hand-development-affairs

[hand-development-affairs]

CHIRMTAS TIME FUICKERS IN A WEEEKEKKKK

...What do you want me to say, huh? "Woooo, I'm so excited"?! Because I'm not. Fuck- I'm so behind on shopping and- I'll have to call her, and- oh cog, Ivan.

Fer cogs sake, Charme, yer soundin' like y' could turn milk sour.

None of us have milk

Can it, Wilde! Like you could ever understand.

Ah understand yer overcomplicatin' it.

What even IS milk

Heh, easy for you to say! You get to act like you're so- ABOVE it all- meanwhile- well, for US- there's Mr. Bravecog's Cogmas Party, there's Cogmas season marketing, there's pre-Cogmas season marketing, there's trying to understand that- stupid TOONSELTOWN or- however it's spelled, there's all those- SONGS- broadcasting over and over and over and OVER AND OVER- there's having to- meet everyone at once- and- and at this rate, if you don't inject Cogmas straight into your core, YOU'RE NOT EVEN A REAL SELLBOT!!!!

...

...

...

Injection isn't in our terms of employment, Dana-

I MEAN METAPHORICALLY! Just- ugh, it's whatever, I GUESS.

Mh. Least that's somethin' we can agree on.

[hand-development-affairs]

Well, after a... bit, I'm proud to announce that we have a new banner and icon!

I think Dessie did a lovely job, wouldn't you agree, Wilde?

...S'aint bad.

Ok.

[OOC: The renders are from the TTCC wiki, more exactly the wiki.gg ones. I don't know who made them but thank you for your service /gen]

[hand-development-affairs]

whats that pride flag in your blog banner?

[OOC Answer: Before with continue with shenanigans, I would like to say mod, that back when I made this blog I was going with my own personal HCs, Transmasc Desmond, Genderfluid (which is probs cannon) Dana, and Lesbian Buck, and while I still believe in said hcs the banner does need editing and whatnot, so here we goooo!]

Ask Des, he's the one who made the banner.

Isn't it obvious, anon? It's the "Transgender Flag"! A coworker of mine said that it applies to me and given that I wanted to showcase how refined and better we are than everyone, I included it, alongside me, oil, and oil!

...As for us?

What about you two? I also included references to the most refined parts of yourselves!!!

Yes, but how did you know I briefly identified as genderfluid?

You what.

...D- Dessie.

Des.

What?!

Y' are aware there's other pride flags round these parts, righ'?

...YES.

Andddd you're lying, aren't you.

NO.

He's lyin'.

Hm... you know what, I think it's time we get a new blog banner. Ooh, and a different icon to boot! A package deal!

ARE MY GRAPHIC DESIGN SKILLS NOT REFINED ENOUGH

Oh- oh nonononono, they- sure are- skills, Dessie! It's just... in all honesty, this blog has lasted... far longer than I was expecting. If I'm to be candid for a moment, I honestly thought we'd be through with it in a month, at BEST. And, well... Your banner... is good, don't get me wrong! But...

I think we can go for something much more refined, hm? More... streamlined, so to speak.

HM... I see.

There we go! I'm sure whatever you make, it'll be great.

O- OF COURSE it'll be great, I'M making it.

[hand-development-affairs]

Hey... Dana.. Are you doin alright? I heard around that something happened and i thought id come check up on you..

(@ask-toonie-cogsworth )

Ah-! Toonie... I... I'm as fine as I'll ever be, at this rate. How about you? After the audit and- the lingering mess of it all... I'm sure it's taken a toll on you... I mean- I'm not even a part of his department, and I-!

DANAAAAAAAAA-!!!!

AH-!

Des-! Fer cogs sake, don't set 'im off-

What do you want me to do, let her sit there and be sad forever?!

I- COMING, DES!! I'm so sorry- lets catch up some other time, alright? Get some cogfee? Great? Great. Bye!!!!!!

[And with some slight hesitation, Dana exits her office, rejoining the pair.]

See, it worked!

Mh.

I... look, you two, I'm sorry-

What are you being sorry for?! You didn't turn yourself into corn! ...Unless you did, and in that case, I thought you were too refined for that, Dana!

