hailey-flower - Tumblr blog

[hailey-flower]

Fun while it lasted

I've decided to focus entirely on entertaining my WAY larger main audience. I have this idea for a comic book that I'd like to focus on, plus an animation I'm writing. This whole fart thing truly was fun while it lasted, but it began back when I didn't really have a large audience. But now that I'm at a point where I have carte blanche to create literally whatever I want to create, and as long as it's good, people will like it… I'd like to start making more good stuff. Don't get me wrong, Hailey was good… for a fetish comic about farts. But I do enjoy making things that have a wider appeal, so that's what I'm gonna be doing. Plus, Hailey has become more obligation than recreation as of late, so this was bound to happen eventually. I hope you at least take solace in the amount of fart art I've made over the years. Probably enough to last a life time.

I hope you understand, and I hope you enjoy what I have in store.

[hailey-flower]

Extra Hailey Content available for purchase here:

https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?c=cart&ejc=2&cl=289070&i=1493465

Here's a preview:

http://s33.postimg.org/f3541yifz/Preview.png

Like they always say, please don't post it anywhere.

(Let me know if there's difficulties purchasing or recieving the product)

As I'm getting undressed, Day walks in on me just about to put on my hiking pants. "Going outside?" She asked.

"Yup! With Ned to collect apples for mom's famous pie!" I replied, having fully slipped my pants on.

"They're more notorious for me. All I remember from the last time she made apple pie was how gassy it made us." Day said, remembering last year's visit, and how smelly our farts were after dessert.

"You don't have to have any if you're afraid of a little flatulence."

"A, a LOT of flatulence..." I then provided an example.

Frrrrraaaaarrrrbbbbb

"My point exactly. And B, I might as well have some since I know you will and there's no way you're holding in all the gas it's gonna give you. Especially when it's time for bed." She had a point.

"Well hey, it's always better to fart with the people you love than alone." I said as I bumped Day's humungous ass.

PRAAAP

Making it break a loud echoing gust of wind. "I'm sure most people would say it's better to not fart at all." She mentioned. "Ned being one of those MANY people. Are you sure he even wants to go with you?"

"According to my mom, that doesn't matter." I said, guessing to myself that he probably really wants to not go.

"She's forcing him!?... Like... an actual-"

"Parent? Yes. I was surprised to. I'm so used to her being the free-spirit-go-with-the-flow-hippy that I grew up with."

"Well, she's still has the "go with the flow" part down." Day said with a smirk, expecting laughter that never came, "But I'm glad she's finally putting her foot down... especially for a little brat like Ned."

"Hey, that's still my little brother!" I said, defending him.

"Sorry, I guess I'm still holding a grudge from when he flipped me off." She admitted.

"Don't worry. I'm sure some day he's gonna meet someone who's gonna change his entire personality. Who knows it might be someone with a butt as big as yours!"

"I just hope whoever he meets, their butt isn't as stinky as yours." Day retorted.

Before I replied, I positioned my butt directly in Day's face, pulling down my pants a bit so she could experience my sarcasm bare assed.

"What are you talking about?" Poorrrrttt "I have no idea what you mean!" Buuuuumffffff "You're so silly when you make stuff up." BBBBBBRRRAAAAAASSSSHPPPP

After getting all those funky farts directly to the face, Day coughed and replied in the most loving way a girlfriend could respond to anything.

"I hate you sometimes."

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[hailey-flower]

Hope you enjoyed this latest Hailey. If you can afford it, enjoy these additional 10 drawings I made of Hailey and her friends. Like before, here's the preview: http://s32.postimg.org/s8qjlueqd/preview.png And here's the purchase link: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?c=cart&ejc=2&cl=289070&i=1488416 And again, please don't upload it anywhere.

"So I spoke to Victoria about Ned, and... yeah, pretty much what you told me." Day said sitting on the bed I was laying on.

"See? He's just going through a phase. And the best I can do is give him positive reenforcement." I replied.

"Well I don't give anyone who flips me off positive reenforcement. Especially if they're 13 years old."

"Trust me. Ned will come around eventually, and it all starts with me and mom cooking a dinner to end all dinners tonight." I said, excited to start cooking with mom again like old times.

"Oh yeah," Day replied sarcastically, "Nothing wins over today's youth like culinary excellence."

"It'll give Ned a chance to experience what I got to do as a kid that he might've missed out on. I would cook with mom all the time. And we would always add our secret ingredient." I said, blowing a warm fart out my ass.

FrrrrrruuUUUUPPpppp

"Oh god, please don't tell me it's what I think it is..." Day said worried.

"If you think it's a teaspoon of pepper and sugar mixed together, then it is."

"OH! Oh thank god." Day said relieved, "I thought you two would fart on whatever it is you were cooking."

"What? Nah!" I replied, "That's OUR secret ingredient!"

