hadleysbackup

[hadleysbackup]

constancechurch:

‣  constance squeezed hadley’s arm as she moved away, allowing the subject to change. distract, don’t dwell; that’s what they always said ! ❝ you’re surrounded by help, ❜ they soothed, ❛ nothing will happen. ❞ at times, constance wished they could be there more. they were gone, and hadley needed all the support she could get. but life didn’t work that way, and they always ended up back at the commune with a new excuse to add to their web.

❝ do you want me to stay for a few days ? once you get out, i mean. with enough grovelling i can get away with anything. ❞ constance winked, plopping down in the uncomfortable chair. ❝ i have to get to know my niece SOMEHOW ! ❞

     “yeah. i am.” she said, smiling happily at the realization that even if her blood family was not by her side, the girl had plenty of love and support – from her true family. she only wished that constance could be around more often, she missed them when they weren’t around. “i just… she’s just so small. i’m so scared i’m gonna just carry her the wrong way and she’s gonna break.” hadley confessed, delicately stroking the baby’s back. 

     “oh my god, i would love that.” constance staying over would be a dream. not only could she use the help with rosie, but having them around could be potentially fun – like a long sleep over, she figured. “that would be amazing. and i really do want you to know her.”

[hadleysbackup]

constancechurch:

‣  constance brushed a stray hair away from the baby’s — rosie’s — face, her tiny face crinkled, and constance smiled sadly. ❝ i — i told him, but, well — ❜ they grimaced, remembering an unpleasant conversation they did not want to relive. ❛ i don’t think he will be coming today, daisy. ❞ they kept their gaze focused on the tiny girl in front of them, and they were glad sebastian had left for now. ❝ i’m sure he wanted to come but — ❞ they put the baby back in her crib, she shifted, but didn’t wake. how odd. turning to their friend, they clutched her hands. they had no consoling words, but hoped their presence was enough.

     “y-you did?” she asked, a short glimmer of hope shining in her eyes for a split second. maybe her dad missed her. maybe those news were going to be the thing that got him back, maybe being a grandfather was going to make him get out of the cult and by his daughter’s side. but hadley knew better and so did constance. “he didn’t want to come, c.” the blonde told them sadly, the hope she’d had for her father coming back to her getting replaced by the usual bitterness she felt towards the man. “thanks for telling him, though. it was a very nice thing to do for me, thank you.” she said, letting go of their hands and putting her arms around them. “but anyway, in happier news, baby rosie really likes you. she’s about to begin falling asleep.” the new mother said, moving out of the hug and lifting the baby girl out of the crib, wanting her to sleep in her arms again “i’m so scared of anything happening to her in her sleep. she’s so fragile.”  ( that book on parenting a newborn that someone gave her at her baby shower really got to her )

[hadleysbackup]

the blonde handed them the child incredibly carefully, scared of the fragility of her child’s body. “she’s so beautiful. i still can’t believe that we made such an… angel.” hadley admitted incredulously, her voice quiet to not upset the baby. “yeah, i have.” she said with a giggle. “i do love constance, and it was in the run – but her name is rosie. rosie morgan.” the young girl said proudly, grinning at them. then she carefully sat down, sighing as the pressure was taken off her wound, and began folding the tiny newborn sized clothes, looking at the polaroid of the three of them sebastian had left on the coffee table in front of her. “do you like it?” the new mother asked, putting away the onesies and moving her hands on top of her belly, still bloated after the whole delivery. “… does my dad know i had her?” hadley asked suddenly, surprised herself she’d asked the question. she didn’t even know if she wanted to hear an answer, but since he was living in the same place as constance, she figured they’d know. 

[hadleysbackup]

“pregnancy is the weirdest thing.” hadley giggled from the hospital bed. she was tired from the necessary ten minute walk around the hospital so the wound would heal up faster. the girl reached into the crib and picked up her child. “do you want to hold her?” the blonde asked @constancechurch. “thank you so much for coming to visit me. it means the world to me.” she mumbled, smiling at them.

