handsmotif

[handsmotif]

my job? the government pays me to sit on top of the empire state building with a sniper rifle, shooting hotdogs out of the hands of people below so that they have to buy more. without me, the hotdog economy – more important than you could possibly understand – would have been crumbled years ago

[handsmotif]

getting murdered but i can’t even afford the name brand stuff so im getting snawed in half and scrabbed to death and shit

[handsmotif]

mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

[handsmotif]

Being a bi guy quite possibly the funniest sexuality like dammmnnnn I know who John Waters is and jerk it to twinks in panties but I got a coffee date with Hetero Jessica from work at 3 thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica

[handsmotif]

Me if I were a rambunctious mobile phone

[handsmotif]

on my way! to live yet another day in my fucking life.

[handsmotif]

idk why people are still trying to do "hear me out"s on tumblr

you could talk about wanting to fuck the space needle on here and people would still call you a poser for insisting on fucking "conventionally attractive architecture" as if that's a coherent, easily-recognizable category

[handsmotif]

Ripley's Do You Believe In Life After Love

[handsmotif]

Ritsu Kageyama my beloved

[handsmotif]

Being a flop changed my life. The world is not my oyster, I am glowing. I walked into a pole this morning. There's very little I wouldn't do for $1,000

[handsmotif]

ON TUMBLR FOR HALF MY LIFE

[handsmotif]

Hold up bitch I'm checking if the oreo got a spider squished in it

[handsmotif]

Gripping Mystery: someone you've never seen before in your life is marked “👥 Mutuals” in your notes. Now you must figure out who the fuck changed their URL and PFP at the same fucking time.

[handsmotif]

apparently sims can die of being too silly so i wanna try and kill my reigen sim by giving him the hysterical mood

[handsmotif]

new proposed emoji usages 🐎 = remember how we used to run 🧮 = something doesnt add up 🏰 = im in my sherlock mind palace 🧌 = this one is so versatile it can mean im so weird or im so old but more and more i've been using it to say fuck my stupid troll life 🪾= similar to above. for when you say something weird and need to hide quickly by becoming an old tree 🧜 = for nonbinary mermaid moments 🧑‍🧒 = with mama

[handsmotif]

i wish there was an animal that could see radio waves so I could transmit that i love them and every one on earth would know it

[handsmotif]

we've been doing this thing called "hitting the nosferatu" where you hunch your shoulders and walk towards things while pointing with a long creepy finger