"Wait WHAT!?" Day said shocked as if just now hearing about this.

"You're just now finding out that I fart in almost everything I cook at home?" I asked perplexed, under the impression it was inherriently obvious.

"You WHAT!? So the roast beef, quasadillas, chicken noodle soup..."

"All given extra flavor by my butt." I said, a little too proudly.

"I was wondering why everything you cook has a hint of fart! I can't believe you've been doing this almost every time!" Day said frustrated.

"I just thought you did the same."

"Why would I do that? I don't need a secret ingredient, let alone my butt, to make a delicious meal." Day said.

I gave Day a pervy look and said "Well if you ask me, it would really bring your cooking up from good to amazing!" I then slapped Day's gigantic rear, prompting a loud juicy fart to emerge from it.

BRRROSHP

"Oh stop it! I'm trying to be mad at you...... and failing. Can you do that again?" She asked, prompting me to give her what she asked for. I smacked her enormous plump rump once more.

PRRRAAAAASSSHPPPpppppp

"Aaaaah yeah!" Day said, relaxing and becoming more and more aroused. "God it sucks that I already made the no sex rule on this trip."

"Trust me, I would not judge you if you chose to renounce that rule."

"I can't. There's a kid here." Day said disappointed.

"I'm pretty sure he's familiar with sex as a 13 year old with internet access." I said.

"I just don't wanna see him walking in on US banging."

"I have super fast reflexes when it comes to that. I'd just quickly act like I'm sleeping, which is easy."

"Yeah, for you, all you gotta do is close your eyes and snore from your ass." Day jokingly replied.

"Speaking of which..." I lifted my leg and released a deep smelly snore.

FAAAaaaarRRRRBbbbbbb

"Aaaah, that was a good one!" I sighed in relief.

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Hailey's Still Available To Chat

[hailey-flower]

I drew some additional Hailey art available for $11. Features drawings of all the female characters you've seen in the story thus far in different scenarios and pasitions, showing off their butts and farting up a storm.

Here's a preview: http://s28.postimg.org/yte8kev5p/image.png

And here's the purchase link: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?c=cart&ejc=2&cl=289070&i=1484108

If you bought it, you're already cool. So please don't upload it anywhere. Thanks and enjoy!

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry, Ned!" I apologized realizing I had just farted in his face. Granted, growing up, that inevitably happened quite a bit. I mean, Ned's face has always been at my waist level... and the level of the thing I use to make waste... Yeah that was too gross even for me.

Either way, Ned didn't saya ntyhing. He just sorta walked out of the kitchen and went downstairs to the basement. He walked pass our mom, not saying a word.

"Hey mom?" I said to her, "How come Ned is staying in the attic and we're staying in the guest room?"

"Honestly, Ned insisted on having the basement to himself." She said, making me question his motive. "Something about how stench rises, so the basement would be the least smelly area in the house."

"Well alright. I can tell an introvert when I see one. I'll give him his space." I said, still a bit worried that he might not enjoy himself as much as I'd hope. "This house doesn't smell that bad given the circumstances. Then again, with me and Day here, it'll most likely start smelling even worse." I said giggling and ripping a deep wet poot that proved my point.

PrrrRRROOOOoott

My mom laughed and sniffed the air before saying "You're right about that. Although that smelly butt of yours might come in handy when fishing."

"Oh shit I forgot about fishing!" I said, remembering how much fun fishing with mom was back in the day. We didn't even need fishing rods. All we needed was scuba gear, and our rotten rumps, and fish just rose to the surface for us. "I can't wait to fish with Ned! Maybe that'll cheer him up!"

"Perhaps. But there's no way he'll be able to fish like we used to. So I got him a fishing rod incase he wants to help catch some dinner."

"Sounds good. I can't wait to teach him how to do it the old fashion way instead of the new millennial way."

"Okay I might be old, but even I know farting in the river is not the 'millennial' way to fish." Mom said as she chuckled. And I couldn't even argue. Farting isn't the millennial way to do anything... In fact, anything involving butts isn't the millennial way to do anything except piss off social justice warriors.

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[hailey-flower]

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Hey guys. James here. I wanna thank every follower of this webcomic for enjoying it. But this webcomic will start having less consistency... in exchange for the consistency of ANOTHER webcomic for my non fart-centric audience. I hope you guys enjoy it, and I hope you don't want to kill me TOO much for not making Hailey as frequently as you might want. I do appreciate those who enjoy Hailey though. I'm glad I could give my fetish community something to look forward to.

"Has Ned arrived yet?" I ask my mom, eagerly awaiting my reconcile with him.

"Oh yeah, he's in the kitchen." She replied. I then walked inside her cabin, making my way towards the kitchen, and there my little bro was. He was facing away from the kitchen doorway looking out the window. He was wearing headphones, so I doubt he knew I was there. I decided to take advantage of this by creeping up behind and surpri-

BRRRROOOOOORRRFF

Well, that plan failed before it began... although judging from his reaction, I did surprise him.

