—in his mind theater, at least—were furry abominations that should’ve never evolved to live in the modern age. Apart from their haughty and entitled demeanor, they probably accumulated more hairballs than a house cat or even Berlioz, for that matter. They weren’t the most athletic, and they demanded full attention—almost like an infant if an infant was covered in disgustingly matted fur. 

“Why do you hate him—or her—so much? As far as I can tell, they seem to be a good dog…”

Jungwon snapped his neck back in your direction, shaking his head in disbelief. Hate was too strong of a word to describe what he felt for Berlioz. They disagreed on a lot of things, and the dog boiled his blood quite often, but he could never hate Berlioz. 

“If you could consider shitting and pissing all over himself and having weak joints good, then you should probably do something about your standards,” Jungwon replied, holding back a loud snicker as he watched Berlioz shakily stand up from his long rest. 

“He was probably better when he was young, right?”

“All he did was run wild like a chicken with its head cut off. He never answered to his name, and he only came to us when he needed belly rubs or any form of attention.”

“What’s his name? It can’t be that hard to answer to, right?”

Jungwon paused, allowing his dimples to pierce the fat in his cheeks. You waited in anticipation, switching glances between the boy and his old, docile dog. 

“Berlioz.” 

You paused, slowly nodding your head in confusion. Your eyes weren’t glued to your dog anymore, but rather, to Berlioz. Jungwon did the same, watching his dog’s every move. There was a hint of amusement and wonder in his eyes as he traced Berlioz’s gentle footsteps, occasionally whistling a tune that caught his attention. In patterned intervals of panting with his purplish tongue out and closing his mouth, Berlioz also pondered if he should run back to Jungwon or stay by the lake with a tiny dog that he’s just met. 

“Like, Hector Berlioz? The composer?”

“I didn’t even know that there was a famous person named Berlioz.”

“Didn’t you name him?” You scoffed, swinging your dog’s green leash like a pendulum. You looked at him as though he were an imbecile, before quickly averting your gaze to the dirty, scuffed tips of your worn-out, green sneakers. 

“I don’t know who did, but it’s either my grandma or my parents.” Jungwon shrugged. You laughed in disbelief, turning your light green leash into a cello as you rhythmically tugged and let go of the string after applying tension at every note. 

“Were any of them classical music enthusiasts?” You asked, continuing your quiet symphony. Jungwon took Berlioz’s leash and mimicked your ensemble, curiously tugging at the hems of the leash. I never thought you could play with a dog’s leash like that, he thought, eyeing the way you seamlessly stretched and loosened the cross-hatched strings without taking a single look at your hands. 

“I don’t know,”

“Oh,” 

You hummed, curtly nodding your head to each note that you plucked. Your shoulders naturally started to move side by side, going left when you slowed down and erratically moving right when you started to pick up your pace. 

“Well, now that I think of it, Berlioz is quite fitting for a dog like that,”

“Why?”

“Hudu-yah! Stop that right now!” You suddenly screamed, dropping your leash on the grass bed with a loud thud. In response to her name, the tiny dog leaped up as if she were launched into the sky, wagging her small tail at the sight of her owner running towards her. Jungwon couldn’t hear the words you used to scold your dog, but the sight of Berlioz’s confusion entertained him enough to let him stay where he was. Berlioz knew to always be on his best behavior when he was around strangers. This wasn’t a result of extensive training, but a natural trait that he displayed since Jungwon’s parents brought him home. 

“You named your dog Hudu?” Jungwon sneered as soon as he saw you come back empty-handed. Turns out the dog was just doing dumb, small dog things. “That’s totally better than Berlioz.”

“Well, she’s basically the color of a walnut, so my mom and I decided to name her Hudu.” You replied, your smile growing into a grin as you watched Hudu eclipsed by Berlioz’s large shadow. You folded your palms together and laced your fingers into one, tight knot, slipping them into the large, front pocket of your overalls. 

“Wow,” Jungwon replied through gritted teeth clattering onto each other. He quickly dug his hands inside his pockets after you looked onto the horizon, watching the ebbs and flows of the river distort Berlioz and Hudu’s reflections. 

“Not so original, huh?” You smiled, your cheery voice traveling to the distant dogs. 

“Oh no, it’s so unique and niche, I clearly would have never thought of that,”

The smile on your face gradually disappeared, your crescent-shaped eyes slowly exuding a hawkish demeanor. Your brows furrowed deeper and deeper until the small lumps of fat under your eyes disintegrated into one, fine line. 

“Hey!” You shouted. A small flock of commorants fluttered away into the sky. Hudu enthusiastically ran towards the two of you, using her tiny paws to jump up and make a poor attempt at snatching one of their wings. 

“You’re mean!”

“Being with that thing for my entire life would make anyone like this,” Jungwon replied, using his forearm as a shield that absorbed all of your aggression. Rather than your soft, delicate palms, it was your tight, three-stranded braids that produced more of an impact in harming Jungwon. Coupled with the howling wind, your hair felt like windmills made of harsh brooms that scratched through his shirt. 

“Well, I guess whoever named your dog named him Berlioz for a reason.”

“Whatever it is, I don’t wanna know.”

“Then I’ll tell you my guess,”

“I said I don’t need to know,”

“Alright,” You snapped, gritting your teeth as you firmly placed your index finger on Jungwon’s lips. He whipped his hand up in retaliation, swatting your finger back to your sides. You took a long, deep breath, closing your eyes while clasping each of Jungwon’s cheeks. In one, swift flurry of pinches, you brought the boy down to your level, forcing him to sit down with you on the wet grass bed. No matter how hard Jungwon protested, you would overpower his complaints with a flurry of hisses.

“Berlioz was a genius at composing, but he was pretty difficult to work with because he was quite sickly and bitter.” You explained, commanding the cadence of an elementary school teacher. “He was very sincere in his craft, but it wasn’t like he was born a musical prodigy.”

“I don’t care.”

“You clearly do,” 

Jungwon knew he couldn’t win against you. Not because of your persistence, your passion, or your eagerness to tell stories, but because he knew that you were right. He didn’t think about it too much, but the origins of Berlioz’s name would evaporate and firmly coagulate within the back of his brain. It was too late to ask his parents where they got his name, and his grandmother was an unreliable source. How could she, an elderly Korean woman who witnessed the war and Japanese occupation, have the foresight to name the family dog after a European composer? Maybe her generation had access to music outside of the occupation, but Jungwon didn’t care enough to bother asking her about it. At this rate, even if he knew who Berlioz the composer was, all he could picture was the abnormally long snout of his aging dog. 

“Anyway,” You continued giddily, shifting back and forth between the throes of damp grass before relaxing into a comfortable position. Your skin reflected the harmonious blends of marmalade and violet from the sun, emitting a holy, almost ghastly glow. The watery surface of your pupils shined with vigor as the sun rose further and further out of the horizon. It was as if you were conjuring the spirit of this European composer, letting his soul into your body to let him tell his tale. 

“Berlioz—the man, not the dog—was scatter-brained, spontaneous, and had unpredictable mood swings that made him one of the worst people to work with, but there was an unyielding sincerity in whatever he did that always managed to make everyone around him think he was a good person.”

Jungwon pondered with a long, drawn-out hum. Though nothing has changed about the way he viewed Berlioz, a form of placebo began to take effect inside Jungwon’s mind. Maybe this Berlioz guy also had thinning locks that framed his angular face, accompanied by a nose that paralleled the structure of a tower. Berlioz the dog always wafted an air of elegance owing to the luscious, wavy locks of fur that surrounded his lanky frame; wearing a suit and parading around an old, brick town was not too hard to imagine. 

“I’d rather have the real Berlioz as a dog than whatever that’s doing over there.”

Borzois are a breed that has many strange traits. For Jungwon, it was a daily occurrence to see his dog squat on the floor like a horse taking a huge dump. It wasn’t like he was actually excusing himself; having longer hind legs would make one’s balance a little wonky here and there. Thus, Jungwon was used to seeing Berlioz stare straight into his soul as he spread his thin, hind legs in a human squat position. For you, though, it was clearly an anomaly. You immediately stood up from where you sat, darting past the tall grass and spikes of reed to get closer to where the two dogs were. 

“Did Berlioz just pee on Hudu?” You screamed, getting a confused shrug from Jungwon.

“Which one? The ghost of some composer or my dog?” 

“Cut the crap! He really did pee on Hudu!” 

It was hard to tell what Berlioz did from Jungwon’s distance. Berlioz was never the type to pee on other dogs. He would much rather hold his pee in until his bladder exploded or wait until he was completely alone to relieve himself—which was why Jungwon was used to seeing him covered in his own excrement at all times. When he was younger, Berlioz had the habit of running outside the nearby bush by himself to cover his body. Jungwon could vaguely recall his grandmother trying her hand at training Berlioz to use a pot or the toilet, but he would never let himself go unless he knew that he was alone. 

Jungwon stood up and jogged towards Berlioz, holding his breath in anticipation. Your silhouette drew closer and closer, crouched underneath the tall grass as you took a large, plastic bag out of her pockets. Using it as a makeshift glove, she gently lifted Hudu up, tilting her around until she scrunched her nose in disgust. That was all Jungwon needed to know to confirm that Berlioz had done the unthinkable. 

“See? I told you. He’s a bad dog.”

Basking underneath the warm glow of the orange sun, your sun-kissed skin could only remind Jungwon of the putrid scent that began to waft into the air, carried in interval flows by the cool breeze of the river. 

“You better pay for Hudu’s bath right now.”

“Just dump the thing in the river right there, that’s a free bath for you and your dog.”

There was an inkling of hesitation in your slight movements, eyes twinkling at the ripples of the river in front of you. Jungwon was so sure that you would actually go for it, taking the poor, tiny dog in the cold waters of the river at dawn. Sure, he said it as a joke, but in hindsight, it was the better decision to make. He didn’t know how long your walk to the hills and the creek was, but if it was the same distance between his house and the greeneries, he’d much rather carry a wet dog home than a wet dog that smelled like a sewer rat. 

“I’m not even mad at Berlioz,” You grunted, thinning your eyes in a glare that Jungwon was too familiar with. After calling Hudu’s name, you used your plastic-wrapped hand to peel Hudu’s leash off her neck. “I’m mad at you.”

“What the hell did I do?!” 

Youl slightly cowered at the sudden, aggressive cadence of Jungwon’s voice. Once you were back to your senses, you ushered Hudu toward the river and cupped your hands to sprinkle a few splashes of water onto her fur. The dog looked angrier at being bathed than being pissed on. 

“If he’s pissing all over himself then maybe it’s your job as his owner to train him or put his little pee hole in a diaper!” 

“He probably pissed on Hudu because he thought she was a urinal!” 

For a moment, Jungwon thought he heard a growling bear. Then, he realized that there were no wild bears in Korea. There was, however, someone with anger management issues—which, in essence, could pass as a wild bear. Jungwon reminded himself to send in a wildlife report to the conservation board, warning them of a feral monster that would bark and scream at anyone and everyone around them. 

“That’s probably why he’s so miserable, because he’s stuck with someone like you!”

“I’d be less angry about everything in the world if I didn’t grow up with that,” Jungwon replied, jutting his chin in Berlioz’s direction. As if he heard his owner say his name, Berlioz turned his head around, eyes drooping downward in an apologetic scowl. Jungwon returned the sentiment with an exhausted sigh, then swung the leash in his hands like a pendulum. In a momentary trance, Berlioz chased the thin, silver hook with awe, before standing up and slowly walking back to his owner. Once he was next to Jungwon, he received a hasty pat that messed the crown of his head into disheveled locks of white fur. 

“You’re gonna regret saying that if he dies one day, you know?” You said with a stern, almost didactic tone. 

“You think? “I’ve been praying for God or whoever is up there to take him away!” Jungwon snapped back, letting his annoyance grow into fury. The thing about Jungwon is he’s not difficult—he may experience uncomfortable levels of irritation at everything around him, but it takes a lot for him to get genuinely angry. This time, it was different. He was never protective or concerned about Berlioz too much, but there were a few personalities that got on his nerves and brought the worst in him out into the world. One of them—like you—was the entitled type that stuck their nose into the way he treats Berlioz. How could you, a complete stranger, even fathom the long bond he shared with his dog? Yes, what he was doing to Berlioz could count as verbal abuse, but Berlioz knew him long enough to tell that for the most part, Jungwon wasn’t being serious. This was evident in Berlioz’s rather calm and peaceful demeanor; Jungwon’s insults were playful enough that even Berlioz would start running around and biting his tail, gauding Jungwon to join him in his own, silly world. 

Who were you to tell him that he’ll regret everything after Berlioz dies? Jungwon saw it all coming before Berlioz turned thirteen; it was only natural to anticipate impending death. 

“Hudu, let’s go.”

Without looking back, you clasped Hudu’s leash onto her neck and walked away. Jungwon turned to his watch and hastily did the same, tugging on Berlioz’s neck to go in the opposite direction. 

However, Berlioz didn’t move. He kept his obsidian eyes locked on you and your dog, who gradually turned into the size of an ant past a certain distance. Even if you were getting further away from him, your loud, angry stomps resonated across the entire riverside. At some point, Jungwon could’ve sworn he felt an earthquake. Berlioz, on the other hand, didn’t let out a whine. He simply looked on, a hint of longing in his gaze as he traced their silhouettes. 

“What are you looking at?! We gotta go!” Jungwon exclaimed, only turning around when he felt that you took a turn and completely disappeared from the riverside. The skies turned into a deep shade of blue—the first time it’s been blue since the winter began. Jungwon didn’t need to check the forecast; the sun was an omen in this season. “Come on, boy, let’s go!” 

Berlioz finally averted his gaze from the now empty dirt path, sneaking a quick glance at Jungwon before stretching his legs. With an affirmative bark, he began to pick up his pace and aligned himself where Jungwon’s arms rested. 

“Who was that girl anyway? Telling me that I’ll regret it… Right, Berlioz?”

Berlioz tilted his head and wagged his tale, constantly looking back at the trail that you and Hudu took. Then, he let out a silent bark, gazing at Jungwon with his droopy, black eyes. Jungwon used to think that they were marbles because they never reflected any form of light under the sun. While other dogs had shades of brown, and Huskies had a beautiful blue hue for their irises, Berlioz’s stares emanated a bleak void. This was one of the few reasons why Jungwon could never decipher what Berlioz was thinking, even if he had known the dog his whole life. The only time that Jungwon could exactly understand him was when he would whine over food or bark at any insect that zoomed into his line of view—of course, all of this happened when Berlioz was still young. Now, at over a century in human years, Berlioz was as quiet as a fossil buried underneath the earth’s surface. 

“What?” Jungwon asked, tilting his head the same way Berlioz did. Sometimes, Berlioz spoke. He formed coherent conversations depending on the intonations of his cries. It was a different language altogether, but Jungwon could understand it to a certain degree. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jungwon asked again, softening the tone of his voice. “You’re the one who peed on that tiny mutt.” 

Berlioz let out a long whine, head swinging between the view of the riverbend and his owner. After a few moments of silence, Berlioz stuck his tongue out and curved his snout upward, wagging his tail as he tried to walk faster. 

“Why are you smiling?! That’s not funny!”

Berlioz continued to keep his lips curved into a thin, concave grin, his tongue rhythmically projecting his weak heartbeat. Jungwon furrowed his brows, twirling the opening of Berlioz’s leash with his fingertips as he watched his dog grow younger again. This was the first time he’d seen Berlioz excited in a long, long time. 

Once the two reached the intersection that led the woods into the city, Berlioz let out a flurry of howls, circling around as he waited for the stop sign to turn green. 

“Okay, now you’re laughing?!” Berlioz nodded. Jungwon took a sharp inhale and allowed his shoulders to droop low. A concoction of snickers and wheezes escaped his throat, prompting Jungwon to cover his mouth and apologetically bow at the elderly next to him. 

“Maybe that was a little bit funny. I’ll give you credit for that one,”

The walk home was straightforward: Turn right, then left, then right again, and follow the curvature until he reached the neighborhood. By then, old houses lined each street, and early birds in suits would scuttle out of their doorstep carrying leather briefcases and a phone on their ear. The neighbors always greeted and patted Berlioz without fail, even if some of them were already late to work. The fifth house on the right side of the street—which contained the wealthy Lee family—always left a bowl of water outside of their gate. Although there were other dogs in the neighborhood, the size of the dog bowl made it clear that they anticipated larger dog breeds to come and take a sip. On Jungwon’s street, Berlioz was the only dog considered “large” enough.

Mornings were repetitive. Jungwon was used to it by now, but there was a time when he found waking up at four-thirty in the morning a nuisance to his life. These days, it was an automatic routine. No matter how late Jungwon slept, he would wake up ten minutes before his walk, greeting the old dog who waited at his room’s doorstep at four sharp. Ever since his grandmother lost the ability to walk, Jungwon would fall asleep with Berlioz’s leash wrapped around his arm. His form of counting sheep was counting the clicks of the dull, silver clasp on Berlioz’s leash. 

“What do you want for breakfast? I’ll be a bit late just for you.”

After their walk, it was also a natural schedule ingrained in Jungwon’s core to as Berlioz what he wants for breakfast, even if he had been eating the same brand of dog food for the past decade. Jungwon’s grandmother started putting diced vegetables in the crevices of his kibble after Berlioz turned seven, but now that she was weak, Jungwon gave himself a little window throughout the day to dice the vegetables himself. Three years ago, he started to dice Berlioz’s daily intake of vegetables at midnight, taking a large, metal bowl that held a week’s worth of food. He initially didn’t think that dogs would enjoy vegetables because they descended from wolves, but Berlioz would eat anything so long as there were hints of green in them. It was the same when his parents picked out the brand of dog food they stuck to even in their deaths. Unlike the other brands that either looked like breakfast cereals from America or rabbit feces, young Berlioz refused to leave the aisle that contained green-colored multi-vitamin snacks. His parents eventually found a brand of dog food—not snacks or treats—that looked like dried green peas. Since then, Berlioz had been eating the same exact brand. 

“We haven’t had breakfast together in a while, huh?” Jungwon said, a small smile forming on his face as he watched the large wall clock slowly tick its handles. Normally, Jungwon would hastily measure Berlioz’s food and rush out the door to attend his morning lectures. Now, there was a twenty-minute window for him to eat breakfast—a delicacy he hasn’t had the privilege to have since he was a freshman in high school. 

Berlioz followed Jungwon into the kitchen, laying his tired body down next to the refrigerator. He watched Jungwon grab a handful of eggs, a pack of sausages, and a small container of pickled radish and cucumbers. He placed the eggs inside a pot of cold water and turned the stove on, watching the flames light up the kitchen before it soothed into a relaxed, blue hue. Then, he took a frying pan from one of the larger drawers beside the stove. He didn’t feel the need to rinse it; he had been cooking every day for the past year. He probably rinsed it with soap last night, when he made himself a light dinner before going to bed. 

Was it last night? Or two days ago? He couldn’t tell. Sometimes, time was difficult to track. 

Jungwon never learned how to cook. He grew up watching his grandmother make the same meal every morning—which consisted of a square omelet, a few sausages, and a small plate of pickled vegetables. The vegetables varied depending on the seasons, but the dark green hues of spicy cucumbers were never missing. When she cooked, it was always slow. She took her time to beat the eggs into bubbled perfection, washed her sausages even though they were vacuum sealed, and carefully plated the vegetables in a plastic, square container. Sometimes, she would take the vegetables out of her pickle jar, gripping the knife’s handle with her thumb on top of her index finger as she closed one eye to measure the width of each cut. Before he knew it, Jungwon started to do the same. He just couldn’t stand living in a house where nobody was doing something in the kitchen. 

“You can’t eat this, Ber-ber. You’ll die.” Jungwon teased, sticking his tongue out as he waved a piece of sausage in Berlioz’s face. Berlioz touched the sausage with the tip of his nose, then sneered at the sausage. Berlioz never liked the color red. 

Jungwon’s grandmother had a habit of saying Ah! every time she finished plating her meal. He used to laugh at her for being overly dramatic, but Jungwon now understood the satisfaction that she felt when she finished cooking. There was a sense of pride in seeing a carefully-crafted meal come to life, and although the ingredients may not be fresh, the beauty behind a dining table with home-cooked food on top was too magnetic to ignore. It was some parts accomplishment and other parts awe. 

“I’m finished,” Jungwon said, tilting his head towards Berlioz’s bowl. With an affirmative bark, Berlioz jogged out of the kitchen hallway and pushed his dog bowl at the foot of Jungwon’s seat. His signal to begin eating depended on Jungwon lifting his chopsticks. 

The two ate in comfortable silence, the only sounds echoing around the kitchen being Berlioz’s gentle slurps and Jungwon’s metal chopsticks hitting the edge of his rice bowl. 

Jungwon forgot how it felt like to eat with someone at the dining table. When his grandmother lost her legs, she would try to eat with Jungwon and Berlioz at the dining table. When she got weaker, she had no choice but to be confined in her room, leading Jungwon to bring her tray of food to her room. When she started to forget his name, she ate her meals in a hospital bed by the main station of his district. Jungwon always had Berlioz, but he barely ate his meals in the dining room anymore. Even if he cooked his own meals, he couldn’t keep track of when or where he was eating. The only thing that remained consistent in his life were his walks with Berlioz, but those could not measure time. Those were unchanging constants that made him feel like he was reliving the same day over and over again. 

He took his half-empty plate and put the rest of the food in microwave-safe containers. His eggs were untouched, and out of the four pieces of sausage that he fried, only one was bitten at the sides. His rice bowl still felt heavy when he lifted it up to dunk its contents inside a glass container, and the only thing he had to wash that day were the cutting board, his chopsticks, and the small plate of pickled vegetables that he managed to finish. Berlioz looked up and stared into Jungwon’s cat-like eyes, as if to ask him if he was already done eating. 

“Well, I gotta go now,” Jungwon replied, heaving a sigh as he looked at his watch. There was no point in keeping track of time when everything felt stagnant and unmoving. 

Usually, his grandmother would open the curtains by the time they got back from their walk with Berlioz. Once she was confined inside a hospital room, Jungwon stopped caring about windows. He didn’t need to; he already knew what the weather was like because he went outside. He was also lucky that the door to their house had a small, circular window above the peephole. Not that it mattered to him, though. He stopped bothering to layer up properly in the winter, and today was no different. It was bound to snow heavily in the afternoon. He could just return home and skip his classes before then. 

Berlioz would usually sit next to the shoe rack whenever Jungwon was ready to go outside. This time, he had a long, wool scarf in his mouth. 

“Is that for me?” Jungwon asked, masking his surprise with indifference. Berlioz nodded and dropped the scarf on Jungwon’s palms. 

“You know, I’d rather have my neck freeze than be covered in your drool.”

He gave Berlioz’s ears a rough scruff, causing the dog to whimper in excitement and longing. Jungwon mimicked the sentiment and pretended to cry, pursing his lower lips out in a forced frown. Feigning hurt, Berlioz whined again and placed his paw on Jungwon’s chest, his weak pushes doing nothing to his owner. 

It’s time for you to go now, Berlioz said, his paw dropping from Jungwon’s chest to his knees. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?” Jungwon asked, this time showing full concern. Berlioz nodded with a smile and an affirmative bark. 

“Okay, I left your lunch in your other bowl, and you know where to go if you want more water, right?”

Instead of barking one more time to say goodbye, Berlioz groaned and pointed his nose at an altar next to an extremely dusty bookshelf. 

“Oh, right. I almost forgot.”

With his shoes already on, Jungwon tossed his bag aside and hastily climbed back up to the entrance, running alongside Berlioz to the large, empty living room. He took a single stick of incense and lit it with a turbo lighter, letting the smoke enter his eyes. Berlioz stood up and clawed Jungwon’s waist, prompting the boy to waft some of the smoke around Berlioz’s body. 

“It’s time to pray, Berlioz,” Jungwon whispered. Berlioz stood up again and stretched his paw at the pristine picture frame inside the altar. The offerings of pickled vegetables and rice were now unrecognizable, replaced by a thick layer of blackened mold and mildew. There used to be another set of altars for Jungwon’s parents, but he took it down and locked it in the broom closet. He didn’t need to mourn the faces of those he vaguely remembers. 

Letting out a small, silent cry, Berlioz sat back down and dropped his head in a long, formal bow. Jungwon clasped his hands together and closed his eyes, allowing himself to take a quick glance at the beaming smile in the picture frame. 

“Bye, halmeoni. I’m off to school now. Make sure Berlioz eats his lunch, because nowadays, he doesn’t touch his food as much as he used to. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not in the house, or if you’re not here to scold him any more, but I had to take him to the vet because of this. I know I act like I hate the damn dog, but I’m really worried. He’s old, like you, and he’s getting weaker and weaker. If he won’t eat his lunch, at least tell him to snack on a treat or two. I know you’ll throw a delicious one down here from heaven.” 

Once he was finished with his prayer, Jungwon gave Berlioz a short hug, wrapping his arms around him without putting too much pressure on his ribs. When he was younger, Jungwon’s hugs were practically wrestling matches for Berlioz. 

“Don’t wait for me to get home to start eating, you bad dog.” Berlioz gives him his usual, affirmative bark. Singular, no repeats, and direct—just like how the word goodbye should be. Jungwon never said it back to him. If he did, he was afraid that he would never get another bark back, and Jungwon hated having the last word.

Going to class was one of the few things in Jungwon’s life that gave everything structure, because there was always something new to know. Whether it was a due date for an assignment, a project, or a test didn’t matter to him. What mattered was knowing February 23 was two weeks away, and that he had a semi-solid understanding of how long two weeks would be. He would also take note of dates that weren’t related to him in any shape or form. Aera and Hyunjin went on a date two days ago? Then that probably meant that he cooked dinner two days ago, when he heard the news at its freshest. It’s been a month since Minji has broken up with Jiwon? Then the last time Berlioz went to the vet was most likely when they were still together, ruling out last month as a timeframe for a visit to the vet. Jungwon didn’t know it was winter because of his birthday, or the falling snow. The weather did nothing to depict the change of the seasons; everything was a monochrome shade of repetition in his eyes. He knew it was his birthday because he went to campus when it just so happened to be his birthday. He was greeted with a mini-party arranged by a couple of his friends and a homemade birthday cake that Sullyoon—who didn’t even go to the same university as him—crafted. After he remembered that his birthday was during the winter, he slowly began to realize that time had, indeed, passed.

During lectures, he barely took notes. Most professors these days opted for accessibility, adapting to modern, convenient times. He didn’t need to pay attention when he could just scroll through the lecture slides or scan each discussion post that was posted by his classmates. If he found something unclear, he simply searched an online encyclopedia for the same content or pirated a digital textbook to read through what was going on. Showing up to class in his view was almost never done for his education. He simply did it to get out of the house and spend some time away from Berlioz. 

Through the corner of his eyes, he could see an old friend passing worksheets on each row of the lecture hall. The protocol was clear: Lay his head down, cover his eyes and ears with his arms, and pretend he was sleeping. Most of the time, this worked. Nobody seemed to bother a sleeping student. Sometimes, he would get a few concerned shakes from nosy classmates, but they were easy to deal with. 

The man that was slowly inching closer to his side of the table, however, was a different feat. Rolling his eyes underneath his forearms, he braced himself for what was to come. 

“You’re late again,” A familiar voice reached his ears. Jungwon could hear several pieces of paper slither underneath his left side. He took a peak under the table, seeing the lines of green that contrasted with the off-white, scuffed sneakers of the man standing in front of him. He didn't even need to look up to know who he was. Those were the same pair he wore ever since they were children, and he was surprised that his foot size hasn't changed since. 

