hamlet-the-dane-official

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

i pray you forgive my silence. i have been crying into my pillow for five days straight, after which i needed brisk rescue from my self created briny prison by what i am certain was once a very seaworthy craft but could now not be misconstrued for more than a life raft...

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

what about a simple kidnapping..like gag-and-bag type thing. what about that

...it's not nearly as dramatic as i had hoped, but it will do. anything for a vacation!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

swnding blessings your way, my friend. i know the pains of family dinners ... they truly make the 'not to be' option seem so appealing. though i'm sure you'll make it through, and your poor gut too.

now i do think you should consider giving ophelia a little more grace. what has she ever done to you?

oh, you know it well, then? you are kind to say so... it feels such a daunting prospect! one i'm not certain how to contend with as of yet!

...i see. your kindness was a ruse! i'll not be taken for a fool! she has betrayed me! she too thought she could make a fool of me! she returned my gifts, my letters, threw my love back in my face! and now you ask for grace for her? did she send you? it must be so! you can tell her this: that she is a cruel and fickle creature, as all women are!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

hamlet how are you. what's up.

finally! there is intelligent life out there and i have found it! or rather, he has found me. what a joyous day for me! to have a pair of eyes turn their way towards me, former jewel of denmark, and decide to care! would that my mother had your exceptional sense of spirit!

as for how i am: terrible! my father is dead, my uncle is king and my mother won't allow me to skip out on his birthday dinner! i will not be made to eat pickled herring! unless he wishes for me to vomit on his shoes! ...actually, that's not such a horrible idea save for the state of my poor gut...

i do suppose "thanks" are in order for your kindness... and if you do know of anyone looking to carry out an elaborate kidnapping of a grief-stricken prince, do send them my way!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

...i knew it smelt a bit fishy down here. i had assumed -- never mind.

next time, we'll try the arras, perhaps?

help.... trapped under my uncle's bed. thought i could convince him i was a ghost or demon and get him to confess but my mother came in and - oh god they're coming to bed! help! send military forces! send horatio! send me a therapist!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

how’s Ophelia doing?

it's always "how's ophelia?" "what's ophelia doing?" "doesn't ophelia look lovely today?"

and never "how's HAMLET doing? is he enjoying his mental breakdown? don't the dark circles under his eyes look becoming on him?????"

ophelia is FINE. no doubt. in fact, i see her just over there... oh. she seems to be dripping... mother won't like that. i'm certain she smells like a wet dog. she certainly looks like one!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

okay but if denmark wasn't real.

then how

egg

...you do bring up a compelling point.

what came first? denmark or the egg?

according to the internet, a place where people are notably not allowed to lie under fear of death, denmark became a kingdom before chickens ever came to our shores. of course, this doesn't account for other birds or reptiles or, i suppose, insects...

no, perhaps, the egg has always been here. the egg is infinite. it is denmark which is a fallacy.

in conclusion, there is no doubt in my mind that while eggs are real, denmark is merely a state of being and not a goodly one at that!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

Your blog is so fun

😥...you must have heard of dialetheism, correct? one statement can be true, while the opposite is also true?

who sent you?

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

Thoughts on T S Eliot?

...you wish to know what i think of the man?? well, i'll tell you!

he was an artistic failure!

why, he knew nothing of emotion or how, indeed, to express it! what a sour old man! had he knew loss as i did, he may have thought differently!

as to his poetry, what dull readings do they make! so convoluted and nonsensical that his criticisms are simple to scoff at! a waste land indeed!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

oh, absolutely not!

"i asked chatgpt" well, i asked my dear friend horatio and he said that i would lose

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

"i asked chatgpt" well, i asked my dear friend horatio and he said that i would lose

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

it's 14°c i'm not built for the summer... my trousers are on the floor. why am i made only to suffer injustice?

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

help.... trapped under my uncle's bed. thought i could convince him i was a ghost or demon and get him to confess but my mother came in and - oh god they're coming to bed! help! send military forces! send horatio! send me a therapist!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

sir, i am shocked to find that you and i are once again of one mind... i do appreciate your efforts, no matter how superfluous they were in the end. i'll ask, then, that you take mine and burn it as well. and... give my best to ophelia

my uncle just gave me something called a "labubu"? this is clearly some form of thinly veiled death threat... or perhaps he has, well and truly, lost his mind...

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

my uncle just gave me something called a "labubu"? this is clearly some form of thinly veiled death threat... or perhaps he has, well and truly, lost his mind...

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

after eight long months...the shadowban has been removed!

your wicked shadowban could not stop me, uncle! now you will know my true wrath!

[hamlet-the-dane-official]

before pride month ends would anyone like to help me disappoint my mother?