haidendg

[haidendg]

I’m just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else’s. I’m sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting… I’m not afraid to compete. It’s just the opposite. Don’t you see that? I’m afraid I will compete — that’s what scares me… Just because I’m so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else’s values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn’t make it right. I’m ashamed of it. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.

J. D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey (via derakhtesokoot)

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Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that — I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much — so very much to learn.

Sylvia Plath (via quotemadness)

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Elm, Sylivia Plath

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We grow. It hurts at first.

Sylvia Plath, from The Collected Poems; “Witch Burning,” c. October 1961 (via violentwavesofemotion)

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Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

by Darian Rehder (someone who has BPD)  Things to Understand:  1. Their moods change a lot. This is not your fault most of the time. They just feel a lot, and when they’re attached to someone it can make their feelings stronger. It doesn’t mean that they feel all those things about you all the time. 

2. They probably think you’re going to leave them about every day, sometimes more often. If they ask you if you still like them, it’s because they honestly don’t know if you still do. They need to hear it often.

3. If they get randomly angry in the middle of something that you don’t think needs that kind of response, it is usually because something has triggered them. Learn what triggers the person you’re with, so you can both work to prevent it. 

4. Because they feel intense emotions, they also feel love and happiness at large proportions. This is great, because it means they really appreciate their relationships! 

5. Their minds are often on the most emotionally simulating things in their lives, because emotions this strong are hard to ignore. This means you’re probably on their mind a lot. 

6. They do not want to hurt you, if they truly love you. Sometimes when they get angry or depressed or anxious they feel like they need to hurt you or run away or that they don’t love you. This isn’t true, and they often regret or don’t stand by their emotional breakdowns after awhile. Sometimes immediately. 

Things You Can Do:

1. Validate their emotions. Never call them too emotional, needy, dramatic, intense, etc. even if they call themselves that. 

2. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Chances are, they really do hold onto your words. 

3. If you are uncomfortable or need a break from them, which is okay, explain it in a way that makes them sure you aren’t going to leave and that you still love them or care about them. 

4. Do something that makes them feel loved and cared for.

5. If they’re in the midst of some negative emotion, don’t say anything judgmental, don’t tell them what to do, and don’t fight with them. This would be a good time to say something reassuring and kind with no judgmental or controlling undertones. If this doesn’t work and it seems to be going in a loop, refer to number three or continue to tell them how important they are to you. 

6. Remember that there are truths to everyone. Your person might feel like something is very sad, and it may not affect you at all. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong to feel that way. 

7. Spend lots of time with them! Spending time and using your actions is a good way to reassure someone of your love. 

8. Learn what they love and learn what really upsets them. It’s always good to know someone and work to avoid hurting them. They can do this for you too! 

9. Don’t take things to heart. I know this is hard, but when someone with BPD has a breakdown, they often say things that they don’t truly stand by in the end. When they apologize, they often mean it with their whole heart. 

10. NEVER ignore them, unless you absolutely have to. If you can’t talk or don’t want to talk, explain this to them instead of ignoring their messages. When you ignore them, they assume you are going to leave them or that something is wrong. 

Reasons Why Being with Someone Who Has BPD is NOT Bad

1. Their intense emotions are biological, in most cases. It’s the same thing as having less emotions. It is not a bad thing to feel deeply. 

2. They, most likely, love you with all their heart. BPD people have the biggest hearts and really will work to do nice things for you and make you feel loved. 

3. They are most likely loyal as hell, and will put a lot of time and energy into you. 

4. Like any mental illness, BPD is something people do not want to have. This fact will help you remember that they are not deliberately trying to hurt you in any way and really do wish they didn’t have BPD. This is why they ARE NOT ABUSIVE 

5. All relationships need work. Communicating and working together can actually strengthen the bond you two have. 

6. It can be helpful for someone with BPD to have a relationship so they can practice ways to manage their emotions and actions. Chances are, the longer you’re with them, the more comfortable they will be with you. 