“You can lift your head up now, Jungwon. You’re pretty much the only one in the room,” The voice continued. Even if the person in question was in front of him, Jungwon felt as if his voice came from a far distance, somewhere muffled with an avalanche. 

“You’re not the professor, Hyung,” Jungwon replied, looking up to see a pair of chocolate brown eyes pierce into his soul. He skimmed through the paper's contents and stuffed it inside his backpack, a satisfied smirk on his face as he looked at the numbers lined in red one last time. 87/100. Not a bad mark for someone who’s practically a ghost on campus. 

“That’s Jay-songsaengnim to you, Jungwon.”

“You don’t even have your Bachelor’s yet, don’t make me laugh.” Park Jongseong started calling himself Jay after he did a semester abroad in Seattle. Jungwon didn’t even seem to know when Jongseong left for America and when he came back, but it didn’t seem like an eternity. Jongseong was the type of person to move around and come back. Where he went didn’t matter, because regardless of whether he enjoyed the place or not, he would always manage to come back. When Jungwon was a child, Jongseong had just moved from Seoul to Ansan, settling down in one of the larger houses in the residential area with an equally large dog. He forget the dog’s name, but he could vividly recall that it towered over Jongseong when the two would take walks together. Then, his family moved back to Seoul, occasionally visiting Ansan during the holidays. It wasn’t as if Jongseong didn’t have a presence of his own, but it was the opposite. Even if he was gone, he would leave traces of himself around, almost like afterimages in a film roll. His shadow would always remain still in the convenience store he frequented, and the school hallways always had remnants of his scent. It was as if he never left, so even if he had technically “come back” from wherever he went, Jungwon never perceived it that way. To Jungwon, Jongseong never even left in the first place. He just fell asleep and froze time along with everything around him, only waking up to move time with him.

“Whatever you say, Jungwon. I’ll have you know that I’m the one grading all your tests and assignments and even your—”

“Shut up, Hyung. Participation is only like, ten percent. If I do well in everything else, the average still weighs at a high-ish mark for me.”

Jongseong would always look at Jungwon with a certain type of distrust that exuded irresponsibility. Ever since they were children, Jongseong would always scold Jungwon for many things. Table manners, speech patterns, posture, demeanor—anything that Jongseong can comment on, he will. Even when Jongseong was out of the country or the province, he would manage to call Jungwon every day, asking if he corrected the way he talked or not. 

“You know, if you’re gonna be rude to everyone, you’ll be all alone someday,” Jongseong would always tell him after every conversation. 

Perhaps he had a point. Jungwon knew that he wasn’t the most affectionate, but he figured that being honest would suit him better than smiling his life away. Smiling too much gave one irreparable wrinkles, and if one were to think about it, having to put up a front and lie about the smallest things would be, in turn, more stressful than just pushing everyone away. Jungwon preferred it that way. All the efforts placed into showing kindness weren’t worth it when in the end, everyone was bound to disappear. 

“Discussions and seminars will matter more in your upper years though,” Jongseong replied, the same sternness in his voice. 

“I know.”

“It’s better to start showing up now. That way, you’ll remember to show up in the future.” 

“Whatever.”

Jongseong heaved a sigh, knowing he was never going to get through to Jungwon. Nonetheless, he always tried his best. 

“The kid’s just going through a lot right now, you gotta understand him,” Jongseong often told the professors he was working under as an extra reminder to himself. Deep down, Jungwon was not a bad person—at least that’s what Jongseong would have liked to believe. His aggression and snarkiness just came from a defensive place. 

It could also come from a place of loneliness. After all, Jungwon barely had anyone that he could call his own “family.” His parents and older sister died in a gruesome car crash when he was only eleven, and his grandmother was old. While wishing his grandmother and his old dog death on a daily basis could be perceived as a cold thing to do, Jongseong figured that it was easier for him to live life that way. He would know; he lived with his grandfather for a while when he moved out after graduating high school. The constant reminder and uncertain certainty of when death would arrive left Jongseong in a prolonged fugue state. If not now, then when? Even if he knew that death was coming soon, it was the apprehension of when that failed to give him a peace of mind. That experience only lasted for two years for Jongseong. To suffer that unpredictability for almost a decade on top of a car crash was too much for him to handle. 

“Did you take your meds?” Jongseong asked, knowing the answer he was going to get. 

“Didn’t I tell you I’ve been off them for four months now?”

“Did you visit Dr. Jeong?”

“That fucker can rot for all I care.” 

Here’s a thing about Jungwon’s relationship with Dr. Jeong: Dr. Jeong was Jungwon’s fifth grief counselor before Jungwon himself decided that none of it was working. There were no compatibility issues throughout his time with Dr. Jeong and Jungwon didn’t have any issues with the cost of treatment—rather, it was the gradual realization that nobody could understand what he felt regardless of who was listening to him or who was prescribing him his medication. Throughout all the psychiatric visits, hospitalizations, and therapy sessions that he’s been to, none of them made him feel better in any single way. Each worksheet that he had to feel ended up in the garbage can or a bonfire. Each visit to the clinic would culminate in a screaming match where Jungwon either had to be sedated by staff or kicked out of the premise. Every time he was forced to stay at the hospital, he would either throw a fit at the nurses or lie through each check-in to get out quicker.

“You don’t seem like you want to get better,” 

Those were the last words he heard from Dr. Jeong. Since then, Jungwon has changed his phone number and blocked every mental institution within his area. He tossed his medication in the bin, ensuring that Berlioz wouldn’t stick his head in and chew on them by accident. He still tries to keep in touch with his high school friends and the people he met at orientation, but if he kept a certain distance, he knew they wouldn’t bother him too much—this was a lesson he learned after getting too close to Jongseong. If people stopped asking him how he was feeling then maybe he wouldn’t be so angry all the time. 

“Kid, you know I’m just looking out for you, right?” Jongseong said, softening his gaze. Jungwon scoffed and looked to the side, letting the white skies illuminate his cheek. 

“You don’t need to. I’m not a kid, and I’m fine.”

“You’re barely even taking care of Berlioz, and you expect me to think you’re fine?!”

“I’m eating, I’m sleeping, I’m studying, and I’m breathing. I think that’s fine.” Jungwon snapped back, masking the hesitation in his voice with a booming snarl. Some of the students that remained in their seats began to scurry away, leaving the large lecture hall empty. 

“Plus, I’m feeding Berlioz the same amount he always eats. We even had breakfast together for the first time in a while.” 

“I told you to buy a feeding tube and a syringe so he can get more nutrients! He can barely even move his jaw to chew solids!” Jongseong lamented. Jungwon heaved a sigh that was loud enough to echo back and forth between the large room. 

“Berlioz is not Beethoven or whatever her name was,” Jungwon said, voice lower than a whisper. He paused for a while, staring at the vents above him. “Ber-ber may be stupid, but he’s not a baby.”

“Old dogs are basically giant puppies!” Jongseong replied in an outburst. He looked back and jogged to the entrance to close the door. “Beth was bedridden on an IV drip in the last year of her life!” He shouted from his position. 

“Berlioz is not Beth. Berlioz is Berlioz, and he’ll be okay so long as he can sniff my ass crack and whine for food.” Jungwon replied with the same volume and passion that Jongseong exuded. He was sick and tired of people assuming they knew his dog better than he did.

Jungwon got up from his seat, slung the straps of his backpack on his shoulder, and brushed past his friend without saying goodbye. He stopped at the door for a moment, looked back, then bowed his head. 

“Jungwon!”

The scratches from Jongseong’s sneakers bounced back and forth between the airy, empty lecture hall. Jungwon looked back one more time and slammed the door shut, anticipating that his friend would open it and chase after him. To his surprise, the door remained closed. Jungwon started to pick up his pace and walked across the spacious hallway in front of him, turning in certain directions to make sure he didn’t seem idle. Truthfully, he had nowhere to go. Schedule-wise, he only had one class that day. He was supposed to attend a tutorial in two hours, but he’d rather go home than face Jongseong as an official authority figure. 

The only time Jungwon toured the campus was with his grandmother, who, at the time, could still remember his name and go outside in a wheelchair. He wanted to go to a better university in the city up north, but his grandmother advised against it. 

“Berlioz would not be able to survive in the city! The parks are too small, and there are too many cars! What if he gets hit?!” 

In a sense, Jungwon was glad he stayed in Ansan. If he moved to Seoul or Incheon, he was sure he would spend the rest of his day cooped up in his dorm room or apartment. It would’ve been too difficult for him to get up in the morning without Berlioz’s walks, and he would probably give up on learning the transit system to get by. If going to university or the supermarket in a place he spent his whole life in was a tedious task in itself, then he couldn’t begin to imagine his life in the city. Especially with the convenience of delivery apps nowadays, he reckons he would just stay home and go to school when necessary. 

Did I turn left? Or right? Maybe I turned left twice? Am I walking in circles?

His campus wasn’t the biggest, but walking around always felt longer than he would’ve liked. It was never like this when he walked with Berlioz, even if, in theory, they trekked further distances than he would if he were to tour the entire campus. 

Right, I turned right. 

He looked around him to check where he was, then looked back down to the soles of his feet. He refused to admit he was lost, but the more he looked back at the dwindling entrance in front of him, he realized that he didn’t even know which road or pathway he took to get to where he was now. 

Whatever. I’ll find the bus stop eventually if I go out. 

“Hey, pay up,” A female voice whispered into his ear. Jungwon arched his neck in its direction, bumping right into you. 

“Where the hell did you come from?!” He snarled, shaking his head as he tightened his grip on his backpack. Although he knew that there was only one notable university in his province—which happens to be the one he’s currently attending—he didn’t think you would be enroled in the same school as him. From the way you looked, he expected you to be from a farming family, or someone who opted to work for the rest of your life. 

“Are you stalking me?!”

“Why would I stalk someone who owns a dog that pees on other dogs!” 

“You seem psychotic enough to engage in that type of behavior.”

You still had your braids tightly knit, but you wore a formal dress shirt and a pair of black slacks instead of the rugged, denim overalls you sported during your hike with your tiny dog. The large, black case you carried in your hand could have doubled as Hudu though, and Jungwon tried to read the messily-written scores highlighted in neon green that were peaking out of your case. He just assumed that you were carrying livestock around the school, because someone like you was definitely from the rural part of town.

“You’re something, you know?” You said through gritted teeth. Jungwon rolled his eyes in response, containing his laughter with a haughty grin. He can’t lose to a country bumpkin. 

“I know.”

“Anyway, can you—”

Before you could finish your sentence, Jungwon lightly shoved you to the side of the hallway, adjusting the straps of his backpack before beginning to walk towards the green, glowing exit sign. 

“Can you move? I have a lecture to catch.”

“No, you don’t.”

“See? You’re stalking me.”

“You’re the one that’s stalking me, Einstein.” You replied, folding your arms on your chest. The ends of your braids and their green ribbons stuck to the crevices of your arms like glue. “I don’t see your face around in the music department, and yet you’re going the same way I am.”

“That explains all the Berlioz bullshit,” Jungwon muttered under his breath. 

“How’s he doing?” You asked, shifting the initial disdain you had for Jungwon with a gentler tone of concern. “Why do you care? He peed on your dog.”

“You have dementia or something, don’t you?”

Some of the bystanders that passed the two of you began to look back at the pair, prompting Jungwon to drag you by the wrist toward the exit. You dug your heels into the dirty, tiled floor of the building, steering Jungwon in another direction. 

“I’m not mad at Berlioz, I’m mad at you.” You said while clearing your throat. You pushed the glass doors open with all your might, then nodded your head towards the real exit. Jungwon heaved a sigh and gave you a sarcastic a bow, then slightly walked past you to open the next door with ease. You grunted and stomped out into the light snow, using the back of your hand as a shield. 

Once the two of you were outside, you pointed to the bus stop using your black, oddly-shaped case. It looked like it could contain some instrument, but Jungwon couldn’t guess what it was. He wasn’t the most musical person to begin with, so he put the thought aside and began to make his way to the route that led him home. He might’ve been right, and the case could’ve contained a couple of suffocating chickens, but he begged to differ. Instead of letting him go, however, you pressed the case’s hilt on Jungwon’s stomach before he could take a step forward. 

“Not this again, move out of the way or else I’ll—”

“Hear me out, Yang Jungwon.”

Yang Jungwon.

He hasn’t heard his own, full name in a long time. The last time he heard someone call him by his full name was at the doctor’s office, when he was going through his last therapy session. His professors never addressed him by his full name, and even Jongseong called him by his name only when he was extremely serious.

In an instant, he felt a sharp, prickling sensation trace the curvature of his spine. The hairs on his skin jolted up like knives, scratching the surface of Jungwon’s sweater. His full name was a reminder of all the things that he wished to forget: Funeral proceedings, inheritance papers, hospital visits, nurses and scribbles of pens on paper, a white room, the scent of antiseptic, casters on a hospital bed, a wheelchair, the crematorium, and visits to the vet. 

He can’t recall his full name because he hated it. 

“How did you—”

“Just hear me out, okay?” 

You took a deep breath, shutting your lids tightly. A puff of swirling, white smoke escaped your lips as light flutters of snow began to pile up on your eyelashes. You took your large, black case on top of your head, its weight clearly straining your arms. Once you opened your eyes, Jungwon instantly snapped his head down to the soles of his feet. Pity. What more could you do to ruin his already ruined day? 

“You know, you don’t have to pay for Hudu’s bath if you let me see him or take him to the vet.” You said in between shaky breaths and shivers. Jungwon was taken aback by your sudden statement. For the short time that he’s known you, he would expect you to be way more persistent. 

“Why? He’s fine. He’s just really old.” Jungwon replied. 

“Maybe, maybe not.” You said sternly, shaking your head as you looked up to the pale, milky skies. The black, leather case was now leaning on your calves. “I’ve seen old dogs before, and I don’t think Berlioz is just old.”

“He’s a Borzoi. They’re all like that.”

“No, they’re not.” You insisted with confidence. “When was the last time you took Berlioz to the vet?”

Jungwon couldn’t even tell you when he made his last meal, even if he desperately wanted to. He couldn’t calculate how long his grandmother’s been dead, because time felt different depending on the day. In fact, time felt different for as long as he could remember. Three days felt like three years when his whole family died, and an entire decade felt like an eternity of vegetative living when every single day was long, arduous, and taxing. Sometimes his walks with Berlioz would fly by like seconds, while on certain days, it would feel like he was walking for a hundred years, not knowing where the exit to the trail was or if he was even taking the right path. How would he know when he took Berlioz to the vet, when can’t even remember if he met you today, yesterday, or a few years ago? “I don’t know? Maybe three months ago?” Jungwon replied, estimating the months in vague recollections of various events. It was supposed to be February now, because he turned nineteen. It wasn’t on New Year’s either, since he can remember making soup with seaweed and rice cakes Berlioz was most likely taken to the vet before Christmas last year, since he received several greetings from his nurses. The vet even tossed a treat in Berlioz’s designated sock at the hospital, then gave Jungwon a gingerbread cookie wrapped in suffocating layers of plastic wrap. He tossed it at the parking lot after their visit, then took the train home while lying to the staff about Berlioz being his service dog. 

“Hudu goes once in two weeks, and she’s only five months old,” You said. “How old is Berlioz?”

“Like, nineteen? Maybe?”

He couldn’t recall the first time Berlioz was brought into the house. The first picture that was allegedly taken by his family when they adopted Berlioz was right next to Jungwon’s crib, with his older sister peering at both of them from the living room. That photo was now beside his grandmother’s picture frame on the altar, along with other photos of his family when they were all together. Most of them had Jungwon in his early years, when he was small enough to wear a tiny sailor uniform. He was always pictured next to Berlioz as well, who had grown up a lot quicker than he did. By the time Jungwon was seven in some of the photos that he continued to hang around the house, Berlioz overtowered him. That was most likely the reason why every family photo with Berlioz had him lying down at the front, with little Jungwon standing upright. He didn’t know why he kept them around when he’s trained his peripheral vision to block or blur out all the picture frames that decorated the house. Perhaps it was laziness, or maybe it was the burgeoning dread of seeing the house change the way it looked. Regardless, he continued to keep everything the way it was, even refusing to move some of the furniture around. 

“You have to take him to the vet every week if he’s that old.” You said, as if you were repeating your statement. Jungwon slightly shook his head and blinked a few times. He then shrugged his shoulders to tell you that he was cold. 

“Since when did you care?” He asked.

“Since I saw him stare at the river.” You replied automatically, as if you had anticipated the question. 

Jungwon’s eyes widened, then simmered back down into a melancholic, lingering gaze at the old-growth forest behind the campus. He’s known Berlioz his entire life, and yet he failed to realize that his own dog was slowly becoming someone he couldn’t recognize. It was quite normal for him to stare outside the window or scratch the door whenever he wanted to leave, but he was usually well-behaved during walks. Now that Jungwon began to trace back Berlioz’s behavior since his grandmother died, he found several oddities in his mannerisms and over-docile nature. For one, whenever they went out on walks, Berlioz would usually request to be unleashed by tapping his nose on Jungwon’s hand once or twice. Now, Jungwon had to ask Berlioz if he wanted to run around, or take off Berlioz’s leash himself. Even then, Berlioz barely moved like he used to. Instead of circling around the tall grass or running until he disappeared, Berlioz would solemnly walk by the river and sit down, gazing at the horizon. Sometimes, when there were ducks swimming in the river, he wouldn’t touch them like before, instead opting to stare at them. Was it possible for dogs to have depression too? And if so, is it treatable like it is in the human world?

No, that can’t be right. Berlioz was always a good boy…

“What does that have to do with—”

“Listen, if you’re tight on money I’ll cover the vet expenses.”

Jungwon shrugged his head back and forth, as if he woke up from a bad dream. He eased his breathing by taking a deep, prolonged inhale, closing his eyes as he placed a firm palm on his aggressively beating heart. He tried his best to stop the incessant stings in his eyes, swallowing a huge gulp of saliva as more tears threatened to leave his tear ducts. He heard a distant, heavy thud, then felt a soft, small hand place gentle pats on his back. Once he opened his eyes, he saw you right next to him wafting a pristine, light green handkerchief on his cheek, dampening its corners as you started to place your thumb on the bottom of his eye in circular patterns. He shrugged your hand off and wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his puffer jacket, wincing from the sudden, rough texture that irritated his lids.

“I appreciate the help, but Berlioz is fine.” He whispered, doing his best to mask the uncertainty in his voice. 

“Jungwon, please—”

Before you could say anything more, Jungwon rushed towards the incoming bus without saying goodbye. The last thing he saw before the bus left their campus was your crouched figure picking up your large, black case with both hands, the handkerchief still within the grips of your fingertips. He could feel your gaze trace the trajectory of the bus, and he leaned his head on the snow-ridden window, ignoring the heavy burden on his shoulders. 

Berlioz was always a good boy… He tried to tell himself, but all his efforts were nil. A dog’s behavior mimicked its owner, and now that his grandmother was gone, Jungwon was the only figure in Berlioz’s life. Anything Jungwon did, Berlioz did as well—and anything that Jungwon felt, Berlioz probably felt even harder. 

Right, halmeoni was also Berlioz’s grandmother.

At first, Jungwon thought it was ridiculous that a dog could grieve the way humans did. Sure, dogs exhibited emotions and traits that could be similar to humans, but they were dogs first. Centuries of selective breeding have proved that loyalty and productivity would always come first regardless of whatever the dog has been through. Even if the entire family has died one by one, Berlioz still had Jungwon, and therefore, he should act the way he always did. Old age may be one of the biggest factors that inhibited docility in Berlioz, but he was already old when his grandmother was still alive. He never had the same, calm longing that he did when he was with Jungwon. He was still active, wagging his tail back and forth and running despite the tremors and pains in his joints. It was only after his grandmother died, that Berlioz had begun to sober up into the old, old dog that he is today. 

It must be hard for him, huh?

A single teardrop escaped the corner of Jungwon’s lids, and he allowed himself to properly cry for the first time in a while. Even during his family’s funeral, he managed to hold his tears back. He was a gentle, obedient son, who often struck civil conversations with his relatives who gave him faux pity and sympathy. Every funeral proceeding since then had burned a deep-seated anger within Jungwon, but he hid it very well, even convincing his grandmother that he was okay. When his grandmother died, Jungwon did the same. He took Berlioz on a black leash for the occasion and gave everyone a soft smile while delivering his eulogy without fail. Visits to the grave managed to paint a picture of Jungwon as a quiet, but resilient young man to the monks and cemetery staff, who always praised him for being a strong boy. 

“You know, it’s heartbreaking for me to see so many people wail and cry during visits,” One of the monks said to him on a visit with Berlioz. “But you, you never even let out a single word. All you do is sit still with your obedient, good dog, praying for hours and hours in silence. If I blinked, your dog would probably morph into a human being because he’s so well-behaved!”

No, I’m not strong. Jungwon wished he could’ve said back, because it’s true. He wasn’t strong at all. He’d rather uncontrollably shake up and scream to the sky, cursing at the gods or whoever was on top. That to him was strength, the ability to guiltlessly mourn and plead for one’s loved ones back. Strength was letting all emotions out in one go, then getting up the next day to proceed with one’s routine as normal. Jungwon wasn’t strong; he could barely even get up for his walks with Berlioz anymore. Feeding himself became a task, and bit by bit, he even started to stop caring about his performance in school. He barely spoke to his friends, let alone his classmates, and he didn’t even know what time it was. When he would take naps after his walks with Berlioz, the sun would disappear and call the deep, blue night sky into the earth. That to him was his mornings. Jungwon wasn’t strong. He just wanted to forget. He wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep. He wanted to curl up in a ball under his sheets and never see the light of day again, with Berlioz sleeping right under his arm. He didn’t want to start his day or wake up to see the stars. He just wanted to sleep.

There were millions of times in the past where Jungwon wished he could throw everything in the house and create one, giant mess. He wanted to kick all the furniture down, scream at everyone and everything around him, and break all the glass windows in his house. It was a constant battle between him and his urges to shatter the mirror in front of him when he would occasionally step into the bathroom to take a shower or wash his face. Hell, even if he refused to admit it, there were moments in his life after his grandmother’s death where he contemplated bringing Berlioz to the adoption center—but nobody wanted an old, docile dog. 

I’m not strong. I need Berlioz to live. I’m not strong at all. 

A distant ringing began to echo inside Jungwon’s ears, turning louder and louder as the white noise around him started to disappear. He couldn’t hear the conversations of the high schoolers behind him anymore; the small, antsy dog on the left row that barked the entire ride was muted; faces of all the passengers began to converge into a blurry mass; the automated female announcer’s voice grated his ears; each stop felt like the entire bus route was looping back between his university campus and the first stop after school; the ringing in his ears was deathly silent; he couldn’t hear anything anymore; he couldn’t see anything anymore; everything was a black void. 

Everything was a black void until he walked with Berlioz. The monochrome world slowly starts to gain color once he looks at his green leash at four in the morning. Black skies turn into muted, pastel tones of violet and orange, and the fading, brown patch on Berlioz’s back ceases to look grey. The only way Jungwon can start his morning is if he had Berlioz with him, otherwise, everything was grey. Grey, tepid, murky, and still. Although he refused to admit it in front of Berlioz, he’s known a long, long time ago that Berlioz was the only thing keeping him from giving up on everything. For a dog to live as long as nineteen years is a commendable feat, and in some odd, once-in-a-blue-moon miracle, Berlioz was pushing past his lifespan to give Jungwon a reason to live. He knew it was a selfish conclusion to make, but it was a slow realization that he eventually had to accept. Even if the feeling was mutual, Jungwon needed Berlioz more than the dog needed him. 

One of the passengers on the bus was a little girl and her grandmother, who was also detained in a wheelchair. The poor, old lady kept bowing to everyone on the bus as the little girl let out a gnashing temper tantrum, screaming and kicking her feet carefully so as to not hit her grandmother. 

“I wanna go home! I wanna go home now!” The little girl cried, thrashing her arms and bothering those that were both in front and behind her. The old lady looked tired, but showed the same, loving gaze at her granddaughter as she tried her best to calm her down. 

“We’ll be there in the second, and eomma will be there waiting for us, so don’t cry anymore, please?”

“But I wanna go home now! I’m hungry!” 

You’re gonna regret that one day, you know? Jungwon thought as he watched the two get off the bus stop. The little girl wasn’t the one pushing the wheelchair. It was the bus driver, who had kindly stepped down from his space in the driver’s seat to push the old lady out. 

Jungwon only realized it was his bus stop when he saw Berlioz waiting patiently by the stop on the street, along with a middle-aged woman who apologetically bowed at the bus driver. Jungwon hastily snapped back into reality and grabbed the straps of his backpack, running towards the disintegrating accessibility ramp. He muttered a quick sorry to the confused bus driver, then patted Berlioz’s head after he was greeted with a bark and a swarm of sloppy kisses. 

“Why did you come all the way here? I told you to wait for me at home,” Jungwon scolded, watching the family of three behind him stroll away. The little girl continued to shriek, her cries growing louder with her mother’s berating yells. 

“Why didn’t you push halmeoni down the ramp? Next time you see the same bus driver, you better say sorry! That was so embarrassing!” 

Instead of walking the same way they always did to go home, Jungwon tugged on Berlioz’s collar to walk towards the family. The little girl immediately stopped crying when she saw Berlioz, her deep frown replaced with an ecstatic smile. 

“Eomma! Look! It’s a big dog!” She beamed in delight while keeping her distance. “Oppa, can I pet him?” 

Jungwon laughed at the little girl, then asked Berlioz to sit next to him. He gently shook his head and watched the little girl’s bright smile disappear again. “You see, Berlioz here is old, just like your halmeoni. If you’ll be nice to those that are older than you, then I’ll let you pet Ber-ber right here, yeah?” 

The old lady attempted to get up from her wheelchair, but the little girl’s mother placed a gentle palm on her shoulder. The middle-aged woman immediately took over the conversation and bowed to Jungwon. 

“I’m really sorry you had to see that at the bus stop,” She said. “Yeolbin is normally a good girl.” 

“It’s fine,” Jungwon replied. “I know what it’s like.”

With a quick bow and a smile to the little girl, he called on Berlioz one more time and took the long way home. Through his peripheral vision, he could see the old lady chase him down with her wheelchair, so he momentarily halted and turned back. 

“Here,” She said, taking Jungwon’s hand in her wrinkly palms. “Yeolbin told me to give it to you as an apology.” 

Lies, Jungwon thought as he gave the old lady a formal bow. He knew that this was the treat she was supposed to give the little girl had she not behaved badly. The specifics of their dynamic were something that Jungwon didn’t need to know; it wasn’t his business to poke his nose at other people’s families. All he knew was that they probably lost someone or are currently going through a hard time, just like he did when he showed up to school with his grandmother instead of his parents. 

“Thank you,” He whispered with a dimpled smile. Berlioz barked once and moved closer, giving the old lady several kisses on her hands. 

“Your dog is a good boy, you know?” She said, then waved Jungwon goodbye. 

“I know he is.”

Both of them parted ways. When he looked back, the little girl was pushing the wheelchair, with her mother giving her enough strength to make it all the way home. Jungwon switched his gaze to Berlioz, who had his glowing, obsidian eyes glued to the top of Jungwon’s head.

“What?”

Berlioz barked twice, then attempted to stand up despite his poor knees. Jungwon shushed him back into a seated position, using his free hand to open the gates to their house. What was once a brightly-lit hallway now basked in complete darkness. The thick, winter curtains that haven’t been changed since last year remained shut, only allowing a few slips of sunlight to seep into the house. Jungwon lazily flicked the light switch on, tightly closing his eyes as the light gave him a mild migraine. Berlioz jumped up and panted in anticipation, circling around Jungwon as he waited for the boy to finish taking his shoes off. 