[hadleysbackup]

Rest in Peace, Philip.

philip garcia was dead, and hadley miller was not at ease. she had met the young man at the commune, they were both taken a few weeks apart, and they were the same age, which made them pretty close when they were there. however, after hadley was rescued she didn’t hear from him a lot – she only saw him around, a couple of looks of acknowledgement were interchanged and they would both go their own way.

however when he left, hadley put aside her attitude problems and her anger and tried to help him get back on his feet. she was his friend and they remained close friends up until he died – he came visit her in the hospital after rosie was born, even.

rosie. since getting the news about philip’s passing, as well as his girlfriend’s, hadley could not stop thinking about her baby ( not even worrying about her own safety, which she should have, as her friend and his girlfriend had just been brutally murdered ) where was she? she had not heard from the adoption agency in months. was rosie okay? had she gotten adopted? and that’s when it hit her – her and sebastian had given up rosie so she could get a chance at a better life, but they never considered everything that could go wrong with that rose colored plan.

after giving her condolences to philip’s living relatives, she dialed mrs. rosenthal’s number, she was the woman who was supposed to take care of rosie’s adoption. and the phone rang, and rang, and rang, and rang, but no one picked up. she tried it again. and again. and again. nothing.

finally, she called the agency. “hello, I am looking for mrs. rosenthal.” hadley said, thinking that maybe she was just being too paranoid, but she just needed to know where her child was. “excuse me, mrs. rosenthal?” “yes. she’s supposed to be handling my baby’s adoption paperwork, she was the one who took her to the orphanage back in december the twenty first, last year.” and then a horribly tense silence took over the phone.

“… mrs. rosenthal died six years ago, miss.”

[hadleysbackup]

BABY MINE / HADLEY + ROSIE

triggers → hospitaliztion

who → hadley miller, sebastian morgan, rosie morgan

when → november 19, 2017 / 3:40 a.m

where → hospital room d-304

what → hadley miller is in the hospital, six hours after giving birth to rosie morgan. a hungry rosie is taken to her mom, and hadley gets emotional. sebastian pretends to be asleep.

hadley sits on the hospital bed, wide awake even though it’s late and she gave birth six hours ago. the young girl is waiting for the nurse to bring the infant, who was going to need to eat around that time. she looks at sebastian, sleeping soundly after the stressful thirteen hours and a half of hadley’s labor. the blonde kept thinking about the delivery, crazy and complicated, the scar of her c section an aching reminder of those long thirteen hours – but it was all worth it when she heard the baby cry. “hey! it’s feeding time.” the nurse says with a smile, and she comes into the room, carrying the baby. hadley smiles happily and stretches her arms open, taking her baby into her arms. “i’ll give you two a minute.” the nurse tells her and she nods. “let me know when you’re done.” she says politely, and hadley smiles at the woman as she walks out. “hey there, my little baby girl…” she mumbled – she had been so scared during the labor, it had been very painful and there were so many complications, so much so that it came to a point where the baby had been in real danger. “how are you tonight? are you okay? i sure hope you are because for what they’re charging us, they better have a bed more comfortable than mommy and daddy’s at home and a personal doctor just for you, baby girl.” hadley kept talking, the baby stretching out her chubby arms to touch her mother’s face, an incredibly bright smile taking over hadley’s face. “come on, rosie, let’s give you some food before you start to cry and you wake up your daddy.” she mumbled, sliding the shoulder off her hospital gown to uncover her breast, beginning to feed her child. though she knew that rosie couldn’t stay, she wanted to keep her so bad. she wanted to keep rosie with them and take her home with them, no matter the sleepless nights or anything else. hadley loved her with everything she was already and she wasn’t even a day old, but since the moment she found out she was pregnant, rosie occupied the biggest chunk of her mind: what she ate, what she drank, what she did, when she went to sleep, when she woke up, what she took, everything she did was for or because of rosie.

“what happened, baby? were you not hungry tonight?” hadley asked her daughter, noting that the baby had stopped sucking on her nipple. the new mom readjusted her gown. “it’s okay, sweetie, don’t worry. you have the rest of your life to eat.” she cooed and reached for the towel she had next to her bed, draping it on her shoulder. hadley put her baby on her shoulder, with one hand carefully holding her head and softly patting her back with her other hand. “if they knew sweet little you, they’d end up loving you too…” she sang, as baby rosie burped. “oh, rosie, that was such a nice little burp! i’m so proud of you baby girl!” the mother encouraged, patting her back a little more. “you’re so sweet, goodness knows, you are so precious to me, sweet as can be, baby of mine…” hadley sang, picking her favorite parts of the song. rosie burped again. “there you go, honey. you all good now? yes? good.” she smiled, putting her child on her chest and waiting a few seconds to call the nurse. after she did, she put the baby next to her on the bed, slowly sliding down to get on rosie’s eye level. she put her pinky on the baby’s palm, the small child wrapping her tender fingers around it. “oh, baby girl. i’m going to miss you so much when you go.” hadley whispered, her voice breaking, moving the baby one more time to carefully put her on her side, facing sebastian and not her crying mother. she didn’t want her to see her mom cry, even though she knew rosie would not remember these moments, probably wouldn’t remember her, either. and her name wouldn’t be rosie and she would have marvelous parents and grow up in front of them, away from hadley and sebastian, and they will just become blurry figures of the distant past. hadley would not see her first steps, or hear her first word, and though she knew that giving up rosie her baby would be better for rosieher, tonight she couldn’t feel that way.