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Hailey's Still Available To Chat

[hailey-flower]

“Aw man we’re almost out of gas, and Hailey, don’t even think about it.” Day said to me, knowing the obvious bad joke I was about to say.

“Hey, I wasn’t gonna say anything except that there’s a gas station a mile away accoring to the GPS.” I said saving face.

“Alright. I just hope there aren’t too many pervy truckers there. Because there’s always at least one.”

“Oh come on, guys like that are interesting once you get to know them.” I said, having encountered guys like that before. “But don’t worry. I won’t let them distract us from our trip.”

A mile later…

“Alright look,” I said to the truckers surrounding the gas pump we were using, “Sure the Jags have a good line up, but the Raiders have the best young nucleus in the entire league!”

“You must be outta your mind.” One of the truckers said, “Now I’ll give you that. The Raiders have that going for them, but the Rams are always gonna be my humber one.”

“Pfft! Please! They got lucky ONE TIME and suddenly their world champions?” I retorted.

“Well hey,” Another trucker said, “At least they’re not the Chargers, huh?” And plenty of agreement was made towards that statement.

“Oh hell yeah! You know what their motto should be?” I said before turning around, sticking out my butt, and ripping a deep long greasy fart.

Frrrruuuuuuppppssssarppppp

All 4 of the truckers gagged and fanned the air.

“AW DUDE!” One of them yelled, “That’s harsh!… But true.” We all proceeded to laugh.

“Hailey, we’re all filled up! We gotta go!” Day yelled to me as she put the hose back and proceeded back to our rented car.

“Alright boys, that’s all I could be here for. Stay cool.” I said, winking towards them and walking off.

“Hey tell your friend that she’s got somethin’ I’d like to fill.” The perviest one of the group just had to say something. I wanted to lash out, but i decided to simply hold in my words…

Bbbbbaaaaaaffffttt

And let out a fart right in his face. I made sure it was extra stinky so he doesn’t get any ideas about my girlfriend’s own stinker. The dude ended up collapsing and passing out with the other guys shocked and appalled… a word I never thought I’d use to describe a redneck truck driver.

Day’s point of view

While I was driving I couldn’t help but wonder why Hailey felt the need to fart in that one guy’s face. I figured it’s because he was a perv, most likely towards me because of my big butt, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. “So Hailey, what was with that face fart back there?”

“Oh it was nothing. He just disagreed with something I said about football… Oh that reminds me.”

DISCLAIMER: Hailey Flower did not intend to offend any football teams or influence any arguements regarding them. The writer knows nothing about sports.

“Okay anyway, yeah it was nothing important.” Hailey said.

“Oh… well, okay then.” I said… secretly upset that the guy didn’t make a pervy comment towards me. I mean… it’d be wrong, but it’d be nice.

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[hailey-flower]

“Okay, I just texted Linda that we won’t be able to hang out this weekend. And knowing her, she’ll let the rest of the gals know.” I said packing my bags with enough clothes for the weekend.

“Good to know. Sorry I couldn’t be there last time you all hung out.” Day apologized, even though it wasn’t her fault.

“Why are YOU sorry? It wasn’t your fault. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, It’s just that I know that this isn’t gonna be the last time I have to stay overtime at work. Especially if I wanna build my experience and save up enough to go to law school.”

“I totally understand. If anything, I’m surprised you spend as much time with me as you do!” I said going up to Day and wrapping my arms around her. “You work so hard hun! Where do you even find time to breath?”

“Hehe, well, I find more than enough time for inhaling and exhaling. Just like how your butt finds too much time for exhaling.” Day said, prompting me to prove her right.

Ffffrrroooooppp

“My butt has a lot of time on it’s hands, but this weekend, I’m gonna put my ass to work.”

“Is that right?” Day asked, making sure her bag is packed as well.

“Indeed! I mean, whenever I spend time with my mom I always feel the need to show her that I’m just as good at farting as she is. Even though I know I’m not.”

“Can you at least take solace in knowing you’re at least better at it than me?” Day said, farting towards me.

BRRRUTT

The fart had enough force to knock me back onto our bed. All I could say was “How can I say I’m better at farting than you when you just showed me evidence that proved otherwise?”

“Well, you have WAY more control over your farts… not as much as your mom, but still, your mom isn’t about to get her own show on cable!” Day said.

“True. I guess we all have our spots where we shine the brightest.” Ppppppppurf “Aaaah, or fart the loudest. And your brightest spot is definitely-”

“Let me guess, my butt?” Day said cutting me off, and while I THOUGHT about saying that, I did want to be genuine.