“You know, you’re one lucky dog, aren’t you?” Jungwon said, ruffling Berlioz’s face. Berlioz took the straps of Jungwon’s backpack and dragged it to the kitchen—something he hasn’t done since Jungwon was still in high school. “Everyone at school’s been talking to me about you, not me.”

“There’s Jay-hyung—Jongseong, if you don’t remember that he goes by his American name or whatever now—and there’s that girl we met at the walk. All of them want to see you so bad that it’s getting kinda annoying. Is Berlioz eating? Is he okay? Berlioz this, Berlioz that, Berlioz everything!” 

Today was a day filled with many firsts for Jungwon. He cried, then he screamed. He never meant to release all his anger on Berlioz, but the dog reacted well to his vexation. Instead of crying or wincing, he stayed still, smiling ever so brightly as Jungwon began to calm down. He then placed a paw on Jungwon’s knee, begging him to sit on one of the chairs at the dining table. 

“Hey,” “I’m sorry, yeah? I shouldn’t have screamed at you like that.” Jungwon whispered, letting another round of tears fall down his cheeks. Berlioz used his body to push one of the chairs next to Jungwon, then slowly used his weakened joints to climb up. Jungwon got up from his seat and used what strength was left in him to carry the dog up in a comfortable position, then kneeled to his level and gave gentle pats around Berlioz’s head. 

“I really am sorry though, and I know I haven’t been the nicest to you lately.” Berlioz nodded with the same rhythm as Jungwon’s cadence, nestling his head on Jungwon’s shoulder as the boy placed his arms on Berlioz’s back. 

“I should start being nice to you again, huh?” Jungwon whimpered, sniffles muffled by Berlioz’s dense, yet thinning fur. The dog lifted his long nose up, licking the tears that streamed down Jungwon’s cheeks. “Do you want dinner?” 

Berlioz slowly nodded once again, burying his head back in Jungwon’s chest. 

“You wanna eat with me, right?” Jungwon asked again, anticipating a positive response. “I’m sorry for being gone for too long, yeah? I’ll try to come back for you so we can eat lunch, okay? School’s not too far, and I can just oil halmeoni’s bike tires, since it’s faster that way.”  Berlioz barked in response, as if he insisted that Jungwon should stay in school. You’re education matters more than eating with me! He said with his snout and droopy eyes. Jungwon lightly chuckled and got up from his slouched position, constantly looking back at his now relaxed dog as he opened the fridge.

“What should we eat for dinner, Ber-ber?” 

Anything you want. I eat the same thing all the time anyway, Berlioz whined, lifting his nose repeatedly. 

“Okay,” 

Jungwon took a pack of frozen peas and rice from the freezer, heating an oiled pan in a circular motion. After failing to crack two eggs with one hand, he opted for a safer way and placed what remained of the eggs in a ceramic bowl, using chopsticks to aggressively beat them into a uniform consistency. 

The kitchen was a sacred place to both Berlioz and Jungwon. When they were little, Jungwon would tiptoe and watch his mother help his grandmother make food, with a tiny Berlioz running around with his dad and older sister. When it was just him, Berlioz, and his grandmother, Jungwon took on the role of a kitchen helper, carrying heavy pots of noodles to strain in a plastic collider or lifting large bags of rice around to place them in a rice dispenser. Berlioz had reached his full size by then, and opted for a calmer position on a designated area of the kitchen carpet. He would curl into a ball and rest his head on his arms, using his glassy, obsidian eyes to peer at Jungwon and his grandmother’s moving silhouettes. Sometimes, when he was feeling helpful, he would grab wooden utensils and push grocery bags from the entrance to the kitchen hallway. Now that it was just Jungwon and Berlioz, they spent the most time together indoors in the kitchen, when Jungwon would cook. Berlioz was extremely old by his breed’s standards, but that didn’t stop him from climbing down the stairs whenever he anticipated Jungwon’s presence in the kitchen. They cooked, ate, and spent every waking moment together, making it one of the most colorful places in Jungwon’s otherwise grey life. 

What Jungwon also liked about the kitchen was its lack of green. The floorboards were made of wood, the tiles that surrounded the stove and the sink were now a yellow shade from all the oil stains it has sustained, and when brightly lit, the kitchen would bask in a holy, golden glow. The only time the kitchen contained something green was when Berlioz would push his dog bowl in its vicinity, or when Jungwon brought green, leafy vegetables home. Maybe that’s why it was such a sanctuary for both of them. Berlioz liked it when Jungwon brought green vegetables home, and Jungwon enjoyed the kitchen for what it was, a kitchen. 

“What do you wanna do after we eat?” Jungwon asked, carefully tossing some chopped carrots, onions, and bamboo shoots in a pan. He then dumped the frozen peas and rice, using the back of a rusted, old ladle to crush the solid, icy clumps into smaller pieces. “You wanna go for another walk?”

Berlioz nodded, eyes glued to Jungwon’s every move. He then pointed his snout at a specific angle in the hallway. 

“Are you sure you want to go there?” Jungwon responded with hesitation, keeping himself focused on the dish he was preparing. He accidentally burned some of the vegetables, but he didn’t mind the char. So long as it was edible, he was okay with imperfections. That was what his grandmother taught him when she showed him how to make egg-fried rice. 

Berlioz barked loudly in concert with the sizzling of ingredients in the pan. Jungwon cursed under his breath, then hastily turned the fan on. Once he dropped the beaten eggs into the pan, the sizzles grew into thunderous roars. The fire grew stronger with each toss of the pan, and Jungwon slammed his hand on the stove to turn the heat off. 

“It’s a long way up there, though. We might need to take a detour.” Jungwon said as he carelessly dumped the contents of the pan into a semi-large bowl. Berlioz hopped off his chair and patiently waited around his dog bowl, eyes still attached to Jungwon’s lanky frame. 

That’s fine with me! Berlioz replied with another round of loud barks. 

“That’s fine with you?” Jungwon asked again, receiving an annoyed growl from the dog. “Wow, I guess you can be a good dog for once.”

Instead of eating at the table, Jungwon brought his bowl on the cold, wooden floors of the kitchen, sitting next to Berlioz’s dog and water bowl. Berlioz began munching on his stale leftovers from lunch the moment Jungwon lifted his chopsticks, and the two ate in silence as the setting sun cast a velvet, violet glow on the only open window in the house. 

“Come on, boy. Let’s go.” Jungwon said once he was finished. Berlioz’s dog bowl still had a few chunks of dog food, but he assumed it was natural for old dogs to slowly lose their appetite. “The sun’s already setting and we have to be there before nighttime.” 

Jungwon dropped his bowl in the sink. No one in the room can scold him for failing to wash his dishes. Berlioz finished his last sip of water, ecstatically barking while he waited for Jungwon to grab his leash, some treats, and several plastic bags. 

Counting time in itself was already a difficult task for Jungwon, so counting the past was even harder for him to do. He couldn’t remember the last time they had visited his grandmother’s grave. It could’ve been anytime between this week and last year. The only thing that was clear to Jungwon was that regardless of how much time passed between his last visit and the present, it all felt like a distant memory. 

Unlike the entire family, who is currently buried in the city center, Jungwon’s grandmother decided to have her so-called “forever home” near the creek where Berlioz always walked every morning. It wasn’t as if she had a bad relationship with Jungwon's parents, it was more so the fact that when she was picking out the location and headstone of her resting place, she didn’t do so with herself in mind. She picked everything out with Berlioz in mind. 

Before his grandmother lost the ability to walk, she was the healthier senior in the house—even healthier than Jungwon in his prime. As such, she anticipated a long, fruitful, and healthy life, even joking with Jungwon that she will live past a century. Her hopes never came true, and now, it was her remains that were caged inside the headstone’s shiny, marble slabs. 

If one were to ask Jungwon who he thought would die first, Jungwon would’ve kept his mouth pressed in a firm, thin line. His grandmother was lively despite her age, but Jungwon never believed that she could make it past his bachelor’s. She was already in her late sixties when Jungwon was born; it was better to be cautious than to be hopeful. 

When it came to Berlioz, it was the opposite. He couldn’t predict when the dog was going to die for the simple fact that Berlioz inconsistently aged. It was a clear, linear trajectory of weakness when he initially started to show signs of joint problems and blindness, but he still retained some hyperactivity, performing the notorious zoomies when he could. Sometimes, Jungwon was sure that Berlioz would die the next day because he refused to eat or would be bedridden the entire day, but when tomorrow comes, he was usually back to his normal self. For that reason, even if it could’ve been easier for him to wish death upon his dog, he found it impossible—because when he would wake up to find Berlioz still alive, he couldn’t deny the eternal sense of relief that overwhelmed him. 

“This is just like old times, huh?” Jungwon said, his dimples deeply cutting through his cheeks as he chuckled at Berlioz attempting to catch his tail. 

An extinct routine that Jungwon and Berlioz used to do together was going on walks in the evening. At the behest of his grandmother, Jungwon started to take Berlioz out at night, taking the dark, dimly lit trail to the creek. He didn’t need to bring a flashlight, because his legs knew where to go. The hike up and down the hills and into the forest would manage to tire a young Jungwon out, and it was the only way he managed to sleep well since the accident. The same went for Berlioz, who came home excessively panting and in desperate need of water. After a midnight snack and a few rounds of playtime with his grandmother, Berlioz was fast asleep in his bed. 

Now that Berlioz was too old, Jungwon didn’t see it fit to take Berlioz on walks twice a day. He also didn’t feel like walking alone, because some part of him knew that he wouldn’t come home. He could leave anytime he wanted, but for as long as Berlioz was alive, he still had a home to return to. 

“Where are you going?” Jungwon asked. They should’ve reached the door by now, but Berlioz went to the altar instead, scratching one of the wooden drawers below. 

Once Jungwon pulled the drawer marred with Berlioz’s long nails, he took out a dusty, lime green bandana, stretching the fabrics from thumb to thumb. It was the same bandana that Jungwon’s grandmother gave Berlioz when he was just adopted from the shelter. 

“I don’t think this will fit you anymore,” Jungwon sighed, tilting the bandana at every angle despite the lack of light in the living room. Berlioz whined in agony, as if to tell Jungwon that he didn’t care. 

“I could try putting this around you, but your neck is too big. I might choke you to death,” Jungwon joked, letting it dangle on Berlioz’s leash instead. He didn’t know if it was the illusion or shadowplay coming from the bright lights of the entrance, but for an instant, Berlioz returned into his small frame as a puppy, wagging his tail and incessantly barking at everything around him. Jungwon quickly wiped another tear away, then gave his cheek a light slap. It seemed to work, as Berlioz was now large and old again. 

The cold, wintry winds greeted the pair in a warm embrace. Swirls of white smoke danced in the air with each breath that Jungwon and Berlioz took. The streets were veiled in deathly silence, a mere squeak of the soles resonating across the entire neighborhood. It was the perfect time to go on a walk, and Jungwon let go of Berlioz’s leash. Both of them knew where to go, but he would rather have Berlioz lead the way. After all, their destination was his potential resting place. He was bound to know where it was despite the pitch-black darkness. 

Jungwon hated the color green. When his father gave him a green-colored train model for his fifth birthday, he threw a fit and begged to return it at the toy store. Whenever his mother would take him and his sister out to the mall, he always made sure to angrily protest at even the slightest instance that his mother might choose a green shirt or khaki-colored cargos. He refused to eat his greens, and he dumped smoothies in the bin if they had the slightest hint of green in them. He never drank green tea to this day, and he would avoid frogs at the zoo.

He didn’t know where this hatred for the color came from. For as long as he could remember, he would always shiver at the sight of anything green. It was even worse when the green came from an artificial source. One time as a child, he wouldn’t stop crying because the kindergarten classroom was painted in an electric, neon shade of green. His parents didn’t know how to confront the homeroom teacher about Jungwon’s erratic behavior, so they requested to change classrooms based on a lie that managed to turn into an inside joke between Jungwon and Sullyoon.

Now, he managed to outgrow his hatred for the color. He did continue to wear anything but green, and he kept his selection of green vegetables at a minimum between slices of cucumbers and spinach, but he opted to avoid the color altogether when he had a choice. The time when he had to suck it up and live with the color always centered around Berlioz. Greeneries were everywhere: They were the main shade of color in parks and wildlife conservation centers, and they were pretty much the only color that leaves could produce. Berlioz loved the color green, and that was probably how he was able to get used to it all. He went from throwing fits every time his parents took him to the nearby park, to automatically getting up at four in the morning to take Berlioz out on a walk at the same hilltop. Even if he wasn’t the keenest on nature, he gave it a shot and tried his best to withstand the scratchy texture of grass or the damp, arid moisture of the swamp. 

Perhaps he hated the color green because everyone he loved enjoyed the color. It was his mother and father’s favorite color, and it was also his grandmother’s. He couldn’t remember what his sister liked, but she would always be happy whenever the family visited the vast gardens of the province. When his father announced that they would start a mini garden full of tomatoes, lettuce, and an assortment of herbs, his sister was the first to help around, picking pots at the store and carrying duffels of soil from the mall to the car despite her small frame. Jungwon never went on these trips, opting to stay home and watch his family plant seeds in small pots outside their small, fenced yard. Berlioz would often run around whenever his mother or grandmother would go out to water the seedlings, excitedly yapping his heart away as his sister took his paws in a crude dance.

Now, the backyard was barren. The pots have all cracked from a lack of maintenance, and any semblance of life had withered away. Scraps of brown, dead leaves surrounded the entirety of the unkempt, uncut grass, with patches of dandelions adding a slight variety of color to the otherwise lonesome lawn. It was supposed to be winter now, but even in the summer, the emptiness of the lawn remained constant. Berlioz never went outside anymore, and his grandmother stopped opening the glass doors to let fresh air in. 

Since when was life this slow? 

Jungwon was pretty sure there was a time when everything seemed “normal,” but it was too difficult to recall. Everything before the accident was wrapped in a buzzing haze. No matter how hard he tried to remember everything, he would always end up frustrated at the lack of access to his locked memories.

Maybe it’s always been this way. Maybe I was never happy.

There was one memory that Jungwon always remembered. It was a time when he asked his grandmother what the black lining in his vision was. He didn’t know how to describe it then because he was about three or four years old, but now that he knows enough words, he could picture it like a telescope. Everything around him was always embedded in a dark void, with only the center being crystal clear. As he grew older, this circular frame grew larger, eventually wrapping anything that Jungwon laid his eyes on in darkness. That was probably the time he stopped seeing color, too—which was how he was able to stay indifferent about the green hues of the trail. There was nothing to hate when Jungwon lived a life without any color.

What was the last thing I did?

The last thing he did was unleash Berlioz in the middle of the road. He wasn’t sure what happened after that. He could vaguely recall safely trekking the other side of the mountain to visit his grandmother, since the memory of him grabbing a bucket of water and incense from the staff office was somewhat clear. He could also remember walking around the cemetery with Berlioz—but he didn’t know if they actually went to the grave. There were many instances where Jungwon was in a graveyard with Berlioz, and this wasn’t the first one. In fact, a huge bulk of his time with Berlioz was spent at the cemetery, either visiting family, cleaning headstones, or hosting funeral proceedings with unseen relatives. 

Did we make it home?

He didn’t know. Then again, he didn’t know anything anymore. Thinking in itself gave Jungwon a headache. 

When was I always tired?

Jungwon couldn’t remember a time when he was actively aware of everything. In his mind theater, he was always on autopilot. He didn’t think, he just did things. When he woke up, he didn’t think to wake up. He just woke up and rolled out of bed because he had to take Berlioz on a walk. He didn’t even know if he wanted to take his dog out, he just does it because he’s always done it. It was the same with everything in his life. He didn’t decide to go to school because he wanted to or felt like he had to, he just did it because it’s what he had always done. Feeding himself and deciding what to eat was never a conscious choice; he ate because he’s always eaten his entire life. Same with sleeping, taking a shower, or breathing. He never thought that a cold shower was refreshing, he just did it because it was the default temperature. He didn’t even bother changing the temperature or turning the heater on in the winter; it’s always been that way for him. 

I just wanna go to sleep. 

Did he? Or did he yearn for sleep because he’s always been sleeping? He didn’t know, nor did he care. If only he would close his eyes, lie down, and take deep breaths, he would sleep in no time. 

When he woke up, he was surrounded by the same musty stench of sawdust. The ceiling had the same, glass lamp that dangled above his bed like a pendulum, gently swinging back and forth even in the absence of wind. Perhaps he did end up getting home safely after his walk with Berlioz to the cemetery.  

“Berlioz?” He called out. Silence came in waves as a response. 

Jungwon slowly got out of bed, dragging his blanket with him. He could feel Berlioz’s presence in the house, but he was nowhere to be seen. Usually, he would greet Jungwon at his door or at the bottom of the staircase. It was rare for him to be absent. 

“Berlioz? Where are you?” Jungwon repeated, agitation slowly waking him up from his groggy slumber. 

Once he turned to the kitchen, he found Berlioz by the foot of the dining table, nibbling in his dog bowl. Relief overwhelmed him and he let out a shaky, gentle cry.

“You’re finally awake,” A voice greets him from behind. Jungwon snapped his head around to see Jongseong folding his arms at the entrance to the kitchen. He peered at the end of the hallway and saw you sitting next to your unkempt winter coat, your hair still kept in tight, dual braids. You didn’t bring your dog with you this time.

“I’ll go outside, oppa,” You interrupted, then bowed to Jongseong before swinging your backpack on your shoulders to head to the exit. 

“Hyung?!” 

“You didn’t show up to tutorial, so I decided to pay you a visit.” 

“You know I never show up!” 

Jongseong heaved a deep, mournful sigh, and slowly walked to Jungwon. He placed a soft palm on Jungwon’s shoulder, and used his other hand to tilt Jungwon’s chin.  “It’s been a week, Jungwon. A week.”

Has it been a week?

He was sure he took Berlioz on a walk to the cemetery yesterday. He was sure that they made it home, and he’s been living life as he always did. He woke up, took Berlioz on a walk to the trail, then headed back home to prepare breakfast or leave for school. He was sure of it, and yet he couldn’t remember a single thing apart from the walk to his grandmother’s grave. 

“No, it can’t be…”

“You should be lucky that a nice girl found you and Berlioz sleeping on your grandma’s grave in the morning. Both of you were wet from the rain, and Berlioz was practically a living corpse by the time she found the two of you.”

Jungwon’s eyes widened in disbelief, and he took slow steps back from Jongseong, eyes snapping in Berlioz’s direction. If Jongseong’s words were true, then why did Berlioz look healthier than before? Why did he gain his appetite back, when he barely ate since he started getting old? 

“The professors have been worried sick about you because you haven’t shown up on campus, and the rest of the faculty asked me to contact you but you didn’t pick up your phone. We tried to contact whoever was remaining on your emergency list, but the last contact you listed has been dead for a year.” 

“Halmeoni?” 

“Yeah, Yunsik ahjumma.” Jongseong nodded, leaning back on the doorframe of the kitchen. 

“I’ve also been the one feeding Berlioz because you were asleep all day for the past week.”

There were many questions that swarmed in Jungwon’s head, but in the end, nothing came out of his agape mouth. He simply stood near the dining table, shaky hands reaching for the edges as he adjusted his posture. 

“How did you get in?” He asked. 

“You left the door unlocked, and Berlioz would just push his nose to the door to open it and let me in every time I came here to check on both of you.” 

“B-but,” Jungwon faltered. “I took Berlioz on a walk…”

“That was a week ago, Jungwon.” Jongseong snapped, his voice growing louder by the second. “I’ve been taking him on walks too, along the same path that I took Beth in when she was still alive.” 

“That’s a different road, though, and Berlioz is not used to—”

“Berlioz can’t even tell the difference!” This time, Jongseong yelled, using all the breath that he kept in his lungs. His voice boomed and bounced back and forth throughout the entire house, prompting Berlioz to look up from his dog bowl. He put a gentle paw on Jongseong’s calves, as if he was telling him to stop. 

“His right eye has been blind since the last time you took him to the vet.” Jongseong finally let out after a long, drawn-out pause that engulfed the entire house in suffocating silence. 

“How did you know?” Jungwon asked, his voice barely a whisper. The blanket that he wrapped around his shoulders fell straight to the floor, and Jungwon realized he’d been wearing the same clothes that he wore when he took Berlioz to visit his grandmother—which included the thick winter jacket that he put on for the season. 

“The same girl was worried sick about the dog and took him to her vet,” Jongseong replied, massaging his temples with his index finger. “Something about the old yeller pissing on her dog or something.”

“Oh,”

“She was really persistent, that girl,” Jongseong continued, looking at the hallway that led straight to the entrance of the Yang residence. A smaller pair of green, scuffed sneakers were neatly lined up with Jungwon’s shoes, implying that you borrowed his boots to trudge through the snow. “She always bothered me in my office just to talk about Berlioz. At first, I thought she was just a nosy kid, but I realized she really cared about your good boy more than you ever did.”

“It’s not like I don’t care about Berlioz.” Jungwon interrupted, his agitation clear in his voice. “I just—”

“Jungwon, listen to me.” Jongseong snapped, inhaling a sharp breath as he took another step toward Jungwon. “You need to take a break from school.”

“I can’t, hyung. I can’t.” Jungwon cried out. Berlioz had finished what was left in his dog bowl and ran to Jungwon’s side at light speed, incessantly whining at Jongseong. “I promised halmeoni that I’ll be a good student and graduate within four years! I can’t take a break now, not when—” “Not when Berlioz is all you have?” Not when Berlioz is all I have left.

Jungwon felt a sharp pang of pain spread throughout his chest. He looked at Berlioz in what felt like forever, and immediately felt a wave of emotions wash through him, rinsing him clean of all the grudges he’s held deep within the throes of his heart. 

He’s right. Berlioz is all I have left, and I can’t live without him.

“Jungwon-ah, you should spend time with the only family you have before he goes away.” Jongseong interrupted, his voice emanating a low, hushed hum. He kept his distance from the boy and his dog, then watched as Jungwon knelt at Berlioz’s height. To Jongseong, looking at Jungwon now reminded him of the same, stubborn kid that he knew—quick to anger, but extremely forgiving. Right now, Jungwon was just a child; a lonely child with no one but his old, caring dog.

“I know you’re doing all you can to support yourself and Berlioz, but I don’t think you realize that Berlioz is getting worse because you’ve been neglecting yourself for a wholeass year now.” Jongseong continued, slowing his cadence as he watched a burst of tears erupt from Jungwon’s lids. 

“Shunning him out and treating him like shit will not make it easier when he dies, Jungwon. Loss is loss, and it’d hurt like a bitch no matter what you do to try to make it better.” 

“Ber-ber… I’m so sorry, Ber,” Jungwon muttered, burying his head in Berlioz’s shoulder. Berlioz whined at the slight discomfort of having his newly-groomed fur dampened with hot, wet tears, but he didn’t mind. He returned each and every sentiment with double the affection, wagging his tail and wrapping his elongated paw on Jungwon’s shoulder. He maneuvered his long, protruding nose near Jungwon’s cheek, giving the boy gentle kisses as he started to wail with Jungwon. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungwon repeated again and again, each apology turning into a whisper. Berlioz lulled him with his own song—a combination of cries, whines, and barks. 

Jongseong nodded his head and watched the two solemnly, trying his best to hold back his own set of tears. He gently excused himself and took the shortcut to the backyard, knowing he will find you there.

“Is he gonna be okay?” You asked. You were currently tending to one of the broken pots. 

“You know, you should’ve stayed inside if you were that curious,”

You lightly chuckled, placing the shovel on the ground and wiping your sweat with the thick, waterproof surface of your coat.  “No! I can’t!” You jokingly exclaimed.  “Not in his current state, at least. I could tell he was already angry when he saw you in his house. I think he’d be way worse if he saw me.”

“I don’t think so,” Jongseong interjected. He kneeled down on the empty spot next to you, admiring your dedicated craftsmanship. “When I told him that you took Berlioz to the vet, he didn’t say a word. He just nodded and started crying.” 

“Oh,”

You slowly nodded in silence, averting your gaze from Jongseong. You took the shovel back and started removing the dead soil from the second pot—which was surprisingly intact despite decades of neglect.  

“Jungwon’s not so bad, you know?” Jongseong started, standing up from his seated position to give you your space. “Sure, he may seem like a jerk to that old dog, but that’s probably his way of coming to terms with the fact that he’ll lose him really soon.” 

You nodded in response again, keeping your nervous, shaky hands busy with more garden work. You single-handedly ripped a pack of peony seeds open and counted them in your gloved palms, maintaining a stern, grave frown with the gaze of a hawk.  

“What was Jungwon like before… you know…” You trailed off. 

“Before his grandma died?”

“Yeah, before that.”

Jongseong took a deep breath, pacing around the vast garden of the Yang residence. He remembers a time when he was a child, back when Jungwon’s parents and sister were alive. The Yang garden was the only place that reminded Jongseong of the summer no matter what season the earth was on—during the winters, tulips of all shapes and colors bloomed, with Jungwon’s mother and grandmother tending to them every morning while Jungwon was out for a walk with Berlioz. In the spring, the garden was lush with all sorts of crops, herbs, and flowers, often overpowering Jongseong’s nose. For a man that enjoyed his fair share of collecting various perfumes and scents from wherever he traveled, he could still recall the allergic reaction he got from entering the Yang garden in the spring with full clarity. A core memory of Jongseong’s childhood in Ansan was when the Yang family was devastated that they failed to raise watermelons of their own. He could still hear Jungwon’s sister crying as if she had lost a child, and their grandmother comforting her with slices that she’s prepared from the supermarket. Jongseong had already left Ansan by the autumn, but he received a postcard with a pristine picture of the Yangs smiling at their first pumpkin harvest. Jungwon, of course, was the only one frowning in the photo, next to a bright-eyed Berlioz, who looked at the green hues of the pumpkin with hunger.

“Jungwon was always a jerk—even before puberty hit. Sarcastic, cutthroat, and defensive.” Jongseong started, his smile evident in his delivery. “The only time he’d let his guard down was on his daily walks with Berlioz. Even if he would always curse at the poor thing and call it dumb, his walks with Berlioz were the only time I’ve ever seen him so relaxed. I’d know when he didn’t take Berlioz out—which was quite rare—because he’d be super cranky in the morning.”

“Oh, I see,” You replied, keeping your eyes focused on patting the damp, fresh soil down, sealing the opening of each seedling with dark patches of dirt. “But weren’t you out of Ansan by then?” 

“Yeah, but this was during university when I came back here for school,” Jongseong corrected. “Jungwon was cranky no matter what, but it would be extremely clear when, on the rare occasion, he ended up skipping his walks with Berlioz in the morning.”

You hummed in satisfaction, admiring the repaired, newly potted plants with a beaming smile. You patted the dirt off your gloves and took them off, gently placing them on the wooden ramp next to the pots and tools. Jongseong had told you that Jungwon’s father build the thing a long time ago, so you made sure to approach everything in the garden with an extra layer of precision and caution.

“Should I drop you off? It’s getting dark,” Jongseong interrupted, watching you stretch and zip your coat up to your chin.

“I’m going back inside,” You replied, shaking your head. “I don’t think I’ve overstayed my welcome, have I?” 

“Well, that’s for him to decide,” Jongseong snapped back, jutting his chin towards the large glass doors. They had been wiped clean from all the dust and frost that built up on the surface, and the curtains were completely drawn open.

“Tell Jungwon that I’ll visit him again tomorrow to take Berlioz out on a walk.” 