“are you guys all done?” the nurse asked, interrupting her thoughts. “yeah.” hadley mumbled, holding rosie tightly before the nurse came. “are you okay, honey?” the nurse asked hadley. “do you… need me to call someone for you or anything?” the nurse asked. “no. i’m okay.” she replied, wiping away her tears. “just… in pain – you know, c section. and hormones. so. many. hormones.” she said, trying to lie to the nurse, and noticing sebastian was looking at her, and he looked like he had been up for a few minutes. hadley kept holding rosie, looking at sebastian, who stood up and took the baby from hadley’s arms, rocking her for a couple of seconds while the nurse gave hadley her pain medication and adjusted something on her drip. “see you tomorrow morning, rosie. daddy loves you.” he mumbled, pressing a soft, careful kiss on rosie’s head. “sweet dreams, baby.”

after the nurse left, sebastian climbed into the bed with her, careful not to move hadley and cause her any more pain. “we can’t let them take her.” hadley whispered, cupping his face. “we can’t give up rosie, she’s our daughter, seb. we can’t let them take our baby from us.” the young mother sobbed, as the new father took off the scrunchie keeping her hair up in a ponytail and ran his fingers through her hair soothingly, looking at her. “i love her so much, seb. i don’t want to lose her first steps and her first words and i just… don’t let them take our baby. she’s special, seb. she’s…” she kept saying, but suddenly she felt her entire body relax, and with every passing second it was getting harder to keep her eyes open. “hadley? babe?” she heard sebastian ask, but she was already falling asleep.

ours. rosie. daughter. don’t let them take her. ours. rosie. daughter. don’t let them take her. ours. rosie. daughter. don’t let them take her.

ours. rosie.

ours.

i love our daughter.

[hadleysbackup]

PAPA DON’T PREACH

triggers → pregnancy, being kicked out, intense sadness

who → hadley miller, sebastian morgan, paul miller, amelie miller-mathieu

when → may 09, 2017 / 8:40 p.m

where → the miller-mathieu residency

what → hadley brought her boyfriend sebastian over for dinner, and the two have very big news for her grandparents – they do not react well.

    the young couple sits together in the beaten up couch, holding hands, in front of the elderly couple. the coffee table between the four of them has pictures that are now awkward memories, but the homeowners do not want anything in the room to be changed until they die. i’m tired of changes, and i don’t want to face another change in the rest of my life, amelie had told a young hadley when she wanted to paint the walls of her room lavender.

    “so, we have something we want to tell you.” the young man began, noticing that his girlfriend was nervous and stalling. they had already pushed off the announcement for a whole month, it couldn’t wait any longer. “you do?” paul questioned. he had never liked sebastian, but he had never developed a particular liking for hadley either. he still called her daisy and he was still angry that she had grown out of the little girl that liked going fishing with him ( that was probably the only time he actually liked spending time with the girl ), and it still bothered him to see her date, which had been forbidden until she turned eighteen. they were still blissfully ignorant about many of hadley’s teenage experience. he was the kind of parental guide that did not allow significant others in the house unless there was an engagement ring in play.

    hadley gave sebastian a fearful look when he squeezed her hand. he couldn’t be the one to tell them everything. the girl felt her heart beat faster and her breathing speed up. the three of them were looking at her and she felt like she was suffocating. “i’m pregnant.” she finally blurted out, feeling like she had taken hours to answer when it had only been seconds. as soon as she pronounced those words, her grandmother went into a frenzy. she began yelling something about responsibility, but hadley couldn’t hear her – her eyes and her full attention were on her grandpa’s eyes. it’s still me, papa. i was careful, but it happened anyway. i know i’m letting you down – but i’m begging you to help me out. i need you, she kept thinking, knowing that he knew what she was trying to communicate. “are you going to get married?” he asked, his calm voice overpowering her grandmother’s. the elderly woman sat down. “i - i… guess, maybe, at some point.” hadley replied awkwardly. sebastian squeezed her hand. “are you or are you not getting married before it is born?” the grandmother asked. “we can’t just get married like that! things are different. i don’t want our wedding to be rushed and premature. don’t make me do this.” the young girl pleaded while her boyfriend fell silent. her grandmother opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off by the man.