You seriously think I'd willingly turn myself into a plant?

NO!!!

Yer a lot of things, Charme. But ya ain't that stupid.

...No. I'm not.

Exactly!

[Silence.]

...Dana.

What?

If y' need a bit more time t' yerself- Des and I can continue t' hold on th' reigns-

I'm fine, Wilde.

Dana...!

I'm fine.

...

...

Anyway! What did you two need?

OH. UH. We found this in the inbox, and while Buck and I are obviously VERY professional suits!!!!!! We- um- well we saw this and we KNEW what to do, it was just-

We have no idea how t' respond t' this.

Wuh What I Now that's just invasive.

[hand-development-affairs]

dana if i told you now that a certain small fox toon is going to... ahem, spoilers, anyways. how do you feel about fox toons?

A... small fox? ...You- I- ... Alright, I'll admit. This might be a disturbing coincidence, but there is one that I... I know. I've seen my fair share of toons, don't get me wrong, dear listener. But there was one that... I'd hope it's coincidental that they fit your description. Or maybe you anons are now horrifyingly omnipresent, hah, who knows!

...

I'll only say so much. I suppose they made me realize- that those fuzzballs could... pursue and admire the beauty of radio, or however you want to put it. It's been a while since I've gotten to properly talk with them. But- of course I was able to talk with them again to begin with, I'm a PR suit after all! And- and... I can handle this. I know I can. Ah, look at me, going on and on... I guess that's what happens when- you're abruptly rendered nonverbal. Because you turned into corn.

Dear cog, what is my life anymore.

[hand-development-affairs]

DESMOND IN THE SODASAAWAWWAWAWAWAWAAAAAA……..

[hand-development-affairs]

do suits sleep or do you just lean against the wall for the while

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW WE SLEEP.

Des- s' likely cause ya talked 'bout yer sleepin' habits earlier.

Oh. Well- it depends on the suit, OBVIOUSLY.

Ah'm quite flexible myself. Ah'm used t' sleepin' on th' ground, given that there aren't many walls t' lean on out in th' ol' country... but ah'm able t' work wit what ah got.

Of course you can, you're refined!!! I myself... also lie down. It is what I was forced to practice ever since I was provided a living space WITH a bed, per my former employment contract. And as much as I would've loved to be able to sleep at my desk in my... forcefully unrefined months of employment, I couldn't!!!

Y' were too focused?

The phones were too LOUD!!!!!

Mh.

Not that I mind now. I maintain a VERY professional sleeping setup, that yes, involves lying down, and I plan to KEEP it that way!!!

[hand-development-affairs]

Oh. I thought you liked my animal facts. Sorry for bothering you all this time, then.

...If you WANTED to reach out to me- the least you could do is just outright TELL me that!!! HMPH!

Anon... wit all due respect, Des ain't exactly t' nature type.

I can tell the mosquitos like to look at me all... FUNNY.

Yer facts ain't bad.

Just TELL me next time, send an email, instead of- USING animal facts to try and- lure me in, like some... LURE GAG!

[hand-development-affairs]

Buck how... How are you holding up through this whole audit ordeal? I haven't exactly seen you around all too much and if i have i havent recognized you I'm sorry...

Cogs im tired..

(@ask-toonie-cogsworth )

Mh. Sorry ah got t' ya this late, Mx. Cogsworth. Hope yer still holdin' up, despite it all. Now, 'bout th' audit... Hm. Well. Was a pain in the ass, ah can tell yeah that. Ah didn't exactly 'ppricate havin' t' deal constantly wit boardbots tryin' t' break into our offices, claimin' they could "lend us a helping hand."

I'm perfectly satisfied with my OWN hands as IS!!!

Mh-hm, exactly. Now ah've seen my fair share o' turmoil, ah'd even go so far as t' say we're well acquainted. But if ah'm to be honest. ... Ah ain't never seen somethin' spiral as quickly as that audit. Was like watchin' a spinnin' top in quicksand.