“I was going to say your knowledge on law, but whatever you’re most proud of girl!” I then slapped her ass, figuring if she’s going to assume that, she should be prepared to go all the way with it.

“EEP!” She squealed, simultaneously bursting out a loud deep fart that vibrated from the slap.

FFUUuurrRRRrAAAAaappPP

Then to add insult to injury, I nealed down and stuffed my face in between her two big soft smelly ass cheeks and proceeded to “motor-butt”.

“Aaah! ailey! You know that only makes me fart more!” Day exclaimed, very accurately.

PppPppprraflrtuarrtblashaplarrrbbttttPPOORRT

As bad it smelled, her reaction was too funny for me to stop, not to mention her rump was to big and soft for me to let go. “Hey come on, if this is where you think you shine the brightest, i wanna support it!” I said, proceeding to motorbutt even faster, getting the result I expected.

Bluurrraaabrtalrroooppptfrabrt

“I love you, but I HATE you!” Day said with blushing red cheeks on both ends.

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[hailey-flower]

30 years ago...

"Look Victoria," Jazz said to her friend Victoria as they sat in their favorite coffee shop, "You can't just keeping giving up on being an actress because of a couple failures."

"Jazz, this hasn't just been 'a couple failures'." Victoria said angrily, "This whole year has been one firing or failure after another! And it all started with that Christmas play I got kicked out of."

Brrrraaaaaf

At this point, Jazz knew how uncontrolled and random my farts were, so it didn't even bother her.

"Look, I've been there for you to pick you up every time you fell. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you sink into despair again."

"I don't know... maybe I deserve it. After all, it's not like I really fit in in this acting game. What with my... defect."

"I still think 'defect' is too harsh a word for it, but despite that, you're learning how to control your gas, aren't you?" Jazz said, knowing how much progress Victoria made, or lack there of.

"Look, the doctors say that my condition is like nothing they've seen before, and they can't help it. They actually offered me a cork to put in my ass! How sad is that?" What's even sadder is that Victoria actually tried it. Ended up building up SO much gas that the fired out like a shotgun bullet, made a whole in my pants, and hit her mother in the nose, it was only the second worst pain her nose got considering how smelly the air in their house was after Victoria released all those pent up poots.

"It doesn't have to be that bad. You just gotta make them more silent. Like you did when you auditioned for that bank commercial."

"You mean the one where the sheer force of my SBDs caused the shelf in the room to fall over? Face it. There's no way you can hide a fart... especially farts as big and rotten as mine."

FRRRRRRUUUUURRRB

"See?" Victoria said, ripping a fart that echoed throughout the coffee shop causing people to turn their heads and cover their noses.

"You have a point there... Ugh! A really rancid point." Jazz said, fanning the air around her. Janet then looked over at the billboard the coffee shop had, and noticed a flier that asked for extras for some movie. "Janet look! Some studio needs extras for some T.V. movie. This could be your humble beginning!"

"What makes you think this experience will be any different?"

"Oh come on! How can you not be an extra! It's like the easiest acting job to get! You don't even have to know how to act!... n-no offense."

"None taken. I'm pretty sure I'd just gross out all the other extras with my noisy rump."

"How about this weekend, you come over to my place, and we can practice controlling that smelly butt of yours. Okay?"

"Alright... I just don't wanna stink up your apartment again."

"Oh don't worry. I stink it up plenty. Keep in mind, farting isn't some rare disease." Jazz reassured her friend, turning around so her butt was in my face and potting a deep wet dsounding one.

BrrrRROOORsp

Victoria coughed a little and giggled from the smell, and said "Oh my! Never heard you fart in front of me before, let alone in public."

"Well, I can understand why you might feel alone. So I'm willing to sacrifice my dignity for making you feel better." Victoria wasn't sure whether to take what Jazz just said as a compliment or an insult.

Either way, she said good bye, and walked out of the shop. Victoria then walked over to the billboard and looked at the flier, noticing that there was another flier right next to it abour spirituality. Victoria wasn't very religious, but the flier captivated her with what it said.

Find your true self through spiritul enlightenment this holiday season. All it takes is one session to open your eyes your true destiny, which will lead to true happiness.

But all Victoria read was

Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit.

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[hailey-flower]

A bunch of drinks later...

"Oh my god Hailey, I can't believe you downed 5 Blind Russians... aren't you lactose in tolerant?" Linda asked, astonished at my ability to hold down booze.

"Yeah." I responded, feeling tipsy as I leaned to the side and ripped a long wet fart that smelled like chocolate liquor and Irish cream.

PFFffffFFFRRrrrrraaaarrrtTT

"Oh jeez!" Linda reacted by fanning her nose, "dairy and booze is never a good combination for you! Plus it makes your farts sound wetter than usual, to the point where I'm always worried if you sharted."