“I don’t think he needs that right now. I’m sure he’ll take Berlioz out himself.”

With a nod and a bow, Jongseong buttoned up his trench coat and stuffed his gloved hands in his pockets, bowing one more time to you before he took the outside exit to his car. You returned the bow with a sense of cordiality and grace, then dusted Jungwon’s grandmother’s winter boots off on the curbside.

Once you were inside, you closed the glass door shut and left your coat at the edge of the sofa. You passed the altar and paused, tilting your head at the bundle of unused incense that lay dormant in a small drawer. You replaced the wilting, brown flowers in the vase next to the altar with freshly-cut tulips that you purchased near the bus stop leading to Jungwon’s neighborhood. After fumbling for the turbo lighter, you lit the incense and clapped your hands twice, deeply bowing your head in silent prayer.

Hello, Jungwon’s grandma. I’ve already introduced myself, but I’m his sort-of friend, if you could even call me that. I live down South, not too far away from Ansan-shi. I know you’re watching over Jungwon and Berlioz from afar, but I want you to rest easy and not worry about them anymore. Jungwon doesn’t know it yet, but he has many people that care about him, even if he can be a bit of a jerk. We’re trying our best to be there for him during these hard times here on earth, so I want you to be happy in heaven. You’ve done your best, and you should take a long break in heaven. I’m sure Jungwon and Berlioz still love you very much, and in return, they can feel your love for them even if you’re not here anymore. So fly to heaven and relax for as long as you want, I’m sure your back is starting to hurt again from watching over them for too long.

Once you opened your eyes, you inhaled the incense and wiped your tears with the sleeves of your wool sweater. You looked at the picture frame that held the features of Jungwon’s grandmother, noticing all the similarities that Jungwon bore. He had her cat-like eyes, her deep dimples, and her smile lines. Though her face was slightly rounder than Jungwon’s sharper looks, you could still see the family connection through the pixels of a printed picture.

When you turned around, you were suddenly greeted by Jungwon, who had a rolled blanket on top of his arms, along with Berlioz wagging his tail and running to your side. You greeted the dog with a warm smile, kneeling to his eye level and scratching the back of his ears.

“Oh my god, you scared me,”

“I should be saying that, seeing as a stranger is praying to my grandma at her altar,”

“You’re still snarky even after having an emotional moment, are you?”

Instead of giving you a response, Jungwon stayed still, fiddling with the hems of his blanket. He looked at the altar, and then right back at you, the usual resentment in his face masked with deep wrinkles. 

“Thanks, by the way,” He whispered. 

“For Berlioz?”

“Yeah. You didn’t have to.”

“Did Jay-oppa tell you?” You asked, standing up and leaning your frame on the glass door. Jungwon shook his head, placing the blanket on one of the empty couches before walking to the empty space next to Berlioz. He then rang the Mongolian singing bowl, using the same turbo lighter to light his own batch of incense.

“No, but Berlioz is old. I could’ve guessed.”

“Oh,”

The two of you stood in silence. Jungwon silently clasped his hands together, deepening the arch of his head towards the floor. You watched him pray, noticing that tears were falling out of his eyes again.

“I lied about wanting a Borzoi,” You started, once you were sure that Jungwon was finished with his prayer.

“Oh?” 

“I already had one.” You continued. You motioned towards the glass door that led to the garden, slowly sliding it open upon seeing Jungwon sport his winter jacket. You let him step out first, then allowed Berlioz to run in circles at the newly decorated lawn. Once Jungwon had comfortably adjusted himself to the cold steps of the yard, you took a seat next to him, watching the white snow gracefully dance into the equally pale skies.

“You see, my dog before Hudu was also a Borzoi.” You said, pointing at the falling snow. “We named him Nun, because he was as white as snow,”

“No wonder you know a lot about the damn breed,” Jungwon joked, keeping his lips in a thin line. “It’s also no surprise that you named your current dog Hudu. You’ve never been the creative type, huh?”  

You allowed youself to chuckle at his poor attempts at a joke. You could tell he was nervous by the way he played with the sleeves of his puffer jacket.

“He was a good boy, just like Berlioz, until one day, he kept crying because he couldn’t see anymore.” 

Jungwon slowly nodded, propping his chin on his cold palms. He watched Berlioz become a puppy for a moment, rolling around in the piles of snow that gradually accumulated. He could barely tell that a week had passed. The garden now looked as it was before the accident.

“He was pissing everywhere, running around in circles in the house, destroying furniture—hell, he even bit me so hard that I was rushed to the hospital for a really bad case of blood loss.” You explained, keeping your eyes on Berlioz’s every move. You rolled your sleeves up and pointed your left wrist at Jungwon, tracing the zig-zag patterns of stitches that graced your otherwise unmarred skin.

Jungwon could picture a Borzoi just like Berlioz without the brown patches, gracefully running with Berlioz in the snow. He could picture Nun as a slightly smaller Borzoi, but retaining the same elegance and agility that their breed was known for.

“We thought it was rabies because he was being erratic. Maybe we just wanted a diagnosis to ease ourselves of any responsibility, but deep down inside, the entire family knew that he couldn't get rabies when there were no stray animals around our area.” You paused, rolling your neck with a slight crack.

“We had three barn cats that would frolic around. They were really good at their jobs, and they were all vaccinated with the proper protocol. There was honestly no way Nun could’ve gotten rabies, so that’s when I realized it was something completely different—something too human for me to believe at the time.”

You took a crumpled dog biscuit from your coat pocket and whistled in Berlioz’s direction. In an instant, Berlioz looked young again, and he retained his old speed as he ran towards you. He wagged his tail with vigor, and patiently sat down until you gave him the directions needed to be rewarded in pitched whistles.

“Dogs are just like humans in a way,” She continued. “They have jobs, and they’re rewarded if they do it well. Our reward is money, and with the money we earn, we buy things we need like food. Dogs are the same, at least at the family farm. They weren’t pets; they were employed. Their job was to protect our livestock and herd sheep. We give them food if they do their job well, and that reward system makes them want to do their jobs even better. It’s just natural, and Borzois are excellent sighthounds, so being blind would probably devastate them.”

You then motioned for Berlioz to go back to the snow and play, watching him with a gentle smile on your face. Jungwon didn’t need to know about Nun to understand your deep connection with dogs. He could tell just from the way you effortlessly commanded Berlioz that you were much more experienced with the animal than Jungwon. 

“Unlike artists who could start using their mouth to paint when they lose their hands or writers who could still use voice recognition to jot their words down into paper, dogs aren’t like that. It sucks, but we’ve confined them to certain traits and extreme loyalty that when they lose something or someone, it’s agonizing—painful, even. More painful than anything we could ever go through.” You concluded, heaving a sigh that swirled like white smoke into the sky. You took a heap of cold snow and curled it into a perfect sphere, whistling once more to catch Berlioz’s attention. Once Berlioz was alert, you counted down to three, then threw the snowball towards the end of the yard. Berlioz only started chasing after it once he heard the snow ball disintegrate into mush upon contact.

“Sure, they have less thinking to do because they can’t feel complex emotions like us, but losing what little they already have hurts more because if you think about it, they value the small things that they can experience—trust, diligence, care, all of those things.”

It surprised Jungwon that he understood more about dogs through one conversation with you than living with one his entire life. Perhaps it was because Berlioz was more human-like when he was with him, but now that he watched Berlioz perform tasks that he was destined to perform, he reminded himself that in the end, Berlioz was just a dog.

“But Berlioz is different.” You interrupted, as if reading Jungwon’s mind. “He’s not sad because he’s blind. It’s because he’s blind that he felt that he’s lost you forever, Jungwon.”

You took a pause and looked at him with weary, worn-out eyes. Your tears had crystallized into ice, slowly breaking off from the edge of your chin. Icicles began to form at the curls of your lashes, making you look like a frozen doll from an ancient myth that his grandmother probably believed in.

“All his life, he’s seen you grow up and take him out on a walk every morning. He’s not supposed to live past thirteen, and yet he probably tried his hardest to live because he knew you were all alone.”

You whistled again to catch Berlioz’s attention, then called his name several times. The dog, who looked exhausted, retained his smile and happy demeanor, stumbling past the snow and resting his snout on your lap. You sniffled, preventing your tears from touching Berlioz’s fur. You took the gloves from Berlioz’s mouth, wearing them before you patted Berlioz’s back.

“Humans feel with their five senses, so losing one is a short-term loss. If you can’t hear, you can use the rest to hear again. If you can’t see, you can listen or feel the texture and shape of objects around you. If you can’t smell anything, you can use your eyes to imagine the scent of a bouquet or hear the crunching of damp leaves in the rain. If you can’t taste anything, you can read a description of what to expect when you go to an expensive restaurant, see the finished product of a homemade dish in front of you, or even hear the sizzling of oil and spices in the kitchen. If you can’t feel, looking at sharp objects and hearing knives touching a whetstone can produce the same, sensory effect on the hairs of your skin. But dogs? They can’t do that. If bloodhounds lost their sense of smell, they’re useless. Sighthounds that are blind can’t rely on their sense of touch, hearing, or smell because it’s deeply ingrained in their DNA to depend on their keen eyesight. The same goes with waterdogs that can’t swim, or sled dogs that can’t walk. Once they lose the only thing that they’re capable of, all they have left if they’re lucky is a loving family who continues to care for them despite having no purpose in life.”

Jungwon looked at Berlioz, who smiled back at him with a smile on his face. He then limped towards Jungwon, who carried him to the steps that led into the house. Jungwon unzipped his coat and allowed Berlioz to rest his body on Jungwon’s stomach, watching the old dog pant for water without any sign of exhaustion or lethargy.

“Berlioz is not just an old dog, Jungwon. Berlioz is the last family you’ll have, and the reason he pushed past all the signs that pointed to his death is that he knows that once he’s gone, you’ll probably be gone too.”

You looked back at Jungwon with a small smile on your face, then massaged the lines around Berlioz’s long snout. Jungwon could sense the pain and heartache that accumulated in your voice, and stood up from his seated position. He continued to carry Berlioz and nudged at the door, prompting you to automatically stand up and open the door. 

The two of you sat in silence after you closed the sliding doors. Jungwon placed Berlioz at his usual spot on the kitchen carpet, which looked like it had been dry-cleaned since he was last awake. Berlioz snuggled up to the warmth of the carpet, burying his head in its soft surface as he used his paw to rake his water bowl closer to him. There were two grocery bags on top of the dining table—something Jongseong had probably left before he took his car to go home. You quickly skimmed through its contents with a satisfied hum, then looked at Jungwon. 

“What do you want for dinner?” You asked.

“This feels weird,”

“What does?”

Jungwon sat down on one of the dining table’s chairs, looking at your busy silhouette. You began to put most of the groceries in the fridge while filling a large, steel pot with water. If Jungwon blinked again and again, he could see his mother or his grandmother behind the kitchen, chopping vegetables while softly humming a tune that he still couldn’t recognize to this day.

You beckoned for Jungwon to occupy the space next to you on the kitchen counter, pointing the hilt of the knife at a pack of unopened rice noodles. He nodded in your direction, prying the plastic pack open with all the strength that he still had. After turning the fan on, he heated the stove on high, dropping the noodles once bubbles started to form around the pot.

“You chop vegetables better than me,” Jungwon muttered, peering over your shoulder. You cackled and jabbed his stomach with your elbow, motioning for him to watch you perform your task. 

Jungwon didn’t know how to describe the feeling that began wafting inside the pit of his stomach. Something about hearing vegetables being cut by someone else’s knife felt like a warm embrace—like home. It was the reason why he loved watching his mother cook, and it was the same reason why he would always be around the kitchen when his grandmother started to prepare dinner. The sound of water hitting vegetables; the sizzling of oil; the aroma of garlic, sesame oil, and gochujang altogether; the tiny, quick steps that waddled around the kitchen carpet; the bubbling boils of hot water; the screams of the old kettle when tea was being brewed; Berlioz’s nails hitting the wooden floorboards whenever there was someone in the kitchen. All of those little moments engulfed Jungwon in a tight hug, and he couldn’t contain his smile as he watched Ahin neatly prepare fresh slices of cucumbers for garnish.

“Are you allergic to anything?” You asked. “Jongseong gave us high-quality noodles, so I was thinking of making kalguksu.” 

Kalguksu. His grandmother was terrible at the dish. She would always leave the stove on for too long, turning the noodles into mush. She’d add too much gochugaru in the soup, making it barely edible for a child. Every time his grandmother announced that she would make him kalguksu for dinner, Jungwon would either eat three bowls of rice with seaweed or skip dinner altogether, knowing that the spice was too much for him to handle. For the same reason, he never ended up learning how to make the dish. He was too lazy to search for the recipe online, and he was sure he would fail the dish since he’s never tried a decent iteration of it. 

“Just don’t make it too spicy or else I’ll throw up,” Jungwon half-heartedly joked, prompting you to laugh once more. Your melodic chuckles brightened up the already-lit kitchen, causing it to morph into the same sanctuary that he and Berlioz shared as children. “I’ll help with the noodles, so just don’t fuck it up.”

“I’ll have you know that I’m an amazing chef. You’re not the only one with a dead grandma, you know?” 

The two of you shared a moment of solidarity, bursting into laughter as the sun disappeared into the dark skies. Berlioz suddenly woke up from his nap, yapping in excitement at the smell of bubbling broth and sizzling beef. The moonlight seeped into the open windows of the glass doors, gracing the three inhabitants of the Yang household with its heavenly glow. 

“Do you wanna come with me to take Berlioz on a walk?” Jungwon asked, wiping his tears from laughter. 

“Can Jay-oppa come along?” You gauded in response, keeping your eyes focused on the pan filled with vivid colors. The bright orange of the thinly-chopped carrots danced around in glee upon being mixed with sweet, pickled radish. The concoction of several shades of green complemented the bright, warm tones of the other colors, wafting a beautiful aroma across the entire house. The once, deep red beef began to turn into a light shade of brown, and you used your large chopsticks to mix everything all together in a fine spectrum of delicious colors. 

“I’ll call him,” Jungwon responded, straining the noodles in a neon yellow, plastic colander. 

“We can even take the same path he and Beth walk before she died,” He joked, allowing his shoulders to loosen. He closed his eyes and felt his cheeks tremble into a large, happy grin, seeing all the colors he’s missed with his closed lids.

Berlioz died in the winter, having one last walk with Jungwon before he turned twenty. You and Jongseong offered to cremate him, but he refused. It’s not as if he was tight on money to hold a proper funeral for the old dog, but he wanted to give Berlioz back to the same place that saw him grow—the same place that held his warm, gentle smile. As Berlioz’s sole companion throughout his long, long lifespan, Jungwon knew that it was only natural to choose the riverside as Berlioz’s eternal resting place. 

It’s been a few days since the three took their long, arduous hike to the same creek. Jongseong and Jungwon carefully carried Berlioz’s stiffened, rock-solid body in all its glory, and you constantly heaved deep sighs on the way, chewing on your lips until they bled dry. You dragged a large, rusted shovel along the dirt path, leaving etchings and marks on the dark, damp soils of the hills. Sometimes, you would stop and close your eyes in prayer, tying a green ribbon at every “famous” landmark that Berlioz enjoyed. Although you had only known Berlioz in the last few moments of his life, you were thankful for his existence. Without him, you wouldn’t have had the courage to properly send Nun off into heaven. 

In the past year or so, you and Jongseong had practically lived with Jungwon and Berlioz. Jongseong had requested a temporary academic leave on Jungwon’s behalf and is now legally registered as his guardian. You would continue to go to school, traveling back and forth between your house, the campus, and the Yang residence. You currently occupied Jungwon’s grandmother’s room, bringing some of your clothes and belongings to settle and help clean the house. You started with the lawn, removing all the weeds within a three-month timeframe. You brought some of your tools from your family’s farm and began reviving the garden bit by bit. In the winter, you started off with tulips. As the seasons went by, all types of vegetables and herbs began to bloom, replacing the once barren yard with an abundance of crops. Jongseong attempted to help around in the garden, but he realized that garden work was never his thing. Jungwon would often watch you tirelessly fix fences and water plants from the other side of the glass door, knowing it was best to leave you alone to complete and perfect your craft. 

The three began to eat meals together owing to the fact that you and Jongseong were accomplished chefs. Whenever Jungwon didn’t feel like eating Korean cuisine, he would force Jongseong to take a break from grading papers and reading essays, dragging him into the kitchen to make something “fancy.”

“You know, you should start learning from her and cook on your own. You’re turning twenty for god’s sake!” He would often complain while putting an apron on. No matter how hard he nagged and berated Jungwon, the boy knew that Jongseong would never turn down an opportunity to cook. 

Jungwon spent his break from school with Berlioz, watching the dog slowly deteriorate into a bedridden state. At first, Jungwon tried to carry Berlioz in a wheelchair for his morning walks, but he realized that dogs at that point just wanted to stay inside. Jongseong had bought Berlioz a new bed, matched with green decor and some new chew toys of the same color. You replaced the thick curtains with a selection of your own—a thin, sage-green fabric that was perfect for the summer. Slowly but surely, the entire house had turned into a continuum of green, and Jungwon didn’t seem to mind the change. He wouldn’t even be surprised if you and Jongseong had suddenly shown up with barrels of green paint and brushes to color the entire house. 

At the point where Berlioz couldn’t walk anymore, he would request for Jungwon to drag his bed near the glass window, where he would spend an eternity watching the newly revived garden with calm, docile glee. Jungwon would often join him, sitting at the foot of the sliding door to watch the garden grow. When you were there to tend to the crops or help Jungwon with some of the more difficult chores in the house, the view was all the more vivid. 

Jungwon knew that Berlioz was going away at some point. He barely had the energy to bark by then, and he was practically bedridden. Things got worse when he was confined to the vet for constant IV drips, and it was getting clear that he didn’t have much time left when he stopped whining after being pricked by needles. News of his organs failing one by one was a common statement that Jungwon got used to hearing every time he visited Berlioz at the vet, and when he knew it was time for him to go, he requested for the vets to take him off life support. 

What surprised Jungwon was their last walk together. Even if Berlioz’s legs failed him, he managed to get up and stroll around the creek, ever so often stopping at several posts to lean his tired body and ask Jungwon for water. Nonetheless, he made it to the creek, taking his usual position by the river. He still had the same elegance and poise that he did when he started getting older, sitting proudly as he leaned his ears near the creek. He whined at each ebb and flow of the river, his consciousness slowly slipping away from him. Once his noises stopped filling the vast air of the greeneries, Jungwon knew that he was gone. 

Berlioz died a peaceful death, sitting right next to the very creek that he loved. By the end, his body stiffened—rigor mortis, as Jongseong would say. Even in death, Berlioz still looked like he was full of life, a permanent smile etched on his face. Jungwon carried him and allowed all the tears to flow in his eyes, using his free hand to call you and Jongseong over. After burying Berlioz, Jungwon took an old, green bandana from his pocket, tying it to a makeshift post that Jongseong had crafted using old wood from your repairs at the Yang garden. 

Despite Berlioz’s death, Jungwon still kept everything that belonged to him. His favorite spot by the kitchen was still intact, along with a filled dog and water bowl. The altar now consisted of a large picture of Berlioz beside his grandmother, accompanied by all of his chew toys and his favorite brand of green dog food. The most recent addition to the altar’s decor was a photo of you, Jungwon, and Jongseong hugging a very old and weak Berlioz at his hospital bed in the vet. Jungwon had decorated the altar with Berlioz’s leash, stringing it around the small house like fairy lights. You and Jongseong continued to visit him, taking him out at four in the morning to go on the same trail that he took Berlioz in. Sometimes, Jungwon would naturally take the green leash with him to bed, hugging it tightly and waiting for the morning to come. When he couldn’t sleep, he would knock on your door to ask you if you could walk with him to the creek, hands still holding Berlioz’s leash ever so tightly. You started to take Hudu on these walks, allowing Jungwon to hold the leash and pretend it was Berlioz. Of course, it didn’t work, but Jungwon appreciated the effort. Hudu was too young, loud, and spunky to be Berlioz, but what she lacked in everything else, she made up with her sweet and kind heart. 

“What’s your favorite color?” You asked out of the blue on one of your walks together. Your green dress fluttered in the spring breeze, along with the braids that you’ve tightly decorated with green ribbons of all shapes and sizes. 

“You told me it was blue,” Jongseong responded on Jungwon’s behalf. The boy shook his head and twirled Berlioz’s leash around, feeling his heavy, large body still tug at it as if he was walking right next to him. 

“It’s actually green,” Jungwon responded, a deep, dimpled smile on his face. He looked over at the creek and saw flocks of white and brown fur from the distance, his smile widening to a grin as he saw Berlioz wave goodbye with his snout.

—CREDITS: @writingmochi @hyuckworld

[gyuzen]

💌

I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABT THIS ONE. it took me so lonh to write but reading it makes me cringe, anyways i like the whole they met and it became a soulmate thing or wtv. i wish i lived like this ;;

Flower Knows (Choi Beomgyu)

“Huh, this is not what I expected when I said I would see you around, but it’s fancy seeing you here”

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Beomgyu x afab!reader

AU: Flower Shop!au, University!au

Warning(s): None

Synopsis: A cute guy had recently moved into one of the apartments above the flower shop you work at, but who would’ve thought that he was the missing puzzle piece in your seemingly picture-perfect life?

Note(s): This definitely took way longer than I wanted but it was all worth it in the end. I really liked the concept of this fic and hope you guys like it too! I missed writing and hopefully, I can be more consistent in making fics again. I'm sorry for being gone for so long due to writer’s block and other irl responsibilities. ;;

Your life hadn’t always been all that interesting if you were honest, but as someone who didn’t want it to be as mundane and boring, you tried your best to romanticize it to the best of your ability. From your cozy studio apartment that had a beautiful city view, courtesy of saving up like crazy and with the help of your parents, to your easy-going study habits that helped you get by in school. 

Now adding to that list, you also worked at a small flower shop beside your quaint and cozy apartment building. Life couldn’t have been any better for someone like you, the kind of person who appreciates the little things.

“How do you do it?” You hear from behind you. You were too busy spacing out, head tilted and rested against your hand, that you had jumped slightly when one of your coworkers and friends, Kazuha, spoke to you while arranging a bouquet of white roses. The day went pretty slow considering it was a normal Tuesday evening and it started to get dark, so you only had a few customers coming in now and then periodically. Other than that, the shop had been empty for most of the day, the two of you casually lazing around.

“What do you mean?” You ask, confused as to what she is implying. You were slow when it came to these things, at least that’s what you think.

“Your life is so ideal and romanticized, I’m seriously wondering how you do it. I feel like you also have this super secret relationship where you have a sweet and smart boyfriend who’s good at communication. He can also cook and dress well” she laughs.

You chuckle and shake your head in response, you’d doubt you would even find a partner like that in your, almost, picture-perfect life. Everything else you could romanticize, but a relationship? That was out of the question for you. You didn’t believe in it, you thought it just wasn’t meant to be for you and are content with being single.

“I wish Zuha, it’s so hard to find a decent guy these days. I think that’s the only thing I can’t achieve when I’ve been rejected countless times” you laugh awkwardly, trying to brush it off. Kazuha places the bouquet on the counter and goes to grab a ribbon and some newspapers before turning towards you sharply, a confused look on her face.

“Are you serious right now? I’ll go beat them up and conjure up the perfect guy who can love and appreciate you, not like it’ll be hard for you to do that by yourself since you’re already everything anyone could ever want. People’s standards are seriously lower than hell if they’ve rejected someone like you” she huffs while wrapping the flowers neatly. Your face contorts which causes her to mirror your expression.

As the two of you were laughing and bickering amongst yourselves in the shop, you heard the bell ring, indicating that someone had come into the store. Kazuha’s back was leaning against the counter, so you had noticed the customer before she did, and boy was the wind knocked out of you upon seeing his face. Your world stopped short, he looked to be around your age with dark hair and sharp facial features.

“Hi, welcome to La Fleurette! How can we help you today?” You slap on your biggest customer service smile with your voice going up an octave, this causes Kazuha to whip around and also see the new customer and greet him with an awkward quirk on her lips.

“Hello uh— I just moved into a new apartment in this building and I was wondering if you could arrange a small housewarming bouquet? My mother suggested I needed one” he admits shyly. You nod as you start to get to work, gathering a few lilies, forget-me-nots, and white Transvaal daisies to arrange for him.

“These flowers should be a good combination, the white is very easy on the eyes and it gives off a light and pure vibe to make the house a little brighter” You whip up the bouquet quickly and hand it to him before he hands you the money.

“Thank you so much, I’ll see you around then—“ he squinted at your handwritten name tag. “Y/n, pretty name, and pretty handwriting, I’m Beomgyu. I hope to see you more, along with your friend over here” Kazuha waves awkwardly and you reply with a short smile, a bit flustered at his statement.

“Thank you, I’ll see you around as well then Beomgyu, it was lovely meeting you. Take it easy once you settle in” you say sweetly. Beomgyu then walks out of the shop before you see your friend sporting a mischievous grin. 

“What? We always entertain customers nicely, you know that” you whine, but she wouldn’t let up at all. Your friend had finally found some sort of leverage against you, and she wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

“Sure we do customer service all the time, but you two seem like you would have a little something going on” Kazuha teases, nudging you with her elbow.

You groan and walk away from her, he is just a guy that came into the store and happened to compliment you, there was no chance of any feelings blooming from a conversation as small as that.

“Zuha you’re being ridiculous, he is cute but it was nothing other than me being nice and probably him doing the same as well” You retort, and go back to cleaning up.

It was almost time to close up the shop, and you always closed fairly early since it was owned by a sweet older woman whom you and your other four co-workers considered a mother.

"Sure Y/n, keep telling yourself that!" Kazuha laughs from the back, to which you could only sigh in reply. Beomgyu was a customer, it was all customer service, though you also couldn't deny that he wasn’t all that bad looking. It was nice seeing a new face when everyone along your street knew each other.

After finalizing and checking up on everything being in its rightful place, and moving the outside display into the shop, you finally lock up and bid your friend goodbye. Ready for another night full of studying and hopefully achieving your dream as an author, all cooped up in a much better studio apartment, and in a much bigger city.

You walk over to the building just beside the shop and head into the café you frequented and basically became a regular at. You even knew the owner, who was a senior photography major at your university. His name was Kim Seungmin, and the two of you formed a small friendship over the number of times he's seen you at his establishment.

The bell chimes, signaling your arrival and you notice a familiar mop of brown hair from behind the counter making drinks and moving around busily. Seungmin was almost always here working with his friends Jeongin, who was working at the register, and Hyunjin, who was doing his homework in the corner by the looks of it. The café was quite empty, save for four other people including you, so you liked the peacefulness of it all.

“Seungmin! Jeongin!” You smile as you walk towards the register. You were quite happy to see your friends today after a boring day at work, and seeing them immediately brought your mood up quite instantly.

“Y/n! So happy to see you today. The usual? Since you’ve tried everything on the menu at this point” Jeongin chuckles. You nod and roll your eyes jokingly, you’ve tried everything throughout the countless evenings you studied or just chilled there, and it was safe to say you had your favorites and a love-hate relationship with some of the menu items.

“You know me so well innie, and yes! You can just take it where Hyunjin is, I’m gonna go sit with him” you grin, handing over your card to pay. Hearing a huff, you looked in the direction it came from and saw a pouty Seungmin, to which you gave a confused expression back.

“You always pay even though I tell you every time that it’s on the house for my friends, can you at least not do it this once?” Seungmin says. You stifle a laugh and take back your card while giving Jeongin a sheepish smile, but the male only replies with his signature dimpled one.

