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[hamtaro636]

8/27/24

Another fight another day, its 23:26pm, typing away in the tatami room, its so hot, and im sweating, im really struggling this year, with my wife changing, and me not being able to live up to her needs, i need to do better, i really do, its just hard for to accept.

[hamtaro636]

5/23/24

22:59pm im sad

[hamtaro636]

5/23/24

10:56pm im sad

[hamtaro636]

5/13/24

11:44am I played an hour and a half of diablo 2 while niko and tomoko were sleeping now Niko just took a bath and is playing with the blue ball and poo san. now that is all

[hamtaro636]

5/12/24

WHile i have this going on, this year has been tough. But tough in a good way, me and Tomoko have been in way more fights, i have to be more OPEN!!! i shut down still and i hate it. but this in 10 years time will be an important year for me, because it will be a time that. i am hopefully growing alot from. Same with Niko, raising a kid is not easy, and being a dad is not easy, but its rewarding when he smiles, when my wife is being happy, its all worth it. these little joys is addicting and rewarding, but it comes with pain and suffering. this is quite the year, its a rough tough ride, but its a good kind of tough, its a ride worth doing

[hamtaro636]

5/12/24

Been a while, many things happening? well i do wana talk about my trip back to NZ! i finally went back, and looking back at it now, now that im back in Japan, it rejuvinated me in some way, it was a low key satisfying trip that was good for my health, especially mentally

Just a few things.

First night in NZ, in Auckland. It was surreal finally being back in NZ and at the same time, felt so comfortable being back in my element. Auckland on a personal level, when i was living there from 2012-2016 was an ok time, i didn't enjoy it, i didn't hate it. but now looking back, it was an important time of my life,the start of my journey to finding myself you say. and i had way way way more fond memories than i had initially thought. Auckland in 2024, felt weird, unsafe and empty. no one was in the CBD not like when i used to live there. Overall was great in my quick stay here

First night in Wellington, it rained crazy the moment we stepped outside the bus, and it was quite the introduction for my wife, son and mom in law, haha, but man, was it good to be back in Wellington again, the thoght of me living here again, yeah its do able, but the same thoughts that crept up on me while i was living here wanting me to move came back, so its a double edge sword you could say. but yeah, same as Auckland, Courtenay place and manners felt more unsafe, apart from that, felt the same. and it was just soo . .good for my heart, especially mentally. now looking back.

Finally got to meet my mate John and his fiancee Nao. Actually me and John werent good friends till the late late part of the Auckland era, and we havent really hung out much but yeah its a shame i didnt get to know him better earlier. Anyways, was really awesome to see him and meet his lovely fiancee, its a shame i couldnt eat more of the food

And yes lastly my family, who i love so much, my everything, im really happy i could take the lead most of the times when it came to restaurants, hotels etc, because they do so much for me in Japan, it was finally my turn to do it in NZ, and maybe that is aprt of the missing piece in Japan, no confidence to do that, but hopefully this starts things off slowly but surely Really happy they enjoyed the trip to NZ and that she even mentioned that she would like to live in NZ if ever, so that makes me wonder, because it was always an option, but the door was pretty closed in terms of it being a reality, but now that she mentioned it, the door is more open than ever. . Overall, this trip hits top 5 of all time for sure. in no order 2011 Gold Coast (Arize) 2008 (Philippines) 2014 (Japan) 2024 (NZ) yeah no5 i dunno, gotta think haha

Thank you NZ, thank you

[hamtaro636]

2/11/24

Finished my beer, its 21:19pm, Niko asleep, wife in the other room chilling, lying in bed. Hey i got something going on, and i know it wont last, and i mean mentally. Everyone is going to die, no one will care about you, so just do you, you are going to die one day!!! yeah, die! so .. we cant worry about little trivial things.

[hamtaro636]

1/26/24

NBA All star starters were announced

yeah thought lillard should be replaced by brunson but yeah all goods Today i have work at 3pm and someone is watching my class, a parent, hope it goes smoothly! also Niko woke up and decided to choose

CUTENESS!!!

[hamtaro636]

1/17/24

Oh happy new years,

2023, rollercoaster ride, the highest of highs, and the lows were pretty low

starting off with the lows, yeah there were many dark thoughts in my head at certain times of the year, it was swallowing me, like a whirlpool, stuck in a whirlpool, and at points, not even trying to get out of it, just letting it eat me. But after some thought and some help with books, its important to recognize that this is normal, everyone goes through these emotions and its our responsibility how we react to it. and that i am not so special, im just an average guy. every now and then the feelings will creep up, but ive managed to fight it off. the highs - oh married, and a baby, like wtf!!!! yeah im loving my kid more and more and more, hes so cute, eh hem, Niko, Niko is so cute, yeah some days are tough when hes crying all the time, but when he smiles it melts all my tiredness, all my worries away. and my wife, what a trooper, im so lucky to have her in my life, literally so great for me. eh hem, Tomoko is great. so quick update, had a month paternity leave and today is actually the last day, and it went quick, and i really enjoyed the time off and not ready to go back to work, and you know really enjoyed it in a japanese society where getting a month off is literally impossible so i really soaked it up and enjoyed just chilling, but tomorrow back to the grind. Lets see where i end up, mentally, and as a person this year. No hope, just. . see and go with the flow

Niko and Me <3 Love you!