I STILL can't believe the Chairman hired- shadowy LIARS- after he FIRED the other Boardbots for LYING!!!!!

Hm.

There needs to be a SET STANDARD! Does COGS inc. hire liars, or NOT! Not to mention that one that's been all- networky with Dana!

Ah haven't spent much time wit t' new lot. And considerin' what I've heard 'bout them Head Honchos... it's fer t' best.

For you?

No. Fer them. And t' integrity of their shells.

[hand-development-affairs]

Did you know that a spider's web strands are five times stronger than steel? A rope of spider silk just two inches thick could stop an airplane in its tracks!

DANAAAAAAA!!! ... BUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Hm?

WHY are we getting ANIMAL facts!?

Hmp. Yer guess is as good as mine.

Well... in case you haven't noticed, ANON, we're not TOONS, we're SUITS. Animals doing things like- making steel producing "Vitiamin C" are TOONY inventions, and I am NOT going to waste my time on tricks conducted by- unprofessional grass eating and ground eating- animals!!!

[hand-development-affairs]

DANA WHAT HAPPENED

I... I should go.

Dana, wait-!!!

What th' hell do ya mean "stupid ask"?!

I- I've blown things out of proportion enough as is!!!

Why were you crying!? Is being corn really that painful?????

If yer gettin' those- blasts or whatnot again, ya coulda told me! Ah could use a mirror an-

FOR COGS SAKE YOU TWO-!!!! I...

[Sigh...] I need a moment. You saw nothing.

But-

But-

YOU SAW NOTHING

[Dana slams the door to her office, and slowly sinks to the floor, sighing with... exhaustion? Relief? Who knows.]

Oh SHUT UP!!!!

[Meanwhile...]

...

...

Fer t' record. No, ah didn't. Ah didn't seem 'em movin' before Des brought it t' my attention, and ah... assumed it was some kinda tacky party decoration.

Well how was I supposed to know corn doesn't have eyes?!? I don't WASTE my time looking at plants like an unrefined NERD!!!

Mmhp.

[hand-development-affairs]

Corn doesn’t have a core

...Yeah, we KNOW. That's why Dana's DEAD. Are you stupid!?

Mh.

...Buck.

Hm?

You're the- you work in all the- land- aspects of our partnership-!

Are ya askin' me t' handle the burial?

Well-! Who else WILL!?! I work with oil, not CORN!

Mh. F- Fair. ...Normally ah'd- the corn decays, n' goes back t' the soil, one way or another. But...

...

It jus don't feel right t'- go 'bout it like that wit 'im.

...Even with- whatever the hell a corn is- it still feels like- its just Dana and she's here an- IS THAT OIL!?!?

[Even more sobbing noises.]

BUCK.

What in tarnation!?

IS CORN SUPPOSED TO CONTAIN THAT MUCH OIL!?

Des. DES. T' EYES ARE MOVIN', DES. THEY'RE MOVIN'.

CORN EYES DON'T DO THAT?!

WHAT THE HELL IS "CORN EYES" S'POSSED T' MEAN-!?

CORN EYES MEANS- TEMPORARY!?

AH- Desmond. DESMOND KEROSENE. DO Y' MEAN T' TELL ME THIS WAS ALL JUST SOME- ANON TOON MAGIC JUNKSCRAP RAZZLE DAZZLE CHICANERY-!?

I-!

[POOF!]

-AND IF I KNEW- hh- IT WAS GOING TO SPRIAL INTO SUCH A MASSIVE COGDAMNED MESS, I WOULD'VE- hic- NEVER OPENED THAT STUPID- hhu- ASK IN THE FIRST PLACE- COG, THEY CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME-!!!!! THEY CAN'T-! PLEASE COG- gh- PLEASE-!!! I CAN'T- I DON'T WANT- I CAN'T LEAVE THEM- NOT LIKE THIS-!!! PLEASE-

Oh.