“Fine, you’re just lucky that I’m feeling tired today to argue” Seungmin does a little victory dance and you chuckle at your friend’s antics. He was always the sweetest thing, so you decided to give in to him at least this once. After all, you deserve a break from working nonstop since the weekend.

You then move over to sit with Hyunjin, who is already looking at you with a grin. It had been quite a while since he’d seen you, so he looked pretty excited upon noticing you walk toward him. The shit-eating grin on his handsome face always meant he had lots of things to talk about. 

“Fancy seeing you here Lee Y/n, how has work been in the flower shop?” Hyunjin immediately speaks up the moment you sit on the chair in front of him.

“Can you not address me like that? Hyunjin, we've been friends for four years stupid, and about the flower shop, work has been pretty slow since it is just that” You sigh for the umpteenth time that day, taking out your iPad from your bag and getting ready to study.

“Any new gossip you have?” The male in front of you chuckles. You suck up your pride and decide to tell him about Beomgyu, who had just moved into the same building where the flower shop was situated. 

“You better not tell a single soul understand? Especially not Kazuha considering that big mouth of yours” you say in a hushed tone. Hyunjin makes a zipping gesture on his lips and you feel a wave of relief wash over you, he’d never rat you out under any circumstances that’s for sure. 

“A new guy moved into one of the apartments in the building next door, he came into the flower shop asking for a bouquet. He’s really cute, but I’m too shy to do anything” you say admittedly, but then grow out of your bashful demeanor after seeing your friend holding in a smile and a laugh.

Truth be told, you were never one to be in love or even have a crush because of how busy your life is, so after hearing about a boy from your own mouth, Hyunjin couldn’t believe it one bit. 

“This guy really did a number on you, because this is one of the first times I’ve ever heard of a boy from you. Except for that time you had a crush on Seung–” you hiss at Hyunjin and throw him a flustered expression. Seungmin was your friend, though you couldn’t deny that you definitely did have a tiny crush on him during the early stages of your friendship. 

“That’s different! I was rejected, you know that” you whisper to him. Your stupid crush truly was the foundation of your friendship to begin with, but you backed off after a year knowing you wouldn’t have a chance with him anyway and ended up getting rejected after he found out through rumors. That’s where it led you to where you are today, a cafe with three of your idiot friends, one of them being a crush that you were over with.

“Tell me about your interaction with this boy. I want to read into what you two might become” Hyunjin snorts, but you know he only wanted to know more about what happened so you tell him. After all, what did you have to lose? It was just a guy you found cute and met for the first time, he only knew your name after all.

“Well, his name is Beomgyu. I don’t even know, to be honest, the interaction was so short but he called my name pretty and said he’d see me around” Hyunjin’s ears perk up at the name and you feel your stomach drop. He beckons Jeongin over as he’s coming in with your order, which indicates that your friend probably knew something about the boy.

Jeongin looks at Hyunjin questionably as he sets your iced caramel macchiato and turkey sandwich on the table, before tucking the tray under his arm, waiting for what the older had to say. Hyunjin clears his throat awkwardly and grins at Jeongin.

“You don’t happen to be friends with a Beomgyu, who just moved into the city, do you?” Your eyes widen in horror as Jeongin nods slowly at Hyunjin’s question.

You were in deep shit, not only were you already talking about a guy you just met, your friends just so happened to know him coincidentally as well.

“Yeah? Why? Did Y/n run into him or something, if I’m not wrong I do know he just moved in next door” You sink into your seat, wanting to crawl into a hole on the spot. There was no escaping the shackles of teasing from your friends as you had always avoided.

“Well, he ran into Y/n today and apparently flirted with her. So what do you have to say about this?” Hyunjin grins like a Cheshire cat, enjoying this entire ordeal way more than you would have liked. 

Jeongin turns to you and adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose before laughing softly. “Beomgyu isn’t flirty by the way, so you’re one of the first Y/n” he teases, but you make a swatting motion as you all hear Seungmin call for him in the background.

“I have to go back to the counter but take that as you like. Have fun, he’s in the same major as you too” Jeongin says with a teasing tone and walks behind the counter, meeting up with a pouty Seungmin, who directs him to the line of customers up front that were ready to order.

You turn to Hyunjin again and take a sip of your macchiato, before also pouting at him. “Well, I guess the promise went down the drain. Remind me to never ever tell you any of my secrets ever again” You huff and look down at your notes, sulking and fiddling with your stylus. 

“I’m sorry Y/n, I thought it would’ve been the perfect opportunity since Jeongin is practically his best bud. It’s honestly funny once you see them together” Hyujin leans back and laughs softly, probably recalling a memory that they had shared. You could only give him a tired smile in response and wave him off, you knew he didn't mean any harm.

After an hour had gone by, you decided to take your leave, knowing you still had to feed your cat and get back on track with the next chapter of your book, not forgetting to buy two extra turkey sandwiches before finally going. 

“Bye, guys! I’ll come back tomorrow and stay longer, but you know how grumpy Luna gets” Seungmin gives you his signature puppy smile with a nod, while Jeongin and Hyunjin give you a wave. 

You make your way into the building and make a beeline for the elevator, just wanting to take a nice shower and lounge around in a hoodie with your cat, catching up on Reply 1998.

“I wonder if anyone’s moved into the apartment across from mine, it’s been empty ever since Yeonjun moved out weeks ago” you mutter to yourself, before hearing the elevator ding.

Yeonjun had been one of your first friends whom you frequently saw at the flower shop, he always made periodic visits to buy bouquets for his girlfriend whenever her flowers finally wilted and he recently just moved in with her, so you haven’t seen him around anymore.

“Luna! I’m home, get your fat ass over here” You call for your cat the moment you unlock your apartment door and see your little ragdoll strut to the door, meowing as she brushes against your leg. Bending down to pet her, you then pick her up and carry her to the living room.

“You must’ve been so lonely today, am I right? Don’t worry, I’ll go fix up your food because I love you so much, and then we can just chill on the couch watching Reply 1998” Luna meows at your words and you giggle, nuzzling your nose into her fur. 

Slipping on a hoodie after your shower, you then go over to the living room to see your cat on the couch already. “I swear you seem like you like watching the show more than me” you mutter, to which Luna can only meow at you again, but before you can even turn the TV on, you notice light coming from the apartment beside yours in your peripheral.

“Seems like someone’s moved into where Yeonjun used to be, do you want to greet our new neighbors Luna?” You pick your cat up and wait by the small window across your neighbor’s apartment. 

You see a figure approach and your jaw falls slack, it’s Beomgyu. How sick and twisted did the universe have to be to put your apartments across from each other’s as well? You don't even get another second to react before Beomgyu sees you and gives you a confused look, immediately opening his window as you go to open yours.

“Huh, this is not what I expected when I said I would see you around, but it’s fancy seeing you here” he jokes. You were thankful that you two could speak at a normal volume and not announce your conversation to the entire city, otherwise, this would have been more embarrassing. Just the thought of a noise complaint over a conversation sent a shiver down your spine, you wanted to lay low and be civil with your neighbors.

“I never expected you to live right across from me either. Crazy how the universe works huh?” You joke, and adjust Luna in your lap. Beomgyu chuckles at your words and leaves the window, to which you could only call out his name in confusion as a response. Though, not even a minute later, Beomgyu had a green Amazon parrot perched on his shoulder, leaving you dumbfounded. 

The parrot then moves down Beomgyu’s arm and rests on his forearm. “You’re kidding me, you’re telling me you have a parrot in that apartment of yours? Isn’t he loud since those birds tend to repeat everything they hear?” You ask, staring in wonder. This is the first time you have ever seen a parrot owner, and it’s safe to say you never expected it to be your cute neighbor.

“One, his name is Toto, and two, he is not loud, he is perfectly fine and knows what an inside voice is! Isn’t that right Toto?” The bird bounces and you hold back a wide smile, you had to admit, the bird was just as cute as its owner, only adding to the charm of it all.

“Point taken, sorry. Well, you can see I have a pet of my own, her name is Luna and she’s really lazy with an attitude” Luna swats at your hand and you pout, failing to notice the way Beomgyu’s vision is clouded with attraction towards you.

He already found you admirable and pretty, now to top it all off, you lived in the apartment across from his with your adorable cat named Luna? Beomgyu was practically melting on the inside. 

“Sorry to cut our conversation short Gyu! I have to finish up my book and put this little girl down to watch Reply 1998, you should definitely come over someday. I don’t have many friends that live nearby, so I’d love to have a visitor” you grin, not sure what came of you.

You barely even invited Hyunjin over or Karina, who was your best friend for that matter, so inviting a boy you barely knew over was definitely out of character.

Beomgyu seems to take in your invitation and smiles yet another charming smile that makes your stomach flip. “I’d love to, and as someone who doesn’t have many friends in this city, I really appreciate it. Thanks Y/n, for your time. You really are more interesting than I thought” he replies cheekily. 

“It’s nothing! Think of it as the start of a blooming friendship, and before you point it out, I did not intend the pun” you mentally facepalm, but Beomgyu seemed to be amused at your joke. “You’re genuinely funny, anyways, just open your window if you ever need me. I’ll run over or at least attempt to climb in, but I swear I don’t plan on robbing you” he jokes back. 

“Goodnight Beomgyu, see you tomorrow hopefully,” you say softly and shut your window. Though, you would have never expected the boy to actually take your words seriously, because he had quite literally and unexpectedly appeared in the seat beside your usual spot that you always sit in during your last class of the day.

You set your bag down and sit, taking out your laptop and a notebook, Beomgyu still seems to be blissfully unaware of your presence, so you clear your throat in an attempt to get his attention. The boy turns and his jaw falls open, which you could only laugh at. 

“Wow, I can’t believe the universe constantly finds a way to insert you into my day. That’s crazy” he laughs, ruffling your hair and then fixing it right after. You wished more of your friends did this, and with Beomgyu, it felt like he’d known you your whole life. 

“Do you want to stop by the shop later? I’m the only one working today so I could use some company” you suddenly quip. It was a joke at first, but Beomgyu really did seem to consider it because he gave you a short nod and a grin. 

“What?! I was kidding because I’d feel bad, but you’re seriously keeping me company?” You were appalled, Beomgyu actually wanted to stay in the shop with you? That was new since your friends would absolutely dread being in the shop for more than an hour, though you’ve grown accustomed to being surrounded by flowers half the time. 

“Well, I have nothing better to do, so why not keep you company? We’re friends now are we not?” Beomgyu chuckles.

The sound had made you flustered and you could only nod as your professor entered the lecture hall, preparing for yet another boring lesson that day, but that would change when you have Beomgyu by your side.

Once your class had ended, you packed up and walked down the halls with Beomgyu by your side, going over the lesson for the day and groaning at the absurd amount of things that needed to be done. Suddenly, as you were about to leave the campus, you ran into Jeongin and Heeseung, who were shocked to see you beside Beomgyu.

“Beomgyu? Y/n? How do you both know each other?” Heeseung asks. If he were honest, he would’ve expected you and Beomgyu to meet through them, but it seems like you beat them to it because you laughed at his words. “Kind of a long story but we met in the shop and found out we were neighbors not long after” you explained.

“No way? You’re the girl he–” Heeseung is immediately cut off by Beomgyu, who clears his throat and awkwardly peeks at you, almost rushing with his expression.

“I think me and Y/n really need to get going, I still have to accompany her to the flower shop” Beomgyu smiles and leads you away, making you wave at Heeseung and Jeongin without another word. 

As you crossed the street where your buildings were located, you wanted to ask Beomgyu what on earth Heeseung was talking about but decided not to pry since you guys didn’t know each other like that yet, so you kept your mouth shut. 

“Do you want to get food or anything? I’ll be working until around six or something, so you’re really free to come back since you live in the same building” you say, pushing the door of the flower shop open to greet your other co-worker, Chaewon, who you were taking over for the rest of the day.

“I don’t mind, but you might be bored out of your mind the first three hours, so I’ll keep you company. Contrary to popular belief, I actually like peace and quiet most of the time” Beomgyu explains. You nod and move towards his bag, which he hands to you hesitantly.

“I’m taking these to the back so that you don’t have to carry your bag around, by the way, this is my co-worker and senior, Chaewon. She’s been working here longer than I have and she’s in our circle” Chaewon smiles and waves at Beomgyu before heading back, getting ready to clock out.

“Nice to meet you! Y/n told me about you and how you were friends with Jeongin and Heeseung, welcome to our little group” Beomgyu nods in response and waits for you by the front, sitting on a chair that was just beside the counter. He was happy to find a lot of friends in just a short amount of time, he was worried about not finding anyone at all besides his current friends but was grateful that he met you. It was like fate almost.

You emerge from the back in a simple polo shirt and jeans with an apron thrown over it that had an embroidered ‘La Fleurette’ on the front of it, along with your handwritten name tag that he had grown fond of. “Did you wait long?” You ask, tying your hair in a messy bun just to get it out of the way.

“Not long, don’t worry. By the way, I wanted to ask about that apron of yours, it looks so cute. Did the owner by any chance encourage you guys to embroider that any way you liked?” Beomgyu points at the lettering on your uniform.

You hum at his question, remembering that the owner, Mrs. Kim had taught all the newbies how to embroider and encouraged them to customize their uniform as they liked, as long as it was minimal and not too out there. 

“Yup, the owner taught us herself! She teaches all the newbies these things, and she’s the sweetest. You have to meet her some time” you reply softly and start taking out any orders that need to be prepared. Beomgyu watches and his curiosity is piqued, he wanted to help somehow instead of just going on his phone and being a nuisance in the store.

“Hey Y/n, could you teach me how to arrange a bouquet by any chance? I want to help you somehow” he pipes up. You take a glance over towards him and approach him with a few flowers that were on the counter, along with a few brown papers and brown string. 

You place the items in front of him and can’t help but beam at his enthusiasm. You liked how he shared some interest in the boring and mundane job that you’ve grown to love after a year of working in the shop near your home and university. It was refreshing and heartwarming to you.

“Here, you can take any flower from here that you think would make a pretty arrangement and then I’ll teach you how to wrap it” Beomgyu inspects the flowers set in the small bins on the table and takes a few baby breath flowers, different colored roses, and some stray stems, before experimenting. Though you wondered how on earth he knew about adding the stems, you decided to ask him after, impressed at his amazing guess.

After five minutes of observing him, you notice how beautiful his arrangement came out and quickly move on to the next step to wrap it, to which Beomgyu eagerly responds to your instructions.

“Ok so put it here in the center, and carefully wrap the paper around it. There, now you can tie it” You show him and Beomgyu wraps the bouquet carefully before finally tying the string around it. You see the little sparkle in his eye as he completes his first bouquet and looks at you for approval. “Pretty for someone who claims they’re doing this for the first time, I like it a lot actually” you admit shyly. Truthfully, you wanted the bouquet for yourself, it was really beautiful and it was from the cutest boy you could’ve ever laid your eyes on. 

“Take it then, I mean, your boss wouldn’t mind, right? I could even buy it just so you could have it” Beomgyu says carefully. You blush and shake your head, there was no way you could just let him do this. Ms. Kim really wouldn’t mind, but the thought of Beomgyu giving it to you without a second thought made you flustered. He was really thoughtful because ironically enough, no one had ever given you a flower despite you working at a flower shop. 

“Ms. Kim wouldn’t mind, but I’m embarrassed that you’re giving it to me. I mean, don’t you have a special someone or something?” You mutter, hiding your face from Beomgyu’s eyes on you. ‘Why is he so good at holding eye contact? This is making me shy’ you thought.

“Y/n I wouldn’t be here if I had a girlfriend you know, I rather the prettiest girl I know has this bouquet. I mean, you deserve it” he says honestly.

You wondered how on earth Beomgyu was so open with his attraction towards you, but it’s not like you hated it. Maybe it was finally time to pursue a guy you showed interest in. 

Three hours had passed since your shift started and Beomgyu still hadn’t left because he seemed to really enjoy your company. Aside from occasional customers coming in and out, you both talked about everything from your families, your dreams, your and even your favorite things. You didn’t want it to end, and the moment felt too good to be true. You and Beomgyu even shared similar views and had a lot in common more than you thought.

“I said I would leave after three hours, but I don’t want to leave just yet, you know. I really like talking to you, and it’s insane how we haven’t exchanged contacts yet, so can I have your number and your socials if ever?” Beomgyu says dreamily.

You giggle at his tone and nod, writing your number down on a piece of paper and your Instagram account before going to the back to get his bag. Three hours passed like a breeze because of Beomgyu, so you had no problem spending the remainder of your shift alone because he also had to get going.

“I told you, I don’t want to leave you!” Beomgyu whines, but you shake your head and scold him. He was stubborn but you found it adorable. “You have to get work done and I can’t keep you here all day you know, you need to keep Toto company too. Tell you what, when I close up let’s go to the cafe next door, deal?” You made a suggestion and Beomgyu seemed to hesitate but took up your offer, pouting at the fact that he had to leave you.

“Fine, but you have to text me right after your shift so I can walk with you” you agree and watch Beomgyu leave with him adorably waving at you, to which you wave back and see his form disappear. Then you sigh and squeal with your heart pounding. You wanted to get to know him for a bit longer though, so you settled for acting friendly and getting to know him as a friend first, you wanted to play it safe when you barely knew him for a day.

Around a month had gone by since Beomgyu had moved into the city, and he settled into your friend group quite nicely. He got along well with everyone and had no problem talking to any of you, so you had grown even more fond of him the more you hung out with him. It was usually you two anyway, the duo that felt like they were attached at the hip and couldn’t get enough of each other. You studied at the library together, went shopping, and constantly called until late into the morning.

“Are you sure you two aren’t dating yet? Beomgyu posted you on his story last night where you both went to a diner down the block, and that doesn’t seem like something two besties would usually do” Yeji yawns. By now, everyone seemed to see you two as a couple, but you still brainwashed yourself into thinking it was all platonic in a sense. It just wasn’t the same as someone like Hyunjin though, being with Beomgyu was different. 

“Best friends in the process of dating I guess, I mean we haven’t exactly established what we want to be, so I’m not sure where to go from here,” you say groggily and without much thought. It was an hour until closing and the day was surprisingly busier than most, so you couldn’t wait to get takeout from Seungmin’s café and lay in your bed with Luna while reading a new book that was recommended by Soobin.

“Well, you need to make the first move or something because you will not get anywhere if you hesitate” Yeji smacks the back of your head playfully, and you frown at her. You didn’t want to make any advances that would possibly make Beomgyu uncomfortable, but you couldn’t find the right time either.

Right at that moment, the bell chimes and you are ready to serve yet another customer, but your heart falls out of your ass when you see it’s the exact person you both talked about just a minute ago.

“Hey Y/n, don’t worry, I’m not here to ask for a bouquet, yet, but I wanted to ask you if you know–” Beomgyu pauses, noticing Yeji sneaking away to give you both a moment alone, before continuing once she’s out of sight. 

“As I was saying uh if you wanted to go on a date? Just us, and since we’re both not really the type to go out a lot, I wanted to invite you over” he adds. You look at him, flustered at how open he is, and nod as you take up his invitation.

“I would love to, when?” Beomgyu was now blushing and couldn’t bring himself to look at you, he finally plucked up the courage to ask you out after a month and you were just as eager as he was. His heart couldn’t take it.

“Tomorrow? It’s your day off isn’t it, so yeah I guess tomorrow at like three maybe?” You fiddle with your fingers bashfully and nod, it was perfect and you actually liked the idea of staying in.

“That’s perfect for me, I’ll just come over then,” you say sweetly. Beomgyu looked shy and bid you goodnight before walking back to his apartment.

When he was gone, Yeji burst from the back room and cheered for you. You were finally going on a date with Beomgyu? It felt like a dream, you just couldn’t believe it. After pining after him for a month, you were finally going to be with him. 

“Looks like our little miss has a perfect life, finally found the last missing piece of the puzzle, her perfect boyfriend” Yeji teases. You click your tongue and shush her as you both get ready to close up the shop. You just couldn’t believe it, Beomgyu really did feel the same way and you were relieved he made the first move because you both had waited far too long.

In Seungmin’s cafe, you immediately go to tell him and the others the news. Jeongin doesn’t seem to be surprised but Hyunjin was just excited as you were and Seungmin hands you your order with his eyes wide open. “I mean it was bound to happen, he can’t and never will shut up about you Y/n'' the blood rushes to your face at Jeongin’s revelation. 

“Hope you have fun and stay safe, you two were cowards but I’m glad he made the first move. Again, Y/n don’t overthink it ok? Just be yourself, I’m feeling a confession coming in so don’t try too hard” You thank Hyunjin and apologize for rushing home, but it was just one of those days and they understood anyway. It was a big thing to see you finally dating someone.

You unlock the door to your apartment and almost scare your cat as you hurriedly place your things down, almost forgetting to leave food for her before showering and doing your entire night routine. Once you were in your pajamas, you proceeded to pick a comfy outfit for you to laze around in. You never thought about what to wear, but you grab a hoodie Beomgyu left and a pair of pajama shorts for tomorrow. 

“Luna, should I do my makeup tomorrow?” Your cat meows in response and you nod. Maybe light makeup would suffice, you didn’t want to see your soon-to-be boyfriend looking all roughed up like usual. You then hang your outfit in front of your closet and walk over to your desk which faces the city, you could never get tired of the pretty view as you write your book. 

You open the file of the last chapter file and smile at how far you’ve gotten. You were still in the second chapter when you met Beomgyu, but ever since then you’ve been inspired and now you’re finally at the last few pages before you’re ready to publish it. 

“Can you believe this is about a girl not believing in love until someone comes along to prove her wrong? Thank you to that song for inspiring this and to Beomgyu for helping me finish this book” You laugh and cradle Luna close, burying your nose into her fur. 

To say you didn’t believe in love was an understatement, but it felt like a switch had flipped inside of you upon meeting Beomgyu. You never told anyone about your views on love, usually brushing it off as just you not finding the right person, but ever since you could remember, you’ve only ever been rejected by every person you’ve shown interest in. 

You choked it up as maybe you not being attractive enough for anyone, or maybe you were lacking in a way, but Beomgyu had proved you wrong completely. You thought you could survive being single and were content with it for a while until he came along and showed you that love was something worth waiting for.  

“I finally feel complete Luna, and I’m grateful I was patient enough to be able to experience the thing I used to dread completely” you whisper. Luna nuzzles back against you and you sigh in contentment.

Love had a weird way of squirming itself into your life at the most unexpected moment and in the most unexpected ways. That night, you went to bed with a smile on your face and with your heart racing for the first time ever. 

The date had come quicker than you had initially expected since you woke up at around noon and only had enough time to shower, eat brunch and feed Luna before you started to get ready. You put on Beomgyu’s hoodie and your pajama pants before putting on only concealer, mascara, and brown eyeliner, spraying on a bit of your favorite perfume after.

You pick out a pair of your favorite fluffy socks and put them on, not forgetting to bring your wallet, phone, lip balm, and other essentials in a small tote bag before putting your sandals on and heading over to Beomgyu’s apartment right on time.

“You could’ve texted me and I would have come to get you downstairs, but you’ve been here a handful of times. Come in!” Beomgyu is in awe at your appearance, he never expected you to turn up in his hoodie, making you look even more adorable than ever. You could say the same about him, even in a simple pair of sweats and a shirt, he still looked handsome as ever. 

“What’s first on the agenda today Gyu?” You giggle and set your bag down, before seeing a switch wired up to the TV and an array of games right beside it. “No way?! You actually bought a switch, I can’t believe you. I guess scoring a part-time job at a fancy restaurant has its perks” you joke. 

“I work minimum wage, I had to save up like crazy but I honestly just wanted to buy one so I could play with you since you had one. I mean, I even started grinding on Animal Crossing like a madman” Beomgyu follows you and plops onto his couch as you inspect the games he had.

You felt shy almost, he really bought a switch just so you two could play together? What kind of person would go through that much effort just for you? Only Beomgyu would.

“You’re crazy you know that, but that’s really cute of you. You should be glad I brought mine, but first, let’s play Mario Kart” You grab the controller and hand Beomgyu the other one, making his heart race.

This date was probably one of the best impulsive decisions he had ever made, and seeing your smile was worth the countless shifts he’s worked to get the console. 

From bickering over who won to sharing takeout, and now settling down while watching Harry Potter, you couldn’t have asked for anything better. That was until Beomgyu suddenly got up and you wondered where he was going.

“Wait there, I have to do this no matter how cheesy it might seem” Beomgyu calls out from his room. You chuckle and pause the movie, you needed all of your focus to be on the man since he was doing something special for you. 

Beomgyu comes back holding his guitar and your heart starts racing again. Was he going to sing you a song? And your thoughts were correct as he sat in front of you with a bashful look, tuning his guitar to avoid your gaze. He never thought he could ever love someone so much to the point where he could even write an entire song for them. 

Beomgyu sucks in a breath and looks at you with love in his eyes, there was no turning back from this and honestly, he had nothing to lose. He liked you so much that he’d be willing to do anything for you, so when he sees you tear up upon him finishing the song, he decided to confess everything he’s felt towards you.

“Y/n, my other half that I would’ve never expected was just within my reach. From the first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew you were my everything and threw every thought away. You were on my mind every waking moment and now I fully understand that I love you,” Beomgyu says and takes your hand in his before continuing.

“You made me learn how to show affection towards the one you cared for, doing everything in my power to even see you happy. The countless bouquets I got weren’t even for anything specific, I just needed to see you because you’re prettier than any flower in that shop for that matter. Seeing how passionate you were about your job and how much you cared for others only made me want you more,” he pauses to take in a breath, and you let out the one you didn’t even know you were holding.

“I was broken when you told me about the countless rejections you’ve gotten, how could they not appreciate the most amazing person right in front of them? I will never understand when knowing you was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me, and I hope you know that I will wait for you however long you want me to because I will love you with all my heart” Beomgyu ends his confession and you don’t take another second before crashing your lips against his. You pull away and look at him before letting out a confession of your own because who knew you both felt so deeply for each other? 

“You, are one of the main reasons I started to believe in love again. I was a hopeless romantic writing a book about a girl giving up on love, but you inspired me to make her feel it again. You showed me that love is worth waiting for and that it always comes in the most unexpected ways, I love you so much Beomgyu, I hope you know that. You don’t need to wait a moment longer when I want you just as much” you breathe out. 

Beomgyu kisses you again and he smiles against your lips, nothing else mattered at that moment except the two of you. Even if love really did take its time, it brings the right people together and the wait is worth all the heartbreak and growth in the process.

© qyuoza 2023 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[gyuzen]

💌

damn this hurt A LOT. considering how junhyeon was one of my top 9 picks it hurt when he wasn’t announced for debut, i wish someone could hug him and tell him that we’re so proud of him no matter what :( he did so well and despite him only being shown as a funny character on boys planet, i hope he knows we never failed to recognize the talent and potential he had. <3 anyways i rly liked this fic and hope someone is there to hold our junhyeon for us bc he deserves the best.

kum junhyeon - midnight showers

┌─── ∘°❉°∘ ───┐

summary: after returning home from boys planet, kum junhyeon finds you in his room, awaiting his arrival to shower him with love and care following his loss on the survival show "boys planet".

kum junhyeon x f!reader

a/n: this is my way of dealing with the loss of junhyeon at the finale.

the room was cold. the presence of your boyfriend has slowly drained from walls, evaporating away in the four months he had been staying at the dorms, for the show "Boys Planet" that he had decided to compete in.

the room was cold, but then it wasn't. the door creaked open, the sounds of the rusting hinges breaking the silence, piercing the overwhelming loneliness that covered the room.