[hamtaro636]

12/18/23

Monday, its 1521 and Tomoko and Niko are sleeping. Niko the past few days has been crying a lot and quite loud at night time. is it the witching hour. As soon as we wake him up and get him to drink milk, he doesnt really do it, but Tomoko decided to change his diaper and prepare his milk through the bottle so that by the time hes slightly awake and we can get him back to sleep. It's been a week and a half, and i suppose its slowly hitting me, i don't think 100% or what i had imagined, im still the same person just with slightly different priorities. Its been fun though overall, im enjoying it and i think its trying to turn me into the version that i want to be.

Xmas party last night, my group won the game, and the best english speaker, the first 6 groups were my students so i was proud. Haruki, Haruka, Aona, Kaoru, Masayoshi, Khun. Good job! No luck on Victor but got Scoot and Amen, so hopefully they pan out well

[hamtaro636]

12/11/2023

yeah, first day of Niko home, im in the kitchen/dining room while Tomoko is knocked out on the bed, and Niko i think about to wake up, but sleeping. yeah what a shift in life. thats what ill call it. my life before Niko, yeha thats all out the window, my life has shifted with Niko in the mix. we have to be quiet, and me and Tomoko have to really work as a team.

Day 1, lets see how much sleep. . i get. . lol im preparing no sleep

but he is so cute, he makes me want to be a better man, i want to make him proud and i hope i can, my back hurts

[hamtaro636]

12/7/23

Today was one of the craziest days ever. today i became a dad. today, i have a son, its his birthday, right now we dont have a name, but im leaning towards Luka. Anyways, first things first, respect for mothers, Tomoko was in Labor for about 12 hours, contractions are no joke, she was in so much pain, and when she was pushing, she really put her all in it, shes such an amazing woman im so lucky shes my wife.

Being in that delivery room will be a core memory, it was so surreal. when Adnap came out, he wasnt crying, his face was purple, i was so terrified, then after 30 seconds he started crying, me and Tomoko both sighed a relief, im so happy he is healthy Today is officially a new chapter in my life, i hope i can be a good dad for my son, and i hope he is treated well in a Japanese society that is still far from being a diverse country.

Also i have 3 days to my self, this is the last time i get to do the things i ususally do bymyself before its gone forever, it really is a turning of a new leaf

i had work today too, it was ok, it was the usual tbh

man, its a new chapter in my life. its really crazy, it does feel like a new chapter, i hope i can do better, the last time i felt this was 2016 when i moved to Japan.

This day was honestly a full on emotional rollercoaster, a numbness i felt, yes i was so happy that my boy is healthy, but it didnt feel life changing, maybe it hasnt sunk in. maybe i am away from Tomoko and my son that it doesnt feel like it yet. This day was kinda over shadowed by my father, i wish he was still alive so that he could meet his grandson, so that i could ask him how he felt when he had me, what he did, what advice would he give me. It made me miss my dad having a new born. Maybe its a sign that my dad was watching by having him constantly on my mind. Maybe its a way of saying, hey your me now, your a dad, its time for you to look after a child like i looked after you.

what a day. See you next time

My Family <3 My Family <3

[hamtaro636]

12/5/23

Not quite yet, but her stomach is in pain and coming in waves, so it will eventually be coming, but for now, another false alarm

[hamtaro636]

12/5/23

3:18am i think its this one. . see you soon

also i had a dream, that i was gonna get into a fight, a 3v3, i was gonna back up rigie so i went in the elevator and went up into a cafe, and brook was there and i asked him if he wanted to play counter strike. that dream, did it mean anything? also even before thgat, i took a shower, and something didnt feel right

Tomoko rang the doctor and shes currently having contractions every 6-8 minutes, if its every 5 minutes then we should. go to the hospital, so now just sitting and waiting playing Arrow quest

[hamtaro636]

12/3/23

1cm dilated, just some bleeding, not yet. . not yet buddy

[hamtaro636]

12/2/23

Taxi is here, is it time? see you in a bit Angelo

[hamtaro636]

11/28/23

one week left - its really happening, im counting down the days of this life, and entering a brand new life after.