"Oh don't worry, I don't lose complete control over my ass when I'm-"

BBbbllurrublarbfruaptbaflrraaplrrpbbttt

A long, warm, bubbly fart pushed it's way out, admittedly without my consent.

"W-was that me?" I asked being 80% sure it was me.

"Oh my- Fuck Hailey!" Linda got a good whiff of that one. "I'm just glad my nose isn't as sensitive as Madison's... speaking of which, she's been in her catatonic state for longer than usual."

"Oh don't worry, her brain should turn back on in a few sec-" And just then, Madison inhaled loudly.

"OH GOD!" Madison said as she woke up. "Why do you always do that to me Hailey!? You know my nose is delicate. I can't handle when you fart right next to me, let alone right in my face!"

"Then why do you keep hanging out with us?" I asked.

"Yeah. I mean, Hailey, Autumn, and I always fart when we hang out." Linda said as lifted her right leg, ripping a deep smelly one.

PPPUUUUURRB

"See?" Linda then smelled her own fart "Phew! Good one."

"Dammit Linda! This part of the bar already stinks enough with Hailey's butt here, we don't need your rancid rear gassing it up too!" Madison ranted as she held her nose tightly.

"Honestly Maddie, you can always say no to our hang out sessions." I told her.

"Well if I wasn't here to keep you guys in check, no one would be. Honestly, do you guys just go around farting wherever you go? That is the most crude thing! I can't think of anything more disguating in the whole world! And I don't see how anyone could possibly find joy in that! God, it's like I'm the only normal one in this entire-"

BRRRAAAAARRRRFFF

PRRRRRRUUUUUUUBBBBBB

Faplfrbarbplareuorrrtttbbbbtttppllarp

Me, Linda, and Autumn pointed out butts towards Madison, and managed to shut her up by overloading her mind again with too much smelly sensory data.

"Seriously, I think she only hangs out with me because I'm kinda sorta famous." I said, not sure if that's true or not.

"Whatever reason she's your friend, she has been a friend." Linda replied. "Remember when you and I went skiing and she called us to warn us about the blizard we didn't know about?"

"Yeah."

"And when your car broke down in the middle of the Nevada desert, and she drove out to get you?"

"Yeah."

"And when she let you use her washing machine since your washing machine was making that weird noise... I don't remember how it sounded... Hey Autumn, do you remember how that noise sounded?"

Autumn thought about it, and repsonded.

Fffffffaaaaaabbttt

"Yeah! It did sound a bit like that... Thank god it didn't smell like that."

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[hailey-flower]

"So Hailey, how did you get into the whole YouTube thing?" Judy asked me.

"Well, it was kind of unintentional, but I made the decision to just go with it. I was 16. My best friend Linda, who's still my friends after all these years, was going through a really bad break up, and she didn't want to talk to me or any of her friends for a month. I finally decided to make a video and send it to her. The video was me talking about how high school love is bullshit and how not to let it ruin your life. It made her feel way better, and apparently, it made a lot of strangers who were also going through high school break ups feel better as well. I got comments telling me to keep giving advice and sharing my thoughts, so I did."

"My my. You're not only a great videographer, you're a fantastic friend!"

"Thank you!" I was still surrpised at how human this network president seemed. I mean, I've been ripping silent smelly farts ever since we met, and she hasn't batted an eye at the smell once! Not sure what's wrong with her nose, but I won't question a good thing.

"I do hope you stick by your friends, even after you make it big, which you might say you already have."

"Are you kidding? If it weren't for my friend, I wouldn't be here talking to a network president about to get my own TV show! You're damn right I'm sticking by them! In fact, I'm gonna tell them all about this once we have our weekly hang out. And I just know they're gonna lose their shit."

"Speaking of which... do you smell anything?" Judy asked, making me feel nervous.

"Uhhh... what do you mean?" I asked pretending I didn't smell the same thing.

"You don't think it's kinda funky in here?"

"Uh... no not at all!" I said as a bead of sweat made it's way down my temple.

Judy's POV

Oh thank god! She doesn't notice that I've been passing incredibly stinky gas this whole time. It's a good thing I watched that instructional video on proper butt control. My farts are usually insanely loud and wet. Like a fire hose and a fog horn had a baby.

"Well that's good. It must all be in my head. At my age, my senses just go crazy." I said trying to play it off.

"You don't look that old! In fact you look pretty hot. I bet your assistant over there stares at that nice ass of yours all the time."

"Oh I highly doubt Phil pays much attention to it. And if he does pay attention to it, I doubt he really wants to." Phil really is a trooper. He's with me through thick and thin at every conference, every seminar... Even when we're on the escalator, he's right behind me... reluctantly smelling my rancid rump.

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[hailey-flower]

"Okay..." I said after taking a few gallons of what smelled like eggs and hasbrowns to the face. "You know you could've just told me you needed to do that."