"baby?" you called out to him, as he stepped into the room, his shoulders sagging.

the surprise on his face was evident, but damn did it feel good to see you.

he dropped his bags on the floor, instantly melting into your open arms. it wasn't long before you felt the fabric that met your neck starting to feel damp and you heard the sniffles, breaking the silence once more.

"come to bed honey, you've had a long day." you tell him, rubbing his back continuously waiting for him to respond.

you don't hear a vocal response, only feeling the motions of him nodding his head up and down, before dragging you to the cold bed that had stayed unslept in for months, crawling under the covers with you.

you reach out to hold him, but instead he says, "wait I need to shower and we both need to change into pyjamas."

you agree, letting him get up to go to the bathroom, changing yourself whilst he is in there, and waiting for him on the edge of his bed once again.

loving people is hard, but loving junhyeon seems to be a walk in the park, it never comes with struggles or issues, and even when one of you is upset, or in junhyeon's case, distraught beyond belief, it doesn't take much for either of you to feel better again when in the presence of your other half.

your other half, junhyeon. he walks out of the bathroom, hair still slightly damp, water dripping slowly from his face. smiling lightly at the boy you love so dearly, you reach out and grab the towel from his hands, slowing scrunching out the rest of the water, drying his hair for him as you both sit in silence.

"I love you," you tell him, "and so do many others. the fact that you didn't debut tonight does not mean you won't ever debut again, hyeonie. your fans will wait for you just as I will."

you reach around to hug him from behind, placing your chin on his shoulder, legs moving to surround his.

"im so proud of you. its beyond amazing how well you have done and I have no doubts that you won't be scouted by big companies from this. you can do it hyeonie, its just that this time isn't the one."

"but if this one isn't the one" he interrupts, grabbing your hands from his waist, turning around to face you, "then which one is? I don't want to wait more years to have an opportunity like that again, I want to feel happy again, like I did on the stage tonight."

"and you will, baby. I'm so sure of it. just be a little more patient. I will be right there with you to wait as well, hopefully that will make it a bit more bearable." you reach to ruffle his hair as you say the words felt from the bottom of your heart.

"I love you", you continue, "and I always will. you make me so proud to be your girlfriend and everyday I fall more and more in love with you and your talents. many others have too. it will get better, I promise you."

he doesn't believe you. you can tell in his eyes, but instead he chooses to nod and replies, "thank you baby, for making me feel better."

"I love you hyeonnie. you don't need to thank me."

junhyeon grabs you, pulling you under the covers once more, hugging you in his bed, bathing in your warm presence. with you, his room doesn't feel so cold now.

you both don't fall asleep for awhile, simply holding each other and enjoying each others company as the night passes.

and if you had to tell him it all over every night from now on until he believed it, you would.

└──────┘

[gyuzen]

💌

hi uh i kinda teared up after reading this. i loved every single moment of reading it and honestly encourage everyone else to give it a read, it’s insanely good and im glad i found a fic of this kind. another one to add to my list of personal favorites! it’s remarkable.

STEAL MY HEART ; CHOI YEONJUN · 19.6k words

summary ▸  you thought you’d only need art in life, but when your mother arranges for you to marry the duke, choi yeonjun, your life is turned on its head. now in what you think will be a loveless marriage, can a trip to the country change things for you both? pairing ▸ choi yeonjun x fem!reader genre ▸ regency!au, arranged marriage!au, (kind of) enemies-to-lovers!au (it’s more like they just annoy each other for a bit); duke!yeonjun, artist!reader, fluff, some angst other characters ▸ original characters, kim chaewon, choi beomgyu, choi soobin, kang taehyun warnings ▸ explicit language, food, mentions of drinking, mentions of drunk yeonjun (it’s only in a couple scenes), jealous yeonjun (only for like a second lol), minor character death, very brief mentions of sex (no explicit smut written), very old ways of thinking about women and marriage, yeonjun and beomgyu are brothers in this for story purposes, this story is not historically accurate so please do not take it as such song rec ▸ thank u, next, Dancing with a Stranger, & Watermelon Sugar : covers by Vitamin String Quartet - (i love these songs so i highly rec listening to them while you read!!)

a/n ▸ well this has been such an adventure and a half to write! LOL anyways tho this is my entry for the writing nook’s “a season of refreshments and courtship” event hosted by the wonderful @mxxndreams​ !! (go and check out the other lovely fics in the link above!!) i’ve never really written something with the period piece/regency aura, so this was fun to experiment with. i’m not sure how well i did but hopefully it’s alright hehe ✨ thank you to all the lovely people in the writing nook for all their support! i managed to get this fic done with your help and you all are amazing people~ thank you to lia for making one of the best places i’ve encountered on the internet, i feel so happy and safe and supported when i’m there. <33 now please enjoy this! (ps: i couldn’t not pick vsq’s watermelon sugar cover it was too fitting and also it made me think of yeonjun’s aotm haha)

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i.

YOU STARED AT THE BIRD YOU’D JUST PAINTED ON YOUR CANVAS, AND ALTHOUGH YOU THOUGHT YOU’D DONE PRETTY WELL, IT WAS STILL LIFELESS. YOU JUST COULDN’T FIND THAT INSPIRATION—THAT OOMPH—THAT YOU NEEDED TO REVITALIZE YOUR INSPIRATION.

You needed something to completely steal your heart and capture your attention; something that would have you only drawing that subject. You’d take anything at this point.

Pretty soon though, everything was going to change; you weren’t sure how much longer you could just stow yourself away in your room and paint and draw to your heart’s content. 

Soon, you were going to be married to someone you’d never even met. 

“_____! Come out from there, the Duke and his family are here!” 

Your mother’s voice rang out in the halls, and you tensed a bit; breath catching your throat. 

It was time. 

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

💌

THIS. FIC. why was this so insane. i loved every second of reading it. from the way it was beautifully written to how he would destroy the world for the one he loves, again if someone wanted to he would 😭 an amazing read, this was very unique and i’ve never read anything similar to this before. another one to add to my list of faves.

partly moon, partly sun | k.th

don’t really remember what happened, but at some point I decided taehyun could be a very convincing villain. so here this is. hope you enjoy <3

(in case you were curious, taehyun’s theme song is same scent by oneus)

Pairing: Taehyun x gender neutral!reader

Genre: angst, god!au, villain!Taehyun

Warnings: death, blood, semi-graphic descriptions of gore, implied nudity, Taehyun is NOT what you should consider a good person and neither is mc

Word Count: 3.6k

When you die, Taehyun swears an oath of revenge to bring you back, the world and its gods be damned.

TXT Masterlist

As stone crumbles to the ground, Taehyun stares the final fallen guard in the eye, loathing and pity in his heart.

“You fought well,” he condescends, nodding once.

The woman only spits, eyes riveted on the seeping wound she inflicted upon his cheek. “You will never win,” she sneers, each breath harsher than the last.

Taehyun allows his lips to curl into a smile. “Oh, I think I already have.”

She doesn’t reply. It is understandable. The sword driven through her throat might have made it a little hard to do so.

Blood spatters onto his hand, but beyond a vague wetness, Taehyun barely feels it. He couldn’t see it anyway between the stone dust settling and the smoke rising from the distant fires, and even if the air was clear, the red would have blended into the blackened skin of his fingers, regardless.

It’s not as if murder burns anymore, not like it did with the first life he took.

A wisp of white rises from the dust, a pure soul wafting towards the heavens. Taehyun allows himself a note of satisfaction as he plucks it from its path, crushing it in his palm, letting its essence pool its way into his skin, into his blood, into his heart.

One hundred thousand souls he’s damned for this. All for this. 

All for you.

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

💌

absolutely adorable ;; i love this sm, imagine being drunk and having taehyun as a partner. hes just so sweet and is jusy everything im abt to burst at how cute this is.

drunk words // k.th

wc: 1.4k genre: fluff warnings: mentions of alcohol, y/n’s a lil drunky drunk, pet names, kissing

taglist: @iyeonjuni @odxrilove @iuwon @ijhyo @cherr-y-eji @ameliesaysshoo @enhacolor @misscalcutta @cherrybeomgyu @wccycc @hyukabean @strawberri-uyu @hyuntaena @feyregels @boba-beom @loverhyunn @ericyjun @tyungun @ashxxkook @bibinnieposts @laylasbunbunny @shiguresohmas @notdrunkbutdazed @stepout-09-15 @ox1-lovesick @soobsdior @ifwtyun @peachy-yabbay

a/n: this was supposed to turn out shorter but i couldn’t get this taehyun out of my head 😵‍💫 a special something for @sunlightwoo <33

…

“taehyun,” you slur without a care in the world. 

“yeah?” the boy responds with a monotone voice. he’s used to all your antics tonight. 

“can we go to disneyland?” taehyun was about to question if you were being serious, but the wishful look you have in your eyes prove otherwise. 

you were being dead serious. 

“we can’t go to disneyland, y/n.” 

almost like a child who couldn’t get what they want, your eyebrows furrow together as your lips begin to quiver, turning into a frown soon after. taehyun sighs to himself, still allowing you to play with his fingers as your legs are wrapped onto his. “it’s nearly midnight, love.” taehyun sees that the response wasn’t enough for you, your eyes indicating that he should go on, as if that wasn’t reason enough. 

“and we live in seoul.” 

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

💌

a new fic after awhile! not as good as i wanted it to turn out honestly but it became too long for my liking ;; at least it’s pretty sweet and fluffy, girl don’t deny your feelings damn

Sweet Tooth (Soobin)

“Oh shut up, the baker is just stupid eye candy you know. I can’t let that go to waste”

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Culinary Student!Baker!Soobin x Medical Student!reader

Warnings: None just tooth rotting fluff and mutual pining

Synopsis: An average medical student getting by who meets the cute baker from the small bakery across the street in front of her university.

Note: I couldn’t think of a better ending but the fic already became too long for my liking so here it is. After I think a month of working on this, it’s finally here and not as good as I wanted it to be but I hope you guys like it! Also not yet proofread and semi edited.

Being a medical student was a pain in the ass and was even worse than how people would describe, it cost money, time as well as your mental and emotional stability. It’s not like anyone would want to study about the anatomy of a human in a dull lecture hall, or how a whiff of a cigarette could even kill you.

Yet you were already here and there was no turning back from it all, because though you were passionate, you still had a limit to how much you could take, even if you had always dreamed of becoming a pediatrician to keep you motivated.

“Oh my God Karina, I don’t think I’m actually ready to take this exam. I’m probably going to fail the whole year and I’ll be stuck as a receptionist in scrubs if I don’t get my head straight” you say tearfully.

Your friend Karina chuckled as she pat your back comfortingly, assuring you that you would do just fine and that you had already done enough studying the past few days.

“You’ll be fine Y/n, don’t worry about it otherwise you will actually start to feel even worse. You’ve studied like crazy so it would be insane if you didn’t do so well, like you always do” she smiled softly in reply.

You shoot Karina a weak smile back and sigh once again, at least one of your best friends kept you somewhat sane, you couldn’t say the same for your appearance though. With heavy eyebags and eyes that looked as hollow as your soul, anyone would probably mistake you as a psychward patient if you were walking around by yourself.

“Thanks, good luck to us once we step into the exam hall” you finish, after gathering the rest of the materials you’ll need for the exam itself.

An hour passed and the exam had completely drained you, whilst you step out the exam hall with Karina groggily. You just wanted to go home and sleep all your problems away, but if you were already struggling as a freshman, how much more would you be in the future knowing you still had thirteen years to go?

“Is it too late to change careers and become a full time sugar baby or stripper?” You ask your friend and roommate, Chaewon, who was just as drained as you were.

“I don’t think so. Let’s go on that sugar baby website” she chimed back in exhaustion. Yeji laughed at you both on the couch before setting down a box of fried chicken on the coffee table in front of you, along with a few drinks and a bottle of soju.

“Cheer up ladies, we’ll get through all of this before you know it. Now eat up, the food’s getting cold” Yeji hissed.

You and Chaewon helped yourselves without another word, the three of you scarfing down all the food and downing a few shots of alcohol just to get your system going.

In the middle of the conversation, Chaewon had suddenly brought up the bakery that just opened across the university.

“By the way, a new bakery opened up across the street from our school, do you guys wanna try and visit tomorrow?” She chirped.

You guys didn’t really have anything to lose, so you and Yeji agreed before setting a certain time to meet after your last exam. That was when you realized it was getting late so you all cleaned up and started to get ready for bed.

“Goodnight you two! Good luck as well, we’ll need it for our last set of exams” you bid your roommates goodnight as you retreat back into your own room.

“Whew! That was exhausting, I’m glad everything is over with because chemistry should be the least of my problems for now” you cheered.

Chaewon groans and runs a hand through her hair in frustration. Yeji was late, and it was because her boyfriend Jeno wanted some alone time with her.

“God if Yeji doesn’t come in like five minutes I’m gonna assume they need their ‘THEM’ time” she huffs. You laugh and just grab Chaewon while giving Karina a call. If Yeji’s getting it, at least someone else can take her place for now, her boyfriend probably needs a lot of relief.

“Karina can come, she’ll be there in like ten. For now, we should order in advance” you say, as you both enter the bakery.

The interior was very cute and minimal, everything was a white marble, be it the racks and tables with a checkered flooring. On the ceiling hung two crystal chandeliers that reflected light causing a blur of rainbows to scatter across the room.

“Wow you were right, this place is adorable Chae! Let’s go order drinks and pick our bread” you squeal and drag her over.

Behind the register, you see a guy with black hair and another guy with light brown hair bickering about something.

“Gyu I swear to fucking God if you—“ the black haired male was cut off after seeing you and Chaewon walking over.

“Go serve the customers first, I’ll be waiting in the back” the burnette smirked, and retreated into the kitchen.

At the counter, the guy greets you with a charming smile, just about charming enough to get you flustered, but you didn’t want to look like a mess right now so you browsed the menu behind him.

“Hi! Welcome to MOA’s! What can I get you two today?” You read his nametag and saw that he was named Yeonjun. ‘He’s charming’ you say to yourself and smile back at him.

“Can we get one fruit and egg tart with a margarita pizza for here please? And for the drinks one caramel machiatto and one americano, both iced with a fruit ade please” Yeonjun punches your orders into the register and looks up at you both again.

“Will that be all?” He asks, and you nod as you hand him your card. Chaewon looked at you almost frazzled, but then noticed that you had caught wind of another guy from behind in the kitchen.

As Yeonjun hands you your card back, you and Chaewon make your way to a table near the window. “So Y/n, I see you noticed the cute baker in the kitchen. Any plans on dating him?” She giggled softly.

You looked at her with a glare and shake your head furiously. No, you definitely weren’t the kind of person to date anyone because you always prioritized your studies more than anything, but the baker was just so cute.

He was tall with blonde hair and had a face that almost resembled a rabbit, and maybe you also couldn’t help but notice that he had really nice hands that kneaded the dough so well. You’d imagine what his hands would do if they were—

“Y/n! Hi Chaewon!” Your thoughts were cut short as Karina entered the bakery and called over to you both excitedly. She was beaming as you made space for her to sit beside you.

“Hi Karina, you look awfully happy for someone that came out of our two hour long exam” Chaewon eyed her suspiciously. Karina only laughed and waved off what she said while staring both of you down.

“My sister called right after and said the hospital she’s working at is accepting part timers! I just came here feeling happy about it” she says excitedly.

You and Chaewon were shocked but also happy for her knowing that having a sister who worked at a hospital had it’s perks too. Karina was really just one of the lucky ones, but everyone starts somewhere.

“Sorry to interrupt ladies but here are your orders! If you need anything else you can just call for me or the other guy behind the counter, the one with light brown hair” Yeonjun placed your orders onto the table and the three of you thanked him politely.

When Yeonjun had finally walked out of earshot, Karina had lowered her voice into a whisper. “This bakery really is cute but oh my god, I never expected the workers to be cute as well” she says in a giddy tone.

You laugh at her and take a piece of the pizza while sipping on your caramel machiatto, Karina still ogling at Yeonjun as Chaewon gave her a disgusted look.

“Come on you two, what happened to putting our studies first? If you date during your freshman year you are going to end up as a receiptionist in scrubs you hear me” Chaewon says sarcastically, but you were too busy staring at the baker who just came out of the kitchen.

He was talking to the two other males behind the counter and sighed. That was when you noticed that he had eyed you up and down too before looking away.

“Y/n? Hello? What the fuck, oh wait it’s that baker” Chaewon says with a huff. Karina giggles and shushes her, noticing how flustered you became all of a sudden.

The two knew you were never one to really talk about guys or wanted to date since highschool, so seeing you all worked up over someone you didn’t know would only make teasing you even worse.

“New motivation to go to class everyday? I know you have evening classes, so maybe I could ask them what time they close” Karina says with a smirk.

“Oh shut up, the baker is just some stupid eye candy you know. I can’t let that go to waste” you try to brush it off, but in reality you two were practically checking each other out without your friends noticing.

On the other hand, Soobin also seems to notice you and how you stared at him from across the room. Opting to check you out because you didn’t look that bad either, and because he needed a break from being in the kitchen since the morning.

“Soobin? Are you alright? Don’t tell me you’re checking out that girl over there with her friends, I was planning to get first dibs because she looked the most interesting” Beomgyu whined.

Yeonjun smacked him in the back of his head and went to go tidy whatever was on the counter until a few more customers would come in, but then he turned towards the two.

“I mean, you’re not wrong. She looks really pretty, but Soobin seems to really put her on edge. They barely even know each other, but you can feel the tension between them, just go talk to her Soob” the older male grins.

Soobin rolls his eyes at the two and notices that Taehyun had also come out from the back to get a breather. Business was definitely a bit slow today, but they did just open so there was no harm in being a bit laid back.

“Are you guys talking about the group of girls over there? We just opened and you’re already ogling at our customers, be more professional” Taehyun says in a stern tone.

“Well I need a girlfriend, the girls in my major aren’t all that so ogling at the bakery respectfully would seem better than to ask out a girl who wouldn’t know how to interact with me” Beomgyu rolls his eyes and drags Taehyun back to the kitchen where he’ll be taking over for Soobin, whilst Hueningkai takes his place at the front.

In the midst of this all happening, you notice the other boys by the counter and rip your eyes off Soobin to focus on what Karina and Chaewon were talking about.

“The food is so good here! I can’t believe they just opened, I’d want to gatekeep this place if I could” Karina gushed. Chaewon nodded in agreement and turned to you, to which you replied with a confused expression.

“Well, we are done. How about we head home so we have more time to relax? I’m sorry if I’m rushing, but I have a show to catch up on” Chaewon blabbered. You laugh at her and nod as you all collect your things.

“See you tomorrow Karina! I’ll call you” you smile and wave as the three of you part ways, you and Chaewon going home together since you were both roommates.

“Alright! Stay safe you two!” Karina then turned and walked towards her apartment, which was about two blocks from the bakery itself.

At home, as you’re studying on the living room floor, you notice Yeji sit on the couch behind you. “I heard from Chae that the pastry maker from the new bakery caught your eye” she joked. You roll your eyes and shake your head at the accusation, like is it not normal to ogle at people once in awhile?

“Trust me, he’s just a sight for sore eyes. It’s nothing personal” you sigh, whilst highlighting a sentence in your book. Yeji huffs and takes a sip from her mug, smirking at you.

“I doubt it, you’re such a nerd Y/n. You already work your ass off at school so why not live a little and date? Come on, this guy is probably just as studious as you are, considering he works at a bakery with his friends” she says matter of factly.

“So working at a bakery that he started with his friends makes him a nerd like me? I’m so impressed Yeji, you should’ve taken criminology to be honest” you reply sarcastically, which earned you a slap in the back of the head.

“Come on, if you’re going by tomorrow at least talk to him. I mean, what do you have to lose? You’re smart, pretty and you’re kind. Not to mention, wasn’t he also checking you out?” You felt your face grow hot, guess you really weren’t that slick after all if Chaewon noticed it too.

Before you could retaliate, the two of you heard soft pattering of feet and a laugh coming from the hallway. It was Chaewon, and it seemed like she’d overheard your conversation through the paper thin walls of the apartment.

“Y/n! You should totally go see him! It’ll do you good I promise” she squealed. Yeji laughed and nodded along with her, it seemed like your roommates were some of the most insufferable people in the entire world.

“If I do it will you guys finally leave me alone?” You say weakly. The other two nodded eagerly with wide eyes and you mentally face palm. If a simple conversation was gonna get them off your tail, then so be it. It’ll be quick and it’s not like it’ll be a routine or anything.

The next morning, you couldn’t be any more wrong. You woke up earlier than you should’ve for your first class of the day, and as you fixed yourself in the mirror, you thought about the baker and why you ended up just mentally thanking your friends for the challenge.

“Good morning Y/n, you seem chipper this morning” Chaewon greets you from the kitchen. You smile shyly at her and look away, which gave off the impression that you maybe were anticipating the morning more than you thought, compared to the night before.

“Looking forward to talking to him now? Seems like a culinary major so maybe you’ll find him easier than you’d think” she continues.

“Yeah, yeah maybe I am a bit excited since he is cute. I bet he has a girlfriend though and I’ll prove you guys wrong” you laugh while Chaewon only gave you a smirk and a scoff.

“When you start dating this guy, I bet you’ll thank us for setting you up like this. Studies can always come second, and who said you can’t multitask?” you bid your goodbye and race to the elevator of your apartment building, sighing from the intense teasing, but before the elevator doors could close, a voice had called over from the end of the hallway.

“Hey! Wait up!” You quickly press the open door button and lo and behold, there stood the exact baker you and Chaewon were just talking about this morning, except he was in a chef outfit. ‘Maybe she was right’ you chuckle.

“Thanks for that— Hey wait, you were with your friends at the bakery yesterday” the tall male recognized you as you nodded back and gave him a friendly smile.

“I’m surprised you even remember me, but I’m even more shocked that you live in the same apartment building” you reply with a laugh. Soobin scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and nods.

“You guys were one of our first customers, so it’s honestly hard to forget since it’s kind of special in a way” the elevator doors open and the two of you walk out, still engaged in a conversation.

“Oh before we do part ways, I’m Y/n! I had plans to head to the bakery later but it seems like your shift won’t start ‘till the afternoon it seems” you say cheekily.

“I’m Soobin, it was nice to meet you. Don’t worry though, I only have one morning class before the others take over for the night, so you will be seeing me right after” Soobin chuckles. Your face heats up so you immediately bid the male goodbye and walk over to your bus.

Microbiology was probably one of the worst classes to ever have in the morning, so a coffee fix for the rest of the day was just what you needed. You offer to buy your other friend Jiwon one too since you needed someone to go with you, just to lessen the effects of being around Soobin at least.

“I’m actually starting to get sick of studying fungi and bacteria all day, can you believe every fucking surface we wipe a swab on has some form of disease” you grimance.

The bell of the bakery chimes and you already see a familiar head of brown hair behind the register. “Hi welcome to MOA’s! What can I get you guys today?” It was still fairly early in the morning, so you guessed that the ones working the morning hours had evening classes just like you.

“One americano and one caramel machiatto, both iced. While we’ll get a breakfast platter please” Beomgyu punches in the order and you hand him your card, once again, to pay. At that exact moment, Soobin had come out of the kitchen to greet you.

“Wait you know her?” Beomgyu suddenly asks. Soobin nods and you greet him back happily, you two had only just met by chance at the elevator of your apartment building.

“She lives in the same building, anyways Y/n this is Beomgyu. Since you’ll be coming here more often, I assume, then you should get to know us” he grins back at you. Beomgyu gave you both puzzled looks but you nod in reply, a grin also plastered onto your face.

“Yeah like she is” Beomgyu muttered under his breath before getting a slap on his shoulder from Soobin in reply.

“Go ahead and find a seat then, your orders will be out in a few” you and Jiwon make your way to a window seat in the corner and take out a few of your notebooks just to go over what was discussed in your lecture.

You write down another important note into your ipad when you hear the clinking of glasses and see another blonde beside your table, you guessed this was the other guy named Taehyun.

“Here you are, tell me how it is before you go by the way! And here’s something from Soobin that he wanted me to give you” he handed you a note and you looked at him confused, then looking over at the counter where you noticed the man as he runs back into the kitchen.

Taehyun walks away as you open the note, your friend Jiwon confused as much as you were. “Oh—? It’s his uh number?” You say in a flustered manner. ‘Let’s get closer! Here’s my number since I’m too shy to actually give it to you :)’ it said.

“Aww! Y/n that’s so cute!” Jiwon squeals as you look away shyly to bring out your phone to type in his number. “Hey, he’s just being friendly don’t be like that!” You deny, but Jiwon wouldn’t let up.

After that day, Soobin had pretty much become a routine part of your life, except that one phonecall after a week of talking to each other. “Y/n?! I didn’t expect you today since you seemed so busy, how was class?” Soobin chuckles from the other line. You smile at his words before replying.

“Well it was pretty ok I guess since we had anatomy, I’m just sad I couldn’t stop by the bakery today because it rained” you reply sadly. You hear the line go silent and hear a few muffled jeers and laughs in the background. ‘Cute’ you thought.

“Don’t mind the guys. Actually, since you called, I wanted to know if you were free this weekend? Taehyun’s taking over for me” Soobin asks.

“I am actually! I don’t really have anything planned right now. What do you have in mind?” You reply a little too enthusiastically. You hear another chuckle on the other line and cover your mouth in embarrassment.

“You’re so cute, let’s go to a café! I don’t want us to feel so lost since it’s our first time hanging out personally” Soobin smiled on the other line before hearing Beomgyu gag from behind him.

“Alright then, text me the time and I’ll put it into my schedule for the week. Bye Soobin! Good luck at work!” The other members all smirked at Soobin and he bids you goodbye as well, this time with reddened ears.

The taller male then turns to his friends who go back to cleaning up before they close the bakery soon. “Yah, it’s nothing. I just made a friend I swear, besides, she lives in our apartment building so it’ll be weird if I didn’t at least make acquaintances with her” he tries to convince them.

“Yeah right, I’d totally ask my cute neighbor out on a date if I were you too. Cut the bullshit Soob, we know you like her” Beomgyu says while laughing. Soobin looks away, they definitely weren’t wrong and even though he did have dreams of becoming a top pastry chef one day, he also couldn’t risk not seeing you again.

“It’s always studies first, but I overheard she’s also one of the top students in her major. You bagged the beauty and brains Soob!” Yeonjun exclaims. Taehyun looks at his friend in confusion as to how he even knew this information, but the older only chuckles in response.

“I got this information from Wooyoung just so you know, he’s pretty close to her other friend Yeji I think” Yeonjun concludes. Soobin sighs and goes to fix the pastry display, he was in for a rough week he supposed.

On your end, your two roommates had also overheard the conversation and squealed just as you ended the call. “He asked you out on a date?! Y/n that’s wonderful!” Chaewon screams, immediately engulfing you into a bear hug.

“Guys it’s just a regular hang out between friends! He’s just our, cute, neighbor and baker you know” you stifle out. Yeji gives you a look of disapproval and flicks your forehead.

“Yeah, yeah. We all know you two are whipped for each other and it’s been two weeks since they opened up, you two will probably make it official before you even start the second date!” She huffs out. You frown, were you really in denial? You wouldn’t know for sure.

The date (if you could even call it that), came by faster than you could blink and now here you were, standing in front of the mirror, with your makeup done and in a pretty white dress with matching white platforms.

“Why do you look so dolled up? It’s a friendly date isn’t it” Chaewon teases. You turn to her and see her leaning against the doorframe, a soft smile on her face.