[hand-development-affairs]

saddest and most sopping wet cat of a corn cob cog ever

[HRKKN WAUGHHHGHH SOB HHUUHHHHH WAUUGAUHHGHGHGU UUUUUWAAHHGAHGHGH WUAGHGHGHGHHRH HHRHK UUGHKH WAUUGAHAH BWAHHHHH]

[UWAHGHHGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]

[hand-development-affairs]

Clap, clap, clap. What an end to a long, arduous performance, to the end of the tragedy of Dana S. Charme’s life. A death as absurd as the rest of her life, an end as peaceful as it is sorrowful and sudden. Rest in pieces, performer. Everyone, take a standing ovation, as the actors and actresses bow. :)

STOP SPEAKING WORDS!!!!!!!!!! WE DIDN'T EVEN INVITE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S' a good eulogy, ah'll give 'em that.

More like a- unrefined-! Eulogy!!!

Des-

I'm busy going through the 12 quarters of grief, BUCK, stop existing so- loudly!!!

Ah think its 5 stages.

You know, rage, rage, rage, rage-

-ge, and r- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

Oh fer cogs sake, be respectful!!! Ah'm not even a fan of 'er work, but at least AH know when t' set our grudges aside fer once!

[hand-development-affairs]

dana is corn. ergo. dana is dead

[?!?!?!?!??!?!!]

WHAT?! NO!!! No- Dana- Dana can't be DEAD! That'd be stupid!!!

...He wouldn't fold over THAT easily, fer cogs sake.

I don't think he asked to be turned into corn, Buck.

[!!!!!!!!]

...Ya think he's still there? Somehow?

WAIT- I have once again, come up with a perfect solution to the crisis at hand. Cores can beep. If you have a core, you're not dead. So if Dana can beep, that means he has a core, and she isn't dead!

...Alrigh.

HEY DANA, SAY SOMETHING!!!

[...She can't, Desmond.]

...

...

...Well. Ah suppose that's that-

No. No. Nonono- that's not FAIR!!! Now we've got- to- arrange a dead suit retirement party or- WHATEVER! And we're going to have to- tell everyone that she's now- d- dead-!!!

[!?]

Des-? Do y' need a moment-?

AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE FOREVER!!! And- and they're going to be mad and broken that- she's died so STUPIDLY and we'll all lose morale and- NOTHINGS going to get done, Buck! We're going to have to inform ourselves, inform Mr. Oilcan, the Chairman, Allan-!

That one- that Adrian suit she's always talking about, her mom, Ivan, wugh- Winston, that Auger guy, Mr. Wi- BOAR, even-!

Tiberius, Ethan, all of Allan's- kids- all the Sellbots except for the ones she hates, the tubers, if they ever get back from their migration, us again- Buck- it'll- they'll all- they'll all- GRAH!!!

...It'll be a shame, that's fer sure. ... Goin' out like this. Ah- ah... Mh.

[hand-development-affairs]

youre like ants or little dolls to me.

EXCUSE you, Dana is OBVIOUSLY not an ANT right now, he's a- [Desmond pauses to pull out his phone and squint at the screen as he reads a message.] "a cob of corn"! Do you even have EYES, anon?!

[You feel like, if the corn could speak, it would say Desmond's name in a fond yet slightly exasperated tone.]

Unless you're calling ME an ant... if that's the case, then HEY. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME ANON. DO I LOOK ANT SIZED TO YOU!?!?!

[!!!!!]

Des, fer cogs sake, can ya keep it down out there-! Ah'm in t' middle of a call- ... What's wit Bar-ba-que sides.

That's DANA, Buck! She randomly became all- unprofessional and STUFF- for no reason at all!!!

...You mean t' tell me that- that Danas turned t' a plate o' corn.

[Yes.]

I know, it's stupid.

[hand-development-affairs]

dana banana

... DANAAAAAAAAA THE ANONS ARE EGREGIOUSLY MISPELLING YOUR LAST NAME. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING YOU CARE ABOUT, OR WHATEVER? ...DANA. DANA. DANA, I'M YELLING FOR YOU TO GET OVER HERE! DANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! DANA! ... Dana?

[More anguished corn cob yelling.]

Oh, there you are...??????

[...]

...Dana?

[...]

Why do you look so unrefined? We're at work, for cogs sake!

[!!!!!!]