7. They’re always there for you too! All people with BPD that I know, including myself, are very good at talking about issues and helping others with problems. If you want to talk, you can count on them to give you all of their effort to help. 

8. Imagine dating someone with no emotions. That’d be probably a lot harder! Appreciate the deepness of your person’s feelings. It can make life a lot easier! 

9. If they are in a relationship with you, it’s probably because they want to be with you. Keep this in mind when they start feeling negatively. 

10. It’s a relationship! That’s always fun. It will have challenges like all relationships, but remembering that you are with someone you love will always make it easier. 

-Darian 

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i think one of the worst symptoms of bpd is the lack of emotional permeance.

no matter how many good and loving people you have in your life … the second you are alone it feels like you were never loved. that it was all just a figment of your imagination and that feeling when you’re alone … the emptiness and sadness that feeds into self-hatred … that is the only reality.

and when you feel, like all borderlines feel, so goddamn intensely … people notice. & when you tell them how you feel people ask: do you really think so little of me? that i would be so heartless to forget you?

oh, sweet ones. there is no other way i know how to think. i’m sorry.

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Someone once said to me, “I hope the pain eases soon.” It struck me as the purest blessing that had ever been offered over my head - I hope the pain eases soon. It’s so gentle, so kind, so hopeful. So to everyone who’s hurting: I see how hard you’re trying, and I hope your pain will ease soon.

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Wendy Carlos

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[haidendg]

when you try to make plans with your friends and they say no

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technically we’re ALL, always LARPing, because the Self is only a construct,

[haidendg]

the thing about the “why can’t we say pregnant WOMEN instead of pregnant PEOPLE, PC gone mad!” discussion going on right now is that even the “cis ally” side is kind of not understanding why, exactly, “official” stuff about pregnancy needs to use gender neutral language.

the use of gendered language, whether in law or in company guidelines, has been used as an excuse to exclude trans people from various kinds of reproductive healthcare. there have been stories of abortion providers pointing to the use of “pregnant women” in all clinic literature to justify not giving trans men assistance. there are issues where “women’s health clinics” will refuse to accept referrals for anyone who doesn’t have “F” on their records, which of course includes many trans women. there are in turn stories of trans women being unable to access “male” prostrate cancer screening.

language in this sort of capacity needs to be as factual and neutral and carefully constructed to avoid loopholes as possible. at this stage in my life, as a non-woman capable of pregnancy, i don’t really CARE anymore if you talk casually about pregnancy as something that happens to women. but i DO care if the medical system writes out some guidelines that, in only acknowledging pregnant women as a possibility, open me up to the possibility of being denied care by transphobes who can claim they’re just following the rules.

this is a real issue for us, the gendering of health care leading to single-sex guidelines which are actively used by assholes to say “no, we only treat [gender] here”. it’s not a matter of nitpicking over everyday language; it’s about ensuring we are safe from loopholes that can be used to exploit us.

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Anyone else ever just highkey enjoy simple repetitive tasks sometimes?

Packing a bunch of the same things.

Assembling a bunch of the same item.

Just that feeling of accomplishment in finding the perfect pattern of this>that>this>next! and doing it smoothly over and over for a while and watching the stack of finished things pile up and feeling productive but also somehow de-stressed.

I love that feeling!

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I have to do better, think better, be better

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Happy indigenous peoples day!

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Don’t be an asshole

This is my semi-annual reminder not to be an asshole to people whose job is to be nice to you. Seriously.

You had to wait five minutes because the cashier got something wrong? Okay. Here’s what you do:

Wait. Wait patiently. Be the opposite of a raging douche canoe.

That cashier has already had a hell of a day and will continue to exist in the lowest circle of customer service hell until it is time for them to go home. Your five minutes? Are NOTHING.

Stand your happy ass there and wait. And if you really want to do it right, be very nice to them while you’re waiting. Have a sense of humor. Let them know you’re totally cool and that you have no desire to be THAT person.

And before you leave? Thank them. Be sincere with your thanks. They deserve it.

Just. Don’t be an asshole.

[haidendg]

hey its me, your local burden,