“I just wanted to look presentable you know” you squeak out, knowing you were caugh red handed. It was autumn so you had to take your last chance to at least wear something pretty before layering everything.

“Anyways, tell me the details once you’re back! And take A LOT, and I mean a lot, of pictures with him ok? You two look cute together” Chaewon runs away before you could reprimand her, and you suddenly hear your phone ping.

“Y/n! Someone’s at the door for you!” Yeji calls out lovingly. You stiffen, was it really that necessary for your roommate to act embarrassing at the most inconvenient time? You walk out of your room and make eye contact with Soobin from the hallway.

Soobin’s eyes widen at your form, the two of you were wearing matching outfits, both white and looking like you had dressed for the spring instead of the cold autumn weather.

“So?—“ Yeji was cut short as you sprinted and grabbed Soobin’s hand, leading him down the hallway hurriedly with a laugh.

“I’m sorry, my roommates can be a handful sometimes. Now, where are we going?” You grin. Soobin’s ears redden after realizing your hands were still intertwined, but you didn’t seem that bothered so he led you to his car that was parked in the basement.

“Are you planning to kill me?” You joke. Soobin shakes his head and you laugh. “No, no! Just taking you to my car since the café is in the more uptown part of the city. It’s a bit far but I guarantee you’ll like it” he replies in a flustered voice.

“Are you sure you’re not some murderer plotting my demise and you’re secretly taking me to your getaway house with your actual girlfriend” you blurt out. He looks at you in confusion and now it was his turn to laugh.

“I don’t think I’d be here then if I had a girlfriend, trust me, I’m more into my studies and passion than you think. So, consider yourself a special girl” Soobin unintentionally flirts. You hit his shoulder out of habit, but he didn’t seem to mind either as he continued to laugh at you.

“Why’d you ask me out anyway? My other friends are way prettier and way more interesting than me, and don’t think I’m saying that out of pity, I’m just confused since I’ve always had my head buried in books as well” you admit shamefully.

“In all honesty, I just felt an instant connection with you, call it whatever but I’ve never ever felt like this with someone before” the street lights illuminate his face and you thank the gods above that he can’t see your flushed face in the dimness of the light.

“Oh, we’re here by the way. Let me park and don’t get out until I open the door for you” Soobin parks the car at a spot in front of a very comfy but also expensive looking café, before getting out the driver’s seat to open your end.

You get out and thank him bashfully, the two of you heading inside. It didn’t seem too crowded for a weekend, which relieved you a bit since the ambience was much more peaceful this way.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Nabi’s, what can I get you two today?” The cashier smiles. You turn to Soobin, and he looks at you with another grin, immediately ordering since you weren’t all that familiar with the place.

The cashier punches it in and Soobin pays for everything, leaving you flustered for the upteenth time that day. ‘What a gentleman, and he’s never even had a girlfriend?’ You tell yourself.

“Your orders will be out shortly, you can take a seat and we’ll bring it right over. Have a good one, and here’s your change sir” Soobin gladly takes the change and leads you to the second floor of the café.

Upon stepping into the seating area, you were immediately greeted with a beautiful view of the city. “Soobin this is amazing!” You run over to the seat next to the window, and this causes Soobin’s heart to race. How could you be so endearing even in the smallest aspect?

“It’s nothing, it’s a place I like to go to when I want to be alone, but I brought you here because it’s special to me” he admits while sitting down in front of you.

“Thank you, I feel very special now that I’ve earned enough trust from the Choi Soobin to be able to go to one of his favorite places” you giggle, your stomach full of butterflies from how he treated you.

“Actually Y/n— I have something to say this and I’m afraid it might be too early, but here it goes” you look at him curiously and stay quiet so you could listen to him better. You were always one to make anyone feel heard and comfortable.

“I really like you Y/n, as if it isn’t obvious enough. The day I saw you with your friends at the bakery, something just stood out to me about you, and after getting to know you, it made you a hundred times more attractive to me. It might be a bit early but I wanted to let you know that I’d be willing to wait for you as long as you let me” Soobin says wholeheartedly.

You were shocked, you liked Soobin just as much as he did you, but his confession and sincerity was so out of the blue. Was this guy really sure about not having a girlfriend?

“Soobin, I don’t know what to say. I really like you too! At first I was pretty in denial with my feelings since I didn’t want to end up as a receptionist in scrubs, but you really opened up my heart in a way. No need to wait, I’ll be your girlfriend” you confess as well.

You stare at Soobin and notice his ears turn red while a huge dimpled smile starts to make it’s way onto his face. “You don’t understand how happy you make me Y/n, I won’t disappoint you” he holds your hand from across the table.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, Soobin and you talking for hours on end about everything you missed out on during the first few weeks of getting to know each other, what you guys had in common, and even planning out the second date.

Soobin and you walk through the basement of your apartment together as he takes you home for the night, dreamy smiles on both your faces and hands intertwined with each other’s. It felt magical almost that you’d even met this guy, he came straight out of a fairy tale.

“I had so much fun today, thank you Soobin. I’m happy we’re together now” you say in the elevator. Soobin engulfs you in a hug and nuzzles his face against the crown of your head, you two really did seem like a lovesick couple already.

“Thank you for today as well Y/n, I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Now let’s take you home so you can rest well, even if I don’t want to let you go just yet” he says dreamily.

The elevator dings and you realize that you are already at your floor. You start to feel sad but Soobin still walks you over to your apartment down the hall, the two of you constantly exchanging glances as you get to your door slowly.

“Goodnight Soobin! Thank you again boyfie, I’ll see you tomorrow at the bakery after class?” You quip. Soobin nods and you give him a kiss on the cheek before typing in your door combination.

“Boyfie huh? Goodnight then Y/n, sleep tight baby. I don’t want to let you go” he pouts. You laugh again and give him one last peck, this time on his lips, which caused his eyes to widen again.

“You’ll see me tomorrow! Now rest up you sleepyhead, you always work so hard” after you finish that sentence, you open the door and bid him one last goodbye before he walks away and as you walk into your apartment.

Once the door was closed, you hear the shrieks of your roommates and massage your temples. You were going to be in for it tonight, but at least you finally had the boy of your dreams.

© qyuoza 2022 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[gyuzen]

💌

really cute! im so frustrated that ni-ki only meant well ;; but this is probably one of the most adorable enemies to lovers fic i’ve ever read.

hype boy.

PAIRING ▸ slytherin! niki x gryffindor! reader

GENRE ▸ hogwarts! au, rivalry! au, e2ls, romance, angst, fluff, humor

SUMMARY ▸ you and niki supposedly hate each other’s guts, everyone knows. slytherin vs. gryffindor, green vs. red, no one can break you two apart- except when a night on the quidditch field may prove otherwise.

WORD COUNT ▸ 4.7k

AKA (un)fortunately for you, niki is indeed your hype boy. 

NOTES ▸ mentions of hospitals, slight injuries, kissing, food, not proofread ???

part of the charms and chasers miniseries.

“MOVE YOUR BIG HEAD.”  

you hiss at the boy in front of you, hand gripping your pencil tight in frustration. 

your number one nemesis, rival, enemy, whatever you wanted to call him because you had plenty more demeaning options, just so happened to sit right in front of you in transfiguration. 

he whips his head around, sending you a cocky smile before sitting up even straighter and completely blocking your view of the professor. you groan in annoyance. ever since niki hit his growth spurt last year and shot up, he had been more irritating than ever. it’s like he had another one-up on you, which wasn’t fair at all that he got such good height genes. and with that glow up of his came attention from girls. not that you cared, but having his ego inflated even more didn’t make it any better for you. 

sure, most girls fawned over him and his so called charming personality- something you didn’t understand, even since the day you met him back on hogwarts express your first year. 

it was a cloudy day and you just so happened to be slightly late. okay, maybe extremely late. besides getting an earful from your parents, you scrambled onto the train and into the first compartment you could find. said compartment coincidentally housed niki. 

he didn’t try to even hide the annoyed once over he sent your way. at that time, you understood his reaction and meekly apologized before asking for a seat. but throughout the ride, as your friendly attempts to make conversation with the young boy were instantly blocked by snide remarks and lowkey insults, your disdain began to grow. 

and when the sorting hat declared you in gryffindor and niki in slytherin, you remember the look you two exchanged on the way to your respective tables. it was a challenge. and it lasted for years. 

two super stubborn and competitive students, always wanting to be better than the other, called for a rivalry. nothing else mattered- just the outcome, just the winner. 

it had always been that way. you vs. niki, niki vs. you. always sporting the typical gryffindor vs. slytherin and red vs. green. as the years went on, the rivalry only continued. you hated his cockiness, rudeness, snarkiness. you hated every -ness and every point to the finest detail about nishimura riki. the same could only be said for him, because why else would he continue his arguing and pranking against you for no reason?

you thought about that day a lot, what you did that made him dislike you. and then you wondered why you were wasting time thinking about the raven haired boy, slapping your cheek to get out of it. didn’t matter, didn’t care. 

so what if niki and you were bound enemies? he, his newfound handsomeness, and his big head could go get smacked by the weeping willow. 

he wasn’t even that cute. 

“you okay, y/n?” you snap out of your thoughts, glancing over to your seat mate. jay seems concerned, giving you a questioning look as you shake your head. 

“it’s nothing. i just can’t see what the professor’s doing,” you whisper back. nodding in response, jay passes his notebook over to you as you thank him with a grateful smile. you eye the humongous head in front of you.

you seriously consider flipping the bird at him, and by that you mean procuring a real bird and flinging it the back of niki’s head. 

monday. lunchtime. 

the only thing you can remember is niki turning the mint chocolate chip ice cream you were eating into actual toothpaste. and then proceeding to make fun of you in front of the whole school for your affinity for the flavor. 

“who knew y/n would resort to eating toothpaste just to fix their stinky breath?”

rolling your eyes, you slam your spoon on the table. a few people are laughing, others are disapproving (for your taste preferences or the prank, you’re not sure). most were unaffected because after all, it was you and niki. 

you squint at him and he shrugs nonchalantly in response. 

it doesn’t take long for you to transform his water into mouthwash and watch with relish as he chokes and splutters. eyes wide, he can only watch as you innocently bat your own eyes at him, pocketing your wand with satisfaction. 

meanwhile all of your friends and his barely take a second glance, used to your shenanigans. 

tuesday. 

niki mentions a grass stain on your robes- which obviously leads to an argument midclass. why the world decided to give you four out of seven classes with niki (mainly back to back), you wish you knew. 

“maybe because some people have such dedication to their sport and it obviously pays off,” you drawl. 

niki’s nostrils flare in annoyance. you knew how riled up he got when you mentioned quidditch. 

he quickly raises a hand over his eyes, pretending to search for something over the top of your head. 

“did somebody just say something? i swear i just heard-“

you huff, fire in your eyes.

“how long are you going to keep doing that? it’s getting old, really.”

he scoffs while crossing his arms over his chest. 

“old? what about that time-“

you hear an aggressive clearing of the throat and you both falter. your professor narrows his eyes at the two of you. finally, you quite down. but it isn’t over yet. 

when you leave class, he sends you a look that means just wait until later. 

you and niki always seemed to find each other in the hallway, it was like your eyes were automatically accustomed to doing so. it was a habit- finding him the moment you entered a room or any space. his presence was so invoking, so invoking that it called for you to meet his eyes. another challenge. 

whenever you shared eye contact, even for a split second, the game would begin. every sneakily side-eye, disdainful look, infuriated glare. nasty words and insults spewed across the room without even moving your lips.  

today he leaves with a corner of his mouth tilted up, like he knew something you didn’t. 

you swear, his trademark smirk that some girls literally swoon over are in your nightmares. 

the only one up you had over niki was on the quidditch field- which obviously your rivalry continued there too. you were proud to say gryffindor’s winning record over slytherin this season was 4-1 (you had to admit the thought of beating niki made you train extra hard during practice).

when you get on the field that evening, you sigh and look at the list. 

practice match: gryffindor vs. slytherin. 

that explains niki’s reaction. 

you crack your knuckles. no biggie. 

as swift and sneaky niki was, you knew all of his tricks. he could read you, and you could read him, but just a little bit better. 

you go onto the field, joining your teammates. again, niki catches your eye and you study him. what was he planning? 

when the whistle blows, you shoot up into the air. scanning the field from above, yoy rush towards the first sign of movement you see and grab the quaffle with ease. 

your path to the hoops is open, that is, until a green flash cuts in front of you. 

you grit your teeth as your broom immediately halts. so this is the kind of game he wants to play. 

every time you had the ball, niki would somehow find his way in front of you. you would constantly swerve and avoid him as best as you could, but he would always find a way to block you from their goal. 

all of a sudden, you flip around, heading towards your own team’s goal. shouts of confusion fill the air, and you can physically feel niki behind you, right on your tail. 

wait. 

you see the goalpost, the sight of it getting larger and larger as you close in on the distance. although confused, the slytherin behind you continues his pursuit. 

a little more. 

you hear yells of your name, clamoring and chaos. you instead tune them out and focus. 

now. 

right as you’re about to go through the middle goal, you suddenly lift your broom and flip upside down, heading back the opposite way to the right goal. niki is forced to make an abrupt stop and turn around so he doesn’t run into the goal. 

niki was the only one who could keep up with your speed and without him in your way, it’s free sailing past all the other slower players to slytherin’s goal. easily, you score and your teammates cheer on. 

niki finally catches up with a shake of his head. “are you sure you didn’t get put into the wrong house?” he calls out, swerving around on his broom. 

you smirk, a glint in your eyes. “i don’t know, did i?” 

your bickering doesn’t stop, even when you get off the field. he follows you as your teams watch in amusement (and certain female spectators in jealousy, which you ignore pointedly).

wednesday. 

you enter the great hall with minji and leeseo, excitedly discussing your upcoming match against slytherin. 

“it’s almost time for me to kick niki’s butt again,” you cross your arms with a content sigh. 

minji shakes her head, “what’s the record so far?” 

you shoot her a grin, dancing playfully, “soon to be five to one.” 

leeseo raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, but before she can say something, you notice her eyes trail off into the distance. 

“what?” you frown, “what is it?” 

they step back and in the midst of chattering students, you frown and turn around- 

only to be met face to face with jisung, a seventh year in your house. 

“h-hey, y/n…” he starts off nervously. 

you gulp, not liking where the conversation was heading. jisung was a kind and shy upperclassman that you met through your friend minji who was also a seventh year. you had only had a couple interactions with him, so his sudden encounter was puzzling. 

“hey jisung. did you need something?”

he scratches his head, and you suddenly become self conscious of the few surrounding eyes falling on you two. 

jisung mumbles something along the lines of your time but you couldn’t quite catch it. 

“what?” you step closer to hear him and if anything, he physically reddens. 

“are you free this weekend?” he says a little too loud for comfort, avoiding your gaze. 

you tense. 

if anyone truly knows you, they know that although you’re a gryffindor, you hate public confrontations. you hate anything that deals with your personal feelings in front of other people, in front of strangers. you know it doesn’t make sense, especially with all your public fights with niki. you don’t know why but you just hate the thought of everyone knowing your private business. 

arguing with niki was a norm, you were used to it and had been for years. but romance? You honestly had no clue how to deal with that and now that you were pressured to give jisung an answer in front of everyone made it even worse. 

silence falls upon you and for some reason, in that split second, you catch niki’s eye some feet away. you’re surprised to see him already watching you, but in the moment that isn’t the most looming thing on your mind. niki stands there with an unreadable expression and your eyes quickly flick away. 

“jisung- well,” you pause, aggressively chewing on your lip. trying to formulate your thoughts quick enough to not make an awkward silence between you and jisung was extremely difficult. 

the situation feels overwhelming, so you pick at your robes. his expectant eyes on you, your friends still watching from behind, you feel as if everyone’s gaze was judging you immensely- silently screaming at you to give an answer.

all of a sudden, you feel a cold sensation crash over you. gasping and spluttering, you wipe your eyes to see yourself (and the floor around you) completely soaked. your robes dripping, hair flat, you whip around. 

gasps and murmurs erupt around you and ask if you’re okay. you ignore them. 

all you see is a glimpse of green robes flying out the door and past the corner. you stomp angrily after niki.  

your shoes squelching, you cringe. it isn’t hard for you to catch up with him, yelling out an disdainful, “hey! big head!”

you clench your fists together as he turns around slowly like a robber caught by the police. 

“what was that for?” 

you wring out your sleeves, flinging the wetness at him. in your outrage and confusion, you begin spewing out baseless words. "are you just mad that i’m the one getting attention from other people now? are you that jealous that you‘re not special anymore?“

his mischievous demeanor suddenly changes. niki looks serious, and maybe even upset? you’ve never seen him like this and it makes you falter. 

his gaze bores into you. 

“why do you automatically assume i’m a horrible person? why do you always think i have the worst intentions? is it because i’m a slytherin, because that’s just-“

“of course not!” 

“then why do you always fight with me about everything?” a hand runs through his hair, “i saw you were clearly uncomfortable with that jisung guy so i tried to, i dunno- divert the attention away.”  

silence fills the air. the only thing is the sound of your clothes still dripping water onto the floors. for the first time, you don’t have a comeback. 

niki was right. sure, dumping water on you was a bit harsh, but his intentions weren’t bad. niki, your proclaimed enemy, was trying to help you. 

the whole time everything you did or said to niki was in defense. because his words always got to you and you needed to build up a wall to protect yourself. to prove yourself that anything niki did wouldn’t affect you. 

even if it wasn’t serious when you were younger, you realized your fighting with niki became a whole different matter. 

niki waits and waits for you to respond, but you only stand there quietly to reflect. with a worried expression, he comes closer to inspect you. 

he brings a warm hand to your face, examining you with wide eyes. “did i do something wrong? did the water hurt you?” 

for a second you’re so shocked you can’t move (or process the dumb question- it was water for goodness sakes). then the warmth begins to flood you and you push him away. 

“w-what are you doing?!” you yelp, flustered. 

his actions must’ve hit him at that moment because he freezes. you mirror each other with embarrassed gazes. 

his mouth opens and closes repeatedly. you blink. 

“i- you, we just-“ 

instead of holding a proper conversation like normal people, once you hear the door to the great hall open for kids to get to their next classes, you and niki both bolt in opposite directions, sporting angry blushes that others figure it was due to a heavy argument. 

you don’t know why. you honestly have no clue. but after that day, you managed to apologize and kindly reject jisung (someone you respected but truthfully held no affection for) and travel back in time. 

back in time meaning every memory of interactions with niki. you were just being immature- holding onto long time grudges and insecurities. 

you know you had a lot of history with niki. but maybe you should try to see things from his point of view. maybe you both needed to grow up and realize the truth. 

for the first time, you and niki acknowledge each other in the halls with a nod. for the first time, the classrooms and quidditch field are quiet without your constant bickering. for the first time, you and niki (kind of) get along. 

besides the unspoken situation that happened between you and niki, you attempted to be kinder to him. and so did he. 

well, for the most part. 

“pass me the vial,” you call out to niki and he turns around. 

when you reach out to take it, he jerks his hand and you huff, glaring at him. niki simply grins before handing you the vial. and that was it. 

while the two of you work absentmindedly, the rest of the class (including the professor) watches you with jaws dropped. 

you pack up and head out of class, stopping when you hear a call of your name behind you. 

leeseo stomps over, and your eyebrows raise. 

“hey, what’s up?”

she crosses her arms, whispering indignantly, “i don’t know! you tell me!”

you tilt your head, confused. “tell you….?”

“how for the first time in hogwarts history you and niki didn’t argue in class?” she pauses, “you know what? i feel like i haven’t seen the two of you fight for a while. what happened?”

your mysterious shrug doesn’t make it any better. 

“is it because you realize your feelings for him?”

you choke on your spit. 

“excuse me?”

she nudges you playfully, “you know? the whole enemies to lovers thing? i can see it.”

you shake your head vehemently, “that’s literally only a thing in movies. you’re funny, leeseo.” 

but the worst thing is, you do think about it. enemies to lovers? you and niki? 

there’s no way. you spent your whole life up until this moment hating him. you shiver in disgust, shaking off the thought. 

sighing, you make your way down the hallways, alone. you left your ink in herbology and desperately needed it for notes. 

opening the door, you quietly make your way to your desk in order not to disturb your plants. 

or the sleeping figure in the corner. 

wait. what?

in alarm, you make your way over to the peaceful figure lying down on the desk. and then you pause. 

it was niki. 

and for some reason, you can’t help but just look at him. niki looked like a completely different person when he was asleep. he was much more tolerable.. and much more childlike.  

it was almost cute. 

you quickly blink. an idea formulates in your head, but you no longer charge ahead with confidence. you hesitate, debating whether pranking him would be too much. 

as long as it was simple and harmless, it would be fine, right? 

you draw out your wand, tiptoeing closer without a sound. but before you can mutter the incantation, a sudden shove from behind makes you gasp and stumble closer to him. 

you were too close to him, faces only inches apart. your eyes grow impossibly wide. for a second, you study his long eyelashes, pouting lips, and his chest rising and falling rhythmically. 

when niki mumbles in his sleep, you come back to reality. you shoot up and whip around to see the perpetrator who pushed you. it was-

no one? 

frowning, you look around for any sight of movement. that is, one of the potted mandrakes slightly rustles its leaves. you glare at it accusingly, muttering under your breath.

a surprised sound comes from your left. niki stares at you with confusion and sleep still in his eyes. 

“y/n?”

you grip the scarf in your hands tighter. “s-sorry,” you hastily apologize. “i had to grab something.”

you turn to dash out of the classroom, but a hand stops you. 

“where are you going?”

“to supper?” you respond, confused. 

he groans, getting up from his position. “okay. me too. might as well go together.” 

throat dry, you have no response. 

a comfortable pace set, it’s quiet as you walk together. you glance at him through the corner of your eye. niki stares at the ground, hands in his pockets. 

“why were you sleeping in herbology?” you ask abruptly to break the tension. 

“wanted to stay for tutoring and waited for the professor who didn’t show. i guess i accidentally fell asleep.”

“oh. okay.” 

“what did you forget?”

you gesture to your ink bottle and he nods. “you could’ve asked me for some.” 

you roll your eyes, feeling more relaxed. “and risk you giving me disappearing ink during an exam?”

he looks away sheepishly, “you know me too well.” 

you cough, “yeah, yeah.” 

the distance between you two shortens, yet your conversation is interrupted when you reach the great hall.

when you notice niki’s absence, you turn to him. “not going in?”

he waves a hand offhandedly, "actually i’m not hungry. see you later.”

bewildered, you wave good bye without another word. a silent question lingers in the back of your head. 

then why did he come all the way with you? 

you begin to question yourself. why did you feel that way when you saw niki up close? it was the same as the time he placed his hand on your face in concern. you didn’t like it. it bothered you. 

walking out of your commonroom that night for some fresh air, you hear commotion coming from down a corridor. you continue walking, hearing a group of voices. but you pause when you hear a distinctly familiar voice. 

“-there’s no way, man.”

“sure, but don’t lie to us. we saw you with them the other day. you were actually having a conversation- like normal people.”  

your blood runs cold. was that niki and his friends? 

could they be… talking about you?

“sure, but that’s just speaking words. listen, i don’t like them. i’ll never have feelings for them like that.”

you don’t know why disappointment fills you instead. you don’t why you head back to your dorm and hide under the covers. why you try to distance yourself from him, try to keep yourself from getting misunderstandings and more hurt. 

it’s obvious how you don’t even try to talk to him anymore. no more bickering, no more jokes, and no more niki. you didn’t realize how much of your day revolved around the boy. 

how much you woke up looking forward to squabbling with niki, hearing his teasing, seeing his grinning face. 

you actually missed him.

but if that’s what niki thought about you, then it was fine. you would think the same about him. you were fine. you had to be, and in order to be unaffected, you needed some distance. 

you see the way his eyes burn a hole into you when you pass by in and between classes. when he tries to talk to you, you give short and one worded answers. 

all your friends teased the way he would watch you during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. niki would see the way you laughed with no heart behind it and smiled without it reaching your eyes. 

to take your mind off things, you focused on quidditch. you focused on your upcoming match against slytherin. 

that is, until the day before your game. you got off the quidditch field after practicing alone, sweaty and breathless. as you put your broom and gloves up, a hand yanks you to the side.

your breath leaves you as you find yourself pushed up against the wall. breathing heavily, you realize pretty much immediately who it is. 

his arm effectively traps you, hand on the wall next to you. niki’s dark gaze is intense, and you know he won’t leave without an answer. 

“what’s going on, y/n? you don’t talk to me anymore, you don’t even look at me. what did i do wrong-“

for a second, the only thing you can hear is the sound of your breaths mixing. you squirm at how you can feel his body heat pressing into you. 

“nothing is wrong,” you grit out. 

“why won’t you look at me?”

you do, locking fiery gazes. he searches your eyes, but you won’t let him in.

“let. me. go.” 

you jab your finger into his firm chest with every word you enunciate.  

“no.” 

he cocks his head, still waiting for an answer. you sigh. 

“don’t worry about me. focus on yourself and the game tomorrow.”

exhausted, you push past him with barely any fight. 

“don’t even think about following me,” you call out one last time wearily. 

match day. you thought you were ready, even though you barely got any asleep after what happened yesterday. minji sports red and gold face paint, hyping you up before the match. 

everything happens in a blur, from when you get into your starting positions to when the whistle blows and you’re suddenly up in the air.  

you focus on the flying projectiles, looking for the ball. but a looming presence behind you doesn’t make it any better. 

you ignore him. 

“y/n!” niki calls out for only you to hear. to spectators, it seems like he’s chasing you around for the ball, which was indeed his position, but you knew he was just following you. 

you swerve around, away from the quaffle. shouts of confusion fill the air as the spectator comments on your move- but you could care less. 

niki zooms in beside you. 

"why are you avoiding me?” he yells. 

“i’m not.” 

“tell me!”

my god, he won’t stop. you forgot how stubborn he was. 

“stop following me!” you groan before turning away. 

“y/n, can we at least-“

for a second, you glance behind you to see where he was. a major mistake. 

mainly because you don’t see the hurtling bludger straight towards you. as your head turns back, niki calls out your name. panicked. 

“watch out-!”

your player instincts manage to dodge, but you veer off so harshly that the force causes you lose your grip on the broom and fall off.  

the last thing you hear is a shout of your name and a flash of green. the last thing you feel is the wind howling in your ears and warmth encasing you. 

everything hurts. the lights are too bright. 

your throat is incredibly dry- even more then the time niki snuck a puking pastille in your food that left you by the toilet for hours. 

you let out a weak croak, eyes feeling impossibly heavy but you manage to open them. the sight of the hospital wing comes into focus. what were you doing here?

when you try to shift, you suddenly notice the warmth encasing your hand and by your lap.  

“niki?” you cringe at how dead your voice sounds. 

he shoots up at the sound of your voice in the chair next to your hospital bed. his hand tightens around yours.

“y/n- you’re awake!” his warm eyes leave you feeling uncomfortable fluttery on the inside. 

“yeah,” you cough. “what’s going on?”

he gives you a glass of water before explaining. “you fell off your broom avoiding the bludger. i managed to catch you but the impact caused you to pass out.”

you furrow your eyebrows, recalling the events leading up to your fall. 

“the nurse said you’re fine, just some bruises and aches. you’ve been out for a couple hours.” 

you’re silent for a second before speaking up, “so who won?”

niki frowns, disapproval evident on his face. “y/n. you fell like a hundred feet and ended up in a hospital, and that’s what you care about?”

you suddenly grow half defensive, half embarrassed. your hand feels clammy in his. 

