hachie11

[hachie11]

Will someone help me learn to be alive? I am looking through mirrors of futures past and present, eating visions and throwing up innards. I hear whispers of people gone and living and they do not speak on how to live but mostly how to die. I have seen other mothers speak on how to fold shirts into fours and make your bed. You ask them how to live but she is folding into herself and out again. I’ve had a father, I think, and yet he is cracking, always cracking, under an unseen weight of leaving and being left. “How did you learn to live?” I have asked, desperate and forced. The living and the dead and the living do not die and I’ve had grandparents who shake their heads, unsmiling and gray. Six feet under and haunting in my handshakes, heartaches, vowel sounds. They ask me how you live.

[hachie11]

Haysss Lord unta makabana kog lalaki na sama sa panagway o di kaya doppelganger ni Rico Yan huhu atay gwapo kaayo siya 😭😭😭 #manifest

[hachie11]

[hachie11]

Blood on my hands from the thoughts I bury deep within

[hachie11]

[hachie11]

I feel like I’m becoming invisible, people passing through me, places passing through me, brain fog, no time for sleep, fear of the self, worry over lost time, wondering how to make up for the future.

[hachie11]

"The Role of Media in Our Society"

There are a lot of things happening these days. Certain rampant issues like the upcoming Miss Universe Philippines pageant, crimes, and most especially the Philippine politics. The aforementioned issues especially Philippine politics are what the people are talking about now that it also became a topic in different social media sites all across the Philippines. Because of this, they seek information from the media. The media is a tool to educate everyone about what is currently happening to things around them. It is used when people seek information. So, the media acts or conveys an important role not just in our own lives but also in our society.

Media is one of the most influential tools in today’s world regardless of what medium it uses (social media, TV, radio and etc). So what the people behind this tool are going to input is exactly what the viewers and listeners perceive. People who are behind in this, may it be the news writers, reporters and etc are accountable for what information they will convey. Also, since the media seeks to spread truth or facts, they inevitably became our watchdogs to our country’s government system because it is how they function.

[hachie11]

if you do something that triggers me a few times after I've communicated it, i'll disconnect to the point where i can't reconnect like i did before

[hachie11]

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

-Sylvia Plath

[hachie11]

Rejected

...

I tried to share with you The mystery of me. And you glared me down With sharp judgemental glee.

...

Andi Leigh

[hachie11]

[hachie11]

made the horrible mistake of being 23 and mixed and listening to mitski's latest album

[hachie11]

Do you remember?

I do.

We lay together for hours under the cherry tree in the backyard, and you promised that you’d never leave.

You ran your hands through my hair and told me to lean against you and rest.

You were my safe place, the only person I’d ever trusted.

Do you remember?

You showed me that parts of your heart you were afraid of, and I told you I still loved every piece.

And then would laugh and love and listen to the folk music floating up the hill; you’d squeeze my hand; kiss my cheek.

And then, one day, you didn’t.

One day, you wouldn’t look at me anymore.

Do you remember?

Years later, I receive a handwritten letter, apologizing for ending our friendship.

No explanation

No excuses

Just an overdue apology from a woman I haven’t seen in over a decade.

I write back, ask if we could talk.

No response.

Do you remember?

I do.

[hachie11]

I LOVE how much freedom this game gives for headcanons. I love how it feels like a story you're being retold to, with gaps for you to fill. I love how you can make your characters' story entirely in your mind, and the game has enough flexibility to absorb your ideas. It's a sandbox for writers.

My Durge and Astarion are a Jaime and Brienne© type of ship, for example, my most beloved (and probably one of the few) pair ever.

She's a goody good paladin, straightforward and with a faint autistic rizz, and he's a cunning bastard with a sharp tongue and The Attitude. They clicked the moment I finished polishing my Durge's mad sith eyes in the character creator, and ever since I experienced the sweetest slow burn ever.

Astarion is a prick and a bitch and is literally I-would-hate-him-in-real-life type of a guy. And he needs love, and acceptance, and warmth, he just needs someone to believe in him, to trust in him. He's a good person at heart, if you let him (and give him a good example, of course). And El Friska is a righteous idealist who believes that although she cannot save everyone, at least she will do her best. Goodness and kindness is something you bring in the world, and others follow, she says.

Yet, she has an immense darkness inside her heart, one that she, being a literal knight (paladin in this case and a devotee of Selune) would NEVER share with anyone BUT someone like Astarion. He gets her. He accepts her. And she accepts him. He accepts her darkness and she does the same for him. She accepts his light, and he admires her for her golden heart, and they bonded like a pair of emo kids in the 9th grade.

In the end, it's not her who saves him, they both pull themselves out of shit. He saved her the same way she did.

God, I love this fucking game and what you can do with it.

[hachie11]

I've never known a pain worse than the heartbreak of loving you, but I'm a masochist so I'll sit in this pain for eternity just for a chance you turn and tell me you love me again

[hachie11]

So much has changed and yet the way you say my name is still the same. Why does it still sound like a song coming from your lips? Like a question? Like a plea? Years later it's still the same cadence, when everything else has changed. I want to tell you to stop saying it. I want to record it and listen to it forever, keep it on repeat until I've understood why it slices away at my heart every time you say it. Do you want to come back, I hear in the way you smile at me in the hallway, where you aren't even supposed to look at me. Do you want to grab a coffee after work, I see in the brown of your irises. I can taste hazelnut and almond on my tongue every time our eyes meet and I swallow it down, but the sweetness turns to glass in my throat. When I look at your hands, at your fingers, I can feel them on my skin. They're tracing patterns on my thighs, drawing constellations on my back, writing a secret message on my palm. We have always spoken in code. This is another one. Another secret to keep, to hold on to, to bury. Because I shouldn't like it, this hide and seek, this cat and mouse, hoping every single day you'll walk up to me, put your hand in mine and say, "I missed you, I'm sorry". But you don't. You don't miss me. And you're not sorry. Because what I'm clinging to is the familiarity. To the way I still know your face like the back of my hand. Your voice. Your eyes. Your smile. Maybe the way you say my name has changed, after all, but I don't hear a difference - because I am not different. I haven't changed. I haven't moved on. I'm still the girl you loved. Maybe it doesn't sound like a question and not like a plea. Maybe the way you say my name sounds like an answer and every time you form the word, you tell me to let go.

-the girl you loved / n.j.

[hachie11]

how empty of me to be so full of you