"I'm sorry." Angel replied, "I was just hoping you would need to let out some farts yourself so that I could justr kind of mix mine in with yours."

"Angel, never feel anxious or iffy around me when it comes to farts. I know I'm putting on a serious act here, but I'm still me, you know." I then proved this by reminding her who her client was.

PPPpppffffFFFRRrrrtt

I sighed in relief and said "See?"

"Okay." Anegl said, fanning the air, "You must really want this T.V. gig then."

"What can I say? I have a voice that needs to be heard in as many mediums as possible."

"What will you do with your youtube account?"

"Oh I'll still be on there. Just less frequently."

"Ever think you'll reach a point where you're investing too much time in your show to focus on youtube?"

"Eh, I don't think so. But I always wondered if I should hand the channel over to my little brother. He can rename it and he'd still have the followers I have."

"Is Ned into making videos?"

"I don't know, Ned doesn't really share his interests with me. But I know how 12 year olds are." I said, once being 12 myself. "It's a shame I won't be able to spend much time with him once I start this T.V. show. I know he acts all aloof and uninterested, but deep down, I know he loves me."

"Clearly you love him, so how can he not love you?"

"Not sure." I said right before breaking wind.

Brrroooff

"I don't know how he could possibly not love being around me." I said, tounge-in-cheek.

"Oh come on, he HAS to be used to that by now."

"I don't think it's just my farts. He's constantly being driven back and forth each week to live my mom and dad separately. The divorce affected him in a big way. I just want to be there to make him feel better."

Angel smelled the air in her office and said "Well if you're making him feel better, your butt's just gonna make him sick again."

"Hey, some of this is yours too!"

"Yeah, but I don't have to visit your little brother." Angel said confidently. "So he'll never have to endure my smelly farts!"

Ffffaaaarrp

Angel let out a nice deep one, adding to musk that filled the room.

I then made a suggestion. "When the president arrives, make sure we open and close this door SUPER quickly."

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[hailey-flower]

"Something wrong Hailey?" Day asked me.

"Nah." I replied, "I just hope the messages I get from real life people are a bit better."

Day earnestly replied, "The internet's still the internet whether it's in real life or in a stupid webcomic."

Chat With Me

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[hailey-flower]

31 years ago

It was a snowy day in the big city, and a 20 year old Victoria Flower just walked into her drama class.

"Victoria! You're late again!" The instructor scolded.

"Sorry Ms. Nanza." Victoria replied. "I promise it won't happen again."

"You say that every time you're late, and it always happens again." Ms. Nanza seemed rather aggrevated. "Did you at least come prepared this time?"

"Yes indeed!" Victoria said, "I have my script right here!"

"I mean, do you have it memorized?" Ms. Nanza asked.

Victoria didn't really have every detail of her part of the script memorized, but she got the basic story and character she was playing in her scene, and figured she has nothing to worry about. "Uh... yeah, sure! I got it all up here!" Victoria said as she tapped her forehead.

"Good. Because we're about to rehearse your scene right now." Ms. Nanza said as she directed Victoria to the stage where all the other students were waiting for Victoria to show up. Most of them gave her mean looks as she walked up to the stage, considering she has a habit of keeping them waiting, and generally being a bit on the socially awkward side.

"Alright, let's not waste anymore time. This Christmas play isn't going to rehearse itself!" Ms. Nanza shouted. "If everyone's in position, let's begin. ACTION!"

The play takes place in 18th century England and is about a woman who is trying to get home in time for Christmas after being stolen by a kidnapper. Victoria plays the wife of a watchman that plans on escorting the main female lead back to her husband.

"Don't worry Gertrude, I'll make sure to get you back to your husband before Christmas Eve has past." The actor playing the watchman proclaimed.

"Oh I do thank you." The actress playing Gertrude replied. "I just hope I'm not too much of a burden. You deserve to spend Christmas Eve with your significant other."

"As do you my lady." The watchman actor said.

Victoria, as the watchman's wife, walks over to the watchman and says "Uh, my good sir, might I ask when you will return?"

"Not to worry Martha darling. I'll be back in time for Christmas." The watchman replied.

"Alright Adam. I just worry oh so very much about-" Mid-sentence, Victoria felt a rumble in her tummy. She was in such a rush to get to her drama class, she forgot to let out any flatulence she built up in her sleep. She tried to ignore it and continue acting, "Ahem, I just worry so much about you my lord. Why if anything were to happen to you I'd-"

FRRRRAaaaaAAAAPPPppppPPPpp

Out of Victoria's control, she expelled a raunchy deep fart that echoed through the auditorium, and also stunk up most of it. This was the first time Victoria accidentally farted during rehearsal. The other students were petrified, some disgusted, some just shocked. Victoria didn't like the idea of everyone around her being uncomfortable, so while remaining in character, she continued...