“why do you care? i mean, why are you here with me?” 

“what do you mean? i-i was worried about you, obviously.”

you huff bitterly, “worried? i thought you said you didn’t like me- and never would.”

“what?” he responds incredulously. 

you cough awkwardly, telling him about the time you overheard him and his friends.

he suddenly breaks out in laughter, leaving you offended. “thanks for eavesdropping, but i was talking about some creepy stalker girl who wouldn’t leave me alone.”

you resist the urge to slap yourself. “so that means…”

“i don’t not like you.”

“you don’t not like me?” you repeat to yourself. 

niki suddenly stammers, “i-i thought it was obvious. i thought it was really obvious back in our first year. but then you actually got angry, and i just kinda kept up with the act throughout the years-”

your eyes bulge, “so everything you did was to get my attention?!”

“maybe?” niki sighs, raising his hand that was tightly gripping yours. 

“i was deathly worried about you, and a really stupid kid. so, y/n, would you please forgive me?” 

suddenly the proximity between you two feels too small, the air in the room too hot. 

“pretty please?” he pouts up at you. 

what happened to the niki from yesterday? you bite the inside of your cheek before the gyrffindor side of you takes over. 

“you know what? if you want to make up for the last however many years, just kiss me.”

for once, big head listens to you. 

a/n ▸ happy halloween to anyone who celebrates!! and thank you to the overwhelming support on this miniseries <33 it was a real struggle but it’s completed!

MAIN TAGLIST ▸  @precioussoulofmine @lov3niki @heesterical @rerequire @nvertheless @duolingofanaccount @hoeshii

SERIES TAGLIST ▸ @ritsusakumasgf @minimarkive @lilactangerine @shinsou-rii @ahnneyong @nomniki @nyanggk @imtaehyungry @seattlesolace @allthegirlsmialoved @annoyingbitch83 @jakahbot @leeis @heavenforatlas @acciocriativity @loveza1nab @juliemr0 @en-martieru @uomre @rubysluvbot @notdrunkbutdazed

UNABLE TO TAG ▸ @/27melodies

[gyuzen]

💌

let me get the elephant out the room first, i hate opening up abt anything even too personal on the internet but this fic has forced it out of me bc ive reached a limit. basically i wrote this to convey how hard ive been having it in my personal life with all the events being true (minus beomgyu, but someone is his character in my life in form of a friend as well), and just to cope with my feelings basically. i’ve just felt like i was the one in the wrong for so long because i’ve been misunderstood, and a lot of people in my life had left me due to me being the problem bc when i was a kid, i tried so hard to be mean to fit in. now that i do fit in, everything has been falling apart for me, because as much as i do bring people together, we also fall apart bc of something related to me. i didnt wanna touch on anything sensitive but now im feeling much better and will be focusing on bettering myself as my life goes on and as i meet new people. :)

Enough for Me (Beomgyu)

“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Gyu, I’m so tired of it all”

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Pairing: Beomgyu x gn!reader

Warnings: Heavy mentions of being suicidal, gaslighting from the other party (neither Beomgyu or reader though), a death of a loved one being mentioned, A LOT of long dialogue

Synopsis: Everyone ended up walking out of your life somehow, and you always seemed to be the problem. Not in Beomgyu’s case though.

Note: I’m so sorry this is all loosely based on a true story that happened to me (not adding too many details) but I swear none of the idols mentioned as mean friends supposedly act like this in person in the story ;; it’s not really fiction either, just some parts are, but I just used people in replacement to get my feelings out the way and through this fic. (also this was proofread and edited as i reread everything)

“Listen Y/n, I just think it’s immature of you to constantly delete your messages. Do you not think we care? You’re almost guilt tripping us in a way, and it’s not like we constantly have time to reply to you, we have important things to take care of outside of our friendship” your friend, Keeho, grit his teeth angrily.

You stood shell shocked at what had just come out of his mouth. Throughout the times you needed your friends most, they were never there for you, and now that your grandmother died they drop a bomb on you? It hadn’t even been a day since she passed.

“Keeho, I don’t want to argue with you so as an explanation, I don’t delete my messages as a form of guilt tripping. It just hurts my head and clogs my brain to see them in the chat, and seeing no replies with it just being there makes me feel even worse like I’m bringing the mood down, so I delete them because I also consider how you guys would feel” you reply quietly, completely avoiding eye contact with everyone else.

“Honestly Y/n, we’re not the best at comforting but we can always listen to you. You just make it seem as though we could care less” your other friend, Nana, quipped.

Why were they doing this to you? You had enough going through your mind and things were slowly escalating into an argument, but you were cornered, it was just you against everyone else at this point and there was already so much to take in.

“Y/n, we care about you ok? I don’t want you talking about killing yourself or that suicidal shit because I care about you. God, stop acting like a depressed piece of shit” Keeho continued to press on.

“I always consider how you guys would feel because I get you’re always so busy with school, but do I beg for you guys to listen? No, because I always put you all before me! Let me be selfish for once. I do not wish for you guys to experience the pain I’m feeling because it’s more important than school!” you say angrily, but kept ground by slouching beside Jeongin on the couch.

“Wow you think I’m doing so well don’t you Y/n?! You’re a fucking idiot, this is why I can’t handle anything when you say shit like that. My family has been going through shit for years and you think you have it so bad!” Winter yells.

“Guys can you give Y/n a break? Fucks sake, someone in the family just DIED and there is still school to think about. Do you not realize that losing a close loved one is a lot to take in? Leave Y/n alone and let things work on their own because there’s can only be so much on someone’s plate” Jeongin sighed, clearly agitated at how your friends were acting like complete idiots by arguing with you at the worst possible moment.

“Y/n you’ve always been the same, you wanna die right now? Fine, and you can have all the space you want, I don’t fucking care. At least come back when you’re mentally stable and respond normally will you?” You remained silent as everyone stared you down.

You were so close to breaking down that you simply ran out and didn’t look back. At least Jeongin was sane enough to call them out. It’s just right now, you needed to find solace in someone who actually cared about you and how you felt about all this rather than how they themselves feel. That’s when your feet led you to the house beside yours, Beomgyu’s.

You bring your hand to knock on the door, but it swings open before you could even land your knuckles on the wood to make the sound.

On the other side stood a worried looking Beomgyu, the male immediately rushing you inside and leading you to the couch, where he gave you a tight hug. That was the last thing you needed before you cracked, and suddenly all the tears you held in are streaming down your face.

“What happened? I heard about your grandmother but I also saw your other friends storming towards your house and now you’re here crying” Beomgyu says sadly.

You wipe your tears and smile off the pain, disregarding it as nothing when you were really at your full capacity with everything going on. There was school to think about, your family, how you were going to cope with everything. It was all too much to happen in less than a day.

Now you weren’t losing your friends, but yourself and just everything that has kept you grounded. Thinking about it, you’ve always been the problem, and even if you’ve tried your hardest to keep everything at peace, it always seemed to be because of you.

“Gyu, they were just agitated with me because I acted immaturely. I’ll spare you the details for now, but I delete my messages, they got mad and I gave them an explanation but then they go and gaslight me which is all too much to handle really” you blabbered as Beomgyu listened intently.

“Y/n, why would you let this happen? I remember you mentioning their lack of response towards you and how you never complained once, but then they go and do this? You don’t deserve any of this when you’ve done no wrong” he replies in a whisper, before bringing you into another hug that you needed so much.

“It’s just a lot, Keeho told me to stop acting like a depressed piece of shit, immediately bringing up my past of being suicidal and then Nana acts like she did so much for me. At least Jeongin cared, can’t say the same about Winter though” you muttered the last part to yourself, but Beomgyu still heard and chuckled.

“Well of course, he’s Jeongin. Not a man of many words but always has the right ones when needed, I’m glad he stood up for you” Beomgyu then got up and handed you a hoodie he found on the loveseat in his living room.

He hands you the hoodie and you take it with a grateful smile. You’ve been through a lot today, and having someone finally comfort and care about you made you feel comfortable to be a bit vulnerable for even just a moment. Beomgyu just felt like home to you.

“Y/n, they were shit friends towards you ok? They’re just mad because they’ve finally realized their mistakes and now that you’re putting yourself first, they think you’re a villan. You’ve spoonfed them too much” he poked your cheek and you almost laughed through your tears, before Beomgyu continued to speak.

“Listen, you are the most selfless person I know, you care so much about everyone else that you’ve reached a point where you pleased them too much, that now you can’t even do the bare minimum for yourself. I’ve seen how you comfort people and it’s in the most gentle way ever, and you actually listen despite the person’s concerns coming in one after another” you take in his words and tears stream down your face again.

“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Gyu, I’m so tired of it all” you sob. You’ve tried to fit in, and now that you do, you’re being pushed away like some freak because you can’t always be the happy go lucky friend.

Beomgyu frowns and pulls you even closer than you thought possible, which almost flustered you a bit, but he continued to comfort you. You just looked so tired, exhausted and sad, it hurt him to see you that way when you’ve been hiding it for the longest time because you felt like a burden towards others, when in reality you most certainly weren’t and never will be.

“You’ve suffered enough Y/n, let everything work by itself. To me, everything you do is enough, it’s enough for me ok? You were there for me during the times I needed someone, you kept me sane and comforted me even when you weren’t doing well by yourself either. Don’t beat yourself up over something that isn’t your fault because they just made you think that way” you nod and wipe your tears.

You knew what he meant. Beomgyu had it just as hard as you are having it now, and you made sure he knew he was heard and had a shoulder to cry on. It wasn’t just him either, you always made way to listen to everyone and tried your best to comfort them in any way you could.

“You know, you always make everyone feel heard, you’re just an amazing person Y/n. Do not ever think one bit that you aren’t enough, you do so much more for everyone, and I’m glad you come to us because we do more than what those other friends of yours could” Beomgyu stared at the photo of you and his other friends on the wall.

Since your friends were almost never available, you felt happy to reach out to Beomgyu and his four other friends, Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun and Hueningkai.

They all made you feel safe and heard during the times you had to stay strong for your grandmother, and even if they weren’t the best at comforting sometimes, they still tried, way more than anyone could bring themselves to.

“Thank you Gyu, I feel much better now at least. Can we watch a movie or something with the others? I wanna get my mind off things for awhile” you ask softly. Beomgyu nods at your request and immediately runs to order food and to call the others.

Honestly, you couldn’t ask for anything better, because even if life is shitty, you get stronger and the pain is only temporary.

© qyuoza 2022 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[gyuzen]

💌

wohoo !! im finally starting a new series but this time its written and i’m so excited. this was actually a drafted harry potter / hogwarts au i did last yr that never went through bc the chapters were only ever around 1k words, but this time im going through them all again, proofreading and editing! i hope u guys enjoy this esp fellow potterheads <3

Enchanted Masterlist 🍃

Disclaimer: This series is a work of fiction and all credit goes to J.K Rowling for the main inspiration of this story and I do not own any characters or any of the art used in this work. All credit goes to the original owners.

Pairing(s): Yeonjun x afab!reader, Beomgyu x afab!reader

Genre: Fluff, angst, fantasy + romance

Warnings: Unrequited love, violence, swearing, very many major timeskips, tba.

Taglist: Feel free to send an ask or dm if you would like to be added!

Synopsis: Pining after your childhood best friend wasn’t exactly what Beomgyu had planned for his 5th year at Hogwarts, but how can she return his feelings when it seems like her heart is strictly reserved for another?

Characters + Houses: Gryffindor — Choi Beomgyu, Slytherin — Kang Eunseo, Hwang Y/n, Choi Yeonjun, Hufflepuff — Choi Soobin, Hueningkai, Ravenclaw — Kang Taehyun

— Prologue

— ONE: Star Seeker

— TWO: House Cup

— THREE: Triwizard Tournament

— FOUR: Yule Ball (1)

— FIVE: Restless

tba.

© qyuoza 2022 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[gyuzen]

tysm for loving my "second place" yoshi fic. your words mean a lot to me and keep me writing, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you! your support means the world to me <3

aww im glad! your work is remarkable btw omg :( i’ll continue to support u luvie aaa <33

[gyuzen]

💌

this kind of angst is one of my favorites. so well written and it’s almost slow burn in a way. when i tell you this fic broke me :( its hard being the second option and this hit very close to home. p.s: i love this fic sm! <3

୨✩୧ ۫ 𓈒 ⭒ ݁ . "second place" — kanemoto yoshinori

SYNOPSIS: yoshinori chooses you as his 'plan b' after confessing to your sister goes south.

INFO: angst, non idol!kanemoto yoshinori x gn!reader, 1,390 words

WARNINGS: crying, yearning, unrequited love (?), grammatical + structural errors, smaller text and lowercase intended, proofread-ish (sorry!)

NOW PLAYING ✧ IN MY DREAMS BY RED VELVET.

second place.

whatever you did, it just — wasn't good enough.

no, never as good as your sister. you almost envied her but there was this small part of you that felt absolute guilt for ever thinking in such a way.

you loved your sister, you truly did but it you could not catch a break because it seemed like everyone just had to put their input on how your beloved sister was always a few steps ahead of you.

whether it was your third grade spelling bee, or getting understudy for your freshman year musical, you never rose to the occasion, always sinking. it's quite safe to say you grew up as a loser, and a sore one at that.

as you grew older, you slowly began retracting yourself from competitive activities and prioritizing ones that cared more about your expression and emotions. you thought that submerging yourself in your art was one hundred times better than groveling within your own pity party.

art was your escape, simple as pie. it helped allowed your feelings to flow wherever it pleased, your heart singing with nothing but pure joy and that says a lot compared to your past competitive lifestyle.

there was a certain point where you allowed yourself to view life as love rather than a competition. okay, it sounds a little crazy to say that your life is love but you were able to surround yourself with loving people, people who cared more about you and less of your cons.

and those certain people — well, person, has to be none other than kanemoto yoshinori himself.

he was your neighbor since a young age, the shy boy always reminding you that he saw you as his favorite star. only being three years younger than him, he tended to treat you like his younger sister instead of a potential lover.

it only became more clear as he slowly falls deeper and deeper in love with your older sister. an absolute slap in the face to say the least and what makes it worse is that she was completely oblivious which aggravated the absolute living hell out of you.

so like every good thing that comes, it quickly goes as you burying your feelings deep within yourself, heart breaking in tiny pieces that too far gone to repair. you bottle up your emotions, moving on and choosing happiness.

was it easy? no, because your happiness was yoshinori — he just didn't know it and you had no intention of telling him.

so you did what any sensible person would do, you moved on. desperately attempting to fall in love with the next best thing you could find and that happens to be takata mashiho.

it was quite surprising to say the least, because you knew the boy way before any romantic feelings arose. he was a friend of yoshi that you had met years ago when you had ran into the two boys whilst out.

"mashiho, takata mashiho." the dark-haired boy says so sweetly. you can't help but smile, grinning like an absolute moron, "y/n l/n."

"that's really beautiful," a whisper travels through the air. your ears perk up at the all too familiar voice, eyes softening upon seeing yoshinori. he smiles at you, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jean jacket.

you return the grin, cheeks dusted with a soft strawberry hue as you turn back to your sketch.

his grass crunches underneath his sneakers as he draws closer and closer to your picnic blanket. he takes a seat on the soft gingham fabric, leaning back as a satisfied sigh leaves his lips.

as his hands rest behind his head, he takes a look at the blue sky above. your scribbling never ceases as your brows furrow together in concentration and almost forgetting his presence.

he rests on his elbows, wandering eyes scanning along your face. your eyes are quick to land on his, a small smirk gracing his face as he glazes over your features once more.

"what are you doing?" you ask gently, he shrugs a little before fully laying down again, "looking at you."

you scoff jokingly, goofy smile with all your teeth on display as you shake your head. a puff of air is released from your lungs, eyes darting from your sketch back to his calm form. "here," you mutter before practically shoving the sketch of him in his hands.

a chuckle tumbles from his lips, "it's very good," he says before tugging out a past drawing you done awhile a go. he flips it over to show you, "when was this?" he asks you before taking one last look.

"hm, this was at the beach. y'know like when we went with mashi," your voice becomes small towards the end, more specifically when you say mashiho's name.

you watch yoshi's face turn somewhat sour, eyes narrowing, smile completely gone as it turns into a thin line.

he hums in acknowledgment despite the displeased look smacked on his face, "i see. where is he?" he asks in a bored tone. you're too scared to look at him so you opt to doodle around the drawing of yoshi.

"he's uh- been busy with work, should be free soon." your voice is unsure as if you're trying to convince yourself. yoshi nods, shoving his hands back into the warm pockets of his denim jacket. he turns around, walking away before his steps still like he's contemplating staying or going.

he turns back around, still a few feet away from you, "don't choose him," he says in a low voice yet you can hear every single word.

your head whips up to meet his eyes, unsure if you heard correctly, "what?" you say in disbelief. he looks back at you with a gaze strong, "don't choose him," he repeats before dragging his converse-clad feet back to you.

"why?" you ask sincerely, pupils shaking in fear of his next words. "why? you know why." he says as his steps bring him closer and closer to you.

your practically shaking with terror, eyes wide as saucers as you begin shaking your head, "no. no." your voice breaking slightly. yoshi nods, "yes," he says as his hand reaches to you, attempting to stroke your cheek but you slap his hand away before he can even get close to you.

"yoshinori," you say his name sternly, brows furrowed not out of concentration but out if anger, "what?" he responds airily, unsure of what you'll say next.

"you're being mean," you tell him, trying not to raise your voice. "no, stop it!" you try to keep your composure but his absentminded babbling continues to test your patience.

your eyes stare deep into his, a pain so unbearable rises to the surface and begins bubbling over. "i have been second to my sister since day one in everything. i will not be the person you settle for because you cannot have her. i can't do it — i wo-i won't allow it, you say and your cracking voice breaks his heart.

"i won- not when i've spent my entire life loving you."

you drop the sketchbook down onto the blanket, pencil clattering against the crisp pages as you begin walking away.

yoshinori's eyes are pooling with sadness, eyes watching you leave and keeping himself from going after to you in fear that he'll make things more worse than they are now.

you walk away from the man you've loved since day one, heart heavy as if it's made of concrete. out of any words you could've used, you used mean.

many would say that yoshinori's downright cruel, but you use mean. you love him too much to say tell him that he's a monster, he's a bad guy because never has he once been such things.

it's quite the opposite, really. your footsteps take you further and further from him, when in reality, you'd rather run and take refuge within his warm embrace.

but you push those ragged thoughts aside, feet taking you far from the park and back home despite the leaving your belongings.

kanemoto yoshinori was mean. no, not cruel, not inhumane, not vicious, nor malicious, he was mean boy who seemingly took pride in taking your heart with no means of caring for it.

only mean people can do such a thing.

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ treasure taglist! @kflixnet ... @ficscafe ... @yogurteume ... @tahyunwoo ... @h4chi ... @enhacolor ... @wonluvrbot ... @alohajun ... @minisxng ... @setakdongies ... @ncizen ... @kyufilms ... @saeromiz ... @sunoo-bby ... @dancinginthetaillight ... @seung-scrittore ... @sseastar-main ... @changmin-wrlds ... @hanjisungpark ... @existnesia ... @ily-cuz-i ... @yedamology ... @i-luvsang

— jaydi's notes! ୨✩୧ ۫ 📓𓈒 ⭒ ݁ . based off little women... kinda, just scene-ish tho?? sorry im high idk what im saying so tbh i might delete tjis but who knows mayhaps ill like it when im sober but slay

© ACAIASAHI 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

[gyuzen]

💌

holy fucking shit. this was a roller coaster to read. i tell you, this fic was so beautifully written and i felt every emotion as i went on. i fell in love with the summer love trope and the youthful feel it had. i fell in love with the lines like "I love summer," he says as he turns to face you again. "I love summer because it brought you to me." i tell you i went mad bc i was reading in the car. also i cant forget "i don't need years to fall in love with you, y/n." he wipes the tears on your cheek gently, "the moment i saw you that one summer afternoon, i knew i was falling head over heels for you." he pauses, searching for your eyes. "i knew that i'm in love with you." LIKE AAAA a tmi too is that i was listening to cruel summer and it just fit which hurt even more. overall a beautiful read, i have never come across a fic so well written before and how beautifully composed it is. <33 kudos to the author i absolutely LOVED this. (p.s: one of the first fics crowned to be one of my MOST personal faves)

the only exception. ♡ c. beomgyu

pairing: beomgyu x female reader

words count: 12.4k

contents: love at first sight au, summer love thingy, reader is a rich kid, beomgyu’s love languages are act of service and physical touch, hence there’s a lot of pda, lots of reference to paramore’s the only exception and txt’s our summer lyrics, angst

summary: you were not the type to believe in the existence of love. until you had to spend the rest of your summer with a distant relative whom you’ve never met your entire life, in small town with an ocean view, where fate had brought you a boy whose eyes shine brighter than any stars in the night sky. and maybe, just maybe, love does exist. (see preview here)

warnings: blood, bad family relationship

notes: it’s finally here! i’m actually so nervous bcs this is my first time ever posting anything i wrote. it has been really fun writing this and i hope you enjoy reading it too. again, i apologize in advance for any grammatical errors for english is not my first language. :) x

a comforting smell of freshly brewed chamomile tea wafting in the air as you make your way inside the unfamiliar home – the one you will be spending three months in because your parents are way too busy flying around across the globe to be taking care of you, and because you need time away from the bustling city life.

“come on in, y/n.” the woman in front of you speaks, her voice soft, the type of voice a kindergarten teacher would have.

maybe she was one, you have no idea. in fact, you know nothing about the woman standing in a yellow dress in front of you. she is pretty, even though it is evident her aging is slowly creeping up to her from the way her skin wrinkles on the corner of her eyes when she smiles. but to you, she is pretty – the mother-like kind of pretty. the kind of pretty that makes you feel warm inside. but again, you know nothing about her. have never seen her in your entire life, heck, you’ve never even heard her name from any of your parents until today.

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

— 💌

guys it’s me again. let me tell you, this chapter put me through a roller coaster of emotions as always and i wanna say that i love this series / fic so much ;; really something worth the read. pls take time to read this if you’re not sensitive to topics like noncon, murder and yandere themes! i guarantee the chapters are worth the wait :)

You Are My Queen Now | Part 5

Word Count: 14k (fml)

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: mentions of past noncon, mentions of domestic violence, nongraphic descriptions of dead bodies, misogyny. 

You lay in bed, motionless and staring up at the ceiling. You can hear the maids drawing up the bath for you in the attached bathroom, which means he’ll be here any minute now to help you get ready for the day.

This is your routine now. He comes in every morning, takes you out of bed, strips you down and cleans you up. Then he dresses you in whatever resplendent gown he’d settle on for the day, and even does your hair. Then you eat breakfast together before he has to go do his princely duties. 

And here he is now at the door, as graceful and delicate as ever as he moves towards your still body. He rests a knee on the bed and leans over you, squeezing his arm between your body and the mattress and helping you up like a guardian angel rescuing his human. But like Lucifer, he’s no longer an angel, and his hands only pull you in further into this inescapable abyss. 

With all the honeyed inflection of the devil himself, he urges, “Come on, princess. Time to get up. How are you feeling today?” 

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

— 💌

as the tide rolls in

pairing: hyunjin x reader

if you like this pls comment and reblog! i would really appreciate it <3

You rest your head against his shoulder, arms loosely wrapped around his as you stare out at the sea. Your heated cheeks tingle from the alcohol you previously consumed as the cool sea breeze caresses them.

The two of you don’t say a single word as you stare out into the abyss, your toes finding comfort in the coolness of the sand. The water creeps in until it caresses your feet, leaving you tingling from head to toe. You let out a deep sigh as you nuzzle yourself further into Hyunjin’s shoulder. If he’s bothered by the action he doesn’t say.

You feel an overwhelming sense of emotion overcome you at the feeling of his warmth beneath your cheek despite the layers. Tears form in your eyes, clouding your vision as you watch the tide roll in.

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

💌

this is super worth the read! i loved every second of it and the emotional rollercoaster it brought. p.s: i live for harry potter / hogwarts aus sm as a potterhead ;;

Pairing: Slytherin!Yeonjun x Slytherin!Reader 

Genre: Harry Potter!AU + Fluff + Angst + Enemies to Lovers

Word Count: 3.9K

Premise: Choi Yeonjun has been a thorn in your side ever since the two of you were sorted into Slytherin together at Hogwarts. Now in your seventh year, you realize that your annoying housemate might not be your “enemy” after all. 

A/N: This has been a WIP sitting in my brain and my drafts for months, and I am so excited it is finally here! S/o to @delacyrose224 for not only encouraging me to become MOA, but for encouraging me to write this companion piece to Loser = Lover. I hope y’all enjoy my first TXT story! - E ✨

—

Seething over your potion, you tried to steady your breathing, gritting your teeth as you meticulously counted your stirring. Five times clockwise, three times counterclockwise. Repeat.

You needed to brew this potion perfectly to appease your potions professor. He was loathe to give you back the house points you had lost earlier in the day, but he promised to consider it if you could manage to recreate the potion from today’s lesson perfectly.

It wasn’t even your fault—Yeonjun had been arguing with you about what ingredients to use, butting in where he wasn’t wanted, as per usual. He had reached around you to grab the grubworms, knocking your cauldron off balance over the flame. It teetered over the table, dropping to the ground, its contents splashing onto your black robes, burning the ends. The smell of scorched fabric had wafted up to your nose as you glared at your housemate, now standing with a sheepish but amused look on his face. He was trying not to laugh at your expression.

Keep reading

[gyuzen]

— 💌

giving an in-depth review on this series so far. the way it’s written is amazing, and the story line as well as the smut is well thought out. even though this literally left me half traumatized (kidding), i loved reading and following through all the chapters. the wait is pretty worth it tbh, but if you’re super uncomfy with themes like noncon and smuts, i suggest not giving this a read and to proceed with caution if your curiosity does want to give this a go. other than that, this was a whole roller coaster and i honestly cant wait for more <3

You Are My Queen Now | Part 4

Word Count: 11k

Genre: Smut, angst, teeny bit of fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: NONCON, NONCON, NONCON

Important note: Italics indicate an excerpt from a letter.

_________________________________________

When no reply comes from Taehyun, you start doubting yourself. At first, you gave him the benefit of the doubt–maybe the letter just got lost or didn’t reach him for some reason. But after you send a couple more, you become sure that this is no coincidence.  

Did he change his mind? Did he meet someone more suited to his position? Did he find out about Beomgyu? Did you mess this up? 

But then no other suitor comes along. No man tries approaching you even though Beomgyu said he’d stop sabotaging you, and you start to get suspicious.

So you test it out. You try approaching some of the lords that sporadically come through the castle to see if you could luck out, but they’re still as curt and distant with you as they’ve always been, which you’d previously assumed was because they didn’t find you attractive or suitable but now know is because of Beomgyu. 

You confront him about it, and he of course denies it. But you know he’s lying because he can’t resist saying that you should forget about them anyway and that those men are cowards who never cared enough to try to talk to you, therefore they don’t deserve you. As for Taehyun, he says it’s better that he stays away and that he’s only trouble. 

It was useless trying to get him to come around. He’s gone this far already. It would be foolish to think he’d suddenly become sane and let you make your own decisions. You had to take matters into your own hands, and so you approach his sister, princess Wonyoung. 

“I’m sorry to be asking this of you, princess, but I’ve been trying to contact lord Taehyun for some time now to no avail and I’ve recently come to suspect that it’s because your dear brother keeps intercepting my letters.” You try to keep your tone conversational, but your resentment still tinges it. “Is there any way that one of the palace’s men who travels there can deliver the messages to him?" 

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