    “do you remember when you were around eight or nine years old? you told me you wanted to be a singer. i told you that we would support you with anything you wanted to do as long as you weren’t stupid while making choices. and you laughed and said you had it under control. i admired your confidence when you said that.” though he was calm and collected, hadley knew that he wasn’t going to say something positive. “and now… now you come and tell us this. when you went through that red hair phase, i thought you might have had the potential to make it out of this place, daisy. but you don’t. you’re just one more mundane small town idiot. when you don’t have rage, you have nothing. you are nothing without it.” he said, and though he was hurting his granddaughter enough to scar her for life, there were no tears on her cheeks. she was sitting there, stoic and quiet. her face was like a stone. “i asked one thing from you, and that one thing you could not manage to do. you don’t even want to correct your mistake.” hadley was too shocked and too numb to cry or even have a visible reaction. she thought she was loved unconditionally in her home, but it turned out it wasn’t like that. not at all. “and i don’t want to see you in my house anymore. you have thirty minutes to pack your things and leave.”

    astonished, the couple remained seated. he couldn’t be serious. “papa?” the girl asked, her voice coming out broken and frail. she was breaking down. “please, you’re all i have. you’re all the family i have, please don’t make me do this.” she pleaded, kneeling in front of the coffee table like she used to do every christmas, except she wouldn’t be opening any presents that night. “one thing, daisy. i asked for one thing.” he said, cunningly. “i was careful, papa. i didn’t mean for this to happen.” she cried, while sebastian and her grandmother began arguing about money. “one thing, hadley.” that was the first time the sight of her own name felt like a punch in the gut. hadley. it was all gone, his mind was made up. daisy, his stubborn, somewhat embarrasing granddaughter was not there. now she was hadley, a stranger he wanted nothing to do with. she tried to get him to look into her eyes for a few seconds, but he did not budge.

    and then she understood that that was the way it was going to be. the blonde stood up calmly, wiping away her tears and sighing. “sebastian, please come with me upstairs.” she said in a voice that sounded detached. “he’ll stay here.” her grandfather said, not looking at her. “i don’t give a flying fuck about what you want, paul. he is coming with me – but don’t worry, we’ll be out of your ugly moth infested pigpen in twenty seven minutes.” hadley said coldly, dragging sebastian upstairs.

    once they were done packing ( or, well, as done as you can be in twenty seven minutes ) they went downstairs and hadley grabbed every single picture hanging on the walls she was in. while sebastian put the bags in the car, she walked towards her grandparents, now sitting together on the swing bench of the porche. the blonde stood in front of them calmly, and then she smashed one of the framed pictures on the ground in front of them. “you’re both dead to me.”

    once the girl had taken off to god knows where and once her husband was inside, amelie leaned down to pick up the picture her granddaughter had smashed into the ground.

    it was the three of them, smiling happily in front of a sixteenth birthday cake. quietly, the woman folded the picture and put it inside her pocket. i’m so sorry i couldn’t make him let you stay, my petite cherie.

[hadleysbackup]

☆ * • /  HEADCANONS, VOL. 2

her favorite subject in school was literature. she’s loved books for as long as she can remember ( this is why she got a job at verbatim in the first place ), and during her rebellious phase, she treated reading like a guilty pleasure. her favorite book is sharp objects.

hadley was always closer to her dad because they were very similar, but that ended when she read the news about the recycling. she couldn’t believe the coldness and irrationality of letting her die, letting all those people die, and she never forgave him. still, a small part of her hopes that he’ll talk to her someday.

if someone dares to ask her about what having a baby is like ?? prepare for her to explain the full thirteen hours of labor, interrupt herself by four stories of the pregnancy itself, and then gush about shopping for baby clothes

[hadleysbackup]