"Why if anything were to happen to you I'd finally have the house to myself! Which means I can finally cut loose all this pent up funk from my fanny!' Victoria jokingly said as she farted once more, this time in the direction of the watchman actor.

PpppppRRRRRRrrrrRTTTttttTT

All the actors, including the watchman, started laughing at the rediculousness of Victoria's actions, still acknowledging the horrid smell. The only one who wasn't amused, was Ms. Nanza.

"VICTORIA! Is this all one big joke to you?" She yelled.

This made Victoria nervous as to what Ms. Nanza would do next.

"That's it!" Ms. Nanza said, we're using the under study for the opening night.

"But-" Victoria said, but was quickly cut off.

"I don't want to hear any buts from you!" Ms. Nanza said not recognizing the pun she made which caused everyone around her to quietly giggle... except Victoria who was disappointed.

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[hailey-flower]

"Alright," Day said, "Let's get out of here before any other customers get a whiff of your new suit."

"These people don't even know how famous this smell is about to become!" I joked, smelling the air myself.

Day continued fanning her nose and said "Oh please. The last person I remember who was famous for farting was your mom."

"Oh my god I totally forgot to tell her about this!" I replied, gradually getting excited to have an excuse to talk to my mom. "She's gonna be psyched!"

"Doesn't she have some experience with television?" Day asked.

"A little. She was an extra in a made-for-T.V. movie on "The Life Channel"... of course she was fired."

"I forgot. Why was she fired?"

I then answered that question the best way I knew how.

Ffffrrrrruuuuuubbbb

"Basically that." I said fanning the air towards Day.

"Oh god!" Day exclaimed catching a few sniffs of it. "I think my eyes are burning!"

"Yeah well imagine that smell, but constantly. I mean, she tried keeping her fart down to silent but deadly, but... there's still the 'deadly' part."

"No kidding. That fart is still going on?" Day asked surprised.

"Yup!" I proudly mentioned. I love bringing up my mom's ongoing continuous insanely long fart that's still being blown from her butt. "Ever since she was 21, she's been keeping that fart going. She currently holds the record for "longest fart" at 29 years long, soon to be 30 years... Aw man, I'll have to get her a present that day."

"Maybe you could announce that you're gonna start holding one long fart for the rest of your life! She'd be super proud of that."

"Nah. My mother is a free spirit detatched from all social norms. I, on the other hand, am a youtube celebrity who might be getting a T.V. show... it's kind of impossible for me to become a completely free spirit, let alone free enough to hold one continuous fart for almost 30 years like my mom has."

"Well, I'm sure she's proud of you either way." Day said encouragingly.

"Well, I'll find out for sure once I visit her and tell her all about it. Wanna join me?" I asked.

Day's eyes got wide as she replied, "I don't think I could handle another visit to your mom's house. My head's still dizzy from last time."

"Oh come on, if you can handle my farts, why can't you handle my mom's?" I asked as I ripped one towards Day.

Ppprrrroooorrrrtt

Day sniffed my fart and said "Yes, because your farts eventually stop."

BRRRUUP

"As do mine." Day said after cutting a strong meaty poot, prompting her to fan her big smelly butt.

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[hailey-flower]

We both sniffed the air as it reaked of both of our ass gas.

"Good god," I said while fanning my nose, "I still can't believe your farts smell worse than mine."

"Hey!" Day replied while blushing on all four of her cheeks, "Yours are no picnic!"

"Well at least the PJs I'm wearing muffle the smell a little bit."

"I can't imagine what your pants would say if they could speak."

"I think they'd be unconsious right about now. And if they were before..." I then ripped a long, deep, steamy fart that filled up the back side of her PJs.

BBbRrrrRRRAAaaAPPPPppp

I sighed in relief and said "Then they definitely are now."

Day plugged her nose and said "If only you could keep your farts in your pants while meeting the network president."

"Don't remind me." I then sighed in reluctance, "I'm gonna have to NOT be myself for the first time in forever."

"Well don't you worry." Day reassured me, "Tomorrow, we're going shopping for a suit for you to wear to the meeting. I figured it might help you change the way you act."

"Oh yeah! Dressing like a business woman will DEFINITELY change my entire personality." I sarcastically said, then proceeding to act out what I'd be like as a business woman, "Excuse me ma'am, but I must say I do look forward to our upcoming transaction involving my incredibly imbecilic YouTube channel."

Pppppuuuurrrrff

"Oh my! Pardon me!" I said playfully staying in character "I appear to be leaking methane! How unprofessional of me! Hopefully we can all awkwardly ignore this wretched stench."

Day started giggling while fanning the air. "I think at that point, the president would be on the floor laughing."

"Or I'd be kicked out and black listed."

"That too." Day admitted. "Just stay positive, or I'll stop letting you snuggle my butt."

