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1. I love dragonfruits 🐉
And mangoes. And coconut flesh. Longan. And lotus seeds. Sweet corns.
The current tags i use are :
* my personal stuff, i tag them as ‘some-x-file’, so if they bother u in anyway, do filter that for both of your and my peace.
* nsfw stuff, filter ‘lemonwork’
* Tag for CPTSD, is ‘cptsd’.
* As for spn blogs seeing me tagging your posts as #i dont understand this reference, i assure u, i do, it is me being bitter and sarcastic.
* ‘something got a hold of my heart tag’ . stuff i like
* ‘Resources’, & ‘helpful’ for resources, and.. helpful stuff... n things
* ‘to read later’ . This tag is for me.
.’frenchie’ . Also for myself. It frenches.
You follow this blog you see Castiel. I make the rules.
. Songs
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Neglect is about what has been absent, what we didn't experience, what was not nurtured, what didn't come alive, and what was not embodied or experienced because of the lack of necessary conditions. It involves a consistent lack of coregulation, emotional safety, attunement, support, protection and nurturing.
Because of the emotional neglect, the body doesn't have a felt (embodied) experience/memory of being emotionally safe, nurtured, held, seen, contained and regulated. There’s no resonance or memory to remind your body, “Oh, I felt this before. I know I can always come back to this.”
How neglect shows up in the body:
- an emptiness, a void, a lifelessness or an abyss that feels frightening, like pulling you into a black hole
- a visceral fear that you experience of your body or being in the body
-difficulty in making sense of what's happening in the body, especially emotionally.
- an emotional unresponsiveness or delay
- an outside focus and expectation for others to meet your needs or validate your experience
- instead of feeling emotions in a nuanced way, you might feel what I call "default" emotions: anxiety, anger, sadness. When the opportunity to feel emotions is present, the system blocks it and instead responds with anxiety, anger or sadness. So, instead of feeling shame, you feel angry. Instead of feeling discomfort, you feel anxiety.
- not knowing how to hold yourself within your own boundaries; often experiencing life through extremes.
Healing neglect precedes healing of any other trauma as any other trauma healing requires the capacity to hold, contain and regulate ourselves emotionally.
Healing neglect is about awakening the neurobiological and emotional pathways that perhaps have never been alive, stimulated and embodied.
For more resources, insights and frameworks on healing emotional trauma and its impact on the nervous system, you can check the book Embodied Healing via the link in bio.
Love,
Ally.
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/50626486/chapters/127889788#main
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https://www.psychalive.org/injured-not-broken-why-its-so-hard-to-know-you-have-cptsd/?fbclid=IwAR1rBx1ZvaG_44Qyf3oidR0Pr5ll6fY6sYybQiSVHc_GTZ1LBj69hKXg21Q_aem_AYA-wP3MarqnLHN0ScnoQPzkLTaXscFX4v4ZSF5lTNJJJhrTnaUTHTlodfNCp4TT8Jc
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https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain?utm_source=pocket_collection_story
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https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/signs-trauma-has-you-stuck#effects-of-trauma
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The 4 core needs of our nervous system:
1. SAFETY means that the nervous system feels secure, protected, resourced and able to regulate the intensity of emotional, physiological, psychological and relational responses. Safety is about having a stable somatic foundation from which to engage with the world.
When this need is not sufficiently met (embodied), the nervous system adapts through survival strategies/roles to substitute for the lack of safety. Survival means seeking safety in adaptive ways.
When this dynamic becomes ongoing, we experience an internal conflict between 2 opposing needs: the need for safety (still unmet) and the momentum to seek safety in survival ways because that's what the system did for so long.
2. CONNECTION: Humans are social beings, and our nervous system has a profound need for connection. This goes beyond human connection; The nervous system is an interconnected system. It needs to feel itself as part of Nature.
When this need is not met or insufficiently met, the nervous system will perceive the relational field (internal, external) as unsafe and adapt through isolation from Nature or codependency, for example.
3. ACTIVATION (To Be Safely Mobilized). Mobilization of energy, stimulation, excitement, curiosity, play.
4. REST (To Be Safely Deactivated). Relaxation, rejuvenation, rest, sleep, integration
Activation/Deactivation is the core cycle through which our nervous system regulates our inner life. When this cycle is disrupted, the nervous system engages more energy in self-protection.
Healing means the path of restoring and embodying these 4 core needs.
Inside the book Embodied Healing, I offer many trauma and nervous system-informed frameworks and insights to address these 4 needs and build a sustainable healing momentum. Link in bio to get your copy.
Love,
Ally.
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https://www.anniewright.com/im-so-dysregulated-what-can-i-do-part-one/?fbclid=IwAR2uyEF1391S7W2OyYXur11N-FYFZ2po51wS2aRWqiv00QESBPVt8nUlw-8_aem_AUjsliI5sM-K8yopNtkt6eiuvrR4X0veTfo4ZdKLCXSNwXfvAhrpUGn6KmzQiH7vwl0
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/47414089/chapters/119478214
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https://sofoarchon.com/people-pleasing/?fbclid=IwAR1k4VwZ7fznCR8IQHxyKyLLLTP79I4tjTHmJDRCMzdM7bRIicAwL23ZYmI_aem_Af25YbPOoHat_YMpB2znF8qHYKdoEKuUpWVxqz8yfRwpobK0PRGz_k7voHAI-EGGtzc
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2 difficult Freeze dynamics to welcome and work through:
1. LOW CAPACITY OF THE NERVOUS SYSTEM TO SUSTAIN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION with self and others. One day, you might feel you love and are loved and another day, you might feel so detached and disconnected that you begin to question the authenticity of your feelings and the stability of your relationships.
Why is this?
Your nervous system may struggle to regulate and maintain steady emotional connection because, in the past, it had minimum or no emotional engagement (emotional trauma), so it perceives emotional connection as a threat.
How to help?
- welcome these cycles without shame or judgement. If you have to walk a long way, you'd take breaks so your body can rest. When your system freezes or shuts down emotional connection, it takes breaks. Allow it. The more you allow it, the quicker the nervous system makes space for emotional connection.
2. PROCRASTINATION, which is a self-protection strategy. The way the system "deals" with a lack of energy and emotional capacity for that which you want to do, pursue, feel, experience or accomplish.
This creates an internal conflict between the nervous system's way of protecting (procrastinating/postponing/avoiding) because it doesn't have enough resources and what the mind wants to do or what the heart desires.
Why is this?
- your nervous system might be too stimulated and doesn't have energy available
- your nervous system tries to avoid the discomfort that might trigger emotional pain: failure, mistakes, rejection, being seen, vulnerability. These are perceived as threatening
- your nervous system tries to avoid the unknown (genuine desires), which feels scary.
The book Embodied Healing offers insights and teaches you tools to support your system in coming out of long-term and persistent states of freeze in a trauma-safe and nervous system-informed way. Check the link in bio to get your copy.
Love,
Ally.
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