☆ * • /  HEADCANONS, VOL. 1

    her full name is hadley daisy miller. she used to go by daisy, the name her father gave her, until the suicides. that’s when she decided to go by hadley, the name her mother had given her.

    insecure af

  she’s been a smoker since age thirteen – quit when she found out she was pregnant but retook it a few months later.

    she got into so much trouble ( alcohol, some drugs, messing around with the upper classmen of the school and then with college boys a substitute teacher once, joyriding, shit like that ) between the ages of 13 and 17 ( and yes it was all a call for attention )

    in high school she was popular and like that bitch but tbh she is a huge nerd at heart. squinted all through sophomore year and half of junior year bc she needs glasses ( tired eyesight ) but refused to wear them and lied about wearing her contacts ( until eventually she was like fuck it i want to read what the teacher wrote about the book she assigned us and put on those glasses. putting them on also showed a significant increase in her grades, and went from a 3.5 in sophomore year to a 4.0 in senior year )

    is terrified by her dad, and the rest of the cult she just resents/hates.

    something she got from her father was a love for books – that’s why she loves her job, especially because on slow days she’s allowed to read the samples.

    another big love of hers is music – she always has headphones on.

    she used to do ballet and ice skating until she was fourteen.

    her natural hair color is brown, but after the suicides she bleached it and dyed it pink, and changed it to blue, then began wearing her hair brown and her tips colored, and now she just wears it blonde with dark roots.

    she takes online classes ( is 13 credits short of an american literature degree ) and is considering going to the community college, but right now she’s good with the online stuff.

    hates the heat and loves the rainy & windy days.

[hadleysbackup]

hadley miller: a playlist

devil woman / cliff richard brick by boring brick / paramore  i’ll come crashing / a giant dog  gone daddy gone / violent femmes  barely legal / the strokes queen of disaster / lana del rey romeo and juliet / the killers  dream a little dream of me / doris day tiny dancer / elton john  the passenger / siouxsie and the bashees

+ bonus: save all your kisses for me / brotherhood of man

[hadleysbackup]

[hadleysbackup]

what would a mother not do for her child ? what l e n g t h s would a mother not go ? there’s a bond that exists between mother and child with no end to how strong it can grow.

task001: moodboard

[hadleysbackup]

ASHGROVE

blue bayou / roy orbison my sweet lord / george harrison spirit in the sky / norman greenbaum brother / jorge ben jor revolution blues / neil young rihannon / fleetwod mac pink moon / nick drake this place / wild child blood // water / grandson helter skelter / dana fuchs

[hadleysbackup]

› [ KIERNAN SHIPKA ] ┊ HADLEY MILLER ― This NINETEEN year old ASSISTANT MANAGER OF VERBATIM BOOKSTORE is said to HATE / RESENT the cult in Ashgrove. SHE has lived in this town for NINETEEN YEARS and IS a risk of the Children of the Chosen.

Her parents entered the cult when she was only 8. It began when she was taken by the Communion of the Innocent at age seven, and after they got her back, her parents remained in close contact with the Hubers. A few months later, hey chose to become members of the cult, their eight-year-old staying with her grandparents, who were in their mid-seventies.

She grew up with serious abandonment issues and hating the cult for taking her parents, and even as young as she was, she knew that they had not chosen to enter the cult rationally and objectively. When the news about the mass suicide broke, she frantically began looking for her parent’s names among the deceased, only finding her mother’s. Learning that her father had allowed her mother to kill herself while he kept living there with those people made her develop a deep resentment for the group, which she never got over.

She began acting out after the suicides, wreaking havoc around town trying to get someone’s attention, but deep down she knew no one would even bat an eyelash if she got in trouble. That attitude, however, came to a screeching halt when she found out she was pregnant at eighteen – her grandparents insisted that she get married to the baby’s father, and since she didn’t, she was kicked out. With nowhere else to go, Hadley moved in with her boyfriend. After she gave birth, the young couple put the baby up for adoption, and though a part of them wanted to keep the child, they knew neither of them was ready to be a parent and that they both wanted the best for the baby – which didn’t necessarily mean a life with them.

Played by Beth

[hadleysbackup]

DAISY HADLEY MILLER

“  She screams in s i l e n c e,            A SULLEN riot penetrating through her mind                              w a i t i n g for a sign                                                 To S M A S H the silence with the brick of self-                                                            control “