halwardthefirst

[halwardthefirst]

I’m saving Amphoreus by having him in my grasp every day forever, he’s not escaping 🫡

I think people should write lygus fanfic and they should rim his robohole and make him bluescreen till he regrets it like a good robot

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Happy birthday Bonerfart:3

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Scandalabra!!

This wig was so fun to do but also a pain

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How long have I been absent?

I sound so schizophrenic explaining this 😭

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[halwardthefirst]

Your favorite historical tomfoolery is back gang

[halwardthefirst]

Post-realization Scandalabra headcanons because he lives in my brain now (some are x reader). Contains "other guy" related spoilers but doesn't get into anything specific. All of these are sfw

He hides his small array of normal clothes in an opulent chest. He feels like it ruins his image, even though most people would prefer he wear them. He usually wears these clothes when his week has proved particularly depressing, and his collection of them grows if/when you find out about Jon.

On the topic of clothes, I feel he has a silver waistcoat/coat/breeches set that he says “reminds him of his past.” He does not elaborate and changes the subject if questioned.

Buys classical literature and poetry but never, ever reads them. I do feel like he’d read the occasional book covering the 18th-century aristocracy, though. There is a real book (that I NEED to purchase) called “British Dandies: Engendering Scandal and Fashioning a Nation.” I need say no more.

He hides his trashy romance in the same place he hides his average clothes. Though he gets around to reading them more often than the books he buys to seem sophisticated, he is always left unsatisfied because they never seem to speak to his unorthodox way of treating relationships.

I do subscribe to the Made in New Jersey tramp stamp theory.

Although he loves his fancy food, he adores the easy-to-make “low-class” ones just as much (if not more, because the taboo of him eating such food is scandalous on its own). If you catch him off guard, you can find him eating something particularly out of character. Grit cakes doused in Frank’s Red Hot (which he believes to be his own invention) is a guilty pleasure that he will not admit to anyone.

No matter what perfume he uses, there’s a strange, strangely smoky undertone to it that you can never put your finger on. Also feel like he uses way too much perfume (which extends to Jon with his cologne).

Bathroom hog and it’s irritating to anyone with the misfortune of living/staying with him. He takes forever to do his hair, to put on his makeup, to take a shower, even to use the bathroom for its intended purpose.

Throws IMMACULATE murder mystery dinner parties and promotes them to his regular clients. He goes all out on decoration and lore. The only irritating part (other than the fact that he’s throwing it) is that he gets pissy when you break character. Can also see this applying to Jon.

He is generally useless around the house unless you walk him through the steps. He rarely takes it upon himself to clean/do errands/fix anything that needs fixing, partially because he doesn’t know how to (due to the fact that he’s only been human for a short time) but also because he knows he can get away with it. However, once he gets used to being human, I feel he’d enjoy cooking and baking as a hobby… after many years of downright miserable trial and error.

Dating (x reader) hcs:

Do not sleep next to him unless you want to have a horrible time. An array of problems will befall you. He runs hot, which not only makes you sweat like hell when he doesn’t steal your blanket but also will create more issues when he inevitably does. He tosses and turns the entire night until he finally cranks on the AC, which of course wakes you up, and you have to steal it back. And then he gets pissy and makes a point of not having a blanket or of going to get one to make you feel bad. Never sleep next to this guy unless he’s drugged or something.

Loves to be pampered, of course. This is especially prevalent if you date him, at which point he’ll be passively whiny if your options are clearly low-budget (but it will take some prying to get him to admit the reason for his displeasure). Despite this, he adores any dates that involve people watching and inevitably becomes too distracted by the endless opportunity for scandal to worry about the budget. When he does treat you to a date, it’s one he cannot afford. He will make this your problem shortly after.

His love for being coddled goes beyond financial matters, too. He melts if you offer to cook his (ostensibly) favorite meal, massage him, draw him a fancy bath complete with atmosphere (or even help him bathe if you’re feeling especially generous), etc.

Adores PDA and makes a point of it so you two can be a hot topic. Also partially because he’s otherwise deprived of affection but he doesn’t say that.

[halwardthefirst]

the smooth taste of neotenna

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If some of these aren’t good, my apologies, I drew them with my finger 😭

[halwardthefirst]

SCANDALABRA ROUTE SPOILERS‼️

Scandalabra’s only possible career paths after realization being either something as biennial and quirky as a hairdresser or a literal professional murder is maybe the funniest thing ever. Like of course that freak didn’t consider any other options. God why can’t he be normal

[halwardthefirst]

There is a serious, serious lack of Scandalabra content, and tiktok + tumblr have blessed me well so I decided to make an account here and give back 🥲🕯 posted to tiktok first under the same username!!

Proud to be a day 1 Scandal lover <3 😏

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Some sketches from october which I forgot to post. I still kinda like them

(TW: body horror)

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🩸DEMOLITION LOVERS🩸

Robesmoulins in POSSESSION(1981) au

Old art work again cuz my side account has lost

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Spamton design stuff aka my Thinly veiled excuse to draw a bunch of him

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I want to bust the fattest nut in Scandalabra’s buttcheeks

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Hope the 10 Scandalabra fans will like this