FFFRRUUUP

Just as she mentioned it, another monsterous fart, both in sound and in stench, erupted from her butt.

I gagged as my hair was blown back. "Well, when it smells like that, I don't know if I'd want to snuggle it." I said jokingly.

Day giggled and replied, "Yeah, I can't imagine anybody would."

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[hailey-flower]

"OH MY GOD!" Day exclaimed, realizing she had knocked me back with her powerful gas. "Are you okay!? I am SO sorry! Damn this butt!"

"Hey hey!" I said getting off the ground after being blown against the wall, "Don't you ever 'Damn' your beautiful behind."

"I just wish what came out of it wasn't so… destructive." Day self deprecated.

"Well, with a butt that big, it never surprised me that your farts were a bit more vigorous than average. You know how jealous I am of that."

"Well, when it hurts the people I love, it this butt becomes more of a curse than anything." Day said depressingly.

I put my hand on Day's shoulder. "Look, your butt isn't and will never be anything but soft, comfy," I sniffed the air, "And occasionally very smelly. And you know none of that matters."

"Yeah, to you! But you're the one saying how you have a hard time being serious… how will anyone ever take me seriously with a butt like this?" It still secretly bothered me that Day always wanted to be taken seriously.

Still, I crouched down, and began snuggling Day's enormous pillow of a rump. "It sounds to me like you need to be reminded why this butt makes you the sexiest woman ever." I said while rubbing Day's soft cushiony ass. "What do you say we look further into this in our bedroom?"

Day starts blushing and says "S-sounds like a good idea…"

"Well I'm glad you're on board, but what does this old softy think?" I asked while squeezing Day's butt tightly, pressing my face against one of the cheeks.

BBBRRRAAAAFFF

Day pushed out a fart that was loud and windy, as all of her farts are, as I smelled it.

"Oh my! Such a dirty talker!" I jokingly said right before slapping Day's ass cheek.

"EEP!" Day screeched, surprised by the slap. "Careful with that thing! It's sensitive!" Day then demonstrated what she meant by releasing another loud smelly one, this time a bit wetter than before.

PPPPRRAAASSP

I giggled and said "I know. That's what I love about it… and the fact that it's the biggest butt I've ever seen helps too."

I then kissed Day's butt, causing Day to fart once again, this time with a bit more contact with my tongue.

FRRAAAAAAABBBB

"Ack! Oh my!" I gagged, tasting my lover's fart a bit more, "You had a ham sandwich recently."

Day laughed and smiled, then she had a weird look on her face as if I was accurate in saying that and she was freaked out.

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[hailey-flower]

"I mean, surely the network president doesn't have that big of a stick up her ass." I said trying to reassure myself.

"Maybe." Angel replied. "But it's best not to get on her bad side by flaunting YOUR stick-free ass."

I grew a bit worried. "I mean… I've always had a hard time not being myself… probably the only good thing about the internet is the freedom it gives you to express yourself. And if I have to act like a different persona round these T.V. big-wigs, then maybe this isn't worth it."

"Hailey," Angel sternly said, "I may have only known you for two years, but I already know that you're going places. Remember that video you made where you told your fans to never give up on their dreams?"

I had a flashback for a second, as that video was made a year before Angel became her agent. "I do… But, my only dream is to be free to express myself."

"Oh I'm not talking about your dream. I'm talking about my dream to finally have a client who's on T.V." She said completely throwing off my expectation.

"Well, how selfless of you." I sarcastically replied. "Now I'm glad your office smells like farts! Infact…" I pointed her butt in Angel's direction and ripped a deep, smelly, 9 second long fart.

Fffrrrrraaaaappp

Angel gagged as her hair got blown back by the warm, thick air that just flapped out of my rump. It's always a hilarious sight to me.

"Ack! Gross! Well, right back at you!" Angel shouted as she got up, bent over with her butt facing me and pushed out a sloppy, wet sounding fart. Unfortunately for Angel, she may have pushed a bit too hard…

Pppprrruuuussshhhhlaaarrppplat

Angel, felt a bit more wetness in the back of her pants than she expected, as her fart quickly turned into a shart.

"Oh… whoops… dammit." Angel expressed sheer embarrassment and frustration, while I just laughed at what just happened.

"Hahahaha! Oh Angel," I said not even trying to hold back laughter, "I can't stay mad at you. Tell you what, I'll speak to this network president, and with any luck, I'll be able to act a bit more polite than I'm used to. Okay?"

"Alright… just don't turn the meeting room into a gas chamber like my office is right now." Angel said, smelling the air around her and fanning her nose. "Whew! You definitely have talent… of some kind."

I sniffed her own scent and patted her own ass proudly. "So do you. You have the amazing ability to shart on command!"

"SHART U- I mean SHUT UP!" Angel shouted, blushing red and fanning her butt.

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